Parenthood

Parenthood

“It is written, ye are Gods.”

Parenting Doctrine, Methods, & Family Crisis

 

 

Select Quotes of the Prophets & Personal Writings

By Nate Richardson

Available at RichardsonStudies.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Table of Contents

 

 

PART 1: PARENTHOOD DOCTRINES (SCREEN FOR DUPLICATES) 4

Prophets Teach Against Abortion. 5

Prophets Quotes on Birth Control 5

Childbearing – Teachings of the Prophets. 16

Do No Delay Childbirth: Words of the Prophets. 25

Unplanned: Anti-Abortion Movie Overview.. 35

Abortion is Unholy Murder 35

Against Birth Control 37

Exponential Exaltation via Childbearing  (redo excel) 38

The Effect of Family Size on Family VS Friend Preferences  39

Foster Parenting Might be for You: Debunking 10 Myths. 46

Do They Grow Up Too Fast? Gospel Truths Dispel Dismay  47

The Revelatory Function of a Parent 48

How Children Benefit from Having Many Siblings. 48

40 Week Pregnancy: Trial of Holiness to the Lord. 51

Family: The Path to Salvation. 51

Children, An Inheritance From The Lord: Now & Forever 52

Losing Your Children & The Procreative Power Upon Disobedience – Teachings of the Prophets. 58

The Parent Child Relationship in the Hereafter 60

Parenthood: The Eternal Fountain of Glory – Proof from Mormon 8:15  60

Parenting: The Highest Priority. 60

Beautiful Fatherhood in Zion VS Brutal Babylon. 61

God Isn’t a Nanny Parent, So Buckle Up. 62

Family Based Duties & Priorities for All 63

Moral Expression by Marriage & Childbearing. 64

Prayers, Answers, & Leading the Children in Prayer 65

PART 3: PARENTING METHODS. 67

. 67

Introduction. 68

Parenting with Love – Teachings of the Prophets. 68

Parenting with Limits: Teachings of the Prophets. 75

Cease to be Angry: Words of the Prophets. 83

Guidelines for Children’s (and Teens) Playdates at Home or Away  84

Parenting to Build Intrinsic Motivation. 84

Assorted Study Notes on Parenting. 85

Theory of Laissez-Faire Parenting: Where its Ok. 89

The 4 Parenting Methods (& Which One is Right) 89

Do’s & Don’ts: Baseline Parenting Rules. 90

Spanking: Weighing the Debate, Probably/Typically a Bad Idea  90

What Should be the Legal Limits of Parental Discipline? Response to a Friend. 91

The Stay-at-Home Mom: An Alien Lifestyle. 92

Ogletree’s 7 Mistakes LDS Parents Make. 93

Randal’s 25 Mistakes LDS Parents Make. 93

Swinton’s 13 Discipline Principles. 94

My “50 Mistakes Most Parents Make” (categorize into sep essays) 94

Family Council Meetings. 95

Rules of Civility in the Honorable Home. 95

A Developmental Outline by Age for Raising Children. 96

Grow Where You Are Planted: Why to Stop Moving Everywhere  98

Children Should be a Family Asset & Learn their Stewardships  99

Parenting: Family Outings: Required Attendance, and Adopted Child Related Issues. 100

Food Hoarding of the Adopted (or any) Child: Possible Solutions  100

Bible Standard: No Work, No Eat (Modified Version for Parenting) 100

Caring for Newborn Infants: Increasingly Uncommon (Traditional) Methods  100

Resources on Parenting. 101

PART 4: MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS. 102

Praying for Grace Against the Odds: Episode of a Man’s Deliverance from a Mental Hospital 103

Therapy for Families: Nature of Addiction as an Illness. 103

Therapy for Families: Creating Desire for Recovery by Looking to the Beginning. 103

Therapy for Families: Will and Work for Recovery. 104

Therapy for Families: Relationships for Recovery. 104

Therapy for Families: Grace for Recovery. 104

Components of a Successful Residential Treatment Center for Youth: Warning, Leveling Systems, Safety Advantage, Dress Code, etc. 106

Prototypical Story of a Returning Prodigal Son: Breaking the Chains of Addiction at an RTC.. 109

Alternate Methods to Cast Out Demons in the Mental Health Field  111

Family & Gospel Solutions to our Broken Mental Health System   112

A Place for Sorrow.. 114

 

 

 

PART 1: PARENTHOOD DOCTRINES (SCREEN FOR DUPLICATES)

 

 

 

 

 

Prophets Teach Against Abortion

 

 

“As a servant of the Lord, I dutifully warn those who advocate and practice abortion that they incur the wrath of Almighty God” Russell M. Nelson (“Reverence for life”, April 1985).

“The Book of Mormon account of Christ speaking to Nephi the grandson of Helaman and saying, ‘On the morrow come I into the world,’ is not intended to infer that the spirit does not enter the body until the moment of the actual birth. Rather this revelation to the Nephites was itself being conveyed in a miraculous and unusual way. Quite probably the one uttering the words was speaking in the first person as though he were Christ, in accordance with the law enabling others to act and speak for Deity on the principle of divine investiture of authority.” (Elder Bruce R. McConkie, Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 1:85.)
–“Life begins when two germ cells unite to become one cell, bringing together twenty-three chromosomes from both the father and from the mother… The onset of life is not a debatable issue, but a fact of science. Approximately twenty-two days after the two cells have united, a little heart begins to beat. At twenty-six days the circulation of blood begins. Scripture declares that the ‘life of the flesh is in the blood’ (Lev. 17:11).” (Elder Russell M. Nelson, Ensign, May 1985, p. 13.)

“When the mother feels life come to her infant it is the spirit entering the body.” (President Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses 17:143.)

Elder Anderson of the 12 Apostles at the BYU Education Week recently gave a speech where he condemned our complacency about how baby body parts are sold for prophet.

 

 

 

Prophets Quotes on Birth Control

 

The Bishop handbook says not to council couples on when to have children or how many to have and that sexual relations in marriage are for not only reproduction but also marital unity.

 

-“Our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son are, by nature, creators. As the sons and daughters of God, we have the potential to become like Them. The Father and the Son have entrusted us with a portion of Their creative power and provided specific guidelines for the proper use of that sacred ability to create life and establish an eternal family. How we feel about and use that sacred power in this life will determine in large measure whether additional creative power will be ours in the life to come.” (By Elder David A. Bednar Area Authority Seventy From a devotional address given at Ricks College on 11 January 2000. Published also in the Ensign, September 2001 see https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng)

 

 

-“Those who are physically able have the blessing, joy, and obligation to bear children and to raise a family. This blessing should not be postponed for selfish reasons. Sexual relations within marriage are not only for the purpose of procreation, but also a means of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual ties between husband and wife. Husband and wife are encouraged to pray and counsel together as they plan their families. Issues to consider include the physical and mental health of the mother and father and their capacity to provide the basic necessities of life for their children. Decisions about birth control and the consequences of those decisions rest solely with each married couple. Elective abortion as a method of birth control, however, is contrary to the commandments of God.” (LDS Topics section of Official Church Website https://www.lds.org/topics/print/birth-control)

-see also http://eom.byu.edu/index.php/Birth_Control

 

–“We came to this earth that we might have a body and present it pure before God in the celestial kingdom. The great principle of happiness consists in having a body. The devil has no body, and herein is his punishment. He is pleased when he can obtain the tabernacle of man, and when cast out by the Savior he asked to go into a herd of swine, showing that he would prefer a swine’s body to having none.
All beings who have bodies have power over those who have not. The devil has no power over us only as we permit him. The moment we revolt at anything which comes from God, the devil takes power” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [1976], 181).

-Psalm 127: 3–5 Isaiah 54:13 D&C 68:25–28 Moses 2:27–28 these are scriptures on not postponing children taken from the Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 10. https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf

-The ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children and our posterity. —Elder Dallin H. Oaks from the Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 14 see https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf

 

-“In the eternal perspective, the blessings obtained by sacrifice are greater than anything that is given up.” (see LDS.org Guide to the Scriptures: Sacrifice; https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/sacrifice?lang=eng)

 

 

–“One of the ‘plain and precious’ truths restored in this dispensation is that ‘the spirit and the body are the soul of man’ (D&C 88:15) and that when the spirit and body are separated, men and women ‘cannot receive a fulness of joy’ (D&C 93:34). That is the reason why obtaining a body is so fundamentally important in the first place, why sin of any kind is such a serious matter (namely because it is sin that ultimately brings both physical and spiritual death), and why the resurrection of the body is so central to the great triumph of Christ’s Atonement. The body is an essential part of the soul. This distinctive and very important Latter-day Saint doctrine underscores why sexual sin is so serious. We declare that one who uses the God-given body of another without divine sanction abuses the very soul of that individual, abuses the central purpose and processes of life, ‘the very key’ (Elder Holland of the 12 Apostles in Conference Report, Apr. 1972, 139; or Ensign, July 1972, 113) (Also quoted by Elder David A. Bednar Area Authority Seventy From a devotional address given at Ricks College on 11 January 2000. Published also in the Ensign, September 2001 see https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng)

– “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.” (“Children” Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)

 

-God said you’ll have joy in the day of the Lord if you have children;

-God said if you bring many souls to me how much greater will be your joy than if you just bring one

 

-President Kimball was speaking to a couple in mourning for being barren, not being able to have children. He told them that they are better off than the people who can have them but don’t.

-when the cry of the 2nd Coming comes, there is no time for preparation. (see President Spencer W. Kimball, in book “Faith Proceeds the Miracle”)

– President Kimball saw heaven in the temple where the 8th of 8 children was being sealed to a spouse. The man thought himself unsuccessful in life, but it was one of the greatest success stories I’d ever heard. (see President Spencer W. Kimball, in book “Faith Proceeds the Miracle”)

-President Kimball saw heaven in a home where a Navajo family barren unable to have children, had adopted 18 orphans. (see President Spencer W. Kimball, in book “Faith Proceeds the Miracle”)

-President Kimball saw heaven another time with in a home with mismatched chairs and old worn rugs and many children home all cooperated in interdependence, they didn’t apologize for the meal furniture or children. This was great to see in our day of only 1-2 children in a home, and they oft spoiled and bratty. The woman wasn’t one that people would paint a portrait of, but had handsome well picked clothes, and kept hair, and a smile. The man was a working man. (see President Spencer W. Kimball, in book “Faith Proceeds the Miracle”)

 

-“As we look into the eyes of a child, we see a fellow son or daughter of God who stood with us in the premortal life. It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God. We believe in families, and we believe in children. When a child is born to a husband and wife, they are fulfilling part of our Heavenly Father’s plan to bring children to earth. The Lord said, “This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” (Moses 1:39) Before immortality, there must be mortality. The family is ordained of God. Families are central to our Heavenly Father’s plan here on earth and through the eternities. After Adam and Eve were joined in marriage, the scripture reads, “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.”(Genesis 1:28) In our day prophets and apostles have declared, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”(“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2010, 129.) This commandment has not been forgotten or set aside in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (According to the annual American Community Survey, released by the U.S. Census Bureau, “Utah still has the nation’s largest households, highest fertility rate, lowest median age, youngest age at marriage and most stay-at-home moms” (“Who Are Utahns? Survey Shows We’re Highest, Lowest, Youngest,” Salt Lake Tribune, Sept. 22, 2011, A1, A8).) We express deep gratitude for the enormous faith shown by husbands and wives (especially our wives) in their willingness to have children. When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. These are sacred decisions—decisions that should be made with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith.” (“Children” Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)

–“Where once the standards of the Church and the standards of society were mostly compatible, now there is a wide chasm between us, and it’s growing ever wider. …

“The Savior of mankind described Himself as being in the world but not of the world. We also can be in the world but not of the world as we reject false concepts and false teachings and remain true to that which God has commanded.” (April 2011 Gen. Conf., Pres. Thomas S. Monson; quoted in talk “Children” by Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)

-“Many voices in the world today marginalize the importance of having children or suggest delaying or limiting children in a family.” (“Children” by Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)

-“As the world increasingly asks, “Are these all yours?” we thank you for creating within the Church a sanctuary for families, where we honor and help mothers with children. To a righteous father, there are no words sufficient to express the gratitude and love he feels for his wife’s incalculable gift of bearing and caring for their children.” (“Children” by Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)

-“Elder Mason had another experience just weeks after his marriage that helped him prioritize his family responsibilities. He said: “Marie and I had rationalized that to get me through medical school it would be necessary for her to remain in the workplace. Although this was not what we [wanted] to do, children would have to come later. [While looking at a Church magazine at my parents’ home,] I saw an article by Elder Spencer W. Kimball, then of the Quorum of the Twelve, [highlighting] responsibilities associated with marriage. According to Elder Kimball, one sacred responsibility was to multiply and replenish the earth. My parents’ home was [close to] the Church Administration Building. I immediately walked to the offices, and 30 minutes after reading his article, I found myself sitting across the desk from Elder Spencer W. Kimball.” (This wouldn’t be so easy today.) “I explained that I wanted to become a doctor. There was no alternative but to postpone having our family. Elder Kimball listened patiently and then responded in a soft voice, ‘Brother Mason, would the Lord want you to break one of his important commandments in order for you to become a doctor? With the help of the Lord, you can have your family and still become a doctor. Where is your faith?’” Elder Mason continued: “Our first child was born less than a year later. Marie and I worked hard, and the Lord opened the windows of heaven.” The Masons were blessed with two more children before he graduated from medical school four years later.9 Across the world, this is a time of economic instability and financial uncertainty. In April general conference, President Thomas S. Monson said: “If you are concerned about providing financially for a wife and family, may I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp and save. It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions.” (Thomas S. Monson, Liahona and Ensign, May 2011, 67.) Elder Kimball’s piercing question, “Where is your faith?” turns us to the holy scriptures. It was not in the Garden of Eden that Adam and Eve bore their first child. Leaving the garden, “Adam [and Eve] began to till the earth. … Adam knew his wife, and she [bore] … sons and daughters, and [acting in faith] they began to multiply and to replenish the earth.” (Moses 5:1, 2) It was not in their Jerusalem home, with gold, silver, and precious things, that Lehi and Sariah, acting in faith, bore their sons Jacob and Joseph. It was in the wilderness. Lehi spoke of his son Jacob as “my first-born in the days of my tribulation in the wilderness.” (2 Nephi 2:1) Lehi said of Joseph, “Thou wast born in the wilderness of [our] afflictions; yea, in the days of [our] greatest sorrow did thy mother bear thee.”13 (2 Nephi 3:1) In the book of Exodus, a man and woman married and, acting in faith, had a baby boy. There was no welcoming sign on the front door to announce his birth. They hid him because Pharaoh had instructed that every newborn male Israelite should be “cast into the river.” (Exodus 1:22) You know the rest of the story: the baby lovingly laid in a little ark made of bulrushes, placed in the river, watched over by his sister, found by Pharaoh’s daughter, and cared for by his own mother as his nurse. The boy was returned to Pharaoh’s daughter, who took him as her son and called him Moses. In the most beloved story of a baby’s birth, there was no decorated nursery or designer crib—only a manger for the Savior of the world. In “the best of times [and] … the worst of times,” (Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities (Signet Classic, 1997), 13.) the true Saints of God, acting in faith, have never forgotten, dismissed, or neglected “God’s commandment … to multiply and replenish the earth.” (Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2010, 129.) We go forward in faith—realizing the decision of how many children to have and when to have them is between a husband and wife and the Lord. We should not judge one another on this matter. The bearing of children is a sensitive subject that can be very painful for righteous women who do not have the opportunity to marry and have a family. To you noble women, our Heavenly Father knows your prayers and desires. How grateful we are for your remarkable influence, including reaching out with loving arms to children who need your faith and strength. The bearing of children can also be a heartbreaking subject for righteous couples who marry and find that they are unable to have the children they so anxiously anticipated or for a husband and wife who plan on having a large family but are blessed with a smaller family. We cannot always explain the difficulties of our mortality. Sometimes life seems very unfair—especially when our greatest desire is to do exactly what the Lord has commanded. As the Lord’s servant, I assure you that this promise is certain: “Faithful members whose circumstances do not allow them to receive the blessings of eternal marriage and parenthood in this life will receive all promised blessings in the eternities, [as] they keep the covenants they have made with God.” (Handbook 2: Administering the Church (2010), 1.3.3.) ” (“Children” by Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)

-“Brothers and sisters, we should not be judgmental with one another in this sacred and private responsibility. “And [Jesus] took a child … in his arms [and] said … “Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth … him that sent me.”(Mark 9:36–37) What a wonderful blessing we have to receive sons and daughters of God into our home. Let us humbly and prayerfully seek to understand and accept God’s commandments, reverently listening for the voice of His Holy Spirit. Families are central to God’s eternal plan. I testify of the great blessing of children and of the happiness they will bring us in this life and in the eternities, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.” (“Children” by Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)

 

-Psalm 127: 3–5 Isaiah 54:13 D&C 68:25–28 Moses 2:27–28 these are scriptures on not postponing children taken from the Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 10. https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf

-President Joseph F. Smith “Motherhood lies at the foundation of happiness in the home, and of prosperity in the nation. God has laid upon men and women very sacred obligations with respect to motherhood, and they are obligations that cannot be disregarded without invoking divine displeasure. In 1 Timothy 2:13–15, we are told that ‘Adam was first formed, then Eve. . . .’ Can she be saved without child-bearing? She indeed takes an awful risk if she willfully disregards what is a pronounced requirement of God” (Gospel Doctrine, 288–89). (from page 14 Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 14 see https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf)

-President David O. McKay “Love realizes his sweetest happiness and his most divine consummation in the home where the coming of children is not restricted, where they are made most welcome, and where the duties of parenthood are accepted as a co-partnership with the eternal Creator. “In all this, however, the mother’s health should be guarded. In the realm of wifehood, the woman should reign supreme” (Gospel Ideals, 469). (Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 14 see https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf)

-President Spencer W. Kimball “Tomorrow when I repeat the phrases that will bind you for eternity, I shall say the same impressive words that the Lord said to that handsome youth and his lovely bride in the Garden of Eden: ‘Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth.’ . . . “. . . You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits. . . . And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles. Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work” (“John and Mary, Beginning Life Together,” New Era, June 1975, 8). “Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary factor—that of the bearing and rearing of children. Too many young people set their minds, determining they will not marry or have children until they are more secure, until the military service period is over; until the college degree is secured; until the occupation is more well-defined; until the debts are paid; or until it is more convenient. They have forgotten that the first commandment is to ‘be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.’ (Genesis 1:28.) And so brides continue their employment and husbands encourage it, and contraceptives are used to prevent conception. Relatives and friends and even mothers sometimes encourage birth control for their young newlyweds. But the excuses are many, mostly weak. The wife is not robust; the family budget will not feed extra mouths; or the expense of the doctor, hospital, and other incidentals is too great; it will disturb social life; it would prevent two salaries; and so abnormal living prevents the birth of children. The Church cannot approve nor condone the measures which so greatly limit the family” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 328–29).

-“The body that has been given to us was for the purpose of allowing the spirit to exalt itself to a nobler condition. The lightning that is seen flashing from cloud to cloud, from mountain top to mountain top, is an electrical force that may tear down buildings, set fire to property, and destroy life. Conduct electricity through the dynamo wire, and motor, and behold its wonderful results working for the service of man, accomplishing something under the control of a physical instrument, it thus becomes a power for good. So with steam, if allowed to evaporate freely it does little good, but restrain it in the boiler, send it through the engine, and under its power you may travel across the continent or sail from shore to shore. And so, too, with this highest, most potent of all spiritual forces, the intelligence that is in man; enshrine it in a spiritual body, that it may have the experiences of spiritual life; and then give it a physical body, that it may enter into and obtain the joy and experiences of physical life, and you have enlarged its powers immeasurably” (Elder Melvin J. Ballard (1873–1939), a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in Conference Report, Oct. 1912, 107).

-“Brothers and sisters, both the Church’s temples and our personal temples must be used to accomplish the righteous purposes for which they were created. Our physical body is a marvelous blessing and a timeless trust. The most sacred of all our divine powers is to become a co-creator with Heavenly Father in providing physical bodies for His spirit sons and daughters and in establishing a righteous and Christ-centered family. Nothing is more holy; nothing deserves more reverence; nothing is more central to the plan of happiness. And our very souls are at stake. I hope we now better understand why “to receive a physical body” is the first element of the answer to the important question “Why are we here on earth?” The doctrines Lucifer works most diligently to distort and attack are the ones that really matter the most to us individually, to our families, and to the world. The great plan of happiness requires that each of us obtain a physical body and makes possible a forever family. Consider the popular philosophy that many voices in our modern world would persuade us to believe: “Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin” (2 Ne. 28:8). Such an ideology is a lie inspired by the great deceiver. Where is the adversary presently directing his most direct and diabolical attacks? Upon our beliefs about and uses of the physical body and upon the family. Remember, Satan does not have a body and he cannot have a family. He desires that all of us would become miserable like unto himself. And he relentlessly works to distort the two doctrines he hates the most.” (Sep. 2001; “Ye Are the Temple of God” By Elder David A. Bednar, Area Authority Seventy; https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng)

-“There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty? … It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can (DBY, 197).” (Teachings of the Prophet Brigham Young Ch. 23 Understanding the New and Everlasting Covenant of Marriage https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-23?lang=eng)

-“Many of the sisters grieve because they are not blessed with offspring. You will see the time when you will have millions of children around you. If you are faithful to your covenants, you will be mothers of nations (DBY,200).” (Teachings of the Prophet Brigham Young Ch. 23 Understanding the New and Everlasting Covenant of Marriage https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-23?lang=eng)

–More on this topic: See Boyd K. Packer, “‘Ye Are the Temple of God” Ensign, Nov. 2000, 72–74; John S. Tanner, “The Body as a Blessing” Ensign, July 1993, 7–11; Russell M. Nelson, “The Magnificence of Man” Ensign, Jan. 1988, 64–69., see also President Boyd K Packer, “The Fountain of Life”

( https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf

for the address see http://www.podfeed.net/episode/The+Fountain+of+Life+Boyd+K.+Packer/1761621

or http://www.byutv.org/watch/f6816669-24fc-46d3-ae39-2b5d085ea5ce/byu-devotional-address-boyd-k-packer-32992)

-“The world teaches birth control. Tragically, many of our sisters subscribe to its pills and practices when they could easily provide earthly tabernacles for more of our Father’s children. We know that every spirit assigned to this earth will come, whether through us or someone else. There are couples in the Church who think they are getting along just fine with their limited families but who will someday suffer the pains of remorse when they meet the spirits that might have been part of their posterity. The first commandment given to man was to multiply and replenish the earth with children. That commandment has never been altered, modified, or canceled. The Lord did not say to multiply and replenish the earth if it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you have gotten your schooling, or when there is peace on earth, or until you have four children. The Bible says, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: “. . . Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. . .” (Ps. 127:3, 5.) We believe God is glorified by having numerous children and a program of perfection for them. So also will God glorify that husband and wife who have a large posterity and who have tried to raise them up in righteousness.” (President Ezra Taft Benson Conference Report, April 1969, Pg.12)

As parents, what is our attitude regarding the sacred obligations of parenthood? One of the major purposes of marriage is children. Nations which refuse to accept this God-given obligation sink into oblivion. Will our sons and daughters want children because of our attitude and example? (So Shall Ye Reap, p. 106.)

We can’t build a happy home, we can’t build a happy married life, on the foundation of immorality. It can’t be done. So I would beseech our young people to reserve for the marriage relationship those sweet and lovely and intimate associations. Not only that, but when those associations come, let them be primarily for the purpose of procreation, for the having of a family, because it is not pleasing in the sight of God to enjoy the pleasures of those associations and refuse to accept the responsibility of parenthood. (God, Family, Country, pp. 196-97.)

Do not postpone the blessings of honorable parenthood following marriage. When God said it was our responsibility to multiply and replenish the earth, that marriage was primarily for that purpose, He didn’t insert any provisions. (London Area Conference, 19-20 June 1976.)

A modern trend is to rationalize the commandment to procreate, saying that the earth cannot support this great number of unrestricted births, or that it is not financially possible to support a great number of children today. The Lord said to the Prophet Joseph, referring to the productive capacity of the earth, “For the earth is full and there is enough and to spare” (D&C 104:17). (Miami, Florida, 19 March 1976.)

A major reason why there is famine in some parts of the world is because evil men have used the vehicle of government to abridge the freedom that men need to produce abundantly. True to form, many of the people who desire to frustrate God’s purposes of giving mortal tabernacles to His spirit children through worldwide birth control are the very same people who support the kinds of government that perpetuate famine. They advocate an evil to cure the results of the wickedness they support. (CR April 1969, Improvement Era 72 [June 1969]: 44.)

…Yes, blessed is the husband and wife who have a family of children. The deepest joys and blessings in life are associated with family, parenthood, and sacrifice. (“To the Mothers in Zion,” Parents’ Fireside, Salt Lake City, Utah, 22 February 1987.)

The undue postponement of parenthood is bound to bring disappointment and is not pleasing in the sight of God. Yes, of course, one can always find excuses. The young husband is going through school. I know how difficult it is. I remember our first year of married life on seventy dollars a month for both of us. I thank the Lord for my noble companion and her fervent determination to put first things first.

It thrills me to witness young couples where the husband is struggling through medical school or dental school or some other school and they have the courage and strength and the faith to know that in some way the God of Heaven will assist them if they do their duty and have their families.

So, I would ask our young people to think seriously about these things, pray about them, fast about them. The Lord will give them the answers, because He wants them to have the blessings of a righteous posterity. Sometimes marriage may be postponed to the point where, for physical and other reasons, parenthood is denied. Oh, what a loss when the time comes! It is worth practically any sacrifice to have those sweet spirits come into the home and to have them come early, that the parents might enjoy them for a longer period, that they might enjoy their parents for a longer period, and that the children might enjoy their grandparents for a longer period. (God, Family, Country, pp. 197-98.)

…consider these words seriously when you think of those political leaders who are promoting birth control and abortion: “O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths” (Isaiah 3:12; 2 Nephi 13:12). Let me warn the sisters in all seriousness that you who submit yourselves to an abortion or to an operation that precludes you from safely having additional healthy children are jeopardizing your exaltation and your future membership in the kingdom of God. (God, Family, Country, p. 224.)

We realize that some women, through no fault of their own, are not able to bear children. To these lovely sisters, every prophet of God has promised that they will be blessed with children in the eternities and that posterity will not be denied them. Through pure faith, pleading prayers, fasting, and special priesthood blessings, many of these same lovely sisters, with their noble companions at their sides, have had miracles take place in their lives and have been blessed with children. Others have prayerfully chosen to adopt children, and to these wonderful couples we salute you for the sacrifices and love you have given to those children you have chosen to be your own. (“To the Mothers in Zion,” Parents’ Fireside, Salt Lake City, Utah, 22 February 1987.)

Some well-known persons advocate drastic steps by government action to limit population growth. They contend that the world must stabilize its population, or many must starve. In short, the only course that can save mankind from disaster lurking just around the corner is the worldwide adoption by government of population restriction policies.

This, I firmly believe, is an unrealistic and dangerous oversimplification. It is inconceivable to me that the problem of food and people either will, or can, be solved in this way. For one thing, the right to marry and have a family, and to determine the size of one’s family in accordance with one’s conscience and legitimate desires is so fundamental that I just can’t visualize people permitting government to tamper with it. The whole thing smacks of government interference at its totalitarian worst. It is not the business of government to enter this area.

Moreover, the available facts do not support the notion that mankind must become increasingly sterile or starve. Those who are fond of projecting population trends into the future never seem willing to do the same for food production trends. They concentrate their gaze on the people side of the equation and blind themselves to the food side. It is true that there has been a population explosion of sorts in recent decades. But there has been an even greater agricultural technological explosion — not only in the United States but also in the world in general. The population explosion is running substantially behind the agricultural explosion — -and the agricultural explosion is just beginning except where hampered by government interference. (Title of Liberty, pp. 127-28.)

…I know the special blessings of a large and happy family, for my dear parents had a quiver full of children (Psalm 127:5). Being the oldest of eleven children, I saw the principles of unselfishness, mutual cooperation, loyalty to each other, and a host of other virtues developed in a large and wonderful family with my noble mother as the queen of that home.

Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you not to postpone having your children, being co-creators with our Father in Heaven. Do not use the reasoning of the world, such as, “We will wait until we can better afford having children, until we are more secure, until John has completed his education, until he has a better paying job, until we have a larger home, until we have obtained a few of the material conveniences,” and on and on. This is the reasoning of the world and is not pleasing in the sight of God. Mothers who enjoy good health, have your children and have them early. And, husbands, always be considerate of your wives in the bearing of children.

Do not curtail the number of children for personal or selfish reasons. Material possessions, social convenience, and so-called professional advantages are nothing compared to a righteous posterity. In the eternal perspective, children — not possessions, not position, not prestige — are our greatest jewels. (“To the Mothers in Zion,” Parents’ Fireside, Salt Lake City, Utah, 22 February 1987.)) (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, Pg. 539-43)

-“…Providing opportunity for the spirit children of our Father in Heaven to come to earth and work out their own salvation is one of our sacred privileges and obligations. We teach that among the choicest of eternal riches are children. ” (President Heber J. Grant Gospel Standards, Pg.154)

-“God established families. The Lord organized the whole program in the beginning with a father who procreates, provides, and loves and directs, and a mother who conceives and bears and nurtures and feeds and trains. The Lord could have organized it otherwise but chose to have a unit with responsibility and purposeful associations where children train and discipline each other and come to love, honor, and appreciate each other. The family is the great plan of life as conceived and organized by our Father in Heaven.

To any thoughtful person it must be obvious that intimate association without marriage is sin; that children without parenthood and family life is tragedy; that society without basic family life is without foundation and will disintegrate into nothingness and oblivion.

…do not limit your family as the world does.

Don’t think you will love the later ones less or have fewer material things for them. Perhaps, like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young folk, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives.

Have large families regardless of social norms. In America and elsewhere in the world, the family limitation program is gaining much strength. Latter-day Saints do not believe in this. We believe in following the admonition of the Lord in having large families and rearing them righteously. We hope that our Latter-day Saints will not trade children for accommodation and luxury.

When you go to the temple for sealing, you will note that the Lord continues to command his people to live this commandment. It is not easy. It is much easier to limit the family to one or two, but great blessings come to those who struggle through the years with the small children. When they have reared them righteously, they will have crowns throughout eternity. The time will come when those men and women who have neglected their duties because they wanted luxuries will be very jealous of the joys and happiness of those who sacrificed in the early years of marriage. Certainly we do not just wish to bring children in the world and turn them loose to go wild. We must rear them in righteousness. Generally, you will find that the people that come from the large families are generally the best trained and the most faithful.

Motherhood and fatherhood are primary. Now, it is wise for every young woman to be grateful for her womanhood and her privilege to create, with her husband and the Eternal God as her partners. To be a mother, to be a wife of a good man — what a great joy! While she is waiting for that holy, sacred hour, let her be happy and content to develop her mind and accumulate knowledge and prepare herself emotionally and spiritually for the happy times.

For the young man, his education is important, his mission vital; but his proper marriage and his proper life to be a righteous father and to properly provide for and give leadership to a family — that is wonderful, a wonderful role in life to play.

Motherhood is a noble work. Motherhood is a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord’s work, a consecration and devotion to the rearing and fostering, the nurturing of body, mind, and spirit of those who kept their first estate and who came to this earth for their second estate to learn and be tested and to work toward godhood.

Mothers have a sacred role. They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in giving birth to the Lord’s spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments. Could there be a more sacred trust than to be a trustee for honorable, well-born, well-developed children?

So our beloved mother Eve began the human race with gladness, wanting children, glad for the joy that they would bring to her, willing to assume the problems connected with a family, but also the joys.

To be a righteous woman during the winding-up scenes on this earth, before the Second Coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman’s strength and influence today can be ten fold what it might be in more tranquil times. She has been placed here to help to enrich, to protect, and to guard the home — which is society’s basic and most noble institution. Other institutions in society may falter and even fail, but the righteous woman can help to save the home, which may be the last and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife.

I wish to say without equivocation that a woman will find no greater satisfaction and joy and peace and make no greater contribution to mankind than in being a wise and worthy woman and raising good children.

When we sing that doctrinal hymn and anthem of affection, “O My Father,” we get a sense of the ultimate in maternal modesty, of the restrained, queenly elegance of our heavenly mother, and knowing how profoundly our mortal mothers have shaped us here, do we suppose her influence on us as individuals to be less if we live so as to return there?

God has placed women at the very headwaters of the human stream. So much of what our men and our institutions seek to do downstream in the lives of erring individuals is done to compensate for early failures. Likewise, so much of life’s later rejoicing is a reflection of a woman’s work well done at the headwaters of the home.

Come home, wives, to your children, born and unborn. Wrap the motherly cloak about you and, unembarrassed, help in a major role to create bodies for the immortal souls who anxiously wait.

When you have fully complemented your husband in home life and borne the children, growing up full of faith, integrity, responsibility, and goodness, then you have achieved, your accomplishments supreme, without peer, and you will be the envy through time and eternity of your sisters who have spent themselves in selfish pursuits.

Technology frees time for better child rearing. Today’s women, especially in the United States and some other countries, have ease, comfort, leisure, conveniences, and time, such as no other women in history have had.

What has she done with her new-found liberties and freedoms and opportunities and time? Has she perfected her own life? Is she more dutiful and faithful to her reduced home duties than was her great-grandmother with her multiplicity of arduous ones? Is today’s woman a better wife to her husband? Is the modern, electrically driven home of today a happier haven of refuge than the four walls of the last centuries? Is she today a better, more congenial neighbor than yesterday’s woman? Does she have more children now that she has more time, better facilities, and more help? Does she train her children better than her ancestors did? Does she herself have more faith and piety than the women of old? And does she better instill into her children the faith which will make gods of them?

God bless the women, the wonderful women of every time and age and place, who establish first in their lives their Lord, his work, and their families.

Women who are deliberately childless will regret it. I am not sorry for women who sacrifice their lives for children. I am not sorry for those women who have many children. But I am sorry … for women who come to the Judgment Day who have never assumed the responsibility of rearing children, who have been afraid of pain, resistant to sacrifice. They are the ones whose hearts will be heavy.

I know there are many women who could not have children — God bless them!

Childbearing should not be delayed for convenience. After marriage young wives should be occupied in bearing and rearing children. I know of no scriptures or authorities which authorize young wives to delay their families or to go to work to put their husbands through college. Young married couples can make their way and reach their educational heights, if they are determined.

Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary factor — that of the bearing and rearing of children…

How do you suppose that the Lord would look upon a man and a woman whose marriage seems to be largely for the purpose of living together and sex gratification without the responsibilities of marriage? How do you think that the Lord looks upon those who use the contraceptives because in their selfish life it is not the convenient moment to bear children? How do you feel the Lord looks upon those who would trade flesh-and-blood children for pianos or television or furniture or an automobile, and is this not actually the case when people will buy these luxuries and yet cannot afford to have their children? Are there not numerous people who first buy the luxury article and then find they cannot pay the doctor or a hospital bill incident to childbirth? How do you think the Lord feels about women who forego the pleasures and glories of motherhood that they might retain their figures, that their social life might not be affected, that they might avoid the deprivations, pains, and agonies of childbearing and berthing? How do you think the Lord feels as he views healthy parents who could have children but who deliberately close the doors by operation or by contraceptives, close the doors upon spirits eager to enter into mortal bodies?

Not everyone can have children. We realize, of course, there are some women who cannot have children, some men who cannot reproduce. The Lord will take care of all that if we have done everything in our power, if we have done what we could to make ourselves normal and productive and to follow the commandments of the Lord.

Few couples need remain childless. Men and women who have been unable to have children should build their faith. Many a barren woman like Sarah has had children through special blessings of the Lord. She was blessed in having a son — a son to a barren woman.

Sometimes operations or adjustments or hormones may make parenthood possible. Frequently fears and frictions and tenseness are causes for barrenness and sterility. Such people should do everything in their power to put themselves in a position to have their babies. Adoption of parentless children brings joy to many hearts. Few, if any, parents need be childless through their years.

Mother’s health should he considered. In family life, men must and should be considerate of their wives, not only in the bearing of children, but in caring for them through childhood. The mother’s health must be conserved, and the husband’s consideration for his wife is his first duty, and self-control a dominant factor in all their relationships.

Sterilization as a medical measure is a serious personal responsibility. On … sterilization or other surgery to prevent conception … the Church has felt that it was the individual responsibility of the couple; and while the Church leaves it to the individual to determine whether the ill health of the mother is sufficient to warrant the surgery which would make pregnancy impossible, yet it is a definite personal responsibility. In your case, since the surgery has already been completed, it cannot be undone, so it must be accepted as a fact and life can go on. Both parents should give themselves totally and fully to the rearing of their six children which they now have in a loving home with ideal surroundings.

Sterilization to avoid the inconvenience of children is sinful. We marry for eternity. We are serious about this. We become parents and bring wanted children into the world and rear and train them to righteousness.

We are aghast at the reports of young people going to surgery to limit their families and the reputed number of parents who encourage this vasectomy. Remember that the coming of the Lord approaches, and some difficult-to-answer questions will be asked by a divine Judge who will be hard to satisfy with silly explanations and rationalizations. He will judge justly, you may be sure.

Sterilization and tying of tubes and such are sins, and except under special circumstances it cannot be approved.

The world can provide for growing population. Many people, some of them innocently caught up in the whirlpool of delusion errors, are worrying about the earth failing to provide for the oncoming generations. They take such means to influence the thinking of the people and repeat it so often that many of us were gullible and accepted it. We tend to believe what the world says. We often do not even ask what the Lord’s program is. “

(The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, Pg. 324-31)

-“It is an act of extreme selfishness for a married couple to refuse to have children when they are able to do so.” (President Spencer W. Kimball Conference Report, April 1979, Pg. 6)

-“Paul speaks of continence—a word almost forgotten by our world. Still in the dictionary, it means self-restraint, in sexual activities especially. Many good people, being influenced by the bold spirit of the times, are now seeking surgery for the wife or the husband so they may avoid pregnancies and comply with the strident voice demanding a reduction of children. It was never easy to bear and rear children, but easy things do not make for growth and development. But loud, blatant voices today shout “fewer children” and offer the Pill, drugs, surgery, and even ugly abortion to accomplish that. Strange the proponents of depopulating the world seem never to have thought of continence!” (President Spencer W. Kimball Conference Report, April 1971, Pg. 7)

-“[W]e declare it is a grievous sin before God to adopt restrictive measures in disobedience to God’s divine command from the beginning of time to “multiply and replenish the earth.” Surely those who project such measures to prevent life or to destroy life before or after birth will reap the whirlwind of God’s retribution, for God will not be mocked. (President Harold B. Lee CR1972Oct:63)

-“Seeking the pleasure of conjugality without a willingness to assume the responsibilities of rearing a family is one of the onslaughts that now batter at the structure of the American home. Intelligence and mutual consideration should be ever-present factors in determining the coming of children to the home.” (President David O. McKay Conference Report, April 1969, Pg.5-6)

-“True motherhood is the noblest call of the world, and we look with sorrow upon the practice here in our own United States of limiting families, a tendency creeping into our own Church.” (President David O. McKay Church News, June 11, 1952)

-“When the husband and wife are healthy, and free from inherited weaknesses and diseases that might be transmitted with injury to their offspring the use of contraceptives is to be condemned. (President David O. McKay Conference Report, October 1943, Pg. 30)

-“I regret, I think it is a crying evil, that there should exist a sentiment or a feeling among any members of the Church to curtail the birth of their children. I think that is a crime wherever it occurs, where husband and wife are in possession of health and vigor and are free from impurities that would be entailed upon their posterity. I believe that where people undertake to curtail or prevent the birth of their children that they are going to reap disappointment by and by. I have no hesitancy in saying that I believe this is one of the greatest crimes of the world today, this evil practice. (President Joseph F. Smith Relief Society Magazine, Vol. 4, June 1917, Pg. 314)

-“Those who have taken upon themselves the responsibility of wedded life should see to it that they do not abuse the course of nature; that they do not destroy the principle of life within them, nor violate any of the commandments of God. The command which he gave in the beginning to multiply and replenish the earth is still in force upon the children of men. Possibly no greater sin could be committed by the people who have embraced this gospel than to prevent or to destroy life in the manner indicated. We are born into the world that we may have life, and we live that we may have a fullness of joy, and if we will obtain a fullness of joy, we must obey the law of our creation and the law by which we may obtain the consummation of our righteous hopes and desires — life eternal.” (President Joseph F. Smith Gospel Doctrine, Pg. 276)

-“THE BLESSINGS OF BIRTH INTO MORTALITY. Nothing should be held in greater sacredness and honor than the covenant by which the spirits of men — the offspring of God in the spirit — are privileged to come into this world in mortal tabernacles. It is through this principle that the blessing of immortal glory is made possible. The greatest punishment ever given was proclaimed against Lucifer and his angels. To be denied the privilege of mortal bodies forever is the greatest curse of all. These spirits can have no progress, no hope of resurrection and eternal life! Doomed are they to eternal misery for their rebellion!

And then to think that we are not only privileged, but also commanded to assist our Father in the great work of redemption by giving to his children, as we have obtained these blessings ourselves, the right to live and continue on even to perfection! No innocent soul should be condemned to come into this world under a handicap of illegitimacy. Every child has the right to be well born! Every individual who denies them that right is guilty of a mortal sin.

The importance of these mortal tabernacles is apparent from the knowledge we have of eternal life. Spirits cannot be made perfect without the body of flesh and bones. The body and its spirit are brought to immortality and the blessings of salvation through the resurrection. After the resurrection there can be no separation again, body and spirit become inseparably connected that man may receive a fullness of joy. In no other way, other than birth into this life and the resurrection, can spirits become like our Eternal Father.

MAN COMMANDED TO BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY. The obligations which married couples take upon themselves should conform in every particular to the commandments given by the Lord.

In the beginning, the Lord said when he gave Eve to Adam, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.” This earth was created for the very purpose that the spirit children of our Father might have the privilege of the temporal existence, receiving bodies of flesh and bones as tabernacles for the spirits which occupy them, and then, through the atonement of Jesus Christ, receive the resurrection in which the spirit and the body become inseparably connected so that man may live again. . . .

Marriage is an eternal covenant, not to come to an end as taught so generally throughout the world when the covenanting parties are dead, but to endure forever. The real purpose of life is that the spirits of men thus clothed in bodies of flesh and bones may, through obedience to the gospel, come back into the presence of the Father and the Son, to receive the fullness of exaltation,

The Lord has revealed that when a man and a woman are married according to his law, children born to them will be theirs throughout all eternity.

The covenant given to Adam to multiply was renewed after the flood with Noah and his children after him. The Lord said to Noah: “And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein. And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying. And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you.”

This covenant is still binding, although mankind has departed from the way of eternal life and has rejected the covenant of marriage which the Lord revealed.

BIRTH CONTROL IS WICKEDNESS. The abuse of this holy covenant has been the primary cause for the downfall of nations. When the sacred vows of marriage are broken and the real purpose of marriage abused, as we find it so prevalent in the world today, then destruction is inevitable.

No nation can endure for any length of time, if the marriage covenants are abused and treated with contempt. The anger of the Almighty was kindled against ancient nations for their immorality. There is nothing that should be held in greater sacredness than this covenant by which the spirits of men are clothed with mortal tabernacles.

When a man and a woman are married and they agree, or covenant, to limit their offspring to two or three, and practice devices to accomplish this purpose, they are guilty of iniquity which eventually must be punished. Unfortunately this evil doctrine is being taught as a virtue by many people who consider themselves cultured and highly educated. It has even crept in among members of the Church and has been advocated in some of the classes within the Church.

It should be understood definitely that this kind of doctrine is not only not advocated by the authorities of the Church, but also is condemned by them as wickedness in the sight of the Lord.

President Joseph F. Smith has said in relation to this question: “Those who have taken upon themselves the responsibility of wedded life should see to it that they do not abuse the course of nature; that they do not destroy the principle of life within them, nor violate any of the commandments of God. The command which he gave in the beginning to multiply and replenish the earth is still in force upon the children of men. Possibly no greater sin could be committed by the people who have embraced this gospel than to prevent or to destroy life in the manner indicated. We are born into the world that we may have life, and we live that we may have a fullness of joy, and if we will obtain a fullness of joy, we must obey the law of our creation and the law by which we may obtain the consummation of our righteous hopes and desires — eternal life.”

SPIRITS DESIRE BIRTH IN RIGHTEOUS FAMILIES. President Brigham Young has this to say about birth control, an abomination practiced by so-called civilized nations, but nations who have forsaken the ways of life:

“There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty? To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can.”

If these iniquitous practices find their place in our hearts and we are guilty, then when we arrive on the other side — and discover that we have deprived ourselves of eternal blessings and are accused by those who were assigned to come to us, because, as President Young has said, they were forced to take bodies in the families of the wicked — how will we feel? Moreover, may we not lose our own salvation if we violate this divine law?

BIRTH CONTROL LEADS TO DAMNATION. …

When young people marry and refuse to fulfill this commandment given in the beginning of the world — and just as much in force today — they rob themselves of the greatest eternal blessing. If the love of the world and the wicked practices of the world mean more to a man and a woman than to keep the commandment of the Lord in this respect, then they shut themselves off from the eternal blessing of increase. Those who willfully and maliciously design to break this important commandment shall be damned. They cannot have the Spirit of the Lord.

Small families is the rule today. Husbands and wives refuse to take upon themselves the responsibilities of family life. Many of them do not care to be bothered with children. Yet this commandment given to Adam has never been abrogated or set aside. If we refuse to live by the covenants we make, especially in the house of the Lord, then we cannot receive the blessings of those covenants in eternity. If the responsibilities of parenthood are willfully avoided here, then how can the Lord bestow upon the guilty the blessings of eternal increase? It cannot be, and they shall be denied such blessings.”

(President Joseph Fielding Smith Doctrines of Salvation, Vol. 2, Pg. 85-9)

-“If we notice the situation of the nations of Europe at the present time, we see the land burdened with an overplus population, and groaning beneath its inhabitants, while the greatest industry, perseverance, economy, and care, do not suffice to provide for the craving wants of nature. And so fearfully does this prevail in many parts, that parents are afraid to fulfill the first great law of God, “Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth;” and by desperate circumstances are almost forced to the unnatural wish of not propagating their species; while, corrupted with a correspondent depravity with that which reigns among nations, they are found using suicidal measures to prevent an otherwise numerous progeny from increasing their father’s misery, and inheriting his misfortunes. And yet, while this is the case, there are immense districts of rich soil, covering millions of square miles, inhabited only by a few untutored savages, or the wild beast of the forest; and such is the infatuation of man that in many districts of country, which were once the seats of the most powerful empires, and where flourished the mightiest nations, there is nothing but desolation and wildness. Such are Ninevah and Babylon, on the Asiatic Continent; and Otolum, and many others discovered by Stephens and Catherwood, in Central America; and recently discovered ruins — unequaled in the old world — a little above the head of the California Gulf. Not only their cities, but their lands are desolate, deserted, and forsaken, and the same evils that once existed there are transferred to another soil, all bespeaking plainly that we want a great, governing, ruling principle to regulate the affairs of the world, and assist poor, feeble, erring humanity.” (President John Taylor The Government of God, Chapter 2)

-“…This is the reason why the doctrine of plurality of wives was revealed, that the noble spirits which are waiting for tabernacles might be brought forth. (President Brigham Young Discourses of Brigham Young, Pg.197)

-“To check the increase of our race has its advocates among the influential and powerful circles of society in our nation and in other nations. The same practice existed forty-five years ago, and various devices were used by married persons to prevent the expenses and responsibilities of a family of children, which they must have incurred had they suffered nature’s laws to rule preeminent. That which was practiced then in fear and against reproving conscience, is now boldly trumpeted abroad as one of the best means of ameliorating the miseries and sorrows of humanity. Infanticide is very prevalent in our nation. It is a crime that comes within the purview of the law, and is therefore not so boldly practiced as is the other equally great crime, which, no doubt, to a great extent, prevents the necessity of infanticide. The unnatural style of living, the extensive use of narcotics, the attempts to destroy and dry up the fountains of life, are fast destroying the American element of the nation; it is passing away before the increase of the more healthy, robust, honest, and less sinful class of the people which are pouring into the country daily from the Old World. The wife of the servant man is the mother of eight or ten healthy children, while the wife of his master is the mother of one or two poor, sickly children, devoid of vitality and constitution, and, if daughters, unfit, in their turn, to be mothers, and the health and vitality which nature has denied them through the irregularities of their parents are not repaired in the least by their education. (President Brigham Young Journal of Discourses, Vol. 12, Pg. 120-21)

-“Now I think you bishops, you presidents of stakes, and you presidents of the quorums of the priesthood, ought to consider these things (speaking of God’s command that we have children) most carefully, and be prepared to teach the people that which the Lord would have them taught, and when our teachers go to visit them in their homes, let them teach the revelations of the Living God and magnify their callings.” (Joseph Fielding Smith, Conference Report, October 1946, pp. 35-39) (http://scriptures.byu.edu/gettalk.php?ID=253)

 

Childbearing – Teachings of the Prophets

 

 

 

-4 Nephi 1:10 One of the marks of a righteous civilization is that they “multiply exceedingly fast”. They love each other and know what they have should be promulgated throughout the earth every way possible. Have children, lots of them, and don’t wait around about it. This “multiplying exceedingly fast” is recorded just before the record that they became “an exceedingly fair and delightsome people”. Why did they become thus? Because they multiplied exceedingly fast. It’s not the only factor, but it is nevertheless a critical factor.  “children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward” (Ps. 127:3) “the Lord thy God…he will do thee good, and multiply thee above thy fathers” (Deut. 30:5) “I, the Lord God said: I will greatly multiply thy…conception…thou shalt bring forth children” (Moses 4:22; Gen. 3:16) stars … So shall thy seed be: Gen. 15:5 . ( Gen. 26:4 ; Ex. 32:13 ; Deut. 1:10 ; Heb. 11:12 . ) I will multiply thy seed exceedingly: Gen. 16:10 . ( Gen. 26:24 ; Josh. 24:10 . ) thou shalt be a father of many nations: Gen. 17:4 . ( Gen. 48:4 ; Rom. 4:18 . ) she shall be a mother of nations: Gen. 17:16 . in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed: Gen. 22:18 . ( Gen. 26:4 ; Gen. 28:14 ; Acts 3:25 ; 1 Ne. 15:18 ; 1 Ne. 22:9 ; D&C 124:58 . ) make thy seed as the sand of the sea: Gen. 32:12 .

-Psalm 127: 3–5 Isaiah 54:13 D&C 68:25–28 Moses 2:27–28 these are scriptures on not postponing children taken from the Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 10. https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf

 

-President Joseph F. Smith “Motherhood lies at the foundation of happiness in the home, and of prosperity in the nation. God has laid upon men and women very sacred obligations with respect to motherhood, and they are obligations that cannot be disregarded without invoking divine displeasure. In 1 Timothy 2:13–15, we are told that ‘Adam was first formed, then Eve. . . .’ Can she be saved without child-bearing? She indeed takes an awful risk if she willfully disregards what is a pronounced requirement of God” (Gospel Doctrine, 288–89). (from page 14 Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 14 see https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf)

 

-President David O. McKay “Love realizes his sweetest happiness and his most divine consummation in the home where the coming of children is not restricted, where they are made most welcome, and where the duties of parenthood are accepted as a co-partnership with the eternal Creator. “In all this, however, the mother’s health should be guarded. In the realm of wifehood, the woman should reign supreme” (Gospel Ideals, 469). (Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 14 see https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf)

-President Spencer W. Kimball “Tomorrow when I repeat the phrases that will bind you for eternity, I shall say the same impressive words that the Lord said to that handsome youth and his lovely bride in the Garden of Eden: ‘Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth.’ . . . “. . . You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits. . . . And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles. Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work” (“John and Mary, Beginning Life Together,” New Era, June 1975, 8). “Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary factor—that of the bearing and rearing of children. Too many young people set their minds, determining they will not marry or have children until they are more secure, until the military service period is over; until the college degree is secured; until the occupation is more well-defined; until the debts are paid; or until it is more convenient. They have forgotten that the first commandment is to ‘be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.’ (Genesis 1:28.) And so brides continue their employment and husbands encourage it, and contraceptives are used to prevent conception. Relatives and friends and even mothers sometimes encourage birth control for their young newlyweds. But the excuses are many, mostly weak. The wife is not robust; the family budget will not feed extra mouths; or the expense of the doctor, hospital, and other incidentals is too great; it will disturb social life; it would prevent two salaries; and so abnormal living prevents the birth of children. The Church cannot approve nor condone the measures which so greatly limit the family” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 328–29).

-These are excerpts from Elder Anderson General Conference Report Oct. 2011 “Children”: It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God. We believe in families, and we believe in children…Before immortality, there must be mortality…The family is ordained of God…“The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.” (he here quoted “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2010, 129)..This commandment has not been forgotten or set aside in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (in footnote he quotes According to the annual American Community Survey, released by the U.S. Census Bureau, “Utah still has the nation’s largest households, highest fertility rate, lowest median age, youngest age at marriage and most stay-at-home moms” (“Who Are Utahns? Survey Shows We’re Highest, Lowest, Youngest,” Salt Lake Tribune, Sept. 22, 2011, A1, A8).)…When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. “Where once the standards of the Church and the standards of society were mostly compatible, now there is a wide chasm between us, and it’s growing ever wider. …

Last April, President Thomas S. Monson declared: “The Savior of mankind described Himself as being in the world but not of the world. We also can be in the world but not of the world as we reject false concepts and false teachings and remain true to that which God has commanded.”(Thomas S. Monson, “Priesthood Power,” Liahona and Ensign, May 2011, 66, 67.)…

My daughters recently referred me to a blog written by a Christian mother (not of our faith) with five children. She commented: “[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.” She then adds: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.” (Rachel Jankovic, “Motherhood Is a Calling (and Where Your Children Rank),” July 14, 2011, desiringgod.org.)…As the world increasingly asks, “Are these all yours?” we thank you for creating within the Church a sanctuary for families, where we honor and help mothers with children… (how he tells the story of a man meeting with President Kimball) I found myself sitting across the desk from Elder Spencer W. Kimball.” (This wouldn’t be so easy today.)

“I explained that I wanted to become a doctor. There was no alternative but to postpone having our family. Elder Kimball listened patiently and then responded in a soft voice, ‘Brother Mason, would the Lord want you to break one of his important commandments in order for you to become a doctor? With the help of the Lord, you can have your family and still become a doctor. Where is your faith?’”… In April general conference, President Thomas S. Monson said: “If you are concerned about providing financially for a wife and family, may I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp and save. It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions.” (quoted Thomas S. Monson, Liahona and Ensign, May 2011, 67.)…It was not in their Jerusalem home, with gold, silver, and precious things, that Lehi and Sariah, acting in faith, bore their sons Jacob and Joseph. It was in the wilderness. Lehi spoke of his son Jacob as “my first-born in the days of my tribulation in the wilderness.” ( 2 Nephi 2:1) Lehi said of Joseph, “Thou wast born in the wilderness of [our] afflictions; yea, in the days of [our] greatest sorrow did thy mother bear thee.”(2 Nephi 3:1.)…In the most beloved story of a baby’s birth, there was no decorated nursery or designer crib—only a manger for the Savior of the world…In “the best of times [and] … the worst of times,”(from Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities (Signet Classic, 1997), 13.) the true Saints of God, acting in faith, have never forgotten, dismissed, or neglected “God’s commandment … to multiply and replenish the earth.” (quoted  Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2010, 129.)…As the Lord’s servant, I assure you that this promise is certain: “Faithful members whose circumstances do not allow them to receive the blessings of eternal marriage and parenthood in this life will receive all promised blessings in the eternities, [as] they keep the covenants they have made with God.” (quoted Handbook 2: Administering the Church (2010), 1.3.3.)…“And [Jesus] took a child … in his arms [and] said …“Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth … him that sent me.” (Mark 9:36–37) What a wonderful blessing we have to receive sons and daughters of God into our home. … I testify of the great blessing of children and of the happiness they will bring us in this life and in the eternities, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. (These are excerpts from Elder Anderson General Conference Report Oct. 2011 “Children” https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng#17-PD50029123_000_2030)

-“Those who are physically able have the blessing, joy, and obligation to bear children and to raise a family. This blessing should not be postponed for selfish reasons.

Sexual relations within marriage are not only for the purpose of procreation, but also a means of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual ties between husband and wife.

Husband and wife are encouraged to pray and counsel together as they plan their families. Issues to consider include the physical and mental health of the mother and father and their capacity to provide the basic necessities of life for their children.

Decisions about birth control and the consequences of those decisions rest solely with each married couple. Elective abortion as a method of birth control, however, is contrary to the commandments of God.” (LDS Topics section of Official Church Website https://www.lds.org/topics/print/birth-control)

-see also http://eom.byu.edu/index.php/Birth_Control

–“We came to this earth that we might have a body and present it pure before God in the celestial kingdom. The great principle of happiness consists in having a body. The devil has no body, and herein is his punishment. He is pleased when he can obtain the tabernacle of man, and when cast out by the Savior he asked to go into a herd of swine, showing that he would prefer a swine’s body to having none.

All beings who have bodies have power over those who have not. The devil has no power over us only as we permit him. The moment we revolt at anything which comes from God, the devil takes power” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [1976], 181).

-“Our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son are, by nature, creators. As the sons and daughters of God, we have the potential to become like Them. The Father and the Son have entrusted us with a portion of Their creative power and provided specific guidelines for the proper use of that sacred ability to create life and establish an eternal family. How we feel about and use that sacred power in this life will determine in large measure whether additional creative power will be ours in the life to come.” (By Elder David A. Bednar Area Authority Seventy From a devotional address given at Ricks College on 11 January 2000. Published also in the Ensign, September 2001 see https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng)

–“One of the ‘plain and precious’ truths restored in this dispensation is that ‘the spirit and the body are the soul of man’ (D&C 88:15) and that when the spirit and body are separated, men and women ‘cannot receive a fulness of joy’ (D&C 93:34). That is the reason why obtaining a body is so fundamentally important in the first place, why sin of any kind is such a serious matter (namely because it is sin that ultimately brings both physical and spiritual death), and why the resurrection of the body is so central to the great triumph of Christ’s Atonement.

The body is an essential part of the soul. This distinctive and very important Latter-day Saint doctrine underscores why sexual sin is so serious. We declare that one who uses the God-given body of another without divine sanction abuses the very soul of that individual, abuses the central purpose and processes of life, ‘the very key’ (Elder Holland of the 12 Apostles in Conference Report, Apr. 1972, 139; or Ensign,July 1972, 113) (Also quoted by Elder David A. Bednar Area Authority Seventy From a devotional address given at Ricks College on 11 January 2000. Published also in the Ensign, September 2001 see https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng)

-Brothers and sisters, both the Church’s temples and our personal temples must be used to accomplish the righteous purposes for which they were created. Our physical body is a marvelous blessing and a timeless trust. The most sacred of all our divine powers is to become a co-creator with Heavenly Father in providing physical bodies for His spirit sons and daughters and in establishing a righteous and Christ-centered family. Nothing is more holy; nothing deserves more reverence; nothing is more central to the plan of happiness. And our very souls are at stake.

I hope we now better understand why “to receive a physical body” is the first element of the answer to the important question “Why are we here on earth?” The doctrines Lucifer works most diligently to distort and attack are the ones that really matter the most to us individually, to our families, and to the world. The great plan of happiness requires that each of us obtain a physical body and makes possible a forever family. Consider the popular philosophy that many voices in our modern world would persuade us to believe: “Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin” (2 Ne. 28:8). Such an ideology is a lie inspired by the great deceiver. Where is the adversary presently directing his most direct and diabolical attacks? Upon our beliefs about and uses of the physical body and upon the family. Remember, Satan does not have a body and he cannot have a family. He desires that all of us would become miserable like unto himself. And he relentlessly works to distort the two doctrines he hates the most.

-“The body that has been given to us was for the purpose of allowing the spirit to exalt itself to a nobler condition. The lightning that is seen flashing from cloud to cloud, from mountain top to mountain top, is an electrical force that may tear down buildings, set fire to property, and destroy life. Conduct electricity through the dynamo wire, and motor, and behold its wonderful results working for the service of man, accomplishing something under the control of a physical instrument, it thus becomes a power for good. So with steam, if allowed to evaporate freely it does little good, but restrain it in the boiler, send it through the engine, and under its power you may travel across the continent or sail from shore to shore. And so, too, with this highest, most potent of all spiritual forces, the intelligence that is in man; enshrine it in a spiritual body, that it may have the experiences of spiritual life; and then give it a physical body, that it may enter into and obtain the joy and experiences of physical life, and you have enlarged its powers immeasurably” (Elder Melvin J. Ballard (1873–1939), a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in Conference Report, Oct. 1912, 107).

-“There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty? … It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can (DBY,197).” (Teachings of the Prophet Brigham Young Ch. 23 Understanding the New and Everlasting Covenant of Marriage https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-23?lang=eng)

-“Many of the sisters grieve because they are not blessed with offspring. You will see the time when you will have millions of children around you. If you are faithful to your covenants, you will be mothers of nations (DBY,200).” (Teachings of the Prophet Brigham Young Ch. 23 Understanding the New and Everlasting Covenant of Marriage https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-23?lang=eng)

More on this topic: See Boyd K. Packer, “‘Ye Are the Temple of God’ ”Ensign, Nov. 2000, 72–74; John S. Tanner, “The Body as a Blessing” Ensign, July 1993, 7–11; Russell M. Nelson“The Magnificence of Man” Ensign, Jan. 1988, 64–69., see also President Boyd K Packer, “The Fountain of Life”

https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf

for the address see  http://www.podfeed.net/episode/The+Fountain+of+Life+Boyd+K.+Packer/1761621

or  http://www.byutv.org/watch/f6816669-24fc-46d3-ae39-2b5d085ea5ce/byu-devotional-address-boyd-k-packer-32992)

-“The world teaches birth control. Tragically, many of our sisters subscribe to its pills and practices when they could easily provide earthly tabernacles for more of our Father’s children. We know that every spirit assigned to this earth will come, whether through us or someone else. There are couples in the Church who think they are getting along just fine with their limited families but who will someday suffer the pains of remorse when they meet the spirits that might have been part of their posterity. The first commandment given to man was to multiply and replenish the earth with children. That commandment has never been altered, modified, or canceled. The Lord did not say to multiply and replenish the earth if it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you have gotten your schooling, or when there is peace on earth, or until you have four children. The Bible says, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: “. . . Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. . .” (Ps. 127:3, 5.) We believe God is glorified by having numerous children and a program of perfection for them. So also will God glorify that husband and wife who have a large posterity and who have tried to raise them up in righteousness.” (President Ezra Taft Benson Conference Report, April 1969, Pg.12)

-“Man enters into a lawful marriage covenant and propagates his own posterity. To fulfill this purpose, God ordained marriage. The Lord declared that: “Marriage is ordained of God . . . that the earth might answer the end of its creation; And that it might be filled with the measure of man, according to his creation before the world was made.” (D&C 49:15-17.)…

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints chastity will never be out of date. We have one standard for men and women, and that standard is moral purity. We oppose and abhor the damnable practice of wholesale abortion and every other unholy and impure act which strikes at the very foundation of the home and family, our most basic institutions. (God, Family, Country, p. 364.)

As parents, what is our attitude regarding the sacred obligations of parenthood? One of the major purposes of marriage is childrenNations which refuse to accept this God-given obligation sink into oblivion. Will our sons and daughters want children because of our attitude and example? (So Shall Ye Reap, p. 106.)

We can’t build a happy home, we can’t build a happy married life, on the foundation of immorality. It can’t be done. So I would beseech our young people to reserve for the marriage relationship those sweet and lovely and intimate associations. Not only that, but when those associations come, let them be primarily for the purpose of procreation, for the having of a family, because it is not pleasing in the sight of God to enjoy the pleasures of those associations and refuse to accept the responsibility of parenthood. (God, Family, Country, pp. 196-97.)

Do not postpone the blessings of honorable parenthood following marriage. When God said it was our responsibility to multiply and replenish the earth, that marriage was primarily for that purpose, He didn’t insert any provisions. (London Area Conference, 19-20 June 1976.)

A modern trend is to rationalize the commandment to procreate, saying that the earth cannot support this great number of unrestricted births, or that it is not financially possible to support a great number of children today. The Lord said to the Prophet Joseph, referring to the productive capacity of the earth, “For the earth is full and there is enough and to spare” (D&C 104:17). (Miami, Florida, 19 March 1976.)

A major reason why there is famine in some parts of the world is because evil men have used the vehicle of government to abridge the freedom that men need to produce abundantly. True to form, many of the people who desire to frustrate God’s purposes of giving mortal tabernacles to His spirit children through worldwide birth control are the very same people who support the kinds of government that perpetuate famine. They advocate an evil to cure the results of the wickedness they support. (CR April 1969, Improvement Era 72 [June 1969]: 44.)

…Yes, blessed is the husband and wife who have a family of children. The deepest joys and blessings in life are associated with family, parenthood, and sacrifice. (“To the Mothers in Zion,” Parents’ Fireside, Salt Lake City, Utah, 22 February 1987.)

The undue postponement of parenthood is bound to bring disappointment and is not pleasing in the sight of God. Yes, of course, one can always find excuses. The young husband is going through school. I know how difficult it is. I remember our first year of married life on seventy dollars a month for both of us. I thank the Lord for my noble companion and her fervent determination to put first things first.

It thrills me to witness young couples where the husband is struggling through medical school or dental school or some other school and they have the courage and strength and the faith to know that in some way the God of Heaven will assist them if they do their duty and have their families.

So, I would ask our young people to think seriously about these things, pray about them, fast about them. The Lord will give them the answers, because He wants them to have the blessings of a righteous posterity. Sometimes marriage may be postponed to the point where, for physical and other reasons, parenthood is denied. Oh, what a loss when the time comes! It is worth practically any sacrifice to have those sweet spirits come into the home and to have them come early, that the parents might enjoy them for a longer period, that they might enjoy their parents for a longer period, and that the children might enjoy their grandparents for a longer period. (God, Family, Country, pp. 197-98.)

…consider these words seriously when you think of those political leaders who are promoting birth control and abortion: “O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths” (Isaiah 3:12; 2 Nephi 13:12). Let me warn the sisters in all seriousness that you who submit yourselves to an abortion or to an operation that precludes you from safely having additional healthy children are jeopardizing your exaltation and your future membership in the kingdom of God. (God, Family, Country, p. 224.)

We realize that some women, through no fault of their own, are not able to bear children. To these lovely sisters, every prophet of God has promised that they will be blessed with children in the eternities and that posterity will not be denied them. Through pure faith, pleading prayers, fasting, and special priesthood blessings, many of these same lovely sisters, with their noble companions at their sides, have had miracles take place in their lives and have been blessed with children. Others have prayerfully chosen to adopt children, and to these wonderful couples we salute you for the sacrifices and love you have given to those children you have chosen to be your own. (“To the Mothers in Zion,” Parents’ Fireside, Salt Lake City, Utah, 22 February 1987.)

Some well-known persons advocate drastic steps by government action to limit population growth. They contend that the world must stabilize its population or many must starve. In short, the only course that can save mankind from disaster lurking just around the corner is the worldwide adoption by government of population restriction policies.

This, I firmly believe, is an unrealistic and dangerous oversimplification. It is inconceivable to me that the problem of food and people either will, or can, be solved in this way. For one thing, the right to marry and have a family, and to determine the size of one’s family in accordance with one’s conscience and legitimate desires is so fundamental that I just can’t visualize people permitting government to tamper with it. The whole thing smacks of government interference at its totalitarian worst. It is not the business of government to enter this area.

Moreover, the available facts do not support the notion that mankind must become increasingly sterile or starve. Those who are fond of projecting population trends into the future never seem willing to do the same for food production trends. They concentrate their gaze on the people side of the equation and blind themselves to the food side. It is true that there has been a population explosion of sorts in recent decades. But there has been an even greater agricultural technological explosion — not only in the United States but also in the world in general. The population explosion is running substantially behind the agricultural explosion — -and the agricultural explosion is just beginning except where hampered by government interference. (Title of Liberty, pp. 127-28.)

…I know the special blessings of a large and happy family, for my dear parents had a quiver full of children (Psalm 127:5). Being the oldest of eleven children, I saw the principles of unselfishness, mutual cooperation, loyalty to each other, and a host of other virtues developed in a large and wonderful family with my noble mother as the queen of that home.

Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you not to postpone having your children, being co-creators with our Father in Heaven. Do not use the reasoning of the world, such as, “We will wait until we can better afford having children, until we are more secure, until John has completed his education, until he has a better paying job, until we have a larger home, until we have obtained a few of the material conveniences,” and on and on. This is the reasoning of the world and is not pleasing in the sight of God. Mothers who enjoy good health, have your children and have them early. And, husbands, always be considerate of your wives in the bearing of children.

Do not curtail the number of children for personal or selfish reasons. Material possessions, social convenience, and so-called professional advantages are nothing compared to a righteous posterity. In the eternal perspective, children — not possessions, not position, not prestige — are our greatest jewels. (“To the Mothers in Zion,” Parents’ Fireside, Salt Lake City, Utah, 22 February 1987.)) (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, Pg. 539-43)

-“…Providing opportunity for the spirit children of our Father in Heaven to come to earth and work out their own salvation is one of our sacred privileges and obligations. We teach that among the choicest of eternal riches are children. ” (President Heber J. Grant Gospel Standards, Pg.154)

-“God established families. The Lord organized the whole program in the beginning with a father who procreates, provides, and loves and directs, and a mother who conceives and bears and nurtures and feeds and trains. The Lord could have organized it otherwise but chose to have a unit with responsibility and purposeful associations where children train and discipline each other and come to love, honor, and appreciate each other. The family is the great plan of life as conceived and organized by our Father in Heaven.

To any thoughtful person it must be obvious that intimate association without marriage is sin; that children without parenthood and family life is tragedy; that society without basic family life is without foundation and will disintegrate into nothingness and oblivion.

…do not limit your family as the world does.

Don’t think you will love the later ones less or have fewer material things for them. Perhaps, like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young folk, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives.

Have large families regardless of social norms. In America and elsewhere in the world, the family limitation program is gaining much strength. Latter-day Saints do not believe in this. We believe in following the admonition of the Lord in having large families and rearing them righteously. We hope that our Latter-day Saints will not trade children for accommodation and luxury.

When you go to the temple for sealing, you will note that the Lord continues to command his people to live this commandment. It is not easy. It is much easier to limit the family to one or two, but great blessings come to those who struggle through the years with the small children. When they have reared them righteously, they will have crowns throughout eternity. The time will come when those men and women who have neglected their duties because they wanted luxuries will be very jealous of the joys and happiness of those who sacrificed in the early years of marriage. Certainly we do not just wish to bring children in the world and turn them loose to go wild. We must rear them in righteousness. Generally, you will find that the people that come from the large families are generally the best trained and the most faithful.

Motherhood and fatherhood are primary. Now, it is wise for every young woman to be grateful for her womanhood and her privilege to create, with her husband and the Eternal God as her partners. To be a mother, to be a wife of a good man — what a great joy! While she is waiting for that holy, sacred hour, let her be happy and content to develop her mind and accumulate knowledge and prepare herself emotionally and spiritually for the happy times.

For the young man, his education is important, his mission vital; but his proper marriage and his proper life to be a righteous father and to properly provide for and give leadership to a family — that is wonderful, a wonderful role in life to play.

Motherhood is a noble work. Motherhood is a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord’s work, a consecration and devotion to the rearing and fostering, the nurturing of body, mind, and spirit of those who kept their first estate and who came to this earth for their second estate to learn and be tested and to work toward godhood.

Mothers have a sacred role. They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in giving birth to the Lord’s spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments. Could there be a more sacred trust than to be a trustee for honorable, well-born, well-developed children?

So our beloved mother Eve began the human race with gladness, wanting children, glad for the joy that they would bring to her, willing to assume the problems connected with a family, but also the joys.

To be a righteous woman during the winding-up scenes on this earth, before the Second Coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman’s strength and influence today can be ten fold what it might be in more tranquil times. She has been placed here to help to enrich, to protect, and to guard the home — which is society’s basic and most noble institution. Other institutions in society may falter and even fail, but the righteous woman can help to save the home, which may be the last and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife.

I wish to say without equivocation that a woman will find no greater satisfaction and joy and peace and make no greater contribution to mankind than in being a wise and worthy woman and raising good children.

When we sing that doctrinal hymn and anthem of affection, “O My Father,” we get a sense of the ultimate in maternal modesty, of the restrained, queenly elegance of our heavenly mother, and knowing how profoundly our mortal mothers have shaped us here, do we suppose her influence on us as individuals to be less if we live so as to return there?

God has placed women at the very headwaters of the human stream. So much of what our men and our institutions seek to do downstream in the lives of erring individuals is done to compensate for early failures. Likewise, so much of life’s later rejoicing is a reflection of a woman’s work well done at the headwaters of the home.

Come home, wives, to your children, born and unborn. Wrap the motherly cloak about you and, unembarrassed, help in a major role to create bodies for the immortal souls who anxiously wait.

When you have fully complemented your husband in home life and borne the children, growing up full of faith, integrity, responsibility, and goodness, then you have achieved, your accomplishments supreme, without peer, and you will be the envy through time and eternity of your sisters who have spent themselves in selfish pursuits.

Technology frees time for better child rearing. Today’s women, especially in the United States and some other countries, have ease, comfort, leisure, conveniences, and time, such as no other women in history have had.

What has she done with her new-found liberties and freedoms and opportunities and time? Has she perfected her own life? Is she more dutiful and faithful to her reduced home duties than was her great-grandmother with her multiplicity of arduous ones? Is today’s woman a better wife to her husband? Is the modern, electrically driven home of today a happier haven of refuge than the four walls of the last centuries? Is she today a better, more congenial neighbor than yesterday’s woman? Does she have more children now that she has more time, better facilities, and more help? Does she train her children better than her ancestors did? Does she herself have more faith and piety than the women of old? And does she better instill into her children the faith which will make gods of them?

God bless the women, the wonderful women of every time and age and place, who establish first in their lives their Lord, his work, and their families.

Women who are deliberately childless will regret itI am not sorry for women who sacrifice their lives for children. I am not sorry for those women who have many children. But I am sorry … for women who come to the Judgment Day who have never assumed the responsibility of rearing children, who have been afraid of pain, resistant to sacrifice. They are the ones whose hearts will be heavy.

I know there are many women who could not have children — God bless them!

Childbearing should not be delayed for convenience. After marriage young wives should be occupied in bearing and rearing children. I know of no scriptures or authorities which authorize young wives to delay their families or to go to work to put their husbands through college. Young married couples can make their way and reach their educational heights, if they are determined.

Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary factor — that of the bearing and rearing of children…

How do you suppose that the Lord would look upon a man and a woman whose marriage seems to be largely for the purpose of living together and sex gratification without the responsibilities of marriage? How do you think that the Lord looks upon those who use the contraceptives because in their selfish life it is not the convenient moment to bear children? How do you feel the Lord looks upon those who would trade flesh-and-blood children for pianos or television or furniture or an automobile, and is this not actually the case when people will buy these luxuries and yet cannot afford to have their children? Are there not numerous people who first buy the luxury article and then find they cannot pay the doctor or a hospital bill incident to childbirth? How do you think the Lord feels about women who forego the pleasures and glories of motherhood that they might retain their figures, that their social life might not be affected, that they might avoid the deprivations, pains, and agonies of childbearing and berthing? How do you think the Lord feels as he views healthy parents who could have children but who deliberately close the doors by operation or by contraceptives, close the doors upon spirits eager to enter into mortal bodies?

Not everyone can have children. We realize, of course, there are some women who cannot have children, some men who cannot reproduce. The Lord will take care of all that if we have done everything in our power, if we have done what we could to make ourselves normal and productive and to follow the commandments of the Lord.

Few couples need remain childless. Men and women who have been unable to have children should build their faith. Many a barren woman like Sarah has had children through special blessings of the Lord. She was blessed in having a son — a son to a barren woman.

Sometimes operations or adjustments or hormones may make parenthood possible. Frequently fears and frictions and tenseness are causes for barrenness and sterility. Such people should do everything in their power to put themselves in a position to have their babies. Adoption of parentless children brings joy to many hearts. Few, if any, parents need be childless through their years.

Mother’s health should he considered. In family life, men must and should be considerate of their wives, not only in the bearing of children, but in caring for them through childhood. The mother’s health must be conserved, and the husband’s consideration for his wife is his first duty, and self-control a dominant factor in all their relationships.

Sterilization as a medical measure is a serious personal responsibility. On … sterilization or other surgery to prevent conception … the Church has felt that it was the individual responsibility of the couple; and while the Church leaves it to the individual to determine whether the ill health of the mother is sufficient to warrant the surgery which would make pregnancy impossible, yet it is a definite personal responsibility. In your case, since the surgery has already been completed, it cannot be undone, so it must be accepted as a fact and life can go on. Both parents should give themselves totally and fully to the rearing of their six children which they now have in a loving home with ideal surroundings.

Sterilization to avoid the inconvenience of children is sinful. We marry for eternity. We are serious about this. We become parents and bring wanted children into the world and rear and train them to righteousness.

We are aghast at the reports of young people going to surgery to limit their families and the reputed number of parents who encourage this vasectomy. Remember that the coming of the Lord approaches, and some difficult-to-answer questions will be asked by a divine Judge who will be hard to satisfy with silly explanations and rationalizations. He will judge justly, you may be sure.

Sterilization and tying of tubes and such are sins, and except under special circumstances it cannot be approved.

The world can provide for growing population. Many people, some of them innocently caught up in the whirlpool of delusion errors, are worrying about the earth failing to provide for the oncoming generations. They take such means to influence the thinking of the people and repeat it so often that many of us were gullible and accepted it. We tend to believe what the world says. We often do not even ask what the Lord’s program is. “

(The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, Pg. 324-31)

-“It is an act of extreme selfishness for a married couple to refuse to have children when they are able to do so.” (President Spencer W. Kimball Conference Report, April 1979, Pg. 6)

-“Paul speaks of continence—a word almost forgotten by our world. Still in the dictionary, it means self-restraint, in sexual activities especially. Many good people, being influenced by the bold spirit of the times, are now seeking surgery for the wife or the husband so they may avoid pregnancies and comply with the strident voice demanding a reduction of children. It was never easy to bear and rear children, but easy things do not make for growth and development. But loud, blatant voices today shout “fewer children” and offer the Pill, drugs, surgery, and even ugly abortion to accomplish that. Strange the proponents of depopulating the world seem never to have thought of continence!” (President Spencer W. Kimball Conference Report, April 1971, Pg. 7)

-“[W]e declare it is a grievous sin before God to adopt restrictive measures in disobedience to God’s divine command from the beginning of time to “multiply and replenish the earth.” Surely those who project such measures to prevent life or to destroy life before or after birth will reap the whirlwind of God’s retribution, for God will not be mocked. (President Harold B. Lee CR1972Oct:63)

-“Seeking the pleasure of conjugality without a willingness to assume the responsibilities of rearing a family is one of the onslaughts that now batter at the structure of the American home. Intelligence and mutual consideration should be ever-present factors in determining the coming of children to the home.” (President David O. McKay Conference Report, April 1969, Pg.5-6)

-“True motherhood is the noblest call of the world, and we look with sorrow upon the practice here in our own United States of limiting families, a tendency creeping into our own Church.” (President David O. McKay Church News, June 11, 1952)

-“When the husband and wife are healthy, and free from inherited weaknesses and diseases that might be transmitted with injury to their offspring the use of contraceptives is to be condemned. (President David O. McKay Conference Report, October 1943, Pg. 30)

-“I regret, I think it is a crying evil, that there should exist a sentiment or a feeling among any members of the Church to curtail the birth of their children. I think that is a crime wherever it occurs, where husband and wife are in possession of health and vigor and are free from impurities that would be entailed upon their posterity. I believe that where people undertake to curtail or prevent the birth of their children that they are going to reap disappointment by and by. I have no hesitancy in saying that I believe this is one of the greatest crimes of the world today, this evil practice. (President Joseph F. Smith Relief Society Magazine, Vol. 4, June 1917, Pg. 314)

-“Those who have taken upon themselves the responsibility of wedded life should see to it that they do not abuse the course of nature; that they do not destroy the principle of life within them, nor violate any of the commandments of God. The command which he gave in the beginning to multiply and replenish the earth is still in force upon the children of men. Possibly no greater sin could be committed by the people who have embraced this gospel than to prevent or to destroy life in the manner indicated. We are born into the world that we may have life, and we live that we may have a fullness of joy, and if we will obtain a fullness of joy, we must obey the law of our creation and the law by which we may obtain the consummation of our righteous hopes and desires — life eternal.” (President Joseph F. Smith Gospel Doctrine, Pg. 276)

-“THE BLESSINGS OF BIRTH INTO MORTALITY. Nothing should be held in greater sacredness and honor than the covenant by which the spirits of men — the offspring of God in the spirit — are privileged to come into this world in mortal tabernacles. It is through this principle that the blessing of immortal glory is made possibleThe greatest punishment ever given was proclaimed against Lucifer and his angels. To be denied the privilege of mortal bodies forever is the greatest curse of all. These spirits can have no progress, no hope of resurrection and eternal life! Doomed are they to eternal misery for their rebellion!

And then to think that we are not only privileged, but also commanded to assist our Father in the great work of redemption by giving to his children, as we have obtained these blessings ourselves, the right to live and continue on even to perfection! No innocent soul should be condemned to come into this world under a handicap of illegitimacy. Every child has the right to be well born! Every individual who denies them that right is guilty of a mortal sin.

The importance of these mortal tabernacles is apparent from the knowledge we have of eternal life. Spirits cannot be made perfect without the body of flesh and bones. The body and its spirit are brought to immortality and the blessings of salvation through the resurrection. After the resurrection there can be no separation again, body and spirit become inseparably connected that man may receive a fullness of joy. In no other way, other than birth into this life and the resurrection, can spirits become like our Eternal Father.

MAN COMMANDED TO BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY. The obligations which married couples take upon themselves should conform in every particular to the commandments given by the Lord.

In the beginning, the Lord said when he gave Eve to Adam, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.” This earth was created for the very purpose that the spirit children of our Father might have the privilege of the temporal existence, receiving bodies of flesh and bones as tabernacles for the spirits which occupy them, and then, through the atonement of Jesus Christ, receive the resurrection in which the spirit and the body become inseparably connected so that man may live again. . . .

Marriage is an eternal covenant, not to come to an end as taught so generally throughout the world when the covenanting parties are dead, but to endure forever. The real purpose of life is that the spirits of men thus clothed in bodies of flesh and bones may, through obedience to the gospel, come back into the presence of the Father and the Son, to receive the fullness of exaltation,

The Lord has revealed that when a man and a woman are married according to his law, children born to them will be theirs throughout all eternity.

The covenant given to Adam to multiply was renewed after the flood with Noah and his children after him. The Lord said to Noah: “And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein. And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying. And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you.”

This covenant is still binding, although mankind has departed from the way of eternal life and has rejected the covenant of marriage which the Lord revealed.

BIRTH CONTROL IS WICKEDNESS. The abuse of this holy covenant has been the primary cause for the downfall of nations. When the sacred vows of marriage are broken and the real purpose of marriage abused, as we find it so prevalent in the world today, then destruction is inevitable.

No nation can endure for any length of time, if the marriage covenants are abused and treated with contempt. The anger of the Almighty was kindled against ancient nations for their immorality. There is nothing that should be held in greater sacredness than this covenant by which the spirits of men are clothed with mortal tabernacles.

When a man and a woman are married and they agree, or covenant, to limit their offspring to two or three, and practice devices to accomplish this purpose, they are guilty of iniquity which eventually must be punished. Unfortunately this evil doctrine is being taught as a virtue by many people who consider themselves cultured and highly educated. It has even crept in among members of the Church and has been advocated in some of the classes within the Church.

It should be understood definitely that this kind of doctrine is not only not advocated by the authorities of the Church, but also is condemned by them as wickedness in the sight of the Lord.

President Joseph F. Smith has said in relation to this question: “Those who have taken upon themselves the responsibility of wedded life should see to it that they do not abuse the course of nature; that they do not destroy the principle of life within them, nor violate any of the commandments of God. The command which he gave in the beginning to multiply and replenish the earth is still in force upon the children of men. Possibly no greater sin could be committed by the people who have embraced this gospel than to prevent or to destroy life in the manner indicated. We are born into the world that we may have life, and we live that we may have a fullness of joy, and if we will obtain a fullness of joy, we must obey the law of our creation and the law by which we may obtain the consummation of our righteous hopes and desires — eternal life.”

SPIRITS DESIRE BIRTH IN RIGHTEOUS FAMILIES. President Brigham Young has this to say about birth control, an abomination practiced by so-called civilized nations, but nations who have forsaken the ways of life:

There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty? To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can.”

If these iniquitous practices find their place in our hearts and we are guilty, then when we arrive on the other side — and discover that we have deprived ourselves of eternal blessings and are accused by those who were assigned to come to us, because, as President Young has said, they were forced to take bodies in the families of the wicked — how will we feel? Moreover, may we not lose our own salvation if we violate this divine law?

BIRTH CONTROL LEADS TO DAMNATION. …

When young people marry and refuse to fulfill this commandment given in the beginning of the world — and just as much in force today — they rob themselves of the greatest eternal blessing. If the love of the world and the wicked practices of the world mean more to a man and a woman than to keep the commandment of the Lord in this respect, then they shut themselves off from the eternal blessing of increase. Those who willfully and maliciously design to break this important commandment shall be damned. They cannot have the Spirit of the Lord.

Small families is the rule today. Husbands and wives refuse to take upon themselves the responsibilities of family life. Many of them do not care to be bothered with children. Yet this commandment given to Adam has never been abrogated or set aside. If we refuse to live by the covenants we make, especially in the house of the Lord, then we cannot receive the blessings of those covenants in eternity. If the responsibilities of parenthood are willfully avoided here, then how can the Lord bestow upon the guilty the blessings of eternal increase? It cannot be, and they shall be denied such blessings.”

(President Joseph Fielding Smith Doctrines of Salvation, Vol. 2, Pg. 85-9)

-“If we notice the situation of the nations of Europe at the present time, we see the land burdened with an overplus population, and groaning beneath its inhabitants, while the greatest industry, perseverance, economy, and care, do not suffice to provide for the craving wants of nature. And so fearfully does this prevail in many parts, that parents are afraid to fulfill the first great law of God, “Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth;” and by desperate circumstances are almost forced to the unnatural wish of not propagating their species; while, corrupted with a correspondent depravity with that which reigns among nations, they are found using suicidal measures to prevent an otherwise numerous progeny from increasing their father’s misery, and inheriting his misfortunes. And yet, while this is the case, there are immense districts of rich soil, covering millions of square miles, inhabited only by a few untutored savages, or the wild beast of the forest; and such is the infatuation of man that in many districts of country, which were once the seats of the most powerful empires, and where flourished the mightiest nations, there is nothing but desolation and wildness. Such are Ninevah and Babylon, on the Asiatic Continent; and Otolum, and many others discovered by Stephens and Catherwood, in Central America; and recently discovered ruins — unequaled in the old world — a little above the head of the California Gulf. Not only their cities, but their lands are desolate, deserted, and forsaken, and the same evils that once existed there are transferred to another soil, all bespeaking plainly that we want a great, governing, ruling principle to regulate the affairs of the world, and assist poor, feeble, erring humanity.” (President John Taylor The Government of God, Chapter 2)

-“…This is the reason why the doctrine of plurality of wives was revealed, that the noble spirits which are waiting for tabernacles might be brought forth. (President Brigham Young Discourses of Brigham Young, Pg.197)

-“To check the increase of our race has its advocates among the influential and powerful circles of society in our nation and in other nations. The same practice existed forty-five years ago, and various devices were used by married persons to prevent the expenses and responsibilities of a family of children, which they must have incurred had they suffered nature’s laws to rule preeminent. That which was practiced then in fear and against reproving conscience, is now boldly trumpeted abroad as one of the best means of ameliorating the miseries and sorrows of humanity. Infanticide is very prevalent in our nationIt is a crime that comes within the purview of the law, and is therefore not so boldly practiced as is the other equally great crime, which, no doubt, to a great extent, prevents the necessity of infanticide. The unnatural style of living, the extensive use of narcotics, the attempts to destroy and dry up the fountains of life, are fast destroying the American element of the nation; it is passing away before the increase of the more healthy, robust, honest, and less sinful class of the people which are pouring into the country daily from the Old World. The wife of the servant man is the mother of eight or ten healthy children, while the wife of his master is the mother of one or two poor, sickly children, devoid of vitality and constitution, and, if daughters, unfit, in their turn, to be mothers, and the health and vitality which nature has denied them through the irregularities of their parents are not repaired in the least by their education. (President Brigham Young Journal of Discourses, Vol. 12, Pg. 120-21)

-“Now I think you bishops, you presidents of stakes, and you presidents of the quorums of the priesthood, ought to consider these things (speaking of God’s command that we have children) most carefully, and be prepared to teach the people that which the Lord would have them taught, and when our teachers go to visit them in their homes, let them teach the revelations of the Living God and magnify their callings.” (Joseph Fielding Smith, Conference Report, October 1946, pp. 35-39) (http://scriptures.byu.edu/gettalk.php?ID=253)

 

Do No Delay Childbirth: Words of the Prophets

 

 

-“Those who are physically able have the blessing, joy, and obligation to bear children and to raise a family. This blessing should not be postponed for selfish reasons. Sexual relations within marriage are not only for the purpose of procreation, but also a means of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual ties between husband and wife. Husband and wife are encouraged to pray and counsel together as they plan their families. Issues to consider include the physical and mental health of the mother and father and their capacity to provide the basic necessities of life for their children. Decisions about birth control and the consequences of those decisions rest solely with each married couple. Elective abortion as a method of birth control, however, is contrary to the commandments of God.” (LDS Topics section of Official Church Website https://www.lds.org/topics/print/birth-control)
-“Our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son are, by nature, creators. As the sons and daughters of God, we have the potential to become like Them. The Father and the Son have entrusted us with a portion of Their creative power and provided specific guidelines for the proper use of that sacred ability to create life and establish an eternal family. How we feel about and use that sacred power in this life will determine in large measure whether additional creative power will be ours in the life to come.” (By Elder David A. Bednar Area Authority Seventy From a devotional address given at Ricks College on 11 January 2000. Published also in the Ensign, September 2001 see https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng)
-early in the church, the need to have children raised in homes where the gospel is was so desperate, that we practiced polygamy. I was in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) and they had us stand up if we had polygamist ancestors. At least half of the large congregation of missionaries stood. The speaker said, “That is why we practiced polygamy.” Today we don’t do polygamy, but the principle remains that blessed is the child who is raised in a home where the gospel is. Recall what Joseph Smith said, “a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has the power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation.” (see LDS.org Guide to the Scriptures: Sacrifice; https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/sacrifice?lang=eng)
-“In the eternal perspective, the blessings obtained by sacrifice are greater than anything that is given up.” (see LDS.org Guide to the Scriptures: Sacrifice; https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/sacrifice?lang=eng)
-Prophets have said that raising a righteous family in and of itself is enough to qualify parents for the Celestial Kingdom highest degree
-you never know when you’ll be barren, so get them while you can.
– “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.” (“Children” Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)
-Prophets have taught that the only people you rule over in eternity are your own children. They teach that Heavenly Father rules over not a single person other than his own posterity.
-God said you’ll have joy in the day of the Lord if you have children;
-God said if you bring many souls to me how much greater will be your joy than if you just bring one
-Grandma had 13 and was able to influence all of them just fine.
-when around others they learn to be more independent and not hanging on parents all the time
-when around those with similar values, a child is more likely to thrive. You can’t trust the baby sitters of other families. You need older children of your own to be the baby sitters.
-Brian when could not find people with similar values to play with just played with his siblings; they have always been there for him
-the families with 2 children whose personalities clash are worse off, as they’ll turn to other families’ children for association. Children are bond to argue with each other, and if they have other siblings to go to in those cases, similar to their age and gender, they’ll be less likely to turn to other families for their needs.
-they need one on one time with parents? Yes, but not that much! They are happy as can be to be of the community of the family, and studies show that children from larger families are more balanced and strong overall (see talk by President Benson quoted later in this article)
-President Benson has said that children from small families are less balanced and healthy than children from large families overall.
-the idea of “quality not quantity” I do reject! You think you can change the worth of a child by the amount of money you shove down his throat? That sounds diabolical to me! No you don’t want to have the government pay for your children; be responsible, but at the same time don’t get lost in these ideas of “salvation by opportunity”.  No, God gives to all what he deems fit for them
-Joseph Smith said that it is LUDACRIS to consider that we shall dwell where God the Father and the Son are without having gone through extremely difficult things. Parenthood is a refiner’s fire!
-President Kimball was speaking to a couple in mourning for being barren, not being able to have children. He told them that they are better off than the people who can have them but don’t.
-when the cry of the 2nd Coming comes, there is no time for preparation.  (see President Spencer W. Kimball, in book “Faith Proceeds the Miracle”)
– President Kimball saw heaven in the temple where the 8th of 8 children was being sealed to a spouse. The man thought himself unsuccessful in life, but it was one of the greatest success stories I’d ever heard. (see President Spencer W. Kimball, in book “Faith Proceeds the Miracle”)
-President Kimball saw heaven in a home where a Navajo family barren unable to have children, had adopted 18 orphans. (see President Spencer W. Kimball, in book “Faith Proceeds the Miracle”)
-President Kimball saw heaven another time with in a home with mismatched chairs and old worn rugs and many children home all cooperated in interdependence, they didn’t apologize for the meal furniture or children. This was great to see in our day of only 1-2 children in a home, and they oft spoiled and bratty. The woman wasn’t one that people would paint a portrait of, but had handsome well picked clothes, and kept hair, and a smile. The man was a working man.  (see President Spencer W. Kimball, in book “Faith Proceeds the Miracle”)
-can’t handle tons of kids? Remember what President Eyring says, “I can’t be a perfect servant every hour, but I can do better than I thought I could.” Also, hire some maids! In this sense, it’s better for a man to get a good paying job more so than a degree in family sciences. Let him have a job which can afford his wife to stay at home and raise the children where possible.
-“As we look into the eyes of a child, we see a fellow son or daughter of God who stood with us in the premortal life. It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God. We believe in families, and we believe in children. When a child is born to a husband and wife, they are fulfilling part of our Heavenly Father’s plan to bring children to earth. The Lord said, “This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” (Moses 1:39) Before immortality, there must be mortality. The family is ordained of God. Families are central to our Heavenly Father’s plan here on earth and through the eternities. After Adam and Eve were joined in marriage, the scripture reads, “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.”(Genesis 1:28) In our day prophets and apostles have declared, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”(“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2010, 129.) This commandment has not been forgotten or set aside in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (According to the annual American Community Survey, released by the U.S. Census Bureau, “Utah still has the nation’s largest households, highest fertility rate, lowest median age, youngest age at marriage and most stay-at-home moms” (“Who Are Utahns? Survey Shows We’re Highest, Lowest, Youngest,” Salt Lake Tribune, Sept. 22, 2011, A1, A8).) We express deep gratitude for the enormous faith shown by husbands and wives (especially our wives) in their willingness to have children. When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. These are sacred decisions—decisions that should be made with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith.” (“Children” Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)
–“Where once the standards of the Church and the standards of society were mostly compatible, now there is a wide chasm between us, and it’s growing ever wider. …
“The Savior of mankind described Himself as being in the world but not of the world. We also can be in the world but not of the world as we reject false concepts and false teachings and remain true to that which God has commanded.” (April 2011 Gen. Conf., Pres. Thomas S. Monson; quoted in talk “Children” by Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)
-“Many voices in the world today marginalize the importance of having children or suggest delaying or limiting children in a family.” (“Children” by Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)
-“As the world increasingly asks, “Are these all yours?” we thank you for creating within the Church a sanctuary for families, where we honor and help mothers with children. To a righteous father, there are no words sufficient to express the gratitude and love he feels for his wife’s incalculable gift of bearing and caring for their children.” (“Children” by Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)
-“Elder Mason had another experience just weeks after his marriage that helped him prioritize his family responsibilities. He said: “Marie and I had rationalized that to get me through medical school it would be necessary for her to remain in the workplace. Although this was not what we [wanted] to do, children would have to come later. [While looking at a Church magazine at my parents’ home,] I saw an article by Elder Spencer W. Kimball, then of the Quorum of the Twelve, [highlighting] responsibilities associated with marriage. According to Elder Kimball, one sacred responsibility was to multiply and replenish the earth. My parents’ home was [close to] the Church Administration Building. I immediately walked to the offices, and 30 minutes after reading his article, I found myself sitting across the desk from Elder Spencer W. Kimball.” (This wouldn’t be so easy today.) “I explained that I wanted to become a doctor. There was no alternative but to postpone having our family. Elder Kimball listened patiently and then responded in a soft voice, ‘Brother Mason, would the Lord want you to break one of his important commandments in order for you to become a doctor? With the help of the Lord, you can have your family and still become a doctor. Where is your faith?’” Elder Mason continued: “Our first child was born less than a year later. Marie and I worked hard, and the Lord opened the windows of heaven.” The Masons were blessed with two more children before he graduated from medical school four years later.9 Across the world, this is a time of economic instability and financial uncertainty. In April general conference, President Thomas S. Monson said: “If you are concerned about providing financially for a wife and family, may I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp and save. It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions.” (Thomas S. Monson, Liahona and Ensign, May 2011, 67.) Elder Kimball’s piercing question, “Where is your faith?” turns us to the holy scriptures. It was not in the Garden of Eden that Adam and Eve bore their first child. Leaving the garden, “Adam [and Eve] began to till the earth. … Adam knew his wife, and she [bore] … sons and daughters, and [acting in faith] they began to multiply and to replenish the earth.” (Moses 5:1, 2) It was not in their Jerusalem home, with gold, silver, and precious things, that Lehi and Sariah, acting in faith, bore their sons Jacob and Joseph. It was in the wilderness. Lehi spoke of his son Jacob as “my first-born in the days of my tribulation in the wilderness.” (2 Nephi 2:1) Lehi said of Joseph, “Thou wast born in the wilderness of [our] afflictions; yea, in the days of [our] greatest sorrow did thy mother bear thee.”13 (2 Nephi 3:1) In the book of Exodus, a man and woman married and, acting in faith, had a baby boy. There was no welcoming sign on the front door to announce his birth. They hid him because Pharaoh had instructed that every newborn male Israelite should be “cast into the river.” (Exodus 1:22) You know the rest of the story: the baby lovingly laid in a little ark made of bulrushes, placed in the river, watched over by his sister, found by Pharaoh’s daughter, and cared for by his own mother as his nurse. The boy was returned to Pharaoh’s daughter, who took him as her son and called him Moses. In the most beloved story of a baby’s birth, there was no decorated nursery or designer crib—only a manger for the Savior of the world. In “the best of times [and] … the worst of times,” (Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities (Signet Classic, 1997), 13.) the true Saints of God, acting in faith, have never forgotten, dismissed, or neglected “God’s commandment … to multiply and replenish the earth.” (Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2010, 129.) We go forward in faith—realizing the decision of how many children to have and when to have them is between a husband and wife and the Lord. We should not judge one another on this matter. The bearing of children is a sensitive subject that can be very painful for righteous women who do not have the opportunity to marry and have a family. To you noble women, our Heavenly Father knows your prayers and desires. How grateful we are for your remarkable influence, including reaching out with loving arms to children who need your faith and strength. The bearing of children can also be a heartbreaking subject for righteous couples who marry and find that they are unable to have the children they so anxiously anticipated or for a husband and wife who plan on having a large family but are blessed with a smaller family. We cannot always explain the difficulties of our mortality. Sometimes life seems very unfair—especially when our greatest desire is to do exactly what the Lord has commanded. As the Lord’s servant, I assure you that this promise is certain: “Faithful members whose circumstances do not allow them to receive the blessings of eternal marriage and parenthood in this life will receive all promised blessings in the eternities, [as] they keep the covenants they have made with God.” (Handbook 2: Administering the Church (2010), 1.3.3.) ” (“Children” by Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)
-“Brothers and sisters, we should not be judgmental with one another in this sacred and private responsibility. “And [Jesus] took a child … in his arms [and] said … “Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth … him that sent me.”(Mark 9:36–37) What a wonderful blessing we have to receive sons and daughters of God into our home. Let us humbly and prayerfully seek to understand and accept God’s commandments, reverently listening for the voice of His Holy Spirit. Families are central to God’s eternal plan. I testify of the great blessing of children and of the happiness they will bring us in this life and in the eternities, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”  (“Children” by Elder Anderson, Conf. Report, Oct. 2011; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng)
-4 Nephi 1:10 One of the marks of a righteous civilization is that they “multiply exceedingly fast”. They love each other and know what they have should be promulgated throughout the earth every way possible. Have children, lots of them, and don’t wait around about it. This “multiplying exceedingly fast” is recorded just before the record that they became “an exceedingly fair and delightsome people”. Why did they become thus? Because they multiplied exceedingly fast. It’s not the only factor, but it is nevertheless a critical factor.  “children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward” (Ps. 127:3) “the Lord thy God…he will do thee good, and multiply thee above thy fathers” (Deut. 30:5) “I, the Lord God said: I will greatly multiply thy…conception…thou shalt bring forth children” (Moses 4:22; Gen. 3:16) stars … So shall thy seed be: Gen. 15:5 . ( Gen. 26:4 ; Ex. 32:13 ; Deut. 1:10 ; Heb. 11:12 . ) I will multiply thy seed exceedingly: Gen. 16:10 . ( Gen. 26:24 ; Josh. 24:10 . ) thou shalt be a father of many nations: Gen. 17:4 . ( Gen. 48:4 ; Rom. 4:18 . ) she shall be a mother of nations: Gen. 17:16 . in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed: Gen. 22:18 . ( Gen. 26:4 ; Gen. 28:14 ; Acts 3:25 ; 1 Ne. 15:18 ; 1 Ne. 22:9 ; D&C 124:58 . ) make thy seed as the sand of the sea: Gen. 32:12 .
-Psalm 127: 3–5 Isaiah 54:13 D&C 68:25–28 Moses 2:27–28 these are scriptures on not postponing children taken from the Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 10. https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf
-The ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children and our posterity. —Elder Dallin H. Oaks from the Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 14 see https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf
-President Joseph F. Smith “Motherhood lies at the foundation of happiness in the home, and of prosperity in the nation. God has laid upon men and women very sacred obligations with respect to motherhood, and they are obligations that cannot be disregarded without invoking divine displeasure. In 1 Timothy 2:13–15, we are told that ‘Adam was first formed, then Eve. . . .’ Can she be saved without child-bearing? She indeed takes an awful risk if she wilfully disregards what is a pronounced requirement of God” (Gospel Doctrine, 288–89). (from page 14 Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 14 see https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf)
-President David O. McKay “Love realizes his sweetest happiness and his most divine consummation in the home where the coming of children is not restricted, where they are made most welcome, and where the duties of parenthood are accepted as a co-partnership with the eternal Creator. “In all this, however, the mother’s health should be guarded. In the realm of wifehood, the woman should reign supreme” (Gospel Ideals, 469). (Eternal Marriage and Family student Manual of the Church on page 14 see https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/35311_eng.pdf)
-President Spencer W. Kimball “Tomorrow when I repeat the phrases that will bind you for eternity, I shall say the same impressive words that the Lord said to that handsome youth and his lovely bride in the Garden of Eden: ‘Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth.’ . . . “. . . You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits. . . . And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles. Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work” (“John and Mary, Beginning Life Together,” New Era, June 1975, 8). “Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary factor—that of the bearing and rearing of children. Too many young people set their minds, determining they will not marry or have children until they are more secure, until the military service period is over; until the college degree is secured; until the occupation is more well-defined; until the debts are paid; or until it is more convenient. They have forgotten that the first commandment is to ‘be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.’ (Genesis 1:28.) And so brides continue their employment and husbands encourage it, and contraceptives are used to prevent conception. Relatives and friends and even mothers sometimes encourage birth control for their young newlyweds. But the excuses are many, mostly weak. The wife is not robust; the family budget will not feed extra mouths; or the expense of the doctor, hospital, and other incidentals is too great; it will disturb social life; it would prevent two salaries; and so abnormal living prevents the birth of children. The Church cannot approve nor condone the measures which so greatly limit the family” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 328–29).
-“Brothers and sisters, both the Church’s temples and our personal temples must be used to accomplish the righteous purposes for which they were created. Our physical body is a marvelous blessing and a timeless trust. The most sacred of all our divine powers is to become a co-creator with Heavenly Father in providing physical bodies for His spirit sons and daughters and in establishing a righteous and Christ-centered family. Nothing is more holy; nothing deserves more reverence; nothing is more central to the plan of happiness. And our very souls are at stake. I hope we now better understand why “to receive a physical body” is the first element of the answer to the important question “Why are we here on earth?” The doctrines Lucifer works most diligently to distort and attack are the ones that really matter the most to us individually, to our families, and to the world. The great plan of happiness requires that each of us obtain a physical body and makes possible a forever family. Consider the popular philosophy that many voices in our modern world would persuade us to believe: “Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin” (2 Ne. 28:8). Such an ideology is a lie inspired by the great deceiver. Where is the adversary presently directing his most direct and diabolical attacks? Upon our beliefs about and uses of the physical body and upon the family. Remember, Satan does not have a body and he cannot have a family. He desires that all of us would become miserable like unto himself. And he relentlessly works to distort the two doctrines he hates the most.” (Sep. 2001; “Ye Are the Temple of God” By Elder David A. Bednar, Area Authority Seventy; https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/09/ye-are-the-temple-of-god?lang=eng)
-“There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty? … It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can (DBY, 197).” (Teachings of the Prophet Brigham Young Ch. 23 Understanding the New and Everlasting Covenant of Marriage https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-23?lang=eng)
-“Many of the sisters grieve because they are not blessed with offspring. You will see the time when you will have millions of children around you. If you are faithful to your covenants, you will be mothers of nations (DBY,200).” (Teachings of the Prophet Brigham Young Ch. 23 Understanding the New and Everlasting Covenant of Marriage https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-23?lang=eng)
-“The world teaches birth control. Tragically, many of our sisters subscribe to its pills and practices when they could easily provide earthly tabernacles for more of our Father’s children. We know that every spirit assigned to this earth will come, whether through us or someone else. There are couples in the Church who think they are getting along just fine with their limited families but who will someday suffer the pains of remorse when they meet the spirits that might have been part of their posterity. The first commandment given to man was to multiply and replenish the earth with children. That commandment has never been altered, modified, or canceled. The Lord did not say to multiply and replenish the earth if it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you have gotten your schooling, or when there is peace on earth, or until you have four children. The Bible says, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: “. . . Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. . .” (Ps. 127:3, 5.) We believe God is glorified by having numerous children and a program of perfection for them. So also will God glorify that husband and wife who have a large posterity and who have tried to raise them up in righteousness.” (President Ezra Taft Benson Conference Report, April 1969, Pg.12)
As parents, what is our attitude regarding the sacred obligations of parenthood? One of the major purposes of marriage is children. Nations which refuse to accept this God-given obligation sink into oblivion. Will our sons and daughters want children because of our attitude and example? (So Shall Ye Reap, p. 106.)
We can’t build a happy home, we can’t build a happy married life, on the foundation of immorality. It can’t be done. So I would beseech our young people to reserve for the marriage relationship those sweet and lovely and intimate associations. Not only that, but when those associations come, let them be primarily for the purpose of procreation, for the having of a family, because it is not pleasing in the sight of God to enjoy the pleasures of those associations and refuse to accept the responsibility of parenthood. (God, Family, Country, pp. 196-97.)
Do not postpone the blessings of honorable parenthood following marriage. When God said it was our responsibility to multiply and replenish the earth, that marriage was primarily for that purpose, He didn’t insert any provisions. (London Area Conference, 19-20 June 1976.)
A modern trend is to rationalize the commandment to procreate, saying that the earth cannot support this great number of unrestricted births, or that it is not financially possible to support a great number of children today. The Lord said to the Prophet Joseph, referring to the productive capacity of the earth, “For the earth is full and there is enough and to spare” (D&C 104:17). (Miami, Florida, 19 March 1976.)
A major reason why there is famine in some parts of the world is because evil men have used the vehicle of government to abridge the freedom that men need to produce abundantly. True to form, many of the people who desire to frustrate God’s purposes of giving mortal tabernacles to His spirit children through worldwide birth control are the very same people who support the kinds of government that perpetuate famine. They advocate an evil to cure the results of the wickedness they support. (CR April 1969, Improvement Era 72 [June 1969]: 44.)
…Yes, blessed is the husband and wife who have a family of children. The deepest joys and blessings in life are associated with family, parenthood, and sacrifice. (“To the Mothers in Zion,” Parents’ Fireside, Salt Lake City, Utah, 22 February 1987.)
The undue postponement of parenthood is bound to bring disappointment and is not pleasing in the sight of God. Yes, of course, one can always find excuses. The young husband is going through school. I know how difficult it is. I remember our first year of married life on seventy dollars a month for both of us. I thank the Lord for my noble companion and her fervent determination to put first things first.
It thrills me to witness young couples where the husband is struggling through medical school or dental school or some other school and they have the courage and strength and the faith to know that in some way the God of Heaven will assist them if they do their duty and have their families.
So, I would ask our young people to think seriously about these things, pray about them, fast about them. The Lord will give them the answers, because He wants them to have the blessings of a righteous posterity. Sometimes marriage may be postponed to the point where, for physical and other reasons, parenthood is denied. Oh, what a loss when the time comes! It is worth practically any sacrifice to have those sweet spirits come into the home and to have them come early, that the parents might enjoy them for a longer period, that they might enjoy their parents for a longer period, and that the children might enjoy their grandparents for a longer period. (God, Family, Country, pp. 197-98.)
…consider these words seriously when you think of those political leaders who are promoting birth control and abortion: “O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths” (Isaiah 3:12; 2 Nephi 13:12). Let me warn the sisters in all seriousness that you who submit yourselves to an abortion or to an operation that precludes you from safely having additional healthy children are jeopardizing your exaltation and your future membership in the kingdom of God. (God, Family, Country, p. 224.)
We realize that some women, through no fault of their own, are not able to bear children. To these lovely sisters, every prophet of God has promised that they will be blessed with children in the eternities and that posterity will not be denied them. Through pure faith, pleading prayers, fasting, and special priesthood blessings, many of these same lovely sisters, with their noble companions at their sides, have had miracles take place in their lives and have been blessed with children. Others have prayerfully chosen to adopt children, and to these wonderful couples we salute you for the sacrifices and love you have given to those children you have chosen to be your own. (“To the Mothers in Zion,” Parents’ Fireside, Salt Lake City, Utah, 22 February 1987.)
…I know the special blessings of a large and happy family, for my dear parents had a quiver full of children (Psalm 127:5). Being the oldest of eleven children, I saw the principles of unselfishness, mutual cooperation, loyalty to each other, and a host of other virtues developed in a large and wonderful family with my noble mother as the queen of that home.
Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you not to postpone having your children, being co-creators with our Father in Heaven. Do not use the reasoning of the world, such as, “We will wait until we can better afford having children, until we are more secure, until John has completed his education, until he has a better paying job, until we have a larger home, until we have obtained a few of the material conveniences,” and on and on. This is the reasoning of the world and is not pleasing in the sight of God. Mothers who enjoy good health, have your children and have them early. And, husbands, always be considerate of your wives in the bearing of children.
Do not curtail the number of children for personal or selfish reasons. Material possessions, social convenience, and so-called professional advantages are nothing compared to a righteous posterity. In the eternal perspective, children — not possessions, not position, not prestige — are our greatest jewels. (“To the Mothers in Zion,” Parents’ Fireside, Salt Lake City, Utah, 22 February 1987.)) (Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, Pg. 539-43)
-“…Providing opportunity for the spirit children of our Father in Heaven to come to earth and work out their own salvation is one of our sacred privileges and obligations. We teach that among the choicest of eternal riches are children. ” (President Heber J. Grant Gospel Standards, Pg.154)
-“God established families. The Lord organized the whole program in the beginning with a father who procreates, provides, and loves and directs, and a mother who conceives and bears and nurtures and feeds and trains. The Lord could have organized it otherwise but chose to have a unit with responsibility and purposeful associations where children train and discipline each other and come to love, honor, and appreciate each other. The family is the great plan of life as conceived and organized by our Father in Heaven.
To any thoughtful person it must be obvious that intimate association without marriage is sin; that children without parenthood and family life is tragedy; that society without basic family life is without foundation and will disintegrate into nothingness and oblivion.
…do not limit your family as the world does.
Don’t think you will love the later ones less or have fewer material things for them. Perhaps, like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young folk, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives.
Have large families regardless of social norms. In America and elsewhere in the world, the family limitation program is gaining much strength. Latter-day Saints do not believe in this. We believe in following the admonition of the Lord in having large families and rearing them righteously. We hope that our Latter-day Saints will not trade children for accommodation and luxury.
When you go to the temple for sealing, you will note that the Lord continues to command his people to live this commandment. It is not easy. It is much easier to limit the family to one or two, but great blessings come to those who struggle through the years with the small children. When they have reared them righteously, they will have crowns throughout eternity. The time will come when those men and women who have neglected their duties because they wanted luxuries will be very jealous of the joys and happiness of those who sacrificed in the early years of marriage. Certainly we do not just wish to bring children in the world and turn them loose to go wild. We must rear them in righteousness. Generally, you will find that the people that come from the large families are generally the best trained and the most faithful.
Motherhood and fatherhood are primary. Now, it is wise for every young woman to be grateful for her womanhood and her privilege to create, with her husband and the Eternal God as her partners. To be a mother, to be a wife of a good man — what a great joy! While she is waiting for that holy, sacred hour, let her be happy and content to develop her mind and accumulate knowledge and prepare herself emotionally and spiritually for the happy times.
For the young man, his education is important, his mission vital; but his proper marriage and his proper life to be a righteous father and to properly provide for and give leadership to a family — that is wonderful, a wonderful role in life to play.
Motherhood is a noble work. Motherhood is a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord’s work, a consecration and devotion to the rearing and fostering, the nurturing of body, mind, and spirit of those who kept their first estate and who came to this earth for their second estate to learn and be tested and to work toward godhood.
Mothers have a sacred role. They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in giving birth to the Lord’s spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments. Could there be a more sacred trust than to be a trustee for honorable, well-born, well-developed children?
So our beloved mother Eve began the human race with gladness, wanting children, glad for the joy that they would bring to her, willing to assume the problems connected with a family, but also the joys.
To be a righteous woman during the winding-up scenes on this earth, before the Second Coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman’s strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times. She has been placed here to help to enrich, to protect, and to guard the home — which is society’s basic and most noble institution. Other institutions in society may falter and even fail, but the righteous woman can help to save the home, which may be the last and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife.
I wish to say without equivocation that a woman will find no greater satisfaction and joy and peace and make no greater contribution to mankind than in being a wise and worthy woman and raising good children.
When we sing that doctrinal hymn and anthem of affection, “O My Father,” we get a sense of the ultimate in maternal modesty, of the restrained, queenly elegance of our heavenly mother, and knowing how profoundly our mortal mothers have shaped us here, do we suppose her influence on us as individuals to be less if we live so as to return there?
God has placed women at the very headwaters of the human stream. So much of what our men and our institutions seek to do downstream in the lives of erring individuals is done to compensate for early failures. Likewise, so much of life’s later rejoicing is a reflection of a woman’s work well done at the headwaters of the home.
Come home, wives, to your children, born and unborn. Wrap the motherly cloak about you and, unembarrassed, help in a major role to create bodies for the immortal souls who anxiously wait.
When you have fully complemented your husband in home life and borne the children, growing up full of faith, integrity, responsibility, and goodness, then you have achieved, your accomplishments supreme, without peer, and you will be the envy through time and eternity of your sisters who have spent themselves in selfish pursuits.
Technology frees time for better child rearing. Today’s women, especially in the United States and some other countries, have ease, comfort, leisure, conveniences, and time, such as no other women in history have had.
What has she done with her new-found liberties and freedoms and opportunities and time? Has she perfected her own life? Is she more dutiful and faithful to her reduced home duties than was her great-grandmother with her multiplicity of arduous ones? Is today’s woman a better wife to her husband? Is the modern, electrically driven home of today a happier haven of refuge than the four walls of the last centuries? Is she today a better, more congenial neighbor than yesterday’s woman? Does she have more children now that she has more time, better facilities, and more help? Does she train her children better than her ancestors did? Does she herself have more faith and piety than the women of old? And does she better instill into her children the faith which will make gods of them?
God bless the women, the wonderful women of every time and age and place, who establish first in their lives their Lord, his work, and their families.
Women who are deliberately childless will regret it. I am not sorry for women who sacrifice their lives for children. I am not sorry for those women who have many children. But I am sorry … for women who come to the Judgment Day who have never assumed the responsibility of rearing children, who have been afraid of pain, resistant to sacrifice. They are the ones whose hearts will be heavy.
I know there are many women who could not have children — God bless them!
Childbearing should not be delayed for convenience. After marriage young wives should be occupied in bearing and rearing children. I know of no scriptures or authorities which authorize young wives to delay their families or to go to work to put their husbands through college. Young married couples can make their way and reach their educational heights, if they are determined.
Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary factor — that of the bearing and rearing of children…
How do you suppose that the Lord would look upon a man and a woman whose marriage seems to be largely for the purpose of living together and sex gratification without the responsibilities of marriage? How do you think that the Lord looks upon those who use the contraceptives because in their selfish life it is not the convenient moment to bear children? How do you feel the Lord looks upon those who would trade flesh-and-blood children for pianos or television or furniture or an automobile, and is this not actually the case when people will buy these luxuries and yet cannot afford to have their children? Are there not numerous people who first buy the luxury article and then find they cannot pay the doctor or a hospital bill incident to childbirth? How do you think the Lord feels about women who forego the pleasures and glories of motherhood that they might retain their figures, that their social life might not be affected, that they might avoid the deprivations, pains, and agonies of childbearing and berthing? How do you think the Lord feels as he views healthy parents who could have children but who deliberately close the doors by operation or by contraceptives, close the doors upon spirits eager to enter into mortal bodies?
Not everyone can have children. We realize, of course, there are some women who cannot have children, some men who cannot reproduce. The Lord will take care of all that if we have done everything in our power, if we have done what we could to make ourselves normal and productive and to follow the commandments of the Lord.
Few couples need remain childless. Men and women who have been unable to have children should build their faith. Many a barren woman like Sarah has had children through special blessings of the Lord. She was blessed in having a son — a son to a barren woman.
Sometimes operations or adjustments or hormones may make parenthood possible. Frequently fears and frictions and tenseness are causes for barrenness and sterility. Such people should do everything in their power to put themselves in a position to have their babies. Adoption of parentless children brings joy to many hearts. Few, if any, parents need be childless through their years.
Mother’s health should he considered. In family life, men must and should be considerate of their wives, not only in the bearing of children, but in caring for them through childhood. The mother’s health must be conserved, and the husband’s consideration for his wife is his first duty, and self-control a dominant factor in all their relationships.
Sterilization as a medical measure is a serious personal responsibility. On … sterilization or other surgery to prevent conception … the Church has felt that it was the individual responsibility of the couple; and while the Church leaves it to the individual to determine whether the ill health of the mother is sufficient to warrant the surgery which would make pregnancy impossible, yet it is a definite personal responsibility. In your case, since the surgery has already been completed, it cannot be undone, so it must be accepted as a fact and life can go on. Both parents should give themselves totally and fully to the rearing of their six children which they now have in a loving home with ideal surroundings.
Sterilization to avoid the inconvenience of children is sinful. We marry for eternity. We are serious about this. We become parents and bring wanted children into the world and rear and train them to righteousness.
We are aghast at the reports of young people going to surgery to limit their families and the reputed number of parents who encourage this vasectomy. Remember that the coming of the Lord approaches, and some difficult-to-answer questions will be asked by a divine Judge who will be hard to satisfy with silly explanations and rationalizations. He will judge justly, you may be sure.
Sterilization and tying of tubes and such are sins, and except under special circumstances it cannot be approved.
The world can provide for growing population. Many people, some of them innocently caught up in the whirlpool of delusion errors, are worrying about the earth failing to provide for the oncoming generations. They take such means to influence the thinking of the people and repeat it so often that many of us were gullible and accepted it. We tend to believe what the world says. We often do not even ask what the Lord’s program is.”
(The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, Pg. 324-31)
-“It is an act of extreme selfishness for a married couple to refuse to have children when they are able to do so.” (President Spencer W. Kimball Conference Report, April 1979, Pg. 6)
-“Paul speaks of continence—a word almost forgotten by our world. Still in the dictionary, it means self-restraint, in sexual activities especially. Many good people, being influenced by the bold spirit of the times, are now seeking surgery for the wife or the husband so they may avoid pregnancies and comply with the strident voice demanding a reduction of children. It was never easy to bear and rear children, but easy things do not make for growth and development. But loud, blatant voices today shout “fewer children” and offer the Pill, drugs, surgery, and even ugly abortion to accomplish that. Strange the proponents of depopulating the world seem never to have thought of continence!” (President Spencer W. Kimball Conference Report, April 1971, Pg. 7)
-“[W]e declare it is a grievous sin before God to adopt restrictive measures in disobedience to God’s divine command from the beginning of time to “multiply and replenish the earth.” Surely those who project such measures to prevent life or to destroy life before or after birth will reap the whirlwind of God’s retribution, for God will not be mocked. (President Harold B. Lee CR1972Oct:63)
-“Seeking the pleasure of conjugality without a willingness to assume the responsibilities of rearing a family is one of the onslaughts that now batter at the structure of the American home. Intelligence and mutual consideration should be ever-present factors in determining the coming of children to the home.” (President David O. McKay Conference Report, April 1969, Pg.5-6)
-“True motherhood is the noblest call of the world, and we look with sorrow upon the practice here in our own United States of limiting families, a tendency creeping into our own Church.” (President David O. McKay Church News, June 11, 1952)
-“When the husband and wife are healthy, and free from inherited weaknesses and diseases that might be transmitted with injury to their offspring the use of contraceptives is to be condemned. (President David O. McKay Conference Report, October 1943, Pg. 30)
-“I regret, I think it is a crying evil, that there should exist a sentiment or a feeling among any members of the Church to curtail the birth of their children. I think that is a crime wherever it occurs, where husband and wife are in possession of health and vigor and are free from impurities that would be entailed upon their posterity. I believe that where people undertake to curtail or prevent the birth of their children that they are going to reap disappointment by and by. I have no hesitancy in saying that I believe this is one of the greatest crimes of the world today, this evil practice. (President Joseph F. Smith Relief Society Magazine, Vol. 4, June 1917, Pg. 314)
-“Those who have taken upon themselves the responsibility of wedded life should see to it that they do not abuse the course of nature; that they do not destroy the principle of life within them, nor violate any of the commandments of God. The command which he gave in the beginning to multiply and replenish the earth is still in force upon the children of men. Possibly no greater sin could be committed by the people who have embraced this gospel than to prevent or to destroy life in the manner indicated. We are born into the world that we may have life, and we live that we may have a fullness of joy, and if we will obtain a fullness of joy, we must obey the law of our creation and the law by which we may obtain the consummation of our righteous hopes and desires — life eternal.” (President Joseph F. Smith Gospel Doctrine, Pg. 276)
-“THE BLESSINGS OF BIRTH INTO MORTALITY. Nothing should be held in greater sacredness and honor than the covenant by which the spirits of men — the offspring of God in the spirit — are privileged to come into this world in mortal tabernacles. It is through this principle that the blessing of immortal glory is made possible. The greatest punishment ever given was proclaimed against Lucifer and his angels. To be denied the privilege of mortal bodies forever is the greatest curse of all. These spirits can have no progress, no hope of resurrection and eternal life! Doomed are they to eternal misery for their rebellion!
And then to think that we are not only privileged, but also commanded to assist our Father in the great work of redemption by giving to his children, as we have obtained these blessings ourselves, the right to live and continue on even to perfection! No innocent soul should be condemned to come into this world under a handicap of illegitimacy. Every child has the right to be well born! Every individual who denies them that right is guilty of a mortal sin.
The importance of these mortal tabernacles is apparent from the knowledge we have of eternal life. Spirits cannot be made perfect without the body of flesh and bones. The body and its spirit are brought to immortality and the blessings of salvation through the resurrection. After the resurrection there can be no separation again, body and spirit become inseparably connected that man may receive a fullness of joy. In no other way, other than birth into this life and the resurrection, can spirits become like our Eternal Father.
MAN COMMANDED TO BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY. The obligations which married couples take upon themselves should conform in every particular to the commandments given by the Lord.
In the beginning, the Lord said when he gave Eve to Adam, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.” This earth was created for the very purpose that the spirit children of our Father might have the privilege of the temporal existence, receiving bodies of flesh and bones as tabernacles for the spirits which occupy them, and then, through the atonement of Jesus Christ, receive the resurrection in which the spirit and the body become inseparably connected so that man may live again. . . .
Marriage is an eternal covenant, not to come to an end as taught so generally throughout the world when the covenanting parties are dead, but to endure forever. The real purpose of life is that the spirits of men thus clothed in bodies of flesh and bones may, through obedience to the gospel, come back into the presence of the Father and the Son, to receive the fullness of exaltation,
The Lord has revealed that when a man and a woman are married according to his law, children born to them will be theirs throughout all eternity.
The covenant given to Adam to multiply was renewed after the flood with Noah and his children after him. The Lord said to Noah: “And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein. And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying. And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you.”
This covenant is still binding, although mankind has departed from the way of eternal life and has rejected the covenant of marriage which the Lord revealed.
BIRTH CONTROL IS WICKEDNESS. The abuse of this holy covenant has been the primary cause for the downfall of nations. When the sacred vows of marriage are broken and the real purpose of marriage abused, as we find it so prevalent in the world today, then destruction is inevitable.
No nation can endure for any length of time, if the marriage covenants are abused and treated with contempt. The anger of the Almighty was kindled against ancient nations for their immorality. There is nothing that should be held in greater sacredness than this covenant by which the spirits of men are clothed with mortal tabernacles.
When a man and a woman are married and they agree, or covenant, to limit their offspring to two or three, and practice devices to accomplish this purpose, they are guilty of iniquity which eventually must be punished. Unfortunately this evil doctrine is being taught as a virtue by many people who consider themselves cultured and highly educated. It has even crept in among members of the Church and has been advocated in some of the classes within the Church.
It should be understood definitely that this kind of doctrine is not only not advocated by the authorities of the Church, but also is condemned by them as wickedness in the sight of the Lord.
President Joseph F. Smith has said in relation to this question: “Those who have taken upon themselves the responsibility of wedded life should see to it that they do not abuse the course of nature; that they do not destroy the principle of life within them, nor violate any of the commandments of God. The command which he gave in the beginning to multiply and replenish the earth is still in force upon the children of men. Possibly no greater sin could be committed by the people who have embraced this gospel than to prevent or to destroy life in the manner indicated. We are born into the world that we may have life, and we live that we may have a fullness of joy, and if we will obtain a fullness of joy, we must obey the law of our creation and the law by which we may obtain the consummation of our righteous hopes and desires — eternal life.”
SPIRITS DESIRE BIRTH IN RIGHTEOUS FAMILIES. President Brigham Young has this to say about birth control, an abomination practiced by so-called civilized nations, but nations who have forsaken the ways of life:
“There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty? To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can.”
If these iniquitous practices find their place in our hearts and we are guilty, then when we arrive on the other side — and discover that we have deprived ourselves of eternal blessings and are accused by those who were assigned to come to us, because, as President Young has said, they were forced to take bodies in the families of the wicked — how will we feel? Moreover, may we not lose our own salvation if we violate this divine law?
BIRTH CONTROL LEADS TO DAMNATION. …
When young people marry and refuse to fulfill this commandment given in the beginning of the world — and just as much in force today — they rob themselves of the greatest eternal blessing. If the love of the world and the wicked practices of the world mean more to a man and a woman than to keep the commandment of the Lord in this respect, then they shut themselves off from the eternal blessing of increase. Those who willfully and maliciously design to break this important commandment shall be damned. They cannot have the Spirit of the Lord.
Small families is the rule today. Husbands and wives refuse to take upon themselves the responsibilities of family life. Many of them do not care to be bothered with children. Yet this commandment given to Adam has never been abrogated or set aside. If we refuse to live by the covenants we make, especially in the house of the Lord, then we cannot receive the blessings of those covenants in eternity. If the responsibilities of parenthood are willfully avoided here, then how can the Lord bestow upon the guilty the blessings of eternal increase? It cannot be, and they shall be denied such blessings.”
(President Joseph Fielding Smith Doctrines of Salvation, Vol. 2, Pg. 85-9)
-“If we notice the situation of the nations of Europe at the present time, we see the land burdened with an overplus population, and groaning beneath its inhabitants, while the greatest industry, perseverance, economy, and care, do not suffice to provide for the craving wants of nature. And so fearfully does this prevail in many parts, that parents are afraid to fulfill the first great law of God, “Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth;” and by desperate circumstances are almost forced to the unnatural wish of not propagating their species; while, corrupted with a correspondent depravity with that which reigns among nations, they are found using suicidal measures to prevent an otherwise numerous progeny from increasing their father’s misery, and inheriting his misfortunes. And yet, while this is the case, there are immense districts of rich soil, covering millions of square miles, inhabited only by a few untutored savages, or the wild beast of the forest; and such is the infatuation of man that in many districts of country, which were once the seats of the most powerful empires, and where flourished the mightiest nations, there is nothing but desolation and wildness. Such are Ninevah and Babylon, on the Asiatic Continent; and Otolum, and many others discovered by Stephens and Catherwood, in Central America; and recently discovered ruins — unequaled in the old world — a little above the head of the California Gulf. Not only their cities, but their lands are desolate, deserted, and forsaken, and the same evils that once existed there are transferred to another soil, all bespeaking plainly that we want a great, governing, ruling principle to regulate the affairs of the world, and assist poor, feeble, erring humanity.” (President John Taylor The Government of God, Chapter 2)
-“…This is the reason why the doctrine of plurality of wives was revealed, that the noble spirits which are waiting for tabernacles might be brought forth. (President Brigham Young Discourses of Brigham Young, Pg.197)
-“To check the increase of our race has its advocates among the influential and powerful circles of society in our nation and in other nations. The same practice existed forty-five years ago, and various devices were used by married persons to prevent the expenses and responsibilities of a family of children, which they must have incurred had they suffered nature’s laws to rule preeminent. That which was practiced then in fear and against reproving conscience, is now boldly trumpeted abroad as one of the best means of ameliorating the miseries and sorrows of humanity. Infanticide is very prevalent in our nation. It is a crime that comes within the purview of the law, and is therefore not so boldly practiced as is the other equally great crime, which, no doubt, to a great extent, prevents the necessity of infanticide. The unnatural style of living, the extensive use of narcotics, the attempts to destroy and dry up the fountains of life, are fast destroying the American element of the nation; it is passing away before the increase of the more healthy, robust, honest, and less sinful class of the people which are pouring into the country daily from the Old World. The wife of the servant man is the mother of eight or ten healthy children, while the wife of his master is the mother of one or two poor, sickly children, devoid of vitality and constitution, and, if daughters, unfit, in their turn, to be mothers, and the health and vitality which nature has denied them through the irregularities of their parents are not repaired in the least by their education. (President Brigham Young Journal of Discourses, Vol. 12, Pg. 120-21)
-“Now I think you bishops, you presidents of stakes, and you presidents of the quorums of the priesthood, ought to consider these things (speaking of God’s command that we have children) most carefully, and be prepared to teach the people that which the Lord would have them taught, and when our teachers go to visit them in their homes, let them teach the revelations of the Living God and magnify their callings.” (Joseph Fielding Smith, Conference Report, October 1946, pp. 35-39) (http://scriptures.byu.edu/gettalk.php?ID=253)

—feedback and response:

One brought up issues of women’s health, women’s desires other than childbearing, the earth being over populated, etc. This is my response:

Thanks for your thoughts. I think there is much work to be done in the foster program, if you’re from Utah, they’re hurting for foster and adoptive parents. That’s one way to not tax the mother’s health so much. Further, as we serve God and obey him, he will reveal sciences of health, so women can, like Eve, bear 52 children (said Brigham Young regarding Eve). As for the earth is full argument, I think there is sufficient grounds in the D&C to side step that one. I agree that each woman should make her own choice in this matter, and that if a woman feels very inclined to have a career and smaller family, it could be God’s will for her at that time. As for having children before finishing school, my mission president counseled us to not set barriers to marriage such as degrees savings jobs etc. I feel it is good council – it’s not a life of luxury, but it can work. In a recent conference report titled “Children” Elder Anderson spoke of President Kimball admonishing a medical school student to not put off this commandment of childbearing. Students can save money in the summer for tuition, work during school, etc. Sometimes the mother can supplement the income while the father watches the children and studies, etc. As for the math of not sustaining everyone having 12, first the saints are less than 1% of the population and they are who this is geared toward, and second there’s space exploration. If we serve God and please him, he will open the way for millions of earths to be inhabited. That issue doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I foresee a soon approaching millennium where families are given high priority and the great sciences of creation are better understood so we can hasten the work of salvation and exaltation!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unplanned: Anti-Abortion Movie Overview

 

 

This is a movie about a former director of a Planned Parenthood clinic. She felt deceived at the mission statement of the business to provide services and education when she learned their main goal and main way they make money is but abortions, and the other “services” are just fluff. George Soros, Bill Gates, these are some of the big donors to PP. It’s a powerful business and works to shame people who fight it.

The movie shows people who stood at the fence of the clinic who actually talked many of young women out of the abortions. The film says people praying outside of PP, the “no show” rate for abortion appointments can climb as high as 75 percent.

After working at PP for 8 years and helping chalk up 22000 abortions, Abigail Johnson was finally asked to step in to the operating room to help with an abortion, where she say the baby being aborted move away from the suction tube, and resist as it was being sucked out to it’s doom. She then quit.

The film explains how when women go in to the clinic they get an ultrasound, but the woman isn’t allowed to see it or they would see a baby moving around, it’s just to measure skull size to chose how much to charge for the operation.

It talks about how counselors at the clinic use sales gimmicks to pressure sale the women into aborting today, or it’ll cost another hundred or two dollars as the sale and offer will expire. Many women are broke and pay with a credit card.

Some women had their mothers outside the gates begging their child to not abort.

The movie shows how Abbie found God. Abbie continues to travel lecturing about the sanctity of life and had her 8th child on the way when film was released.

 

The movie is rated R and has some mature scenes, but I feel this rating is more politically charged than anything else.

 

Abortion is Unholy Murder

 

 

-The time to choose whether or not you are going to have a child is before sexual intercourse, not when a human is already inside you!

-Why don’t we let the human’s in woman wait until they are 18 years old, a legal adult who can make choices, to decide whether they want to be aborted! Don’t let people make that choice for them! The USA is about human rights, including the rights of infants!

-the 20th Century has been the most blood thirsty one in the history of the world because the USA has killed about 50 million people via abortion; this is more than any other nation today, and more than any other nation in the past! Civilizations have been destroyed by God for less!

-LDS Church says unless it’s a case of rape or incest, abortion is contrary to the law of God.

-the Church is against abortion because the spirit is in the body before birth.

-there is pseudepigrapha from the Aztecs which says that they invented a chemical mechanism to stop women from having babies, and that this was in a list of sins listed in reasons for why they were destroyed as a nation. See Mark Peterson lecture on http://www.latterdayconservative.com downloads section.

-Hillary Clinton said that unborn people don’t have Constitutional rights, but the Constitution says in multiple places that ALL persons have the right to life. It makes no such qualification!

Where do these baby body parts come from? Abortion agencies like “Planned Parenthood” (Which is funded by our tax dollars)(Which company is also put in mostly black ghetto communities targeting that race because the elites are racist fascists to the core).

-The adoption agencies make you pay a small fee like 50$ when you get an abortion to make you think they are doing you a service, really they make hundreds each time, selling the babies to scientists for experiments and making beauty products. That baby fat when smeared onto a face can make a person look a whole lot younger! Disgusting, I know.

-Yahoo!’s website Parenting ran a column (2015) by Hallie Levine titled “If I Knew My Daughter Had Down Syndrome, I Would Have Aborted Her—All Women Should Have That Right.” (Can you imagine Yahoo! publishing a Parenting column titled “If I Knew My Daughter Would Become a Drug Addict, I Would Have Aborted Her” or “If I Knew My Daughter Would Fail to Reach her Full Potential, I Would Have Aborted Her?” Not too likely, is it?)…, the New York Times jumped into the debate (2015), publishing an op-ed by Mark Lawrence Schrad, a Villanova University political scientist and the pro-choice father of a little girl with Down syndrome. His claim? The Ohio law (banning abortion on mere grounds of foreknowledge of Down Syndrome) would lead to mass social chaos in the form of “increased stresses on the family, bankruptcies and an influx of children with disabilities into orphanages and foster care.” There is a barely detectable element of classism in Schrad’s argument. A sophisticated and relatively well-off college professor can handle raising such a child, you see, but it’s unfair to impose such a burden on the lower classes, already so riven by “stresses on the family” and unlikely to be able to handle raising a deformed baby. Let’s just avoid this unpleasantness, shall we, and bow at the convenient and politically superior altar of choice. …It’s hard not to feel sorry for these parents, so blinded by their faith in the religion of abortion that they fail to see the weird ethical corner they have painted themselves into. “The life of my child has value,” they seem to be saying, “but I can understand why you’d want to kill yours.” (Matthew Hennessay of Connecticut)

 

-Some logic against abortion: Debunking the ‘baby or fetus preference’ debate

…for that fetus versus baby kill question the answer is 0 is the exact same thing as a question which says if you had to kill baby a baby b which would you choose the answer is I would kill myself before I would kill any baby. What the leftist is trying to say in this argument is that not all humans are equal and with a conservative is trying to say is that yes, they are all equal. The leftist still will not confess that a fetus is a baby. It is of interest to note that most conservatives consider it to be just to have an abortion when the life of the mother is at risk that is a more valid question is an abortion Justified when the mother will otherwise die. But even that allotment is dangerous, many women have given their lives in childbirth and there’s probably not very many more honorable ways to die than that. Someone could argue that if we save the mother she can go on to Bear 10 more children and therefore exponentially bless the world but the answer to that argument is that the baby if not aborted can grow up to bring 10 more babies into the world as well you say you cannot make one human life greater than another.

When it comes to rape many women make a brave choice to carry those babies to term and raise them that in my opinion sounds like a very Christ-like thing to do however it would also seem fair to not force the woman to do that because she did not choose to have that baby and the death of that baby is on the head of the rapist not the woman.

Now you begin to see you why Book of Mormon identifies committing adultery as the next-door neighbor to the act of murder itself because committing adultery so often temps people to tell babies to hide their crimes before the world finds out

Using birth control is different than using abortion because birth control acts before the egg and sperm are joined together it prevents the egg and sperm from joining together successfully deactivate or separates either of these from the other. But does this mean that birth control is the miracle drug save the human race and liberates the human race? It would seem the opposite the national sin of refusing to Bear children will bring us to hell. But it remains legal to obtain birth control because at that point in the process you are not killing anyone. So the use of chronic birth control is morally wrong but is not legally wrong because we cannot force people to be good we can only force people to not be evil and other words we can force people to not kill each other but we can’t force people 2 actively do good things.

As for the argument which claims that we should not bring more people into the world because there are already destitute impoverished hungry people in Africa that we apparently can’t take care of, is a flawed argument because when you pull away the fancy dress this argument is really just saying that because some babies are not taking care of we should tell other babies. Finish my personal philosophy that you don’t want there to be more children on this Earth than you do that in other ways than killing children. Killing Mass numbers of people is called genocide and it’s not okay. Anyone who promotes genocide should be locked up in a jail cell because they have demonstrated that they want to kill others and are not safe to be free in society. And anyone who does kill a baby through abortion has committed murder and needs to be treated to the full extent of the law it’s received the same punishment as another murder. An abortion is a quiet secret murder it’s the easiest kind of get away with, but does that make it okay to kill someone? The answer is no. The only times we are just fighting killing someone is when they are trying to kill us, literally trying to kill us literally threatening Our Lives. And this ties back into the rare exceptions we make for women whose baby is about to kill them if they don’t report it that in such instances there may be cases by the mother is morally justified in terminating the child rather than being terminated herself. This is only applicable because of the principle that one human life is not better than another.

The argument that abortion of mentally ill and particularly autistic children should be allowed is flawed because you do not have the choice to make decisions for that human being. Unless that human being is going to kill you you are not allowed to kill it. If you are not interested in this human being to be in your home that’s sad but you can give it to an adoption agency of some kind because every human being would rather live than not lived. I think it would be interesting to wait until a person is 18 years old when they are legal adult and ask them if they want to die. If a person has mental retardation to where they will never become an adult mentally speaking and legally speaking, then this means that they can never consent to be terminated. That’s rather than being the easiest Target a mentally ill person should be the most safeguarded human being on this planet.

 Against Birth Control

 

 

-4 Nephi 1:10 One of the marks of a righteous civilization is that they “multiply exceedingly fast”. They love each other and know what they have should be promulgated throughout the earth every way possible. Have children, lots of them, and don’t wait around about it. This “multiplying exceedingly fast” is recorded just before the record that they became “an exceedingly fair and delightsome people”. Why did they become thus? Because they multiplied exceedingly fast. It’s not the only factor, but it is nevertheless a critical factor.

“children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward” (Ps. 127:3) “the Lord thy God…he will do thee good, and multiply thee above thy fathers” (Deut. 30:5) “I, the Lord God said: I will greatly multiply thy…conception…thou shalt bring forth children” (Moses 4:22; Gen. 3:16) stars … So shall thy seed be: Gen. 15:5 . ( Gen. 26:4 ; Ex. 32:13 ; Deut. 1:10 ; Heb. 11:12 . ) I will multiply thy seed exceedingly: Gen. 16:10 . ( Gen. 26:24 ; Josh. 24:10 . ) thou shalt be a father of many nations: Gen. 17:4 . ( Gen. 48:4 ; Rom. 4:18 . ) she shall be a mother of nations: Gen. 17:16 . in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed: Gen. 22:18 . ( Gen. 26:4 ; Gen. 28:14 ; Acts 3:25 ; 1 Ne. 15:18 ; 1 Ne. 22:9 ; D&C 124:58 . ) make thy seed as the sand of the sea: Gen. 32:12 .

-early in the church, the need to have children raised in homes where the gospel is was so desperate, that we practiced polygamy. I was in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) and they had us stand up if we had polygamist ancestors. At least half of the large congregation of missionaries stood. The speaker said, “That is why we practiced polygamy.” Today we don’t do polygamy, but the principle remains that blessed is the child who is raised in a home where the gospel is. Recall what Joseph Smith said, “a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has the power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation.” (see LDS.org Guide to the Scriptures: Sacrifice; https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/sacrifice?lang=eng)

-Prophets have said that raising a righteous family in and of itself is enough to qualify parents for the Celestial Kingdom highest degree

-you never know when you’ll be barren, so get them while you can.

-Prophets have taught that the only people you rule over in eternity are your own children. They teach that Heavenly Father rules over not a single person other than his own posterity.

-Grandma had 13 and was able to influence all of them just fine.

-when around others they learn to be more independent and not hanging on parents all the time

-when around those with similar values, a child is more likely to thrive. You can’t trust the baby sitters of other families. You need older children of your own to be the baby sitters.

-My brother, when he could not find people with similar values to play with, just played with his siblings; they have always been there for him

-the families with 2 children whose personalities clash are worse off, as they’ll turn to other families’ children for association. Children are bond to argue with each other, and if they have other siblings to go to in those cases, similar to their age and gender, they’ll be less likely to turn to other families for their needs.

-they need one on one time with parents? Yes, but not that much! They are happy as can be to be of the community of the family, and studies show that children from larger families are more balanced and strong overall (see talk by President Benson quoted later in this article)

-President Benson has said that children from small families are less balanced and healthy than children from large families overall.

-the idea of “quality not quantity” I do reject! You think you can change the worth of a child by the amount of money you shove down his throat? That sounds diabolical to me! No you don’t want to have the government pay for your children; be responsible, but at the same time don’t get lost in these ideas of “salvation by opportunity”. No, God gives to all what he deems fit for them

-Joseph Smith said that it is LUDACRIS to consider that we shall dwell where God the Father and the Son are without having gone through extremely difficult things. Parenthood is a refiner’s fire!

-can’t handle tons of kids? Remember what President Eyring says, “I can’t be a perfect servant every hour, but I can do better than I thought I could.” Also, hire some maids! In this sense, it’s better for a man to get a good paying job more so than a degree in family sciences. Let him have a job which can afford his wife to stay at home and raise the children where possible.

 

Exponential Exaltation via Childbearing  (redo excel)

 

 

Evidence of the Superior Individual Global Impact of bearing a Large Posterity

I’ve calculated 6 generations (240 years) into the future
to show the amount of impact you would have with your efforts alone
vs your efforts combined with your posterity’s efforts to bless the human race.
Further, we analyze the logically based theological implications of large posterity.

I’ve taken into account the cost of time spent child rearing (CR) in calculating overall non-CR related service to humanity. Though some say that CR is inherently good for the human race, I’ll show that even those who prefer saving the human race in other methods will further their cause exponentially further and faster by spending a portion of their life contribution in CR.

I’ve done calculations of various scenarios, manipulating variables such as number of posterity, the tendency for posterity to multiply at standard of 3 regardless of how many you raise, the scenario of posterity not repopulating at all, the tendency of 1/3 of posterity to not contribute, etc.

-Naturally, the most humane course of action is to give the max service once can to the human race.
-Should you give your entire life to a good cause, not letting child rearing (CR) get in the way, or should you give part of your life to a good cause and another part to CR?
-Hypothesis: Service to the human race is exponentialized & maximized via using the majority of your adult service in the CR field (where possible).

-If you give all of your adult life toward a special cause to increase world peace, you’ve given the equivalent of a lifetime of service to better the world.
If you give 1/2 of your adult life toward a special cause to increase world peace, you’ve give the equivalent of half a lifetime of service to better the world.
But if you give 1/2 to increase world peace, and 1/2 to raising a child, that child will grow up and give 1/2 to world peace, and your fruits will equal a lifetime of service to better the world.
But then the child you raised raises more children…

-Divinity consists of 2 factors: 1.Benevolence 2. Increase.
The large posterity theory expedites both aspects.

  1. Benevolence:
    a. It’s benevolent to help others experience life by birthing and training them
    b. Though you’ll have less time for non-CR benevolent projects the more children you raise, the combined efforts of your posterity will be exponentially larger than what you could have given even if you spent all your time in the good non-CR cause of your choice.
    c. Results in Chart A show that the more children you have, the more service you give to the human race, even when only spending 10% of your adult life in a non-child rearing good service.
    d. Because of item 6, even if CR isn’t innately good service, it leads to more good non-CR service than courses which exclude or limit CR.
    e. This means if a scientist etc. wants to promote science etc. for the good of the human race, he will study science etc., and have as many children as he can.
    f. The united efforts of the scientist’s etc. children will advance science etc. further than he could alone with his mere 100 years of mortal existence.
    g. Some may say, “but my 1 lifetime of non-CR related benevolent service will exponentially increase, since any good creates an eternal ripple effect of good.” This is true, but the more lives of service you give (via increasing CR), the more eternal ripples you create.
  2. Increase:
    a. The more children you raise the larger the exponent of their increase through time.
    b. To be exalted, lets estimate that you need enough children to justify creating an earth whereon they may dwell.
    c. One site estimates 108 billion people have lived on this earth.
    d. The larger your posterity, the more exponential your growth.
    e. Weather your posterity is large or small, you’ll still be exalted if righteous.
    f. The larger posterity, the sooner your growth will reach exaltation quotas.
    g. God’s work and his glory are seeing to our exaltation and eternal life (Moses 1:39). How does God increase in glory? Having more children, & helping them advance.
    h. Our mortal posterity not only add to God’s eternal kingdom, but to our eternal kingdom, our posterity having joint residence in our eternal kingdom and Gods’ eternal kingdom. Thus it’s urgent to have children now, not just as resurrected persons later.
    For a detailed explanation of item 2h, see my document “Children: An Inheritance from The Lord: What and Why is a Parent Now and In Eternity

 

 

For a detailed explanation of item 2h, see my document “Children: An Inheritance from The Lord: What and Why is a Parent Now and In Eternity”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Effect of Family Size on Family VS Friend Preferences

 

Answering the question: Does the number of siblings a person has effect whether they prefer family over friends? The answer we found is yes. The larger a sibling group, the more likely they are to report preferring family time to friend time. This is a strong indicator that larger family sizes are more ideal for optimal child development.

The following is an essay I wrote with a team of fellow students while at BYU, based on data collected from surveys we conducted.

The Effects of Family of Origin on an Individual’s Attachment Preferences

Kourtney Hernandez, Katelyn Louder, Michael Kezele, Nate Richardson

SFL 290 – Brigham Young University

Professor Draper

 

Abstract

 

The family an individual is raised in can change their entire schema, perception, and trajectory of life. This study seeks to understand whether the size of an individual’s family plays an important role in their attachment preferences, whether they prefer closer ties with friends or family. In order to measure this 300+ participants were surveyed about their preferences between family and friends, how many siblings they had, and how they perceive their personal happiness. From the data we can infer that the larger the family, the more interconnected you will be. This report will discuss in greater depth the results and conclusions from the survey.

 

Introduction & Literature Review

 

The concept of attachment preferences in emerging adults is an under-researched topic. Not many people have taken the time perform research in this area and it deserves to be studied more in depth. This contemporary issue will be studied to observe what causes emerging adults to choose to focus on certain relationships. Studying this subject would be beneficial to people and make society a better place as the research findings would give results as to what might predict close relationships with friends or family. Having this knowledge would be beneficial as we could figure out what drives people to have tightly knit family relationships (even if they have relocated or moved away from the family of origin). Also worth consideration is the individual who has gone down a different path in life and was never very close to their family, but has found amazing friends that they can trust. With the results, predictions could be made to see if the size of one’s family of origin will impact their relationship inclinations or not (see Fig. 1 and Table 1). The study hypothesis is that the size of the family of origin directly correlates with the attachment preferences (family or friends).

It was assumed that that when the research was completed it would help people everywhere in relationships. For example, maybe the results come to be that if one has a large family they are more likely to be close with friends and distanced from family. Knowing this as a parent would be beneficial as one would know that they need to work on relationships with children and making sure they know that they are all loved and wanted. On the other hand, maybe these research findings will show that those who have small families are very closely knit, but as a downside they do not get out often enough to interact and create relationships with classmates. This could help that same person know that they need to go to more school activities and involve themselves with children from class. It is important to complete this research to find how coming from a large or small family with have a significant impact on the relationships one has and who one has them with.

The current literature has taken more of a focus on romantic relationships’ effect on an individual rather than familial effect. Beyond even the study of familial effect on attachment preferences there have been little to no studies done on the role that family size plays as a variable in that equation. This lack of research leaves plenty of room for questions and very few answers. This study intends to infer the most we can from the available research but also discover the relationship or lack thereof. The hypothesis here observed is that the size of one’s family of origin directly correlates with their attachment preferences (i.e. if they feel a stronger connection to family versus friends). This study will be researching to find if the family of origin will have an impact on an individual’s relationships which in turn could cause a family (or husband and wife) to have the desire for a larger or smaller family because of the impacts it will have on their relationships.

One particular study by Tomo Umemura, Lenka Lacinov, Petr Macek and E S Kunnen focused on emerging adult attachment preferences between friends and romantic partners. In their research, they collected a sample of 379 participants and studied them at two separate points, the summer of 2013 and the following summer of 2014. Umemura et. al concluded from their research that those in the study who were involved in a romantic relationship either during both points of the study or had developed one in between, increased in their preferences for connection with their romantic partners as opposed to friends; whereas participants who were not involved in a romantic relationship at either point or in between, preferred friends over the idea of a romantic partner (Umemura, Lacinov, Macek, & Kunnen, 2017, p. 136-142). From this one may deduce that attachment preferences are not the same for all individuals and the relationships one has (or do not have) affects their personal attachment preferences. This study of interest could impact the study here performed because many college students (especially here at Brigham Young University) are dating and perhaps even looking for a spouse. It may simply depend on what stage of life one is in — that is where the strongest relationship will be. This is why it is important to perform a research study to find out where all of these current college students are at in their relationship attachments. An interesting observation made in current research is that:

“During adolescence and young adulthood, when remaining life time seems unlimited, information acquisition goals are relatively more prevalent compared with other life periods. People focus on gathering knowledge and information from diverse relationships and sources, which is achieved best in large networks with diverse relationship partners. After young adulthood and throughout the rest of adult life, when remaining life time is perceived as increasingly limited, emotion regulation goals become increasingly important. People emphasize emotional aspects of relationships and focus on close relationships, such as those with family members, with expected pleasant interactions that most likely satisfy emotion regulation goals” (Wrzus, Hnel, Wagner, & Neyer, 2013, p. 54).

This observation contributed to the understanding that emerging adults tend to veer away from family social networks because of the nature of the life period; unless they feel they have a large enough familial social network to have these needs met. Adding to the theory that family relationships are less important than friends in the emerging adulthood period of life is the theory presented by A. Graham that families and friend relationships are becoming “suffused” or there is an overlap between the two. Graham suggests that the current generation is engaging in such flexibility in distinction between relationships that friends may hold a higher esteem over family because they are considered to be an actual part of an individual’s family (Graham, 2008). This may be due to the nature of emerging adulthood, and that as one “enter[s] emerging adulthood, many individuals transition to a new home, separate and apart from their caregiver’s home and from siblings, which is likely to limit opportunities to interact and demonstrate supportive behaviors towards their siblings [and/or other family members]” (Portner, Riggs, 2016). From these studies it is observed that emerging adulthood may elicit specialized attachment preferences. With these theories in mind it will make more sense why perhaps the observed group of this study affiliates more with friends rather than family members.

Some final research conclusions that have aided the current conversation on the topic are the following. One study concluded that the larger the family the less the desire to move [away] and consequently the higher the preference for family attachment became (Chen & Yang, 2016).  Researchers have also found that as family size and composition increased, personal depressive symptoms in the individuals tested, decreased. The two previous studies mentioned could support the theory that close familial relationships will be developed in larger families despite transition into emerging adulthood (Fuller-Iglesias, H., Webster, N. J., & Antonucci, T. C., 2015). Lastly, the socioemotional selectivity theory is an intriguing theory that really pinpoints the “why” behind the way people prefer different social attachments throughout different stages of life. The theory states that, “reduced rates of interaction in late life are viewed as the result of lifelong selection processes by which people strategically and adaptively cultivate their social networks to maximize social and emotional gains and minimize social and emotional risks” (Carstensen, 1992).  From the study by Carstensen, one may visually see across the lifespan, an individual’s closeness, satisfaction, and interaction in their relationships is highly dependent on their age (Carstensen, 1992).

 

Method

The theory tested here, that attachment preference–to family versus friends–will be affected by family of origin size, will be difficult to correlate. A survey was created to highlight how people would act in specific situations, directing their response into either the category of family or friends. The survey easily determines family size, but determining who one turns to in life for connection is difficult to certify.

The population sampled was primarily emerging adults (age 18-25). Other ages were also sampled, but this survey will differentiate between ages from questions on age.

The sample primarily targeted Brigham Young University (BYU) students, but other random persons were surveyed as well. The study differentiated between students and non-students by a survey question. This allowed the comparison of students to non-students in addition to the primary sample of BYU students.

The survey was administered to approximately 100 BYU students and 200 non-BYU students, giving a total baseline of 300 participants. The survey was solicited to BYU students and others via social media. The online survey tool “Qualtrics” was used to administer the electronic self-survey (see appendix).

The survey was given to everyone and anyone. There was no discrimination on grounds of education, class, social status, or gender. Discrimination occurs inside of the survey based on age, BYU student status, and family of origin size.

These discriminating factors of the survey played a key role in finding data. The separating of persons into groups allowed one to see how much bias is coming from BYU students compared to non-BYU students. Family size showed if a person raised in a larger family of origin would prefer family relationships to other social relationships (coworkers, friends, etc.). Age helped sort the data on preference to family versus other social relationships, as the married/older persons were likely to be more bias toward family instead of other social relationships.

Some of the survey questions were positive, some were negative. For example, if a person tells their family about a negative event, they are typically comfortable or close to their family. If the individual lies about a negative event to family (or simply chooses not to share) but will tell friends, a preference is apparent for non-familial social relationships. Looking at who the sample shares negative events with helped measure attachment preferences.

The marital status question is included because it helps the observer to put into perspective the individual’s preferences; it is natural for married people to turn to a spouse or children, rather than friends.

The independent variables include: age, BYU student status, marital status, number of siblings, and the makeup of the family of origin. The dependent variables include: closeness to family and closeness to friends. The survey questions were scrutinized in an attempt to eliminate as many extraneous variables as we can. The student status was measured with a simple question “are you a BYU student? Yes/No”. The study measured the marital status with a question “what is your marital status? Single, Married, Divorced, Not Looking, Other”. The study measured number of siblings with a question “How many siblings do you have?” and the person will be able to fill in how many they have.  The study measured closeness to family versus closeness to other social relationships with hypothetical questions asking whom they would turn to in common situations, the choices being between family and other social relationships. The survey questions employed several categories they could respond to i.e. roommates coworkers, friends, family, brothers and parents. This was to help them to relate to questions better, but the study is just looking at friends (non-familial social relationships) versus family.

The research design is descriptive research due to the fact that the population was random, and the study was merely finding and describing what is occurring in the respondent’s present unaltered situations.

From the survey results, inferential statistics were created. These have and will provide insight into the personal biases and preferences of the participants. Descriptive statistics were used from the survey results to show if there are any correlations between individuals attachment preferences and size of the family of origin…as well as additional factors that might play a role.

 

Results

Upon reviewing the data it is apparent that the size of one’s family does indeed affect an individual’s preference towards family or friends.

[Insert Figure 1 here and table 1 here]

The biggest difference found was between people with two or fewer siblings compared to their counterparts who had three or more siblings.  The group with two or fewer siblings was more inclined to call or communicate with their families less often, spend more time with friends than family on the weekends, and be happier when with their friends.

Another interesting result found that those who had more siblings had a higher rate of parents who were still married compared to individuals with fewer siblings were more likely to have divorced parents.

The correlation between number of siblings and when one is most happiest (with friends or family) was found to be .17. Though this is not a strong correlation there is still a positive correlation that the more siblings one has the more they are attached to their family rather than the friends. The findings of the study, though minimal, confirm the thesis.

Discussion

In conclusion with the research question, on average the more siblings a person has, the more their affinity toward family instead of friends. This refutes the idea that the more siblings one has, the less likely they will want to spend time at home in a perhaps more chaotic environment. Individuals with large families (three or more siblings) prefer to spend the majority of the time with their family overall. That tends to be when they are happiest.

There is a great difference between family preferences when a family changes from having two children to having three children. It was seen that the larger the number of siblings a person had, the more they wanted to spend their time with family as opposed to friends.

The number of siblings positively correlated with the amount of time a person preferred to spend with their family as opposed to friends.

In summary, the more children a family has, the more knit together they will be. They will want to call home more often, they will be more likely to have deeper relationships with family members and maintain contact with them even when they do not live together.

 

Limitations

The survey was distributed via social media to increase the sample size and to gather a more representative sample. However, the online friend groups that the survey was distributed to did not necessarily provide a sample that represented the whole population. Additionally, the test did not account for: the health of the family relationships, individuals who do not have families but rather, grew up in orphanages or in the foster system, for individuals who suffer from any physical or mental disorders, or the effect that those disorders have on an individual’s ability to socialize. Furthermore this test did not account for external variables like schedule; work hours, volunteer hours, personal hours and the effects that that time has on utilizing relationships.

Initial predictions that a large number of respondents would be emerging adults, currently enrolled at Brigham Young University, an institution sponsored by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This sample contained cultural views on the value of family, which have the potential to skew the results. Some respondents may have answer certain questions in favor of family because of cultural expectations. The study attempted to eliminate these trait errors by asking for honesty from the respondents, stating and protecting anonymity and drawing part of the sample from outside resources.

 

 

References

 

Carstensen, L. L. (1992). Social and emotional patterns in adulthood: Support for socioemotional

selectivity theory. Psychology and aging, 7(3), 331-338.

Chen, J., & Yang, H. (2016). Geographical mobility, income, life satisfaction and family size

preferences: An empirical study on rural households in Shaanxi and Henan Provinces in China. Social Indicators, 129(1), 277-290.

Fuller-Iglesias, H., Webster, N. J., & Antonucci, T. C. (2015). The complex nature of
family support across the life span: Implications for psychological well-being.

Developmental Psychology, 51(3), 277-288. doi:10.1037/a0038665

Graham, A. (2008). Flexibility, friendship, and family. Personal Relationships, 15(1), 1-16.

Martinson, V. K., Holman, T. B., Larson, J. H., & Jackson, J. B. (2010). The relationship

between coming to terms with family-of-origin difficulties and adult relationship satisfaction. American Journal of Family Therapy, 38(3), 207-217. doi:10.1080/01926180902961696

Portner, L.C. & Riggs, S.A. J Child Fam Stud (2016) 25: 1755.

doi:10.1007/s10826-015-0358-5

Umemura, T., Lacinov, L., Macek, P., & Kunnen, E. S. (2017). Longitudinal changes in emerging

adults attachment preferences for their mother, father, friends, and romantic partner: Focusing on the start and end of romantic relationships. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 41(1), 136-142.

Wrzus, C., Hnel, M., Wagner, J., & Neyer, F. J. (2013). Social network changes and life events

across the life span: A meta-analysis. Psychological bulletin, 139(1), 53-80.

Survey:

  1. Are you a current college student? Choose 1.
  • Yes
  • No

 

If yes, are you a currently enrolled as a student at Brigham Young University? Choose 1.

  • Yes
  • No

 

  1. What is your gender? Choose 1.
  • Male
  • Female
  • Other

 

  1. How old are you? Choose 1.
  • 18-20
  • 21-24
  • 25-30
  • 30+

 

  1. Which of the following choices best represents your family of origin makeup: Choose 1.
  • Single parent
  • Blended family
  • two parents
  • divorced parents
  • one parent widowed

 

  1. How many siblings do you have? Fill in the blank.

 

  1. Marital Status: Choose all that apply.
  • Single
  • Married
  • Divorced
  • Not looking
  • Other
  1. I am happiest when I am: Choose 1.
  • With family
  • With friends
  • By myself

 

  1. How do you choose to spend your weekends? Choose 1.
  • In quiet solitude
  • Outs in the world in social settings
  • With family

 

  1. You are about to move to Montana, but hesitate leaving your home turf which is 300 miles away. Montana seems less expensive, will have better jobs and cleaner air. In this situation what would make you hesitate? Drag the scale to match your preference.
  • distance from my family
  • distance from my friends

 

  1. Which type of schooling do you prefer? Choose 1.
  • Public school
  • Private school
  • Home school

 

  1. You were caught cheating on a test. Who do you confide in first? Choose 1.
  • Coworkers
  • Roommates
  • Parents
  • Siblings
  • Friend
  • No one
  1. You just got engaged to be married and are so excited! Who do you share this wonderful news with first? Choose 1.
  • Coworkers
  • Roommates
  • Parents
  • Siblings
  • Friends

 

  1. When you moved out for this first time away from your family, how often did you contact them? Choose 1.
  • Once a week
  • Every day
  • Once a month
  • On holidays/reunions
  • Never

 

  1. Which factor do you consider most important in categorizing someone as a close friend? Choose 1-2.

-Trusting relationship

-Frequent contact

-Proximity

-Similarities

-Relative

 

  1.  Do you feel you lean more towards family relations or friendships to help you feel happy on a daily basis? Drag the scale to match your preference.

 

-Family gives me all my happiness ——————-Both sources———————-Friends give me all my happiness. (slider scale)

 

  1. Rate your happiness from 1 to 10. Drag the scale to match your preference.

 

1 (very unhappy)——————-5(typically happy)———————10(always happy)

  1. How often do you feel happy? Choose 1.
  • Very often
  • Often
  • Seldom
  • Never

Figure 1: “I am Happiest When I”

 

 

 

Table 1: “I Am Happiest When I Am…” Measuring Attachment Preference to Sibling Group

 

  2 Siblings 5 Siblings
Alone 11.54% 14.29%
With Friends 32.69% 8.57%
With Family 55.77% 77.14%

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Foster Parenting Might be for You: Debunking 10 Myths

 

 

  1. Foster children are CRAZY / DANGEROUS.
    2. Foster children can’t CHANGE.
    3. Foster kids will never feel a real part of MY family, even if we adopt them.
    4. The LOSS of caring for a child and returning them to their parents is too much for me.
    5. I know a foster parent, and they’re still waiting for a placement. DEMAND for foster parents must not be very big.
    6. Being a foster parent would be too DRAINING.
    7. I can’t FINANCIALLY afford to take in or adopt children.
    8. Level 2 and 3 foster children, as well as sibling groups, are too hard, and should be avoided.
    9. I don’t have TIME to foster children, I already have children of my own.
    10. I can’t take in more children because I want to focus on “quality not quantity” for the children I already have.
    …Now let me explain…
  2. Foster children are CRAZY / DANGEROUS.
    Well… actually no, they’re kids, and they have as much capacity to love and be loved as anyone. When my wife and I got foster children, it quickly occurred to us, “oh, they’re just kids!” We don’t need to label them as “foster children”. They are just “children”. At the end of the day, the only label we should put on anyone is “child of God.” I hear parents say that they don’t want their other children to be molested or taught bad habits by foster children being introduced to their homes. Though it might seem harsh to you, a reality is that you can tell your case worker that the placement is not going to work for your family. Even if some placements won’t be ok for you, you don’t have to denounce fostering altogether. Also, when you sign up for fostering, you fill out a form that says which behaviors you’re willing to have in your placements. For example, if you don’t want a child with a drug or pornography addiction or who is sexually active or physically abusive, you can check boxes letting your case worker know that those type of placements are best suited elsewhere. There are plenty, I would say the majority, of foster children who don’t fall into these categories. Even those who do have serious behavioral issues, those can change! Think of the environment they were in, versus the environment they will be in at your home. Trust that the new environment (including love) will change their lives for the better in big ways! Therapy will be provided too. Throughout your journey as a foster parent, your list of what can and can’t enter your home may change, but it’s always up to you. Further, your biological children can be plenty crazy too! You can’t always discern if a child is going to have bad behaviors later in life, but the same goes for your biological children. Parenting in general involves risk taking, but alas, it involves even more inspiration and power.
    2. Foster children can’t CHANGE.
    Well… Let’s use a phrase Thomas Monson liked to say, “A leopard can’t change it’s spots, but men aren’t leopards, and they change every day.” Humans are extremely resilient creatures, and can even heal from the trauma of being transplanted. Remember the Lord’s vineyard, he grafts where he will, and works to create fruit in his mysterious way. God’s power is strong enough to heal. Also, not all foster children even need to change! Just because they’ve been thrown into the system doesn’t mean they’re going to have intense behavioral problems. You’ll be surprised at how quickly they can adapt and overcome behavioral issues. Rest assured that you don’t have to be the perfect parent to bring needed change into your foster or adopted child’s life. As you create a relationship with each child, you’ll be giving them great power.
    3. Foster kids will never feel a real part of MY family, even if we adopt them.
    Well… The scriptures have a theme of adoption, perhaps a most common theme! Scattering, gathering, grafting, adopting to the House of Israel, isn’t that the whole point of Jesus Christ? Also, Heavenly Father and Mother are the universal parents of us all, and we can all bond under their parentage. “Biological” children? Well, as you raise your child, you effect their biology in the brain and everywhere else. They wouldn’t be the same without you, just like any other child. Also, a biological child can be very different from its parents. If your foster children are from a different culture or race, don’t let that get to you. Everyone will embrace them, and you’ll find love for them and appreciation for the unique things they bring to your family. Children who look different than their parents can learn to deal with that, and both the parent and child can be better for it, getting a head start on tolerance and love. There is no such thing as a superior race.
    4. The LOSS of caring for a child and returning them to their parents is too much for me.
    Well… “To have loved and lost is better than to never have loved at all.” Looking for refugees? Here they are! You can tell them, “We are going to have you stay with us while your parents are taking some time to practice. You might stay here, but we’re trying to help your parents get ready to have you back. We will do what’s best for you, and we will have a good time!” This is a hard thing to tell a child, but it’s their reality, and you’re going to make it better for them than they can possibly imagine.
    5. I know a foster parent, and they’re still waiting for a placement. DEMAND for foster parents must not be very big.
    Well… Most foster parents only want an infant and only 1 of them. If you don’t have these barriers, there are tons of foster children waiting for temporary and permanent homes. However great your loss of caring for a child and letting it go, it isn’t as big as the loss the child is experiencing. If you’re willing to be involved in whatever comes to this child, you’ll be transferring some of the loss that child will have to bear upon your own shoulders. God will succor both the foster child, and the foster parent, until their cups are overflowing.
    6. Being a foster parent would be too DRAINING.
    Well… There’s a magic secret here that I’ll compare to being a full time missionary. Remember how happy you were despite being busy? Remember how things always seemed to work out despite all? Remember feeling close to Jesus Christ every hour? Remember having strength to do things you never before thought possible? Fostering is the best kept secret: full time missionary service for married young people without stacks of money set aside for full time parenting! Foster kids give you more than you give them. Children are magic, and foster children are no different. At first your capacity to care for children (and children with special needs) will be small, but as sure as anything, it will grow, along with your capacity to experience joy!
    7. I can’t FINANCIALLY afford to take in or adopt children.
    Well… This is a serious concern, but I’ll tell you some things that will help. If you have a child / children who have significant behavior issues which will directly correlate to increased costs, the state will likely give you a permanent post-adopt subsidy which will cover or at least highly supplement these costs. Additionally, while fostering, there will always be a stipend to help cover food and other costs. We think of adopting children as something rich people do, hearing about tens of thousands in adoption fees, but if you adopt via foster care, it’s free and the state will always give them medicate until they are age 18.
    8. Level 2 and 3 foster children, as well as sibling groups, are too hard, and should be avoided.
    Well… If children come as siblings, they’ll have people they love who understand what they’re going through, this will help them adapt to your home. Higher level children are classed that way sometimes because they’ve been in a number of foster homes without finding a permanent placement. This could be because the homes they were previously in were only transition homes, or there was a clash with siblings, or the placement wasn’t intended to be permanent. None of these mean the children are inherently unrecoverable, or that you can’t help them in your home!
    9. I don’t have TIME to foster children, I already have children of my own.
    Well… Children take care of each other. They become each other’s best friends, entertainers, and helpers. I think having 1 child would be the hardest number since they would always be begging for your attention, having no other immediate and available playmates. As for meals, increasing meals to accommodate more people is much easier than the transition from having no children to 1 child. As for housing, did you know they make triple bunk beds? Also, let your kids play outside if you’re worried about housing space. Harvard professors say that the world is safer today than ever, so just don’t watch too much television, and you’ll feel fine about letting your kids play outside. “Many hands make light work”, and yes, this applies to children.
    10. I can’t take in more children because I want to focus on “quality not quantity” for the children I already have.
    Well… Think about the kind of life these kids are having in the foster system (basically orphans). Giving 10 people basic needs (like nutrition & love) is better than giving 5 people the skill of playing a piano. Will the eternal soul of your child be in jeopardy if they don’t have private tutors in each subject, and all the best for Christmas? No. However, will the eternal soul of your child be in jeopardy if they never learn to share, to love people different than themselves, to be patient, to serve the poor? Being a sibling is a great scenario to learn those critical traits.

CONCLUSION:

Perhaps foster parenting is not for everyone, but I submit that it’s for more people than most people think. The need is there. Who will answer while it stands? Once you start foster parenting, you wonder why you lived so long without it (and so will the kids you take in). The memories are precious, and as Shakespeare says, “it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” In an ideal world, kids are indeed raised by their married birth mother and birth father. Until that day, lets contribute in powerful LOCAL ways to bring world peace, remembering “Once I was a stranger.”

As it was said in General Conference, how we react to the refugees of our day will determine the destiny of our souls. “Being a refugee may be a defining moment in the lives of those who are refugees, but being a refugee does not define them. Like countless thousands before them, this will be a period—we hope a short period—in their lives… This moment does not define them, but our response will help define us.” (Refuge from the Storm By Elder Patrick Kearon Of the Seventy, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2016/04/refuge-from-the-storm?lang=eng)

In the early days of the restoration of the gospel, two African sisters were converted, escaped slavery, and traveled 600 miles on back roads lest they be apprehended, traveling to join with the saints. They knocked on Joseph Smith’s door late one night, waking him and Emma. They related their account and said they had nowhere to go, and asked what they should do. Joseph looked to Emma and said, “Emma, these sisters say they have nowhere to stay. Is that true, Emma?” She responded, “No Joseph, they can stay here.” She was not treated in Joseph and Emma’s home as a slave or servant, but as one of the family. Joseph and Emma astonishingly often took people into their home, and often on very short notice.

 

 

 

 

 

Do They Grow Up Too Fast? Gospel Truths Dispel Dismay

 

 

Surely one of the things most poignant on the mind of an ‘empty nester’ parent is simply, ‘when will I see my children’s faces again?’ If today is that day, then sweet is this day.

Fear not to “lose” a child upon their aging and moving out. This fallen world has many difficulties which will not be present for long, and all the delightful charms, the beauty, the pleasantness will only increase as they age, until they reach the statues of Christ, fully charming, delightful, endlessly kind, and forever near you.

 

You’ll spend what time you can with them as you develop love for them, but this life was never meant to be enough time together. This life was designed to be but a moment in the span of eternity, the never-ending legacy.

And your memories will be, as Alma teaches, fully restored in the resurrection when we stand before God. Oh how the associations with loved ones will be stronger when we can remember all our interactions! Any sad times will pass, and the repentant souls will be purified of all sin, and stand together in the kingdom of God forever, will a fullness of joy which can only be found in continued association.

Further, the parenting business is the stuff of divinity. It’s the day to day of the Gods. Doesn’t God ask us to address him by his familial relation to us, namely that of Father? The lifestyle of the exalted is centered on upbringing more generations of lovely intelligent beings, and rejoicing with them in the increasing opportunities and glory that become theirs!

When it comes to parenting, eternally speaking, and that’s what kind of speaking is important, there are only positives, no negatives. Being a righteous parent (meaning you keep repenting when you detect flaws in your methods) brings eternal joy. Don’t shy away from parenting because of potential difficulties.

Even if your children stray, wait, and see, in the next life, even if they have chosen a lower kingdom, they will still ever revere you as their parent who gave their life for them. Much of the nonsense we deal with in this life will dissipate in that to come. Further, there remain many trying times ahead to push us all toward the kingdom of God, which is a truth to shower God with thanks for.

Remember: there is no such thing as an empty nester in the highest celestial kingdom of God! This alone inspires us to set aside every sin, and come unto Christ rejoicing! To forever look into these lovely little faces! To stand by them as they mature to become like unto yourself! This is life eternal, this is to know God and Christ whom he hath sent.

 

 

 

The Revelatory Function of a Parent

 

 

A parent reveals the keys of the mysteries of life eternity and the universe to its children. Mankind wanders, and finds wisdom and knowledge, wishing he would have had it earlier. It is his duty to pass that information on with clarity and great persuasion and love and fun, so his child will receive it. Let the parent also not lose his temper, for the scripture says that in such a case, the child loses confidence in the parent.

Our father in heaven is trying to reveal truth to us. May we be parents of virtue who clearly teach all things to their children. May we emulate father in heaven (and that always means emulate his equal companion whom is our Mother in Heaven).

Elder Maxwell said that to those who ha e eyes to see and wars to hear, it is clear that Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ are revealing the secrets of the universe.

President Nelson when first having become the President of the church said in his first conference address that he was impressed by how clearly the Lord reveals his will for his people.

 

-“There is not a young man in our community who would not be willing to travel from here to England to be married right, if he understood things as they are; there is not a young woman in our community, who loves the gospel and wishes its blessings, that would be married in any other way; they would live unmarried until they could be married as they should be, if they lived until they were as old as Sarah before she had Isaac born to her. Many of our brethren have married off their children without taking this into consideration, and thinking it a matter of little of importance. I wish we all understood this in the light in which heaven understands it.” (Brigham Young, JD 11:118, see JD 12:97)

-“Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another” (President James E. Faust, 1990, November, “The greatest challenge in the world—Good parenting,” Ensign, 20(11), 34).

-the company of parents is one of the greatest blessings of life -JS teachings

-remember how many hours they spent worrying over us in our cradles when we were sick, and be thus mindful of their feelings in their old age so they don’t go down to their grave in sorrow -JS teachings

-JS last words to his mother “God bless you mother” -JS teachings.

-Les Misérables Jean Val Jean saves the boy his daughter loves for her sake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Children Benefit from Having Many Siblings

 

 

See also the research essay some peers and I wrote at BYU earlier in this text, “Effects of Family of Origin on an Individual’s Attachment Preferences” which demonstrates that those from larger sibling groups are more prone to prefer family relationships to friend relationships.

 

Note: These are generalizations. Follow the spirit regarding your family size and know that you can create a Zion environment for your children no matter how many of them there are as you turn to God for guidance. I believe, generally speaking, child development is more wholesome when siblings, and even what we call ‘large’ numbers of siblings, are together in a home when compared to single child or small sibling groups. Here are some of my reasons for this conviction.

 

To have friends. Often there aren’t many children around to be friends with, having siblings solves that problem. Further, adults have a hard time having close friendships, and siblings give a great opportunity to have long term close friendships. The celestial kingdom of God will be more greatly desired when the children experience the heaven pre-show in the home. Home is a prototype of what heaven is. Prophets have said that heaven is the extension of the ideal home. Surely, we would picture heaven as a place where children have many companions their age with whom to pleasantly spend their time. They can look back on their childhood and say, “that was fun, I have so many memories of happy times at home.” This will greatly motivate them to make choices which will enable them to the eventual home of the celestial kingdom, after which the home they were reared in was patterned. These high doses of cooperative play will give the kids a lifelong sense of optimism and gratitude for life.

 

To increase sensory stimulus. Children will learn to speak faster as they hear others speaking more constantly throughout the day. This rapid growth will transfer to other areas such as reading and athletics as well. The children will serve as each other’s tutors, highly available tutors, to assist in one on one learning through the years.

 

Increase the odds that your personality will match one of your siblings’. A boy and a girl can get along in many things, but some things boys just enjoy differently than girls. Further, 2 boys can be of a very different temperament. One boy could like throwing a ball, the other could like playing video games, and thus even though there are 2 people, they often spend time alone. If you have more siblings, you’ll likely find among them people you quite enjoy. The athletic child will have someone to spar with, the thinking child will have someone to philosophize with, the lass with have someone to play school with, or to play dolls with, or to swing with. All children can get along now and then, but the joy of having more personality types in the group brings much satisfaction.

 

Have alternative sibling role models. If one of your older siblings choses the dark side, you can likely have a different older sibling who chooses the light. Hopefully all your siblings will turn out to be good citizens in this world and the kingdom of God, but if not, the lad can still have someone other than a parent as a positive role model. Bach was the youngest of 8, and came from a very musical family. It is said that they composed and played for one another.

 

Siblings hold each other accountable. If a single child or a child of 1  or 2 siblings is doing devious things in school or the community or the home, he can often get away with it by bribing the other siblings or being secretive. But when there are many siblings, there are many eyes, and they can help each other be accountable. A most destructive thing is when a child feels unwatched by loved ones, and thus allows themselves to do things which they would not do in front of family. Yes, we all have times alone and we must all pass the test of doing what is right when no one is watching, but children often need extra help in these regards. Though we see a rare exception with Joseph in Egypt, it is rare for all siblings in a large group to conspire together to some evil without a few of them deflecting and reporting the behaviors to the parents or other authority figures.

 

To avoid negative peer pressure. It isn’t being overly sheltering to provide your kids solid alternatives to potentially negative community influences. After all, the Savior did say “stand in holy places and be not moved”, and “cast not your pearls before swine”. When he said, “be in the world but not of the world”, this doesn’t mean to throw our kids to the wolves without refuge. When there aren’t many people that would be a positive influence, it’s ok to not be a close friend to negative influences, because you’ll always have your siblings as your close friends. There is so much good fun that we don’t need to bother with the bad fun, and siblings can support each other in that because they have been shown the healthy resources from their parents, and they pass those beautiful traditions and preferences and joys onto the younger siblings. Siblings can support each other as they have similar goals of temple attendance, missionary service, and ultimate residence in the celestial kingdom of God.

To have people who are taught the same standards as you. Your parents will teach the same set of standards to you, so you won’t have to challenge each other’s’ standards. Siblings creates a safe scenario, on this topic, for sleepovers without dangerous situations. Often kids first experiment with drugs, pornography, immorality, and other illicit activities in the late hours of the night with their friends. The night can be a fun time and certainly a time you can spend with friends whom aren’t family at times but having the regular friendship of your siblings allows you to not be envious of the kids who spend most every night partying with their friends. To spend all nights thus is not healthy. There is a lot of room for joy and celebration when there are many siblings.

 

To refine your character flaws. A single child will never learn how to not settle arguments, how to negotiate in play etc. to the extent which a child of siblings will. The child without siblings can leave a friendship if it is bothersome, but a child with siblings must learn the deep forgiveness required to go on living with someone with whom you sometimes get in arguments with. The child who must frequently live amongst others his age will need to say “I’m sorry” often, and “I forgive you” often. He will learn that he can’t always get what he wants for a meal or a chore or a toy, and that he must learn to mutually persuade others like himself rather than demand some gift. He will learn the divine skill of mercy, as he will frequently be required to administer it to his peers.

 

To gain compassion for others. A sibling will often be put in a position to care for babies, etc. A person can learn the lessons of serving others as they are repeatedly called on to do so in the home.

 

To become a great teacher. Having siblings means daily doing homework together and helping each other understand concepts in study and play. Little sessions of play time with children not of your family hardly compare to the great teaching which takes place day after day in the home.

 

To allow the children to play under the supervision of parents. Often children without siblings want to go off and play elsewhere for long amounts of time on a regular basis. If a child has siblings with whom they can play, they can be happy with less frequent playtime outside of the supervision of the parent. It’s hard to know the standards that will be taught to your children when they are at someone else’s home.

 

Have peers for homeschool! Homeschool is an excellent to raise faithful and educated children and having peers in the homeschool makes everything more exciting. You don’t have to worry about the negative teaching or negative peer pressure found in public schools as you have a group to learn with and from each other in your home. Homeschool is not right for everyone, but many will find this to be a mighty tool in Zion.

 

Have someone to do chores with. Children will find more joy in doing household chores and duties if they have other children their age to do those chores with. They can encourage each other and teach each other how to do the tasks. They can look forward to the reward of playtime together as they accomplish their tasks, thus motivating them to complete them faster.

 

Learn management and leadership. An older sibling, or one of the same age who has a current assignment as a leader for the day or for the chore or something, will learn how to motivate others to work, how to measure others’ work, how to appropriately chastise others for not doing their duties, etc.

 

Well-rounded. President Benson speaks of the well-known wisdom that children who come from larger families are often more well-rounded.

 

Playmates. Parents aren’t always available or interested in constantly playing children’s games, so children have each other to entertain.

 

Parents of large sibling groups have developed more skills in parenting and are less likely to be overly exacting of the children, and less likely to be too enabling of the children. They don’t feel pressure to spoil the child with too much material means because the children are happy playing with each other and spend less time thinking for alternative routes to find joy, such as material/financial outlets. The parent of many siblings will see the wisdom in bringing up well rounded children rather than thinking it necessary to make their one child, their ‘one shot at greatness’, to be some superstar to carry on the glory of their name. Yes, a parent will help each child to be their best, but the parent who has become well rounded by dealing intimately with the many different personalities of different children will help the children to be well rounded also. The parent who has seen various personalities in her children can better discern the personality of her children and support them in their differences instead of trying to mold the child to be a copy of themselves, or a copy of their other sibling, or of some other supposed role model child.

 

A large family is a small government. It is a place where everyone has responsibilities. The amount of messes that are made are such that the cleaning cannot and should not be expected to all be done by the parents both for the parents’ sake and for the sake of the proper development of the child. Thus, the children will learn to work and cooperate more effectively than the children of small households.

It worked for these guys: George Albert Smith was from a family of 11 children. One of the leading protestant reformers was from a family of 12 children. Many prophets today express wishes that they could have had more than they do. President Nelson had 9, and speaks of how glad he is that he didn’t wait until he could reasonably afford them, as he would be missing half of them. Bach was the youngest of 8. Jacob had 12 (ok they had lots of problems but from them came great things). Joseph Smith had 11. Brigham Young had 56. Bach had 12(?). Tyndale(?) was a child of a very large family. The list could go on.

 

 

 

-A few others I’ve heard since writing this list from an Islamic feminist from a family of 11 children who speaks in favor of large sibling groups (What Islam really says about women | Alaa Murabit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FETryXMpDl8&t=57s):

-learn of power structures

-learn of alliances

-talk fast or say less since will get cut off

-have to ask in the right way to get what you want

-have to learn how to keep the peace

 

This essay focuses on the benefits of large sibling groups for the children. An additional list could be written of the benefits for parents when it comes to having a large posterity. First and foremost of these would be the joy of posterity and the blessings in the kingdom of God for raising them. Even though parenting is rewarding in this life, it will be even more rewarding in the life to come with the weaknesses of the flesh are taken away, and we receive strong bodies and minds which aren’t subject to temptation and weakness. Then our children will forever thank and praise us for the services we have rendered them, and they will assist us in building our kingdoms forever. As your children grow to become chiefs themselves, the growth of their kingdoms will automatically build your kingdom. God is at the head, and all the accomplishments of his children are also attributed to him. So it will be when we become Gods. Some more practical benefits for the parent in having many children are tax breaks, built in babysitters, people to help clean the house, people to help tutor your younglings on reading and other skills, and the children having others to play with them instead of constantly nagging you to play. In the Doctrine and Covenants, Jesus Christ tells us that the more souls we bring to God, the more joy we will have: “Wherefore, you are called to cry repentance unto this people. And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father! And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!” (D&C 18:14-16)

 

40 Week Pregnancy: Trial of Holiness to the Lord

 

 

It is surely symbolic that the gestation period for humans is 40 weeks. 40 is the time of trial in the scriptures. 40 years the Israelites wandered in the wilderness to purify them. 40 days of fasting endured the Christ and other prophets. Many other 40’s of trial are found in the scriptures.

The woman takes upon herself the weight and burden of another and is essential in their existence.

Women do this time and again, and know that it is their calling and blessing to thereby participate in the work of God. It is true and expected that they will speak and act for the Lord’s kingdom in other ways as well, but childbearing is certainly the core function of service of a woman, the parallel to the priesthood service of a man. Women bare then rear the children, taking primary responsibility for the nurture of them while the man is away providing for their temporal needs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Family: The Path to Salvation

 

 

Here we will demonstrate how family creation puts us through the plan of salvation via creation, fall, and atonement.

-Here we define “Family Creation” as 1. marriage and 2. childbearing
-We often speak of the Fall of Adam & Eve as a fall “forward”. It was a good thing. That is a core doctrine of the restored gospel. They were stuck and the only way to advance was to fall forward, and praise God that they did so!
-I speak of another fall forward needed to get us going somewhere in life. That is marriage.
-There are many people whom you could marry, that doesn’t matter so much who you marry, but
what you do after you marry. Most divorces are not from selecting the wrong person, but from
failure to maintain the marriage. Like a car, it needs maintenance.
-Don’t worry about looks too much, in the resurrection will come the beauty, and the greatest beauty comes to the most righteous. Brigham Young taught that those who reach exaltation will become as beautiful as the angels that surround the throne of God.
-Mission Presidents are council ed not to say the 6 months after mission deadline for marriage, but the general council from church leaders on marriage is that it should not be postponed. Your next mission after your church mission is your soul mission, namely to get married.
-I would say it’s a good idea to have a general idea of pulling the trigger on marriage near
the 21st year for men, and near the 19th year for women. The spirit can righteously dictate other things like med school for women etc. etc. but I suggest a regular standard for society to be near these ages unless the person is righteously prompted otherwise. I further suggest delaying family creation is dangerous if done for selfish reasons. Men are the proposers, but women can also help expedite the process by presenting themselves as available. This is not done through immodesty, that is the way of the world to present oneself for mating. The Lords way is by
expressing interest in someone. I for one, generally speaking, married the woman who was most interested in me, who loved me the most. Who manifested trust and willingness to follow my lead. There is not one right person for you to marry, but there is one right way to marry, and that is the Lord’s way in the temple. Usually there are more than one perfectly viable option, leaving you with some room to make your own selection among multiple equally wonderful candidates.
-I also had prayed for a wife and the Lord presented a qualified candidate promptly, so I
proposed, we married a few months later, and we’re happy with many adopted children. I
returned from a mission a few months before my 22nd birthday, engaged before my 22nd birthday, and married shortly after it.
-Your case may be different, but one thing is certain: don’t put restraints on the Lord. Tell
him that you’ll be willing to create a family as soon as viable opportunities present
themselves. Don’t insist to him that you require a certain degree, salary, knowledge base,
position or possession before marriage. Elder Holland and President Hinckley have related that at the time of their marriage they only had a few hundred dollars saved up. If money is your worry, know that married people are wiser with money than single people generally speaking.
-It doesn’t much matter who you marry, marry someone with faith in the Lord and a testimony of the restoration in the Lords house; but other than that, any of Gods children can be
compatible as they live the gospel together. Marriage is like the Fall of Adam: it needs to
happen for things to get going. Sure you won’t pick the perfect person because the perfect
doesn’t exist, but pick and get on with it. Marriage is about building each other. No building will really take place until marriage. Running around playing games with different persons is minimally helpful to yourself or society or the kingdom of God. If you have anxiety about picking the right person so you please the Lord, remember the Lord loves all his children, and you really can’t go wrong so long as you marry a faithful member of the church. Divorces do happen in those marriages, but it is rare. Use your best judgement but don’t damn your progress by remaining in this limbo any longer than reasonable. Remember the Lord doesn’t give a spirit of fear. In the book To The Rescue about President Monson, he submits that he wishes he would have married earlier. He had met Francis years before marrying her and wishes he had proposed earlier. The longer you, Adam and Eve, wait around in Eden, the worse. Everyone and everything is waiting for you to make the fall forward, get this rolling. There are risks, danger, pain, depression, chaos, drama, that’s why we call it the fall. But there is no other way. This is Holiness to the Lord.
-Children didn’t come from natural means and fertility specialists failed us time and again, so we became foster parents. I wish we certified earlier knowing now the great joy it brings, but it wasn’t until about the 3rd year of our marriage that occurred. A few months after
certification, 4 children came to our home whom we adopted. A 5th was adopted a few months
after that a 5th came and was adopted and sealed to us. Generally speaking the foster programs are in dire need for parents, and it’s a wonderful way to attempt living the law of
consecration.
-Are you ready for Calvary, for Golgotha? Marriage is an atonement, a preparatory atonement
for the greatest atonement we will perform, saving our children. A prophet has said that anyone can go on a mission and preach the gospel, but the true challenge is the raise a righteous family. When Christ was doing his atonement, meaning giving all he could as was required of him, he asked “why?” He said in essence, Father, let this pass if possible. This is harder than I could have ever imagined. Never the less he partook and finished. Even so will you in your sacrifice of giving all you can as asked of you. You are willing, but your flesh is weak. Are you ready for Golgotha? No, you’re not. But you’ll go anyway. Great leaders have taught that showing up is 90% of success, there is some truth to this. Show up and be willing, no matter how daunting. Family creation is both heaven and hell. Like the song of Reaching the Impossible Dream, you must be willing to march through hell for a heavenly cause. It will rake your soul, figuring out at one ment with your spouse and children, but it’s the path to salvation.
-Some call marriage the atonement of men, and this is very true in many ways. However, there
is a critical aspect of marriage which many neglect which is a fundamental part of that
atonement. We refer here to childbearing. Social studies show that married adults are better
off economically, and in every other way. It makes sense to marry when you’re doing pleasure
calculations. Its child bearing when things get more difficult. Child bearing is also where
the greatest heights of pleasure are found, but the pleasure of child rearing is a pearl of
great price hidden in a field, largely unknown and unappreciated by the world, though not
unknown and underappreciated in the Lord’s church.
-For an article suggesting a scenario where even earlier family creation is fathomable, see my article “Early Marriage and Parenthood Theory”

-For an article suggesting that childbearing exponentially increases the service you give to the world and expedites one’s exaltation, see “Exponential Exaltation Theory”

 

 

 

 

Children, An Inheritance From The Lord: Now & Forever

Are our children ours or do we return them to God later? Well, a bit of both. Join me for this thrilling exploration of eternal promises related to parents and their children, including the doctrine of adoption, which sheds more light on the eternal mysteries of who God is and how to become like him!

The meaning of this title is that we inherit children from the Lord and we keep them. They are not just on loan. Our children we raise on earth will be a part of our eternal kingdom. We existed in the beginning like God and may become like him.

topics: intelligence, pre-mortality, spirit creation, body creation, continuation of families, children being your kingdom, blood redemption & blood as symbol of life, Godhead as each being fathers, earthly parents functioning as Holy Ghost representative parents, Jesus Christ as a parent to his people, what it means to join a family, joint-residency in eternal kingdoms of heaven (earthly parents’ kingdom and heavenly parents’ kingdom and Christ’s kingdom), life is a definitive eternal placement test, heavenly and earthly parents give exclusive rewards to their people/children, seek to understand the universe

-Similar articles:

Exponential Exaltation Theory

Temple Marriage Importance quotes

Children: Why to have lots of them and not wait around about it – quotes and commentary

Kolob Theorum

The Church of the Firstborn

Humankind living before earth (have no beginning have no end), Literal Resurrection, Eternal Family: An 18 Point Response to a non-LDS Christian

Exaltation Analysis

Exaltation Theory

Godhead Disgussion, a continuation of Exaltation Theory

Exaltation Quotes

The 7 Deadly Heracies by Elder Bruce R McConkie

Godhead, Kingdoms, and Family as Types of Progression

 

 

-Subheadings of this article include:
1. OUR CHILDREN WILL CONSTITUTE OUR ETERNAL KINGDOM, EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE HEAVENLY FATHERS SPIRIT CHILDREN
2. ADOPTIVE PARENTS EQUAL TO BIOLOGICAL
3. MANKIND EXISTING IN THE BEGINNING CAUSES HUMAN INDEPENDENCE; GODHEAD AS PARENTS, EARTH PARENTS REPRESENTING HOLY GHOST
4. PARENTING IS AN ATONEMENT, REDEEMING OTHER (CHILDREN) UNTO YOUR ETERNAL KINGDOM, BLOOD AS A SYMBOL FOR LIFE
5. THIS LIFE IS A DEFINITIVE ETERNAL PLACEMENT TEST, WE ALL GET EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT
6. CELESTIAL KINGDOM IS DIFFICULT TO OBTAIN, THE JOINT OPERATION OF JUSTICE AND MERCY DON’T ELIMINATE RIGHTEOUS REQUIREMENTS
7. SACRIFICE ALL BUT DESPAIR NOT FOR YOUR CHILDREN, GODS KINGDOM IS GREAT AT EVERY LEVEL
8. SEEK & FIND UNDERSTANDING OF THE UNIVERSE

-OUR CHILDREN WILL CONSTITUTE OUR ETERNAL KINGDOM, EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE HEAVENLY FATHERS SPIRIT CHILDREN: Prophets have taught that the constituents of Gods kingdom are his children, and that he rules over no person save he is their parent. Our kids even though they are the spirit children of heavenly father they really do contribute to our kingdoms because for one the prophets of said so and for two if ever you suffer for someone it’s like buying them, redeeming them, owning them, another word for redeemer is purchaser. Even if your children elect a kingdom of God other than the Celestial, they will forever serve you because of what you have done for them, and thus build your kingdom. So our children’s spirits were created by Heavenly Father, and they will always belong to his kingdom because he helped them use their spirits and suffered to train them, similarly each person has co-residency in the eternal kingdom of their earthly parents, them having taught their children how to use their bodies, and having suffered to train them. We also belong to the kingdom of Jesus Christ, he having made it possible for us to have resurrected bodies, and having suffered to train us. See footnote 1 for a scripture showing how Jesus becomes one of our parents alongside Heavenly Father & Mother and our earthly father & mother.
Heavenly Father & Mother are our parents in clothing our intelligence in spirits and sacrificing for our behalf (Elder Holland did a question and answer session at the Missionary Training Center while I attended, one of the questions was “Why does God love us?” His answer was that he loves us because he raised us from his knee in premortality. From this answer we get a beautiful picture of each of us having established in pre-mortality an intimate parent child relationship with Heavenly Father),
earthly parents are parents in clothing and otherwise training spirits with bodies and sacrificing on their behalf, Jesus Christ is a parent in enabling us to have resurrected bodies and sacrificing on our behalf.
I’ve heard it said that our children are on loan from Heavenly Father and aren’t our own, this is true in a sense, but in another sense, they are very much ours. We are involved in their creation. Think not that after this mortal life our families will be dissolved, and all will return to equality before God the father. No, but family organization will continue to exist there! See D&C 130:2 says ” And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.” These doctrines are the foundation of the long standing religious biblical and LDS idea that a person should have as many children as they can. Both parents and children benefit. Parents are sealed to their children, that is strong language, the strongest we know of, and it’s the same language we hear when learning about our forever relationship to Christ as his children as mentioned in Mosiah 5.

-ADOPTIVE PARENTS EQUAL TO BIOLOGICAL: What of adoptive parents who didn’t sire their children? They’re still involved in the creation of those children as they are training the children how to use their bodies righteously. Elder Holland in a recent General Conference said women don’t just bear their children once, but throughout the lifespan. Further, Jesus Christ is something of an adoptive parent of ours. We take upon ourselves his name, and by that name will we be called at the last day. His name is the name written on the foreheads of the exalted. Taking upon you his name represents joining his club, his way of life, and in so joining and committing to fidelity to his ways, he offers his club members exclusive access to his grace. The doctrine of being adopted into the House of Israel is well known. The scriptures say many times that Christ came to save not everyone, but to save HIS people. Matt 1:21 says “he shall save his people from their sins.” Mosiah 18:20 reads “Yea, even he commanded them that they should preach nothing save it were repentance and faith on the Lord, who had redeemed his people.” When we raise a child, they take upon them our family name, they walk after our ways, and we offer them exclusive insider access to our wealth, our time, our knowledge, our everything.
I’ve heard recently that the atoms in our bodies replace themselves / exchange every 5 years, so we really do become new people as life goes on.
This reminds me of a story of a centennial reporting on being married to the same man over 60 years. She told the reporter that he was mistaken, she had been married to 5 different men throughout her lifetime, not one. The reporter was embarrassed and thought he was in error coming to see this woman. The woman laughed and said something like, ‘let me clarify. I’ve been married to this same person, but he has changed; he is not the same as he was when I married him.’ This story illustrates the very real ability of being born again.

-MANKIND EXISTING IN THE BEGINNING CAUSES HUMAN INDEPENDENCE;
GODHEAD AS PARENTS,
EARTH PARENTS REPRESENTING HOLY GHOST:
Though we have joint residency in the kingdoms of our several parents (heavenly and earthly), we are independent beings destined for our own kingdoms. The D&C teaches that we also existed in the beginning with God, and will thus have no end, and thus are capable of independence in spite of forever worshiping God and our earthly parents. God consists of the Godhead and Heavenly Mother. Elohim the Hebrew word for God strictly translated means gods, Hebrew scholars suggest that this being used in singular form suggests that Elohim refers to God and his wife, or is representative of the enormity of Gods power.
Holy Ghost as a parent? In a way, earthly parents represent the Holy Ghost to their children, witnessing of God to their children. This completes the divine parent’s analogy: Heavenly Father & Mother are your parents, Jesus Christ is your parent, and your earthly parents by being filled with the Holy Ghost are your parents also.

See footnote 2 for a scripture about intelligences existing before earth and them being taken in by the great one being God.

See footnote 3 for a scripture about us being in the beginning with God.

Here are LDS Prophets teaching about intelligence being clothed with spirits by God in premortality:
Spencer W. Kimball, then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve, said, “Our spirit matter was eternal and co-existent with God, but it was organized into spirit bodies by our Heavenly Father” (Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, p. 5, Salt Lake City, 1969). Marion G. Romney said, “Through that birth process, self-existing intelligence was organized into individual spirit beings” (Ensign 8 [Nov. 1978]:14). Bruce R. McConkie, an apostle, said: “Abraham used the name intelligences to apply to the spirit children of the Eternal Father. The intelligence or spirit element became intelligences after the spirits were born as individual entities (Abr. 3:22-24). Use of this name designates both the primal element from which the spirit offspring were created and also their inherited capacity to grow in grace, knowledge, power, and intelligence itself, until such intelligences, gaining the fulness of all things, become like their Father, the Supreme Intelligence” [Bruce R. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, p. 387].

-PARENTING IS AN ATONEMENT, REDEEMING OTHER (CHILDREN) UNTO YOUR ETERNAL KINGDOM,
& BLOOD AS A SYMBOL FOR LIFE: the atoning blood of Jesus Christ is Jesus shedding his blood which meant giving his life; and so when we give our life force or energy, our attention and concentration to our children, it’s like giving our blood for them; in the Old Testament and elsewhere we learn that blood is symbolic of life itself, this is why the law of Moses forbid drinking the blood of an animal, that being the life force of the animal. it’s wearing out our lives for them, so this means it’s atoning and redeeming them when it comes to parenting children. The word Redeemer comes from buying back; buying that means you own them (in a sense), and they will be a part of your kingdom even if they rebelled and go to the lower kingdoms of God they will still serve you and minister to you on your behalf and will be a pleasant person for you for eternity because of what you’ve done for them, so you don’t need to spend all your time worrying about whether or not your children will or will not make it to the top kingdom of God, they will make it to a kingdom of God, and they will be happy. All except a few sons of Perdition will make it to one of the kingdoms of God; but wo to them who repent not of their sins and do not therefore qualify for Gods greatest blessings.
Why most everyone going to Gods kingdom:
The idea of suffering in purgatory before going to heaven if you didn’t live quite as you should is actually quite correct, except we know that the candidate will receive a lower eternal inheritance if he repents not, despite suffering in purgatory or what we more perfectly call it, the world of spirits, which is the same thing as hell, the prison section of that world anyway. The only permanent hell is a place called outer darkness, and it is reserved for the Devil and his angels, namely the sons of perdition, those who rejected God in premortality, and those who deeply betray God in this life, and who deeply betrayed him in the prior. Outer Darkness is primarily a place for those who fell in premortality. Those who made it to mortality, they are basically all of them going to some place in the kingdom of God, though not all places in that kingdom are equal. There are 3 levels, and in the highest of those, another 3 sub-levels. To get the highest there, you must marry. D&C 131:1-4 shows this clearly: “1 In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; 2 And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; 3 And if he does not, he cannot obtain it. 4 He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase.”

The atonement/divine intervention you make for others starts not at marriage, but at childbirth. Women still make the same amount of money being single or married, but when they’re a mother, they don’t make as much money (this study sited in A Case for Marriage by Waite and Gallagher). People often mistake marriage as the critical sacrifice beginning, but according to social science, married persons benefit overall, its when the children come that you see what you’re made of, parenting basically being the school and essence of the Gods. Not that marriage isn’t meaningful, but children make it more meaningful.

-THIS LIFE IS A DEFINITIVE ETERNAL PLACEMENT TEST,
WE ALL GET EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT:
We never despair for anyone because this life is the placement test, this is where we get placed; the test is perfect and the grader is perfect and the results are final; we’ve been preparing for eons and millenniums and even longer in the pre-mortality for this little test; it’s a test it’s like walking into a testing center for an hour or maybe a few hours on an exam; compare our life span to the average academic class test. It’s very short in comparison. Pre-mortality was the class, now mortality is the exam. Post-mortality is the assigned reward based on our performance; in each phase there are varying levels of challenge, success, failure, reward, and punishment. The results are final, everyone gets exactly what they want and more; everyone’s going to be pleased by what they get there, though many are going to be a little ticked off that they didn’t do better. But they’re still going to be really happy about what they receive.

-CELESTIAL KINGDOM IS DIFFICULT TO OBTAIN,
THE JOINT OPERATION OF JUSTICE AND MERCY DON’T ELIMINATE RIGHTEOUS REQUIREMENTS:
Do not think that God owes you a place in the Celestial Kingdom. Do you think just anyone can walk into the Celestial Kingdom or the highest degree thereof? The Lord said narrow is that way, and few find it. God is not so wonderfully merciful that he breaks justice; even mercy has its parameters and bounds which the Lord has set; if the Lord were to cease to represent justice, he would cease to be God. Mercy is a fancy way of saying “justice satisfied by a third party based on the contract between the debtor and redeemer”; the life to come is based on this life, this life is the test, it’s not a, “anything goes” test or it wouldn’t really be a test at all; when go to the next life you will be pleased knowing that even if you didn’t get the best, you got better than you deserve. God is kind, and loads all the mercy into your contract he possibly can. The Mormon/LDS view of heaven is much more wonderful and graceful than the way most of Christendom views it – they say it’s all or nothing, whereas Mormonism says there are multiple levels. The multiple level of heaven doctrine allows for the sort of good person to get a sort of good eternal residence, rather than the sort of good person being stuck forever with the most vile of sinners. Logic screams her approval is this type of eternal reward! Praise God for it! The challenge for us is to work out our salvation and become saints through the atonement of Christ the Lord (Mosiah 3:19) while the day of repentance (this life) is still before us (Alma 34:32-33). Repent “while it is called today” the scripture says; the day of this life is today; today ends either with Christ comes in his glory or when we die, whichever comes first. D&C 64:22-25 says, “22 And after that day, I, the Lord, will not hold any guilty that shall go with an open heart up to the land of Zion; for I, the Lord, require the hearts of the children of men. 23 Behold, now it is called today until the coming of the Son of Man, and verily it is a day of sacrifice, and a day for the tithing of my people; for he that is tithed shall not be burned at his coming. 24 For after today cometh the burning—this is speaking after the manner of the Lord—for verily I say, tomorrow all the proud and they that do wickedly shall be as stubble; and I will burn them up, for I am the Lord of Hosts; and I will not spare any that remain in Babylon. 25 Wherefore, if ye believe me, ye will labor while it is called today.” When today is over, time is up, hand in your tests, watch the grader make his judgement.
Conscience must be obeyed if we hope for salvation; it whispers in the small aspects of daily living; Elder Christofferson etc. says conscience is another way of saying the Light of Christ which everyone is born with. If we take upon ourselves the name of Christ, we are heeding what the light/voice of Christ directs; if we neglect that whispering, we develop into a creature not known by the name of Christ, and the devil becomes our shepherd (Alma 5:37-41).

-SACRIFICE ALL BUT DESPAIR NOT FOR YOUR CHILDREN,
GODS KINGDOM IS GREAT AT EVERY LEVEL: So while you’re doing everything you can yearning for them praying for them bleeding for them suffering for them even dying for them, doing everything you can for them, do not despair for them, for they will be saved in the kingdom of God even if in one of the lesser kingdoms and they will rejoice and because of what you’ve done for them, they will serve you forever and you will forever be associated with them in some form because of your bonds of love and feelings of love towards them. The rebellious feelings they have will subside to some degree even if they go to a lower Kingdom they still will be intelligent beings in that lower Kingdom and serviceable to you and causing you to be happy.

See footnote 4 for a scripture showing that only marriages by the priesthood (LDS) are lasting in heaven.

-SEEK & FIND UNDERSTANDING OF THE UNIVERSE: It seems that we are all Little Einstein’s wandering around trying to prove our theories, he was obsessed, so must we be… wandering around trying to figure out the universe. As we go through life we do see that the light and understanding which God enfolds us, of this we become enlightened and we are happy; we have peace in life, but if we stop seeking the mysteries of God we will never be happy; if we stop trying to figure out how the world Works, to figure out how the universe works, to figure out how the laws of the justice of God work, all these things that we need to understand perfectly, we are damned. Don’t damn yourself by giving up; Satan loves when we give up because he doesn’t have to work so hard; in pre-mortality Satan got a large following by persuading people that this mortality thing was just too hard, so why even bother if they’re going to fail so hard anyway.
However the truth is that you can look at yourself and be amazed that you are looking at an offering of deity. You may even faint at the sight! You’ve made it this far so you may as well keep going.
Combine temporal excellence with spiritual excellence & you can have excellent blessings and views (this is not to say to be obsessed with money); you must temporally provide and spiritually provide or both will drown.
We must know that we are the best, that is what it means to be a child of God, that we are the best. We keep trying too. A pillar of faith as taught by Joseph Smith is to know you are in line with God’s will. Being in line with God’s will means you are trying. It means you are being productive in some good way. It means you are acting on good impressions with an increasingly high success rate.
Would to God that all were prophets, as Moses said. You see it is open enrollment. There are not a limited number of chairs. 144000 means 12×12, representing infinity, the number 12 being a priesthood number. Come everyone and partake of your nature of being an offspring of God, get the Holy Ghost and marvel daily at the workings of the universe and the operations of the justice of God. It’s not only a possibility but a duty to seek to understand. Cease this seeking and you damn yourself for intelligence is godliness. Elder Holland reminds us that “seek and ye shall find” is one of the most repeated messages of holy writ. But if you cease to serve the poor in your quest for intelligence, you violate an essential law of heaven, and your intelligence will decay from that moment onward, working to your damnation rather than to your salvation.
Orson Pratt spoke on seeking knowledge and understanding of the things of eternity: “Perhaps you may ask me why I dwell on this . . . subject. In answer, why did the Lord dwell upon it forty-two years ago, if he did not want us, in some measure, to understand it? Would he speak at random? Would he give a revelation without expecting that the people would even try to understand it? If the Lord wished us to understand something, and condescended to reveal something, why should we . . . think that we are stepping over our bounds in trying to comprehend approximately what the Lord desired us to understand . . . It is an old sectarian whim and notion, to suppose that we must not try to understand revelation….Do not suppose, however, that those first principles [of the gospel] are the only ones to be learned; do not become stereotyped in your feelings, and think that you must always dwell upon them and proceed no further. If there be knowledge concerning the future, . . . the present, . . .[the] past, or any species of knowledge that would be beneficial to the mind of man, let us seek it; and that which we cannot obtain by using the light which God has placed within us, by using our reasoning powers, by reading books, or by human wisdom alone, let us seek to a higher source—to that Being who is filled with knowledge, and who has given laws to all things and who, in his wisdom, goodness, justice and mercy, controls all things according to their capacity, and according to the various spheres and conditions in which they are placed.” (Orson Pratt, March 14, 1875, Salt Lake City, 16th Ward, reported by David W. Evans)
On the same account, “It is impossible for a man to be saved in ignorance.” (D&C 131:6)

-These footnote scriptures will greatly help one to understand the foundations which we have built upon in this article, particularly helpful to the non-LDS or recently LDS or lifetime LDS reader who needs some brushing up on the doctrines of becoming children of Christ, premortal intelligences, intelligences existing in the beginning with God as co-independent units, and the need for an LDS marriage to access one’s own eternal kingdom, including forever keeping both one’s spouse and children:

Footnote 1: a scripture showing how Jesus becomes one of our parents alongside Heavenly Father & Mother and our earthly father & mother:
Mosiah 5:7, 9, 10, 12 illustrates the reality of being adopted into the family of Christ: “7 And now, because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters….9 And it shall come to pass that whosoever doeth this shall be found at the right hand of God, for he shall know the name by which he is called; for he shall be called by the name of Christ. 10 And now it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall not take upon him the name of Christ must be called by some other name; therefore, he findeth himself on the left hand of God. …12 I say unto you, I would that ye should remember to retain the name written always in your hearts, that ye are not found on the left hand of God, but that ye hear and know the voice by which ye shall be called, and also, the name by which he shall call you.”

Footnote 2: a scripture about intelligences existing before earth and them being taken in by the great one being God:
Abraham 3:18-27: “…as, also, if there be two spirits, and one shall be more intelligent than the other, yet these two spirits, notwithstanding one is more intelligent than the other, have no beginning; they existed before, they shall have no end, they shall exist after, for they are gnolaum, or eternal. 19 And the Lord said unto me: These two facts do exist, that there are two spirits, one being more intelligent than the other; there shall be another more intelligent than they; I am the Lord thy God, I am more intelligent than they all. 20 The Lord thy God sent his angel to deliver thee from the hands of the priest of Elkenah. 21 I dwell in the midst of them all; I now, therefore, have come down unto thee to declare unto thee the works which my hands have made, wherein my wisdom excelleth them all, for I rule in the heavens above, and in the earth beneath, in all wisdom and prudence, over all the intelligences thine eyes have seen from the beginning; I came down in the beginning in the midst of all the intelligences thou hast seen. 22 Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones; 23 And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born. 24 And there stood one among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon these may dwell; 25 And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them; 26 And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever. 27 And the Lord said: Whom shall I send? And one answered like unto the Son of Man: Here am I, send me. And another answered and said: Here am I, send me. And the Lord said: I will send the first. 28 And the second was angry, and kept not his first estate; and, at that day, many followed after him.”

Footnote 3: a scripture about us being in the beginning with God:
D&C 93:19-36 teaches us about being co-eternal with God, about existing in the beginning with him, and being independent agents in eternity therefore: “19 I give unto you these sayings that you may understand and know how to worship, and know what you worship, that you may come unto the Father in my name, and in due time receive of his fulness. 20 For if you keep my commandments you shall receive of his fulness, and be glorified in me as I am in the Father; therefore, I say unto you, you shall receive grace for grace. 21 And now, verily I say unto you, I was in the beginning with the Father, and am the Firstborn; 22 And all those who are begotten through me are partakers of the glory of the same, and are the church of the Firstborn. 23 Ye were also in the beginning with the Father; that which is Spirit, even the Spirit of truth; 24 And truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come; 25 And whatsoever is more or less than this is the spirit of that wicked one who was a liar from the beginning. 26 The Spirit of truth is of God. I am the Spirit of truth, and John bore record of me, saying: He received a fulness of truth, yea, even of all truth; 27 And no man receiveth a fulness unless he keepeth his commandments. 28 He that keepeth his commandments receiveth truth and light, until he is glorified in truth and knoweth all things. 29 Man was also in the beginning with God. Intelligence, or the light of truth, was not created or made, neither indeed can be. 30 All truth is independent in that sphere in which God has placed it, to act for itself, as all intelligence also; otherwise there is no existence. 31 Behold, here is the agency of man, and here is the condemnation of man; because that which was from the beginning is plainly manifest unto them, and they receive not the light (I note, condemnation because he knows fully well what he is doing, he has been around as long as anyone! Everyone has always been here are we’re just showing our stuff, putting it on the line, we all know perfectly well what we’re doing in this life, as we’ll recall in the hereafter; yes we need reminding, the prophet’s cry repentance, but those who heed them not never really planned to anyway). 32 And every man whose spirit receiveth not the light is under condemnation. 33 For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element, inseparably connected, receive a fulness of joy; 34 And when separated, man cannot receive a fulness of joy. 35 The elements are the tabernacle of God; yea, man is the tabernacle of God, even temples; and whatsoever temple is defiled, God shall destroy that temple. 36 The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth.”

Footnote 4: a scripture showing that only marriages by the priesthood (LDS) are lasting in heaven, that all contracts not sealed by the Priesthood are void after this life, including non-temple marriages and non-sealed posterity:
D&C 132:4-33: “4 For behold, I reveal unto you a new and an everlasting covenant; and if ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned; for no one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter into my glory. 5 For all who will have a blessing at my hands shall abide the law which was appointed for that blessing, and the conditions thereof, as were instituted from before the foundation of the world. 6 And as pertaining to the new and everlasting covenant, it was instituted for the fulness of my glory; and he that receiveth a fulness thereof must and shall abide the law, or he shall be damned, saith the Lord God. 7 And verily I say unto you, that the conditions of this law are these: All covenants, contracts, bonds, obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, associations, or expectations, that are not made and entered into and sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, of him who is anointed, both as well for time and for all eternity, and that too most holy, by revelation and commandment through the medium of mine anointed, whom I have appointed on the earth to hold this power (and I have appointed unto my servant Joseph to hold this power in the last days, and there is never but one on the earth at a time on whom this power and the keys of this priesthood are conferred), are of no efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts that are not made unto this end have an end when men are dead. 8 Behold, mine house is a house of order, saith the Lord God, and not a house of confusion. 9 Will I accept of an offering, saith the Lord, that is not made in my name? 10 Or will I receive at your hands that which I have not appointed? 11 And will I appoint unto you, saith the Lord, except it be by law, even as I and my Father ordained unto you, before the world was? 12 I am the Lord thy God; and I give unto you this commandment—that no man shall come unto the Father but by me or by my word, which is my law, saith the Lord. 13 And everything that is in the world, whether it be ordained of men, by thrones, or principalities, or powers, or things of name, whatsoever they may be, that are not by me or by my word, saith the Lord, shall be thrown down, and shall not remain after men are dead, neither in nor after the resurrection, saith the Lord your God. 14 For whatsoever things remain are by me; and whatsoever things are not by me shall be shaken and destroyed. 15 Therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, and he marry her not by me nor by my word, and he covenant with her so long as he is in the world and she with him, their covenant and marriage are not of force when they are dead, and when they are out of the world; therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are out of the world. 16 Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in marriage; but are appointed angels in heaven, which angels are ministering servants, to minister for those who are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory. 17 For these angels did not abide my law; therefore, they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all eternity; and from henceforth are not gods, but are angels of God forever and ever. 18 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife, and make a covenant with her for time and for all eternity, if that covenant is not by me or by my word, which is my law, and is not sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, through him whom I have anointed and appointed unto this power, then it is not valid neither of force when they are out of the world, because they are not joined by me, saith the Lord, neither by my word; when they are out of the world it cannot be received there, because the angels and the gods are appointed there, by whom they cannot pass; they cannot, therefore, inherit my glory; for my house is a house of order, saith the Lord God. 19 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever. 20 Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them. 21 Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory. 22 For strait is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it, because ye receive me not in the world neither do ye know me. 23 But if ye receive me in the world, then shall ye know me, and shall receive your exaltation; that where I am ye shall be also. 24 This is eternal lives—to know the only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath sent. I am he. Receive ye, therefore, my law. 25 Broad is the gate, and wide the way that leadeth to the deaths; and many there are that go in thereat, because they receive me not, neither do they abide in my law. 26 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if a man marry a wife according to my word, and they are sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, according to mine appointment, and he or she shall commit any sin or transgression of the new and everlasting covenant whatever, and all manner of blasphemies, and if they commit no murder wherein they shed innocent blood, yet they shall come forth in the first resurrection, and enter into their exaltation; but they shall be destroyed in the flesh, and shall be delivered unto the buffetings of Satan unto the day of redemption, saith the Lord God. 27 The blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which shall not be forgiven in the world nor out of the world, is in that ye commit murder wherein ye shed innocent blood, and assent unto my death, after ye have received my new and everlasting covenant, saith the Lord God; and he that abideth not this law can in nowise enter into my glory, but shall be damned, saith the Lord. 28 I am the Lord thy God, and will give unto thee the law of my Holy Priesthood, as was ordained by me and my Father before the world was. 29 Abraham received all things, whatsoever he received, by revelation and commandment, by my word, saith the Lord, and hath entered into his exaltation and sitteth upon his throne. 30 Abraham received promises concerning his seed, and of the fruit of his loins—from whose loins ye are, namely, my servant Joseph—which were to continue so long as they were in the world; and as touching Abraham and his seed, out of the world they should continue; both in the world and out of the world should they continue as innumerable as the stars; or, if ye were to count the sand upon the seashore ye could not number them. 31 This promise is yours also, because ye are of Abraham, and the promise was made unto Abraham; and by this law is the continuation of the works of my Father, wherein he glorifieth himself. 32 Go ye, therefore, and do the works of Abraham; enter ye into my law and ye shall be saved. 33 But if ye enter not into my law ye cannot receive the promise of my Father, which he made unto Abraham.”

-New additions to this document not on the audio version:
-“Echoing the words of the revelation, he (Joseph Smith) taught that men and women were co-eternal with God and could become like Him by “going from a small capacity to a great capacity,” until eventually they dwell “in everlasting burnings.” Speaking with revealed assurance, he taught: “The soul, the mind of man, whare did it come from? The learned says God made it in the beginning, but it is not so. I know better. God has told me so.”(“Discourse, 7 April 1844, as Reported by Wilford Woodruff,” 135, 137, josephsmithpapers.org; punctuation modernized.)” (https://history.lds.org/article/man-was-also-in-the-beginning-with-god?lang=eng)
-Gospel doctrine manual: Mankind may in their resurrected state sire spirit children and lead them through experiences similar to those we currently live in
-add some quote examples of prophets teaching that our children build our eternal kingdom

 

For a converse study about those who don’t remain worthy of eternal parenting and therefore lose their children and future opportunities for more children, see my document “Losing Your Children and Eternal Procreative Power Upon Disobedience”.

 

 

 

 

 

Losing Your Children & The Procreative Power Upon Disobedience – Teachings of the Prophets

 

 

 

Here we will show that obedience results in the eternal loss of both one’s children, and the power to procreate.

-“President Brigham Young explained that our families are not yet ours. The Lord has committed them to us to see how we will treat them. Only if we are faithful will they be given to us forever. What we do on earth determines whether or not we will be worthy to become heavenly parents.“(Gospel Principles [manual, 1997], 231).   (From “The Importance of the Family,” by Elder L Tom Perry, Ensign, May 2003, 40)

 

-“You will clearly perceive, from the revelation which God has given, that you can never obtain a fulness of glory, without being married to a righteous man for time and for all eternity. If you marry a man who receives not the gospel, you lay a foundation for sorrow in this world, besides losing the privilege of enjoying the society of a husband in eternity. You forfeit your right to an endless increase of immortal lives. And even the children which you may be favoured with in this life, will not be entrusted to your charge in eternity, but you will be left in that world without a husband, without a family, without a kingdom, without any means of enlarging yourselves, being subject to the principalities and powers who are counted worthy of families, and kingdoms, and thrones, and the increase of dominions forever. To them you will be servants and angels—that is, provided that your conduct should be such as to secure this measure of glory. Can it be possible that any females, after knowing these things, will suffer themselves to keep company with persons out of this Church? It matters not how great the morality of such persons may be, nor how kind they may be to you, they are not numbered with the people of God; they are not in the way of salvation, they cannot save themselves nor their families, and after what God has revealed upon this subject, you cannot be justified, for one moment, in keeping their company. It would be infinitely better for you to suffer poverty and tribulation with the people of God, than to place yourselves under the power of those who will not embrace the great truth of heaven. By marrying an unbeliever, you place yourselves in open disobedience to the command of God requiring his people to gather together. Do you expect to be saved in direct violation of the command of heaven?” (Elder Orson Pratt, Millennial Star, XV: 584).

 

 

– “The power of procreation is spiritually significant. Misuse of this power subverts the purposes of the Father’s plan and of our mortal existence. Our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son are creators and have entrusted each of us with a portion of Their creative power. Specific guidelines for the proper use of the ability to create life are vital elements in the Father’s plan. How we feel about and use that supernal power will determine in large measure our happiness in mortality and our destiny in eternity.” (We Believe in Being Chaste, By Elder David A. Bednar Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles; https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/04/we-believe-in-being-chaste?lang=eng)

-“Modern revelation sets forth the high destiny of those who are sealed for everlasting companionship. They will be given opportunity for a greater use of their powers. That means progress. They will attain more readily to their place in the presence of the Lord; they will increase more rapidly in every divine power; they will approach more nearly to the likeness of God; they will more completely realize their divine destiny. And this progress is not delayed until life after death. It begins here, today, for those who yield obedience to the law.” ( John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1960), 300.)

-“1 In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; 2 And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this border of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; 3 And if he does not, he cannot obtain it. 4 He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase.” (D&C 131:1-4)

 

-“14 ¶ For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. 15 And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. 16 Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. 17 And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. 18 But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money. 19 After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. 20 And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. 21 His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. 22 He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. 23 His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. 24 Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: 25 And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. 26 His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: 27 Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. 28 Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. 29 For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. 30 And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” (Matt. 25:14-30)

 

-“And they that will harden their hearts, to them is given the lesser portion of the word until they know nothing concerning his mysteries; and then they are taken captive by the devil, and led by his will down to destruction. Now this is what is meant by the chains of hell.” (Alma 12:11)

 

-Parenting is the opportunity to see how we would do if we were exalted; parenting is the stuff of exaltation; God himself asks that we call him “father”. God has an endless posterity, that is a key factor in his status of Godhood. He told Abraham that he would have access to the endless seed, and this has been reiterated in modern revelation in the D&C, at general conferences of the latter-day saints, etc. Why would someone not obeying God be entrusted with such a power and privilege? The blessing of the righteous is having eternal families. Why would we assume that the wicked would enjoy having an eternal family? Only in sealed families faithful to their covenants do we hear the message that the parent posterity relationship will continue in the hereafter. Your children will be removed from you and planted in another family where they can embrace the blessings of eternal life if you do not afford them that privilege yourselves.

 

-It is commonly taught in the church that aborted babies will needs be reared to marutiry during the Millennium, and therefore parents will have the blessing of bringing as many of these into their family as they wish. ‘How many children do you want?’ they ask. We answer, ‘Can you number the stars in the sky?’ May we keep our covenants so that these our precious ones with us may remain. Not only is the eternal equation of families based largely on the acts of the parents, but family scientists are showing that the behavior of the parent, more so than the behavior of the child, is the greatest predictive factor in child development.

 

 

 

For a converse study about being worthy to remain a parent forever to your current and future children, see my article “Children are an Heritage (Inheritance) of (from) the Lord: What and Why is a Parent Here and in Eternity”

 

The Parent Child Relationship in the Hereafter

 

 

Q&A On Exalted Persons being served by their children, and The Eternal Ownership of a Parent to its Child

These are questions from various readers and brief responses with links to further reading.

Question:

Why do you say children will serve their parents in eternity? (Referring to document “Children an inheritance from the Lord http://richardsonstudies.com/2018/02/12/children-heritage-inheritance-lord-parent-eternity/)

Answer:

Perhaps the chief way they will serve us is by bringing us joy in the fruits of their labors, and knowing that we played a part in enabling them for their success. I could point this out a bit more in my writing, thanks. http://richardsonstudies.com/…/parenthood-eternal…/ this speaks of God’s glory being his children (Mosiah 8:15) and parenthood being a code word for exaltation. http://richardsonstudies.com/…/22/gospel-creation-theory/ this is about how humans not just God, have vast power to contribute to the salvation or damnation of other humans. http://richardsonstudies.com/…/20/essential-foot-soldier/ this is more about how to be a parent is to be a God, including going through what look like small roles today which will be exchanged for what are obvious large roles ‘tomorrow’. http://richardsonstudies.com/…/principles-priority…/ this is about family roles of marriage and parenthood being analogous to creation fall and atonement.

Question:

Does our ‘keeping’ our children forever make them less of God’s children, prying them away from God for ourselves? (Referring to document “Children an inheritance from the Lord http://richardsonstudies.com/2018/02/12/children-heritage-inheritance-lord-parent-eternity/)

Answer:

Does Jesus pry us from Heavenly Father by making us his children? Clearly, he has become one of our parents (Mosiah 5:7, see also “sons and daughters of God” in the topical guide https://www.lds.org/scriptures/tg/sons-and-daughters-of-god?lang=eng).
The idea is that we can be essentially adopted into several groups. Heavenly Father’s kingdom, Jesus Christ’s kingdom, our parents’ kingdom (if they were righteous), and build our own kingdom (if we are righteous). There is no prying involved, perhaps unless you let the Devil adopt you, another Book of Mormon doctrine…. http://richardsonstudies.com/…/parenthood-eternal…/ this speaks of God’s glory being his children (Mosiah 8:15) and parenthood being a code word for exaltation. http://richardsonstudies.com/…/22/gospel-creation-theory/ this is about how humans not just God, have vast power to contribute to the salvation or damnation of other humans. http://richardsonstudies.com/…/20/essential-foot-soldier/ this is more about how to be a parent is to be a God, including going through what look like small roles today which will be exchanged for what are obvious large roles ‘tomorrow’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parenthood: The Eternal Fountain of Glory – Proof from Mormon 8:15

 

 

Mormon 8:15 defines the glory of God as his covenant people. God is full of glory, having a numerous people, and his glory grows forever, the more people come follow him. He continues to have children. Prophets have taught that He doesn’t rule over anyone save they are his child. That is how heaven works. It’s structured in families, and the grand law of the universe is the never-ending cycle of children becoming parents. Parenthood in this setting is the code word for exaltation. Indeed, parenthood is the eternal fountain of glory!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parenting: The Highest Priority

 

 

I submit that the following ideas apply to most situations.

-Two great sins of omission are 1. not having children (such was the first commandment to Adam and Eve) and 2. not taking care of the children you have born.
-A single parent should have their top priority, besides the immediate needs of their children, to be finding another parent for those children, or for finding a spouse with whom they can have children, hence avoiding the top crimes against humanity
-The law of two witnesses requires that there be a mother and a father in a home to establish and execute law. If the children have law, they learn how to live in a society. The only way a society can function is if it has laws which are 1. clearly established and 2. executed according to the established agreement of law.
-Children are subordinate and not able to make law until the age of adult, 18. At that age they do participate. But before children become adults, they are to be ruled by parents. Yes, that ruling is to be benevolent, but it is not to be weak
-Statistically speaking, those children of a one parent household don’t have as great of aspirations in life, they are not as directed, not as successful generally speaking. Some defy the consensus, yes there are some particular who can, but such should not be expected of these children. The children have the RIGHT to a father and a mother, two people living in the same home, whom love each other and the children, whom work together to make laws to govern their children, and work together to calculate and prepare the way for the success of their children.
-When a couple have a child, they are to put aside all differences and stay together for that child. In extreme cases of selfishness, a couple will divorce. Usually both persons have more they could sacrifice to keep the marriage together, but it is true that it’s “very important that the family be right” as President Kimball has said. Both are to speak with each other on what they need to have occur in order to keep the marriage together. Children are ENTITLED to a father and a mother living together loving and guiding them in marriage, this is proclaimed in The Family: A Proclamation To The World issued by Jehovah via the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. So the parents are to 1. have children and 2. to put aside everything that will get in the way of them being able to continue to fulfill their role as father or mother.
-The children who grow up without a father or mother in the home are NEGLECTED according to the Family Proclamation, which claims that they have the RIGHT to being born to a father and mother and raised by them. Some children find ways to be successful despite growing up in single parent homes, but this was never the way it was meant to be by God.
-Will God, up in yonder heaven, rule the lives of the people, causing those children to grow up in single parent homes to have no disadvantage? Is that what the scripture saying that Jehovah will be father to the fatherless? He will care for their eternal salvation, ensuring that they have the opportunities to become mature like He is. But the way that God helps is mostly by teaching his people about how families are designed to be, and he passes that message along. He has told us how the family is to be. When we reject that, we and our children suffer. Our children particularly suffer now, and we whom neglect them, if we don’t suffer now, will pay for the suffering we have caused in the life to come. So does God just take care of our children should we choose to diverse, or our spouse die? No, he expects us to remarry, and give this children what they are entitled to, a mother AND a father. He has declared this his will by the mouth of his servants. What they say is what he says, “as if from mine own mouth it is the same”. So are the children blessed as though they have two parents when they are only raised by one? No. One principal way that God blesses the children is by teaching the parents how to take care of them.
-Gods people have his laws. They are to infiltrate these virtuous teachings into the world primarily by having children, who file into earth, and spread the message of the parents. Hence, the more children you can have, the more you can influence for good. This is why Elder Oaks has answered the question of how many children a couple should have by teaching that as many children as a couple can take care of is how many they should have.
-Exodus 20 verse 5 and 6: “Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.” These are directly from the ten commandments which we revere. Just because we believe that the sins of the parent aren’t answerable upon the head of the child (Article of Faith 2), doesn’t mean that children won’t suffer in this life because of the iniquity of their parents. God will not be mocked. Being from a single parent home I can witness that yes, Jesus helps, but also yes, Exodus 20 is the word of God. These are principals of the gospel. Choices have consequences that are painfully real to everyone involved, and with boldness I’ve written this plea that people arise and take more stock in their actions.

 

 

 

Beautiful Fatherhood in Zion VS Brutal Babylon

 

 

 

Lord, is it I? The Crucible of Fatherhood, the Beauty of Zion over Animal-ism, and the Survival of the Poet in an Economically based society

Here indulge with me in expression, or quickly look the other way oh friend! Perhaps this tale is too scary after all… too foreign to attempt an interpretation. Or better yet, flee, as it appears a “religious” narrative is about to begin, which could not contain anything of beauty or classicism or legitimate thoughtfulness (because anything with the word “Christ” in it must be by an ignoramus bigot so disconnected with reality as to make him an entire stranger to the beauty of expression on so many levels yet unveiled to his existence, right?)! However reader, recognizing the liberal license of these wanderings (though their substance be in many parts found in their casing rather than their substance), I do have some mercy, and I have elected to inform you when you are entering deeper tier of absurdity, as there are 3 such tiers in this narrative. Alas I’ve not shaken you yet so on we begin, if not only on the tips of our toes, with low yet tasty expectations: TIER 1 (the original and core message for which I’ve approached you (here is the first error of the text, the assumption that it will in fact be read); these tiers (now tears?) being a playful (yet appropriate and delicious) elongation of what was originally merely the following concept of tier 1):
I see even now in the beginning of being a father, that I must be pulled back time and time again, from falls into idleness, of not doing the whole duty. How quickly I turn away! Will ye also leave? Lord, is it I? I must heed the pulls of Christ on me which would cause me to stand again and again. Indeed I say, it is staggering. Most staggering, more so than I thought possible. Right when I catch the wave I’m hit by another which bashes me down onto the turf. I must battle to come to my senses fast enough to not drown in the awful tide. But lo, the God of heaven is there, and reveals the order that can be born from the disorder; or rather, that shows the deeper order which is hidden by the disorder. Avas, the strange power of Christ to accomplish the impossible! Shall we shame it, or call it unreal? No, but let us build a building on top of it. It is the sure foundation! The unseen is the true. The hope is the power. Shall we doubt, or leave the task? Get thee behind me Satan. I am wont to swim in deep waters.
TIER 2 (still a tier, though not as compelling as tier 1; tier 1 was sincere, tier 2 is thoughtful, tier 3 is lamentable though exists nonetheless, the author getting some rare pleasure out of it and thinking it not a crime to spindle on a bit in these, the recesses of the night; all this said, reader, I inform you that tiers 2 and 3 do continue in the theme to some degree of that tier 1, from which you already have an ill or pleasant taste – so you’ll either cease here, or hold my hand a little longer into another forest where we address ethics in another field, tier 1 parading parenthood and the Christ/power/emulation therewith, these perhaps lingering on about economy and poetry, if the latter still holds place in our vocabulary that is; this tier will also derive meaning for actions expressed in tier 1, however incomprehensible to the outsider looking in):
My species is called humankind, and in its victory, refuses the delights of the animal kingdom. It rather prizes the higher which come with the higher. It doesn’t relinquish hope of the ideal in exchange for purchase of the comforts of Babylon. It needn’t afford such a purchase. Why? This gets into the long term but the short term too… for one thing, Zion is beauty, and we refuse the path resulting in “sitting on the ground” in “baldness”. We are a proud people, but not in ourselves, in the collective vision of Zion that we must build up – we are proud of our King Jesus Christ, and could care less about the other kingdoms, their puny walls not built to last the storm. So I conclude my rant with the forbidding of pity, yet the license and use of indulgence of expression in the company of my friends. So laugh quietly should that be your reaction, yes, smile behind your hand good sir… let it suffice that the road I wander may be paradise to me. Or perhaps your quest has a similar feeling! My hat doubly then off to you. We now part with each with happiness to our several roads. Above all, don’t try and stop me!
TEIR 3 (we’re/me’re starting to wonder if this should be penned at all, yet our curiosity has gotten the better of us/me): Let the poet live, stone him not! Alas this is his fear, that economics will be shoved down his throat in the midst of an otherwise pleasant beautiful day. He attends to his duties of course, that is the theme of the lecture is it not? He struggles but, in the end, takes well care to all needs. But it’s not needs that he is worried about. It’s not needs that he thinks about while throwing his spade into the earth again and again. So when the sun goes down, think it not a crime for him to reflect upon the day during his supernal, however short, leisure. This stays off the pains like a drug that gives rather than takes. Now alas I truly must go, I’ve risked time long enough, as that, “time” is the track and measure… and even if you endite me by my tale itself, I flee, I flee! Not much you can do about that… What a splendid independence! Now don’t worry I’m not going anywhere or doing anything stranger than usual. I’m speaking in metaphor, indulging in fiction as an art, or perhaps just asking from a break from THE ECONOMIC SOCIETY of precision and order, derivatives of success! Doubtless the author is looking forward to nay-sayings of the skeptics, and otherwise dismissal of his work as ridiculous, all of this being critical aspects of this excitement. He just didn’t know when to quit did he? Yes, I must be going now, for some reason or the other. Demosthenes tells me there’s quite a nice barrel to roll back and forth across the street over there (lest we be accused of idleness) so here we go… [Exient (“exits”), the lad whom purchased cheer in a strange store on the other side of the valley, the one whom insists on continuing to the death in the delicious ignorance of his own strangeness] [reader scratches the head and goes on with his life, however, perhaps, perhaps in some remote region of the subconscious only daring a toe to pierce into waking cognition, and I reemphasize “perhaps”, remembering…] THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

God Isn’t a Nanny Parent, So Buckle Up

 

 

Concept from “Arguing with Idiots” by Glen Beck about why good things happen to bad people.

Psychologists are telling us that a nanny parent leads to an unhappy child and incapable adult. The reason God allows bad things to happen to good people like wars starvation etc. all the bad, is because he is not a nanny parent. He knows that the implications of not allowing that stuff to happen are worse than the implications of stopping it all from happening. He allows everyone freedom, and that means some suffering, but it also means an opportunity for joy and growth. It’s unfortunate when governments don’t understand this and make laws governing every aspect of our morality. We can’t just legalize something because it’s for the greater good. Forcing broccoli at each meal would be for the greater good, etc., but that doesn’t mean we do it, because an even greater good is freedom. -Glen Beck, “Arguing with Idiots”

Furthermore, positive parenting means allowing natural consequences do most of the teaching when it comes to disciplining negative behaviors. Some people’s behaviors are so bad that it has a wake effect, damaging even innocent people. The challenge of a good person is to be good even though the bad people are hurting them.

 

All of this said, we do know that we can and should have the Holy Ghost as our constant companion. The choice is ours, the price is worthiness. But this companionship does not eliminate the need for strong personal decision making, standing on one’s own two feet, pulling up one’s self by the boot straps, etc.

 

 

 

Family Based Duties & Priorities for All

Topics: homemaking, gender roles, joy, feast, meat, parenting, marriage

Housekeeping should be lively, energetic, clean and with food prepared when father comes home, all within the ability of mother. The food need not be extravagant, like the women in old Israel, let them simply make some bread every day, perhaps with a little jam; meat was not eaten except on days of festivals and feasts. When all members of family are home at last in the evening of the day, there is time for joyful celebration. This celebration need not be lavish or overbearing, but it can be handsome in its modesty, and satiable in its orderliness. Father by his toil all the day long has provided for the feast and other needs and wants. Mother by her toil has presented the feast and good fortune in a way that pleases the heart and encourages the soul. For mother, having children is a shift of leaving the world of workforce, into the world of home place. One mother says, “I have no time to clean I am too busy caring for the children”. I say, that those priorities are incorrect. The mother should love the husband as well as love the children. Don’t neglect the husband at expense of the children. The time at home is not just for playing with children and memorizing poetry, nor merely for formal schooling or other needed pursuits, it’s for teaching them how to take care of a house so they in turn can do so while raising their children. All education and recreation is good, but if the nucleus, the maintained home, is not kept well, then the entire system collapses, and where there should have been joy, there is dismay. Failure where there could have been success. Mother may find her hands full with merely chasing after the children and keeping them safe from fires and other dangers, as well as picking up after them. But in time, mother and father have worked together to teach the children that they ought not be a great burden upon the family, and that they should care to themselves in all able matters. If progress is absent in this matter, more family counsel is to be taken, and the matter not left where it stands, constantly afflicting mother from such irresponsibility. One mother says, “I have no time to care for the home as I am busy caring for the children.” But the caring for the home is caring for the children. Teach the children to clean the home. Maintain the hope so the soul of the father does not become depressed at the dismay and chaos. Father cannot maintain the workplace as well as the home. Nor can mother. One must take one charge, the other the other. The mother doesn’t tend to the house once she is done with the children, the maintaining of the house is the very way she does take care of the children. She fosters an environment where the kiddos can teach themselves, and have fun on their own imagination, and learn to contribute to a family by helping in the maintenance of the home. The home is the temple of the family. For the spirit to teach and direct and sweeten and heal all things, it must be maintained. To have an unkept home is to convey a message that the family is not important. The mother must care to not spend too much time playing with the children at the expense of the management of the home. The mother’s task is not easy, nor is the fathers. But the tasks are manageable, and rewarding, and worth the effort. The benefit exceeds the cost. The ability exceeds the inability. The soul is quietly seated in comfort and able to maintain peace. For the father, the majority of the day is spent earning dollars for his family. He tries to find something tolerable in this field, lest he become depressed and unable to proceed. For the mother, the majority of the day is spent tending to the home, and assuring it is well kept. This is the place she raises the children, and is the very arena of her genius. Here she will teach the children all the needed skills of life, and participate with them in the discoveries of humanity which thrill the soul and inspire the being. She will divulge her own methods in how she executes these things, so that her soul does not become depressed, and her tasks not exceed her strength. But succeed she must, just as the father. Should the father fail to bring the needed income for a family, though he be a wise philosopher and a kindly chap, he has failed his family, and does them less good than he ought. Likewise for the mother, though she teach the child all manner of learning and frugality in every decent kind, charm, talent, beauty, should she do these things at the expense of the management of the home, her children will grow up with incorrect understandings of reality, and will fail. Father and mother help each other, but the roles of one cannot be replaced by the other. The father is more stern in his demeanor, he is more capable of physical labor and other traits which enable him to provide. Mother is more gentle, and persuasive – her role in the home is one that no man could parallel even with the best of his efforts. The biological foundations for father and mother did not evolve in science’s generations, they were appointed from the beginning. Though there be challenges unique to each family, the tasks of father and the tasks of mother can be carried out with success. When father is unable to provide in a certain job he may prefer more than others, it is his duty as a noble man sealed to his family to put aside that position, and execute the alternative which will meet the family needs. Likewise for mother – she may desire the child to have the finest education, and the most intensive studies, or the deepest talent in artistry. But should these things be so complex, these sports or classes or whatever they be – that they take time needed for the fulfilled of the other duties of the management of the home such as cleaning and cooking and beautifying the home according to a wholesome environment, then she must re-prioritize and place more focus on the centrality of the home environment as the location for the execution for all needful growth of the child. Not only the children, but father depend on mother for these things. She is in a sense, the nucleus of the home, more crucial than any other member on accounts of nurturing and encouragement. Father takes lead in finance and protection of the family, though when these duties are satisfied, he will turn his attention to the comforting of his family. He loves them and wants them happy, but they cannot be without his doing his duty toward them. Mother loves the family and wants them to prosper with her as she enjoys their company above that of the kings of the earth, but their company will not be so delightful nor productive with the home they daily reunion in at odds. Father nor children expect mother to maintain a perfect home with all desired comforts, neither may mother and children expect father to provide so handsomely that their toils will all cease. But father mother and children rely on each other for a continual improving of the situation of the family, and a minimum level of performance in order for the family to continue on in fluidity. Despite the challenges inevitable to come in family life, mother and father and child can have confidence that they will have splendid success in thriving at their duties and pleasures all pertaining to this life which is appointed them to have joy. Father mother and child need beware to avoid extracurricular, pleasurable hobbies, church service, and community service, which gets in the way of their fulfillment of their duties at home. If one is struggling in their realm, the other may come and help. All help each other when possible, but the divergent interests of one can cripple the function of the whole. Family may even call on extended family for help, but not when much of their time is being devoted to extra-family service projects or recreation. Those who are loved at church or community but neglect the decency and thriving of their home should reconsider that family is their main pursuit, the most eternal aspect of their lives. Church and community, those other areas of interest, will prosper best when the platform of the home and it’s duties are being attended to. When family is put first above all other interests, more energy is alive in all members of the family, and all they do throughout the day will be more pleasant and useful both to them, and the rest of society at large. What if a woman wants to be in business or professions of some other types? Well, let her do it. But don’t let these things hinder you from your most important work of parenting. Good for you ye mothers like Phyllis Schlafly, mother of 9 and constitutional lawyer, head of the Eagle Forum defending Constitutional principals in current politics. Well to you mothers of this type who contribute while not diminishing your family to do so. What of the mother whose only focus is her children? It’s a fool who calls such a person less important. Indeed, mothering is the most important object on this planet, and bears more sway accordingly. Does a mother need to have 9 children to get to heaven? No. But she does need to recall the law of consecration, that all of her time and efforts, are to be dedicated toward building the kingdom of God, with particular attention to the direction of the prophets. Father also recalls the law of consecration, and puts aside his selfish pursuits in order to provide for an increasingly larger family. I am the youngest of 8, let’s not be so silly as to say “x number is the limit!” for would you limit me my friend? My words echo across time from voices yet unborn. Do you love your child? Imagine life without it. Such it is for every less child we chose to have. Are not humans as the gods, with potential to become like them? Do not think for a second that God will not multiply your capacity to love as more children come into the home. Rather, you like God in whose image and likeness you are created, can have infinite love for every child that comes to you.

 

 

Moral Expression by Marriage & Childbearing

 

 

In dating one should choose someone who represents the peak of human morality.
When a person chooses someone of high values, it means they themselves have high values.

When there is a divorce, it means one could not morally remain connected to someone with such different values they themselves had.

The ability to maintain a marriage is the capstone,  it is to show that greatness can exponentially multiply and grow neverendingly. This is seen in the combined power of the parents , and in their progeny (unless for some outlier reason they cannot have children by any method; and if money is the limitation,  their chief duty becomes the pursuit of sufficient money). The progeny are the parent’s expression of forever power. The parents create people like themselves. Only a just person can desire to have many children, for if one’s values are just, so will be those of their children (generally speaking; for example, 2/3 of God’s children chose to come to earth instead of choosing to follow Satan, and gaining 2/3 was worth the loss of 1/3; it is always better to ha e loved and lost than to never have loved at all) , and they will thus flood the earth for generations with justice. If they are unjust, they will know it, and they will not dare infiltrate the world in mass with their corrupt philosophies, knowing deep down that to put that on society would be an exponential evil, just as the righteous family giving many children to the world would equal exponential good. Having children intentionally is a bold act, it is the final statement of moral reason, it says that you are ready to make your mark on the world for generations.  Some are so paranoid of making their mark on the world that they put off child baring until they are too old to even have children, and thus they have cast no vote at all, and any outcome of the civilizations of earth are their fault just as much as the fault of those who voted evil. To refuse to vote is to vote for evil. By the fear of their procrastination, by the mistaken idea that they had all the time on the world to make up their mind and get serious and start to participate in the war of morals, they have rendered themselves mere cannon-fotter and guilty. To be righteous means that you attempt to do good things even when there is a real risk of failure.

Make no mistake, deliberate childbearing is the great cast of the die, it is the great act of humanity. It is the expression of everything you represent.  It is the reflection if our measuring rod, as we cast away the bad we have seen in life and adhere to the good and seem to pass on that good to the child, giving them the advantage of your intelligence.

It thus follows that whom you chose to marry to enjoy and parent with you is of utmost importance, but what is even more important than basic selection is what is done after the selection.  Maintaining love, building something together, these are the keys. This changes the parameters of how you make your choice. Now you see you’re not looking for a spouse with just good looks, you’re not seeking a spouse who is just smart or likes you or has some feelings of faith similar to yours,  you are looking for someone who loves life, who loves god, who is brave and willing to stand up in the war of morals. You want someone who is willing to stand up, willing follow you into the  battlefield when the cause is just. You want someone who is obsessed with being happy, including the happiness which is only accessible in living the gospel of Jesus Christ.

 

You should set your happiness above all other priorities, meaning that if someone cannot deliver to you eternal happiness, you should run from them, no matter what sort of alms they beg of you. You yourself are of such great worth that to cheat yourself eternal joy would be the greatest robbery ever. You say you want to reward God by serving a needy person? Well that needy person had better not be asking of you to cone down from the fullness of your potential, or your having cone down will negate any good you could have done for the other person, and both you and your spouse will then live with the eternal guilt of having brought someone else less than what they could have had. If you have since enough to understand your full divine potential, doing anything that would jeopardize that fullness of you would ultimately be an act of selfishness. God wants the reward if seeing you exalted, and if you take that from him in the name of serving him,  thinking that you should marry someone who can’t bring you exaltation, this becomes debauchery. Any in such case will begin immediately to beg their spouse to take them to them temple , and will make it painfully obvious to the spouse that keeping them out of the temple and exaltation is keeping them from a fullness of joy.

 

No one person is of more value than the other, so it follows that you yourself have just as much right to be happy as anyone, and thus you should make yourself happy, and we k is the only lasting happiness exists in exaltation aka Godhood, which status God can grant to those who walk the path leading thereto, which path always involves temple ordinances and gospel commandments or guideposts. If you have been pausing to rest in your journey, now is the time to begin again and seek the next post, the next temple ordinance. Joseph Smith said get your temple sealings, then go on and get your calling and election  (election to Godhood) made sure (ratified, ascertained, verified, promised, vowed, secured).

 

 

 Prayers, Answers, & Leading the Children in Prayer

 

 

-After President Kimball became President of the church he said, “I thought I knew how to pray before, but now I am really learning how to pray.” (“Spencer W. Kimball: A True Disciple of Jesus Christ” by Elder Marvin J Ashton, Gen. Conf. April 1985)

-“Bless our enemies. Help us to understand them, and them to understand us.” This was an oft repeated phrase in President Kimball’s prayers. (“Spencer W. Kimball: A True Disciple of Jesus Christ” by Elder Marvin J Ashton, Gen. Conf. April 1985)

-When I was at the Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Provo Utah, Elder Jeffrey R Holland of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles came to speak to us. He was asked how we get the spirit. He gave 3 councils: 1. Search the scriptures. Search them long and deep. 2. Pray. Pray like you’re banging down the doors to heaven, begging, pleading to be heard, desperately. 3. Once you have the spirit, try to not lose the spirit by offending Him with bad choices.

-An excerpt from  my essays “Magnifying Your Calling in the Church & Your Calling in the Gospel” and ” Top 3 Types of Crazy to Look for In Dating “ …when your spouse comes to you and says something like “I feel prompted to do the following thing which is in the parameters of the teachings of the prophets…” you must be open to that.  As your spouse approaches you with this type of an idea, you pray about it yourself for confirmation of the idea, wherein you’ll get one of the following answers:

 

Answers:

 

  1. “it doesn’t matter”
  2. “not good”
  3. “you decide, it’ll be fun for all of us to see where this goes”
  4. “hm… you might not be ready for this… ask later. And in the meantime, READ THOSE SCRIPTURES! PS I love you & I’m proud of you!”
  5. “I respect you and your wishes. Do it if you wish, much good can come of it, but know that it’s not strictly required of you”
  6. “Try 7” (God can give us specific answers! He isn’t limited to yes or no questions!)

 

DISCLAIMER: Though God certainly has a sense of humor, prayer isn’t this casual.

 

Leading the Children in Prayer:

 

Direct the children in “extra-long prayers for Sunday” on occasion. Have them kneel and told them to tell God all they were thankful for, then to ask what they want, then when they report being done with these, tell them the next step and so on leading them through the whole process; Tell them to pray to tell God all the things they like, then all the things they don’t like, and to ask Him to help there be less of the things they don’t like, then tell Him who all their friends were, and to ask Him to bless them, then to tell Him who all their enemies were, and to ask Him to bless them all. Then tell God what they want to be when they grow up, and what they don’t want to be. Then they are to pray telling God all of their sins. When they reported being done, ask them to think harder, there are more, and let them kneel a while on that. Tell them to listen to what Heavenly Father has to say to them. They can kneel a while saying nothing only listening. When they report being done with this, they are to kneel and listen longer. When all is finished, they are to close in the name of Jesus Christ, and record their experience and impressions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PART 3: PARENTING METHODS

 

 


Introduction

 

 

 

“One of the main problems in families today is that we spend less and less time together. … Time together is precious time—time needed to talk, to listen, to encourage, and to show how to do things.” -President James E Faust

 

“The Lord never shouts, he whispers.” -Elder Dallin H Oaks, 2020 Face to Face Event

 

“The human relationship is the greatest reward.” -Dr. Karyn Purvis, Texas Christian Institute of Child Development

 

“I have wept in the night for the shortness of sight that to somebody’s need made me blind; but I never have yet felt a tinge of regret for being a little too kind.” – Quoted by Thomas S. Monson

 

“Second only to your love, [your children] need your limits.” -Jeffrey R. Holland (2005, ‘To Young Women’)

 

 

Parenting is the divine calling. It is one of the most difficult tests of our souls. Where’s the handbook? This surely isn’t it, but it points us to the most trusted resources of the prophets, ancient and modern, to help us become familiar with the Lord’s doctrines & the language of the Holy Ghost in this great quest.

Enjoy studying with me as we learn the WHY and HOW of the increasingly unpopular sport of parenting! We will look specifically at how parenting opens the door for having an exponential impact on society, and how the adage, “Have lots and don’t wait around about it!” is a sweet gospel truth and blessing only understood by the bravest of saints. Beyond parenting tips, this book studies how family relationships fit into the eternal plan of salvation.

 

 

 

Parenting with Love – Teachings of the Prophets

 

 

Administering mercy as a parent in Zion while avoiding being overly enabling.

These are evidences for authoritative preferred to authoritarian parenting.

The companion essay to this is the other side of the coin on parenting with limits but while avoiding abuse and being overly controlling, which is presented in the following chapter.

-““When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.”That concept is easy for mothers and fathers to understand. Parental love includes gratitude for service extended to any of their children, especially in their time of need. I was amused recently when one of our grown children confided that she had always thought that she was her daddy’s favorite daughter. She was surprised to discover later that each of her eight sisters harbored that same feeling. Only when they had become mothers themselves did they realize that parents hardly have favorites.” (“Teach Us Tolerance and Love” by Russell M. Nelson Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1994/04/teach-us-tolerance-and-love?lang=eng))

-Alex Jensen (BYU social development professor) thinks authoritative is the preferred, not a mix of authoritative and authoritarian

-Alex Jensen (BYU professor of family life) says the defining aspect of authoritarian is control; who is in power/control. If the parent is getting the child to do things from commands of “I told you to do it now do it” that is typical of authoritarian. Use of physical punishments is also authoritarian.

-The scripture says reprove betimes with sharpness, this suggests the sharp aspect is infrequent

-authoritative doesn’t withdraw love; authoritarian would say “you did this bad thing, no hugs or kisses tonight, and I’m not going to speak to you for 6 hours.”

-authoritative punishments are very related to the offence; you break it you buy it; you spill it you clean it; etc.

-authoritative parenting can involve a swat at times if need to show the pain that action will bring says Mark Butler SFL BYU; he gave the example of him swatting his kids leg hard when his kid ran in the street since he wanted to show his kid that if this continues, pain like that but greater will come from a car hitting him. He said “I wish you didn’t have to experience this but it is for your protection”

-authoritative likely involves coming down to the child’s level, “I noticed this is happening. Why is that? Don’t you remember I asked you to do this other? So you want a different thing? Let’s make a compromise. Let’s set up a reward. Let’s remember what natural consequences will come if you don’t do this thing I have asked.”

-“I have never had a tinge of regret for being a little too kind” (LDS Church President Thomas S. Monson)

-Alex Jensen says that though spanking may be effective on some level, he has never done it since he is afraid that he would not be able to control himself if he entered that threshold.

-Alex Jensen says that in our culture, authoritative parenting is the most effective.

-authoritative emphasizes “do’s”, authoritarian emphasizes “don’ts”

-authoritative uses reasoning power to guide, leads to secure attachment, results in the child being liked by both adults and peers. But authoritarian/ heavy power assertion leads to aggression in the child and peers not liking the child.

-an LDS parenting manual uses a story of a parent who is angry and going to discipline a child but before he reaches the child calms down, and speaks with the child peaceably.

-“Parents should never drive their children, but lead them along, giving them knowledge as their minds are prepared to receive it. Chastening may be necessary betimes, but parents should govern their children by faith rather than by the rod, leading them kindly by good example into all truth and holiness” (Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1941], p. 208). (This is cited in the Parent Guide LDS manual)

-“The emotional climate in the home establishes either a positive or a negative learning environment. Climate means “the weather you can expect in a certain place.” What is the “weather” in your home? Is it warm, comfortable, secure; or is there too much thunder, lightning, and cold? Occasionally a teaching moment will arise out of an atmosphere of tension and anxiety, but most effective teaching moments occur in loving, peaceful, respectful circumstances, when the “feeling” is right and when the climate in a relationship is peaceful.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-Referring to a young woman tired of her parent always asking her if she had been unchaste and being standoffish/distant toward her,  “She has her agency, and she chose to be unchaste. But what might have happened had her mother loved and kissed her daughter as she left to go on a date, and if afterward she had invited her daughter to share her experiences in a private, respectful way? If parents show and express their love and give accurate information without nagging and repeating themselves endlessly, children are more likely to listen and be influenced for good.” (LDS Parent Guide)

-“ For your own sake, for the love that should exist between you and your boys—however wayward they might be … when you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly; get them down and weep with them if necessary and get them to shed tears with you if possible. Soften their hearts; get them to feel tenderly toward you. Use no lash and no violence, but … approach them with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned. … Get them to feel as you feel, have interest in the things in which you take interest, to love the gospel as you love it, to love one another as you love them; to love their parents as the parents love the children. You can’t do it any other way” (Joseph F Smith, Gospel Doctrine,5th ed. [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1939], p. 316).” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“ Unkind parenting can plant seeds of self-doubt and even confusion about the gender role. These seeds can germinate into personal problems in the following years unless parents change and show increased affection and acceptance.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“ They need continual intimate contact with their parents. It is in this intimate closeness that their future relationships begin to develop.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“ Harsh correction could diminish their self-esteem and make them anxious about trusting others… Patient, kind acceptance of young children’s efforts to learn will help them have good feelings about themselves and feel confident in loving their parents. Through all stages of growth, children need parental encouragement. Punishment for failure will make them feel inferior and unwilling to develop close relationships. Pressure to progress faster than they are ready can create emotional frustration” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-““When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind” (Joseph Smith, History of the Church, 5:24).” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“Be loving when you correct your children. Do not withhold affection from them as a way to chastise them, for they may not learn to give affection to others. Physical or emotional abuse may teach a child that cruelty is the normal way to treat other people. Do not spank a child in this age-group with any force and never with an instrument. Also, avoid making a child fearful by locking him in a dark room or threatening to leave him alone.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“One couple sent their bright, energetic, and occasionally mischievous three-year-old out of the room when she became disobedient, but they never shut the door. The child was not cut off from the security of the voices, sounds, or lights in the rest of the house. When she regained control of herself, she wandered back to a warm welcome.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“A child has the right to feel that in his home he has a place of refuge, a place of protection from the dangers and evils of the outside world. Family unity and integrity are necessary to supply this need” (“Six Small Essays,” Improvement Era, Sept. 1965, p. 757) (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“-“In spiritual matters some suppose that men and women need not strive for personal righteousness—because God loves and saves us “just as we are.” But God intends that His children should act according to the moral agency He has given them, “that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment.”2 It is His plan and His will that we have the principal decision-making role in our own life’s drama. God will not live our lives for us nor control us as if we were His puppets, as Lucifer once proposed to do. Nor will His prophets accept the role of “puppet master” in God’s place. Brigham Young stated: “I do not wish any Latter Day Saint in this world, nor in heaven, to be satisfied with anything I do, unless the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ,—the spirit of revelation, makes them satisfied. I wish them to know for themselves and understand for themselves.” So God does not save us “just as we are,” first, because “just as we are” we are unclean, and “no unclean thing can dwell … in his presence; for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man [of Holiness].”4 And second, God will not act to make us something we do not choose by our actions to become. Truly He loves us, and because He loves us, He neither compels nor abandons us. Rather He helps and guides us. Indeed, the real manifestation of God’s love is His commandments. We should (and we do) rejoice in the God-ordained plan that permits us to make choices to act for ourselves and experience the consequences, or as the scriptures express it, to “taste the bitter, that [we] may know to prize the good.”” (Elder Christofferson “Free Forever to Act for Themselves”, Oct. 2014  Conf. Report) ” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“[parents’] only purpose in dealing with a child is to bless the child with their efforts. If what they are doing is causing the child to be angry or to experience physical or emotional harm, then their efforts need to cease until they can determine a better course to follow. A wise parent separates himself from the child at a moment when the parent feels such anger and frustration. Sending the child to his room or placing an infant in his crib until the parent has regained composure will often be helpful. If it is not sufficient for the parent to separate himself from the child to regain control, then a parent will do well to get himself and the child in the company of other adults. The presence of another adult or older child usually stimulates a change in the behavior and attitude of both the parent and the child.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“Few will depart from virtue permanently if they are taught in love.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“Parents can mistakenly attribute adult characteristics to adolescents who look like adults but are largely children. They need more time and experience before being expected to act and think completely as adults.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“Parents often give far too much negative counsel to their teenagers. While it is true that you must solemnly warn your teenagers against all types of sin, you should place more emphasis upon the goodness of growing up. God himself, viewing his creation of this earth, pronounced it “good” (see Genesis 1:31). Teach your children that it is good to mature and that adolescence can be filled with beauty and power. Praise them for their spiritual development and maturity.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“I will here say to parents, that kind words and loving actions towards children, will subdue their uneducated natures a great deal better than the rod, or, in other words, than physical punishment. Although it is written that, “The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame,” and, “he that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes;” these quotations refer to wise and prudent corrections. Children who have lived in the sunbeams of parental kindness and affection, when made aware of a parent’s displeasure, and receive a kind reproof from parental lips, are more thoroughly chastened, than by any physical punishment that could be applied to their persons. It is written, that the Lord “shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth.” And again it is written, “a whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool’s back.” The rod of a parent’s mouth, when used in correction of a beloved child, is more potent in its effects, than the rod which is used on the fool’s back. When children are reared under the rod, which is for the fool’s back, it not unfrequently occurs, that they become so stupified and lost to every high-toned feeling and sentiment, that though you bray them in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet will not their foolishness depart from them. Kind looks, kind actions, kind words, and a lovely, holy deportment towards them, will bind our children to us with bands that cannot easily be broken; while abuse and unkindness will drive them from us, and break asunder every holy tie, that should bind them to us, and to the everlasting covenant in which we are all embraced. If my family; and my brethren and sisters, will not be obedient to me on the basis of kindness, and a commendable life before all men, and before the heavens, then farewell to all influence. Earthly kings and potentates obtain influence and power by terrorism, and maintain it by the same means. Had I to obtain power and influence in that way, I should never possess it in this world nor in the next. Fathers who send their little boys and girls on the plains and ranges, to herd their cattle and sheep, and drag them out of bed very early in the morning, to go out in the cold and wet, perhaps without shoes and but scantily clad otherwise, are cruel to their offspring, and when their children arrive at years of maturity, they will leave the roof under which they have received such oppression, and free themselves from the control of parents, who have acted towards them, more like task-masters than natural protectors. It is in this unnatural school that our thieves have their origin, and where they receive their first lessons in dishonesty and wild recklessness. Mark the path in which a number of our boys have travelled, from the time they were eight or ten years of age, to sixteen, eighteen and twenty. Have they been caressed and kindly treated by their parents, sent to school, and when at home taught to read good books, taught to pray themselves, and to hear their parents pray? Have they been accustomed to live and breathe in a peaceful, quiet, heavenly influence when at home? No. Then can you wonder that your children are wild, reckless and ungovernable? They care not for a name, or standing in society, every noble aspiration is blunted; for they are made to go here or there, like mere machines, at the beck and call of tyrant parents, and are uncultivated and uncivilized. This picture will apply to a few of our young men. Let parents treat their children as they themselves would wish to be treated, and set an example before them that is worthy of you as Saints of God. Parents are responsible before the Lord, for the way in which they educate and train their children, for “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses Vol. 10, 360-362; find it here https://www.fairmormon.org/answers/Journal_of_Discourses/10/66) (a portion of the above quote is also featured in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“None of us know what course our children will take. We set good examples before them, and we strive to teach them righteous principles; but when they come to years of accountability they have their agency and they act for themselves.” (Teachings of the Presidents of The Church: Wilford Woodruff, Ch. 16; https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-wilford-woodruff/chapter-16?lang=eng&_r=1)

– “Discipline with love. ‘“Discipline” and “punishment” are not synonymous. Punishment suggests hurting, paying someone back for a wrong committed. Discipline implies an action directed toward a goal … of helping the recipient to improve himself’ (William E. Homan, ‘How to Be a Better Parent,’ Reader’s Digest, Oct. 1969, p. 188). Discipline should always be with love” (Elder Ben Banks, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 40; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 29; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“Parents can provide an atmosphere of reverence and respect in the home if they teach and guide their children with love.” (Gospel Principles Ch 37 “Family Responsibilities”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-37-family-responsibilities?lang=eng&_r=1)

-“A worthy father who is a member of the Church has the opportunity to hold the priesthood, making him the priesthood leader of his family. He should guide his family with humility and kindness rather than with force or cruelty. The scriptures teach that those who hold the priesthood should lead others by persuasion, gentleness, love, and kindness” (see D&C 121:41–44Ephesians 6:4). (Gospel Principles Ch 37 “Family Responsibilities”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-37-family-responsibilities?lang=eng&_r=1)

-“A mother needs to spend time with her children and teach them the gospel. She should play and work with them so they can discover the world around them. She also needs to help her family know how to make the home a pleasant place to be. If she is warm and loving, she helps her children feel good about themselves.” (Gospel Principles Ch 37 “Family Responsibilities”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-37-family-responsibilities?lang=eng&_r=1)

– “Bible verses in the book of Proverbs that have been interpreted to be in favor of spanking children: Proverbs 13:24 says, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chastenth him betimes.” Proverbs 29:15 says, “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Proverbs 23:13-14 says, “Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” These verses have been interpreted many ways. Most people interpret them to mean that children need to be hit with branches, sticks, and reeds, which is one definition of the Hebrew word “shebet” interpreted means “rod.” However, the word shebet has also been interpreted to mean authority, clan or tribe, and has been known to mean God’s authority as well. Due to the poetic nature of the book of Proverbs and the multiple interpretations of the word “rod” some people think that the term means something metaphorical; such as to use the scriptures to reproof or teach children, or that parents need to remember to exercise their authority over the children in order to help the children have a proper upbringing. Sometimes the truth can sting like a rod might hurt the flesh. So children would not die from the pain of truth. However, there have been cases when parents have beat their children to death with rods and reeds, so it appears that Proverbs 23:13-14 cannot mean to literally beat a child with a rod. A few other Bible verses that give further understanding to parents about disciplining children: Hebrews 12: 6-11 talks about the importance of chastening. Specifically verse eleven says, “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” Ephesians 6:4 says, “Now, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” 2Timothy 3:16 says, “All scripture is given by the inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.” This second sampling of Bible verses instructs parents to by calm but firm in correcting and instructing children. They tell parents not to be angry or aggressive, but to use words of truth and reproof. In Hebrews it even says that correction should lead to more peace in the family. These verses suggest that parents are to love and rear their children in righteousness and without any anger.” (ldsmag.com; not an official church publication; https://ldsmag.com/can-spanking-be-okay-sometimes/)”

-An episode of Brigham Young’s parenting: “a small son of his had the habit of knocking his spoon and his bowl of bread and milk to the floor whenever it was placed in front of him. The child’s mother was perplexed. Brigham counseled her: “The next time he knocks the dish from your hand lean him against the chair, do not say one word to him, [and] go to your work.” The mother did this. The child at first stood by the chair and looked at his mother, then at what he had knocked onto the floor. Finally, he crawled to the spoon and the bowl and placed them back on the table. The child never knocked them from the table again. Of his wife’s action President Young said, “She might have whipped him and injured him, as a great many others would have done; but if they know what to do, they can correct the child without violence” (LBY, xxv).” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 “Parental Responsibility”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“That President Young lived the principles he taught is evidenced by his daughter Susa’s description of him as “an ideal father. Kind to a fault, tender, thoughtful, just and firm. … None of us feared him; all of us adored him” (LSBY, 356)” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 “Parental Responsibility”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“Nurture your children with love and the admonitions of the Lord. Rearing happy, peaceful children is no easy challenge in today’s world, but it can be done, and it is being done. Responsible parenthood is the key. Above all else, children need to know and feel they are loved, wanted, and appreciated. They need to be assured of that often. Obviously, this is a role parents should fill, and most often the mother can do it best. …” (Ezra Taft Benson, Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

-“A successful parent is one who has loved, one who has sacrificed, and one who has cared for, taught, and ministered to the needs of a child. If you have done all of these and your child is still wayward or troublesome or worldly, it could well be that you are, nevertheless, a successful parent. Perhaps there are children who have come into the world that would challenge any set of parents under any set of circumstances. Likewise, perhaps there are others who would bless the lives of, and be a joy to, almost any father or mother” (Howard W Hunter, in Conference Report, Oct. 1983, 94; or Ensign, Nov. 1983, 65). (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

-“Some of you have children who do not respond to you, choosing entirely different paths. Father in Heaven has repeatedly had that same experience. While some of His children have used His gift of agency to make choices against His counsel, He continues to love them. Yet, I am sure, He has never blamed Himself for their unwise choices” (Richard G Scott, in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 43; or Ensign, May 1993, 34). (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

-“Hold family councils to discuss family plans and concerns. Some of the most effective family councils are one on one with each family member. Help our children know their ideas are important. Listen to them and learn from them. …” (Robert D Hales in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 41–44; or Ensign, May 1999, 33–34; Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

-“Nothing is so much calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand, and watch over them with tenderness. When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [1976], 240) (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

-“18 percent fewer kids were spanked or beaten (using an object like a paddle or a belt) in 2010 than in 1975. But almost half of all 8- and 9-year-olds are still hit by their parents; and younger kids aren’t exempt from the damaging abuse, either. Research shows that kids who are spanked or hit with an object have lower IQs; they shut down their learning powers. They are also more aggressive, particularly boys, and get in more trouble than kids who are not spanked. Children who are spanked also have sexual problems and low self-esteem as adults. So what can you do when your child is a pain in the neck? Understand what’s going on. Children act out when they don’t have words to express their frustration and anger. To teach your 4-year-old to express his thoughts and feelings, you can put words in his mouth. You might say, “I know you’re feeling tired and wish we could go home, but we can’t. We have to finish grocery shopping.” This helps him release the tension he feels from being trapped somewhere he doesn’t want to be and shows him what he could say to you to make you understand his feelings. It doesn’t always work; sometimes you just have to leave the store before you want to. But it’s important to offer that help so he can learn impulse control and to use words in place of actions. And remember, whenever you feel like spanking your child, take a deep breath and count to 10. You’re the grown-up and should be able to come up with an expressive and thoughtful alternative to hitting your child.” (Michael Roizen, M.D., Deseret News, https://www.deseretnews.com/article/765579398/Spanking-not-best-way-to-discipline-your-child.html)

– “You will be far more successful with love as your watchword than you will be with a whip or lash or anything of the kind.” (Gordon B Hinckley, cited in https://education.byu.edu/youcandothis/spanking.html)

-“have never accepted the principle of ‘spare the rod and spoil the child.’ I am persuaded that violent fathers produce violent sons. Children don’t need beating. They need love and encouragement” (Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, Conference Report, Nov. 1994).

-“Above all else, children need to know and feel they are loved, wanted, and appreciated. They need to be assured often of that” (Ezra Taft Benson, Ensign, Nov. 1982, 60).

-“Use no lash and no violence, but . . . approach them with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned. . . You can’t do it any other way. You can’t do it by unkindness; you cannot do it by driving. . . . You can’t force your boys, nor your girls into heaven. You may force them to hell, by using harsh means in the effort to make them good, when you yourselves are not as good as you should be. The man that will be angry at his boy, and try to correct him while he is in anger, is in the greatest fault. You can only correct your children by love, in kindness, by love unfeigned, by persuasion, and reason” (Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed., SLC: Deseret Book Co., 1939, 316-317)

-“It is not by the whip or the rod that we can make obedient children; but it is by faith and by prayer, and by setting a good example before them” (Brigham Young, Deseret News Weekly, 9 Aug. 1865, 3).

– “My father never laid a hand upon me except to bless me” (Gordon B Hinckley, “Go Forward with Faith”, pg. 141)

-“now days if a parent spanks a child it is likely that the child will have been taught by their school that this is abuse. This teaching encourages children to tell on their parents or to report their parents to authorities even when the spanking was going to be done with love and calmness. Since there are people telling children what is right and wrong instead of parents being the authority on what is right and wrong parents have just cause to abandon spanking as an acceptable parenting practice to protect their families from government intrusion.” (Meridian Magazine (not an official church publication), Nicholeen Peck (author of
A House United: Changing Children’s Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self Government ) 2014 “Can Spanking be ok Sometimes?”  https://ldsmag.com/can-spanking-be-okay-sometimes/)

-“The genius of our Church government is government through councils. … I have had enough experience to know the value of councils. Hardly a day passes but that I see the wisdom, God’s wisdom, in creating councils: to govern his Kingdom” (Stephen L Richards, in Conference Report, Oct. 1953, 86; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“If parents are immature and cannot settle their differences without anger, fighting, and name-calling, a child becomes most insecure, and as he grows older he is apt to take up with the wrong type of friends just to get away from an unhappy home environment” (Elder Delbert L. Stapley, in Conference Report, Oct. 1970, 45; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“Often parents communicate most effectively with their children by the way they listen to and address each other. Their conversations showing gentleness and love are heard by our ever-alert, impressionable children” (Elder Marvin J Ashton in Conference Report, Apr. 1976, 81; or Ensign, May 1976, 53; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“It helps children to see that good parents can have differing opinions and that these differences can be worked out without striking, yelling, or throwing things. They need to see and feel calm communication with respect for each other’s viewpoints so they themselves will know how to work through differences in their own lives” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 10; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 9; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness” (Marion G Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1980, 88, 90; or Ensign, May 1980, 66–67; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“The first and most important inner quality you can instill in a child is faith in God. The first and most important action a child can learn is obedience. And the most powerful tool you have with which to teach a child is love. (David O McKay, See Instructor, Dec. 1949, p. 620)” (quoted by L Tom Perry, in Conference Report, Apr. 1983, 106; or Ensign, May 1983, 78; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“A principal purpose for discipline is to teach obedience. President David O. McKay stated: ‘Parents who fail to teach obedience to their children, if [their] homes do not develop obedience society will demand it and get it. It is therefore better for the home, with its kindliness, sympathy and understanding, to train the child in obedience rather than callously to leave him to the brutal and unsympathetic discipline that society will impose if the home has not already fulfilled its obligation’ (The Responsibility of Parents to Their Children, p. 3)” (James E Faust in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 41–42; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 34; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“Motherhood consists of three principal attributes or qualities: namely, (1) the power to bear, (2) the ability to rear, (3) the gift to love. …This ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness, yes, longing to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world” (David O McKay, Gospel Ideals, 453; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“Love is the very essence of family life. Why is it that the children we love become so frequently the targets of our harsh words? Why is it that these children who love their fathers and mothers sometimes speak as if with daggers that cut to the quick? ‘There is beauty all around,’ only ‘when there’s love at home’ (Hymns, no. 294)” (Gordon B Hinckley, in Conference Report, Apr. 1989, 83; or Ensign, May 1989, 67; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“parents, who had once been hitters and spankers, had made the shift to calm, firm self-government parenting. Their thirteen-year-old son was “out of instructional control” and the father was calmly going through the Rule of Three to help the son become calm and ready to receive his negative consequence. Then the son said, “Just hit me Dad. It would be quicker. Just hit me.” I loved this great moment for this reformed father. He saw clearly that his son used the previous beatings as a way of not taking responsibility for his actions. He also clearly saw that the child didn’t have to accept the consequence or become calm for a beating to occur. When he did those beatings he was denying his child the opportunity to accept his consequence as something he earned. For justice to be completely effective the guilty must acknowledge his wrongdoing.” (Meridian Magazine (not an official church publication), Nicholeen Peck (author of
A House United: Changing Children’s Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self Government ) 2014 “Can Spanking be ok Sometimes?”  https://ldsmag.com/can-spanking-be-okay-sometimes/)

-“Let parents treat their children as they themselves would wish to be treated, and set an example before them that is worthy of you as Saints of God.” (DNW,7 Dec. 1864, 2) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of passion; teach them to love you rather than to fear you.” (DBY, 207) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“In our daily pursuits in life, of whatever nature and kind, Latter-day Saints … should maintain a uniform and even temper, both when at home and when abroad. They should not suffer reverses and unpleasant circumstances to sour their natures and render them fretful and unsocial at home, speaking words full of bitterness and biting acrimony to their wives and children, creating gloom and sorrow in their habitations, making themselves feared rather than loved by their families. Anger should never be permitted to rise in our bosoms, and words suggested by angry feelings should never be permitted to pass our lips. “A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger [Proverbs 15:1].” “Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous;” but “the discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression [Proverbs 19:11]”” (DBY, 203–4)

-“In passing through the world I see that the most of parents are very anxious to govern and control their children. As far as my observations have gone I have seen more parents who were unable to control themselves than I ever saw who were unable to control their children. If a mother wishes to control her child, in the first place let her learn to control herself, then she may be successful in bringing the child into perfect subjection to her will. But if she does not control herself how can she expect a child,—an infant in understanding—to be more wise, prudent and better than one of grown age and matured?” (DNSW, 12 July 1870, 2)

-“I can pick out scores of men in this congregation who have driven their children from them by using the wooden rod. Where there is severity there is no affection or filial feeling in the hearts of either party; the children would rather be away from father than be with him.” (DBY, 203)

-“It is not by the whip or the rod that we can make obedient children; but it is by faith and by prayer, and by setting a good example before them.” (DNW, 9 Aug. 1865, 3)

-“I do not believe in making my authority as a husband or a father known by brute force; but by a superior intelligence—by showing them that I am capable of teaching them. … If the Lord has placed me to be the head of a family, let me be so in all humility and patience, not as a tyrannical ruler, but as a faithful companion, an indulgent and affectionate father, a thoughtful and unassuming superior; let me be honored in my station through faithful diligence, and be fully capable, by the aid of God’s Spirit, of filling my office in a way to effect the salvation of all who are committed to my charge.” (DNW, 23 July 1862, 2)

-“At times our children may not be in possession of a good spirit; but if the parent continues to possess the good Spirit, the children will have the bad spirit but a short time. … Rule in righteousness, and in the fear and love of God, and your children will follow you.” (DNSW,7 Apr. 1868, 3)

-“Kind looks, kind actions, kind words, and a lovely, holy deportment towards them will bind our children to us with bands that cannot easily be broken; while abuse and unkindness will drive them from us, and break asunder every holy tie that should bind them to us and to the everlasting covenant in which we are all embraced. If my family, and my brethren and sisters will not be obedient to me on the basis of kindness, and a commendable life before all men, and before the heavens, then farewell to all influence.” (DNW, 7 Dec. 1864, 2)

-“You ought always to take the lead of your children in their minds and affections. Instead of being behind with the whip, always be in advance, then you can say, “Come along,” and you will have no use for the rod. They will delight to follow you, and will like your words and ways, because you are always comforting them and giving them pleasure and enjoyment. If they get a little naughty, stop them when they have gone far enough. … When they transgress, and transcend certain bounds we want them to stop. If you are in the lead they will stop, they cannot run over you; but if you are behind they will run away from you.” (DNSW, 8 Dec. 1868, 2–3)

-“A child loves the smiles of its mother, but hates her frowns. I tell the mothers not to allow the children to indulge in evils, but at the same time to treat them with mildness. If a child is required to step in a certain direction, and it does not seem willing to do so, gently put it in the desired way, and say, There, my little dear, you must step when I speak to you. Children need directing and teaching what is right in a kind, affectionate manner.” (DBY, 209)

-“How often we see parents demand obedience, good behavior, kind words, pleasant looks, a sweet voice and a bright eye from a child or children when they themselves are full of bitterness and scolding! How inconsistent and unreasonable this is!” (DBY, 208)

-“Let the father and mother, who are members of this Church and Kingdom, take a righteous course, and strive with all their might never to do a wrong, but to do good all their lives; if they have one child or one hundred children, if they conduct themselves towards them as they should, binding them to the Lord by their faith and prayers, I care not where those children go, they are bound up to their parents by an everlasting tie, and no power of earth or hell can separate them from their parents in eternity; they will return again to the fountain from whence they sprang.” (DBY, 208).

(Handbook for Families: Disciplining with Love, LDS Ensign Sept. 1985 https://www.lds.org/ensign/1985/09/disciplining-with-love?lang=eng)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parenting with Limits: Teachings of the Prophets

 

 

 

This chapter focuses on how to have strong limits as a parent, while avoiding abuse. This is the companion essay to parenting with love while avoiding being overly enabling.

Note: spanking or other physical harm is likely never ok, and prophets have taught it likely does more harm than good, and that there are more appropriate and effective ways for child discipline. There may be occasions where this would be appropriate, but the rule of thumb is typically to avoid it.

-1 Sam. 3 the Lord punishes Eli for not restraining his children from doing evil. It seems Eli lost his priesthood for this offence.

-we lose our children by sending them to public school where outrageous peer pressures consume them, and attitudes are learned which are never unlearned.

-should we allow our kids to swear like sailors? I worked at a youth rehab where this was allowed and entirely disapprove. A basic level of respect is required. I stopped working there because my presence suggested that I agreed with that pitiful policy. I’ve seen other rehabs with a strict language policy which are much safer and successful environments for rehabilitation into adulthood and working lifestyles.

-showing great displeasure at repeated disobedience expresses to the child that you are serious

-kids don’t need a lot of free time

-kids don’t need tons of friends

-public schools move too slowly or for some subjects move on without comprehension and are not catered to each child’s needs

-essential core fundamental curriculum exams must be passed at 100% before the student can move on

-President Boyd K Packer says no one owes a child entertainment

-President Spencer W Kimball taught in his book “Faith Proceeds the Miracle” that large amounts of free time for children is not natural and not healthy.

-referring to “spare the rod spoil the child”: The rod can be strict rules of respect in the home and enforced in usually non-physical ways, but must be enforced. Don’t physically harm them.  “You will be far more successful with love as your watchword than you will be with a whip or lash or anything of the kind.” (Gordon B Hinckley, cited in https://education.byu.edu/youcandothis/spanking.html)

-“have never accepted the principle of ‘spare the rod and spoil the child.’ I am persuaded that violent fathers produce violent sons. Children don’t need beating. They need love and encouragement” (Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, Conference Report, Nov. 1994).

 

-‘stand in holy places till the Lord come’ we have to not wait around for the popular ideas of the masses, but to be bold, not subjecting our children to more evil than is needed.  Like the young tree who needs a rope in the wind to not fall over, we want to put ropes on it, not to add wind.

-a key to giving your children clean environments and media etc. is that there is so much good, you don’t need to mess with the bad. Why go to a place where there is known immodesty where there are others with the beauty of nature? Or why a song of evil, when so many songs of both holiness and fun which are wholesome? Or why waste time with entertainment when there is so much wholesome and enjoyable things to learn?

-Isaiah says to turn the foot and ear away from violence

-for media decisions: is the violence glorified or to show the consequences of someone’s poor choices?

-one of the prophets, Hinckley? Encouraged the men to control their anger, and the women to control their voice levels. But that doesn’t mean a parent can’t take some sort of controlled actions lead to a child learning self-control, which leads to good behavior, and less temptation to resort to anger or yelling.

-“ Our children are responsible for their own behavior. Give them the opportunity to sit in council with you, however informal and spontaneous. Give them clear counsel to guide them, and let them practice following that counsel. They must feel the weight of decision making and, at times, the pain of error.” (Parent Guide Manual LDS)

– “Fathers and mothers counsel (advise, teach) their children as they sit in council (ponder, listen, discuss) together. It is inconceivable that their counsel is given rudely or harshly, although they must sometimes be solemn and stern as they deal with children who may be rebellious.” (Parent Guide Manual LDS)

-your “role as a parent requires that you pass judgments on your children and correct them as necessary” (Parent Guide Manual LDS)

– “you can react with concern, candor, and practical steps to correct the error” (Parent Guide Manual LDS). Here it is undefined by what is meant by “practical steps”, leaving that open to our interpretation.

-“At times you must express love in a firm and stern way. But even after you have rebuked your children, if you then make sure they know that you love them, they usually accept the guidance and teaching they receive.” (Parent Guide Manual LDS)

–“The home is the best place in the world to teach the child self-restraint, to give him happiness in self-control, and respect for the rights of others. I feel that the first contribution of the home to the happiness of the child is to impress him with the fact that there are bounds beyond which he cannot go with safety; second, to teach him to be considerate of the rights of others;” (David O McKay, “Home … and the Strength of Youth,” Improvement Era, Aug. 1959, p. 583).

(LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“This phase is the time to make sure your children establish habits of good nutrition, hygiene, grooming, and exercise. Help them develop appetites for healthy rather than junk foods. If you encourage them in frequent, vigorous physical exercise and play, they can develop enjoyable habits with lifelong benefits… Whatever your child’s situation, encourage him during this period to acquire habits of self-respect, hygiene, and attention to his body’s condition.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual, in the chapter about 4-11 year olds)

-“ this is a special period of development in which parents should teach courtesy, honesty, fidelity, mercy, good humor, and spiritual integrity. Interpersonal relationships may be divided into three basic categories: courteous, affectionate, and intimate. Children must learn the differences between these categories and what is proper within each” (LDS Parent Guide Manual, in the chapter about 4-11 year olds)

-“only occasionally will a child see on television healthy male-to-male or female-to-female affection. Frequently the language, voice tones, and body mannerisms shown by televised entertainment do not portray the gentle affection for which the Savior’s followers ought to strive.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“Teach your daughters and your sons to seek opportunities to learn and to exploit every such opportunity fully. Girls and boys should learn all they can about every subject within their capabilities. They should nurture and develop their gifts (see D&C 46:11–26), striving always to achieve their full potential and to fill the measure of their creation (see D&C 88:19).

Girls ought to be taught the arts and sciences of housekeeping, domestic finances, sewing, and cooking. Boys need to learn home repair, career preparation, and the protection of women.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“We understood well before we came to this vale of tears that there would be sorrows, disappointments, hard work, blood, sweat, and tears; but in spite of all, we looked down and saw this earth being made ready for us, and we said in effect, Yes, Father, in spite of all those things I can see great blessings that could come to me as one of thy sons or daughters… You will need to develop yourself and grow in ability and power and worthiness, to govern such a world with all of its people. You are sent to this earth not merely to have a good time or to satisfy urges or passions or desires. You are sent to this earth, not to ride merry-go-rounds, airplanes, automobiles, and have what the world calls ‘fun.’ You are sent to this world with a very serious purpose. You are sent to school, for that matter, to begin as a human infant and grow to unbelievable proportions in wisdom, judgment, knowledge, and power” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982], p. 31). (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

– The following account is about a father who explained the why behind a rule forbidding cussing (particularly the specific word used was explained as to its vulgarity), and also gave a punishment. ““Am I grounded for cussing?” The father then realized that, for this boy, the biggest issue was bad language. Oh well, he thought, parenthood is a lifetime program. Hoping that in mercy he had enlightened his son, he dispensed justice. “Yes, you’re grounded until 8:00 P.M. tonight for using improper language.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“ Love unfeigned is the most powerful force in the world because it brings the ability to direct one’s efforts toward God’s purposes rather than toward our purposes.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“ Love unfeigned is the most powerful force in the world because it brings the ability to direct one’s efforts toward God’s purposes rather than toward our purposes.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual) I’ve included this quote here to suggest that when we fail to discipline it is a lack of love, and that when we do need discipline, we must control ourselves and only give the appropriate amount the child needs.

-“In spiritual matters some suppose that men and women need not strive for personal righteousness—because God loves and saves us “just as we are.” But God intends that His children should act according to the moral agency He has given them, “that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment.”2 It is His plan and His will that we have the principal decision-making role in our own life’s drama. God will not live our lives for us nor control us as if we were His puppets, as Lucifer once proposed to do. Nor will His prophets accept the role of “puppet master” in God’s place. Brigham Young stated: “I do not wish any Latter Day Saint in this world, nor in heaven, to be satisfied with anything I do, unless the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ,—the spirit of revelation, makes them satisfied. I wish them to know for themselves and understand for themselves.” So God does not save us “just as we are,” first, because “just as we are” we are unclean, and “no unclean thing can dwell … in his presence; for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man [of Holiness].”4 And second, God will not act to make us something we do not choose by our actions to become. Truly He loves us, and because He loves us, He neither compels nor abandons us. Rather He helps and guides us. Indeed, the real manifestation of God’s love is His commandments. We should (and we do) rejoice in the God-ordained plan that permits us to make choices to act for ourselves and experience the consequences, or as the scriptures express it, to “taste the bitter, that [we] may know to prize the good.”” (Elder Christofferson “Free Forever to Act for Themselves”, Oct. 2014  Conf. Report)

-“It is relatively easy for you to sit in council and to counsel, urge, or even require children between four and eleven to behave virtuously. There is nothing wrong with expecting your children to be good long before they enjoy it. But there is much for parents to repent of if they shirk their duty and avoid the stress of such discipline.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)

-“I call upon parents throughout Zion to do what you can to induce your sons and daughters to walk in the paths of righteousness and truth and to improve the opportunities before them.” (Teachings of the Presidents of The Church: Wilford Woodruff, Ch. 16)

-“In our zeal to preach the Gospel to the people of all nations, we should not forget the duties devolving upon us in regard to the proper bringing up of our own children, instilling in them, when young, a love for truth and virtue, and reverence for sacred things, and affording them a knowledge of the principles of the Gospel.” (Teachings of the Presidents of The Church: Wilford Woodruff, Ch. 16; https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-wilford-woodruff/chapter-16?lang=eng&_r=1)

-“By bringing these choice spirits to earth, each father and each mother assume towards the tabernacled spirit and towards the Lord Himself by having taken advantage of the opportunity He offered, an obligation of the most sacred kind, because the fate of that spirit in the eternities to come, the blessings or punishments which shall await it in the hereafter, depend, in great part, upon the care, the teachings, the training which the parents shall give to that spirit. No parent can escape that obligation and that responsibility, and for the proper meeting thereof, the Lord will hold us to a strict accountability. No loftier duty than this can be assumed by mortals.” (Teachings of the Presidents of The Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)

– “To have successful homes, values must be taught, and there must be rules, there must be standards, and there must be absolutes. Many societies give parents very little support in teaching and honoring moral values. A number of cultures are becoming essentially valueless, and many of the younger people in those societies are becoming moral cynics. … Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another. I do not know who is wise enough to say what discipline is too harsh or what is too lenient except the parents of the children themselves, who love them most. It is a matter of prayerful discernment for the parents. Certainly the overarching and undergirding principle is that the discipline of children must be motivated more by love than by punishment. …Direction and discipline are, however, certainly an indispensable part of child rearing. If parents do not discipline their children, then the public will discipline them in a way the parents do not like. Without discipline, children will not respect either the rules of the home or of society” (Elder James E Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 40–41; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 32–34; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“No man can ever become a ruler in the Kingdom of God, until he can perfectly rule himself; then is he capable of raising a family of children who will rise up and call him blessed” (Discourses of Brigham Young, 265; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

– “Parents, can we first consider the most painful part of your problem? If you want to reclaim your son or daughter, why don’t you leave off trying to alter your child just for a little while and concentrate on yourself. The changes must begin with you, not with your children. You can’t continue to do what you have been doing (even though you thought it was right) and expect to unproduce some behavior in your child, when your conduct was one of the things that produced it. There! It’s been said! After all the evading, all the concern for wayward children. After all the blaming of others, the care to be gentle with parents. It’s out! It’s you, not the child, that needs immediate attention. Now parents, there is substantial help for you if you will accept it. I add with emphasis that the help we propose is not easy, for the measures are equal to the seriousness of your problem. There is no patent medicine to effect an immediate cure. And parents, if you seek for a cure that ignores faith and religious doctrine, you look for a cure where it never will be found. When we talk of religious principles and doctrines and quote scripture, interesting, isn’t it, how many don’t feel comfortable with talk like that. But when we talk about your problems with your family and offer a solution, then your interest is intense. Know that you can’t talk about one without talking about the other, and expect to solve your problems. Once parents know that there is a God and that we are his children, they can face problems like this and win. If you are helpless, he is not. If you are lost, he is not. If you don’t know what to do next, he knows. It would take a miracle, you say? Well, if it takes a miracle, why not” (Boyd K. Packer, in Conference Report, Oct. 1970, 119–20; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“It is simply absurd to imagine that if a child has the seed of falsehood and evil sown in its mind through life, you will all at once be able to sow in that mind one crop of truth and have it bring forth a harvest of truth. … We would look upon a farmer as a natural born idiot who would call upon everybody who passed his farm to throw in a few seeds of weeds, to do this for a period of twenty-one years, and then expect he could sow a crop of grain and expect to get a good harvest. I may know the multiplication table, and my wife may also, but I cannot on that account expect my children to be born with a knowledge of the multiplication table in their heads. I may know that the Gospel is true, and my wife may know it; but I do not imagine for one moment that my children will be born with this knowledge. We receive a testimony of the Gospel by obeying the laws and ordinances thereof; and our children will receive that knowledge exactly the same way; and if we do not teach them, and they do not walk in the straight and narrow path that leads to eternal life, they will never receive this knowledge. I have heard people say that their children were born heirs to all the promises of the new and everlasting covenant, and that they would grow up in spite of themselves, with a knowledge of the Gospel. I want to say to you that this is not a true doctrine, and it is in direct opposition to the commandment of our Heavenly Father. We find that it is laid down to the Latter-day Saints, not as an entreaty, but as a law, that they should teach their children” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)

-“I have heard men and women say that they were going to let their sons and daughters grow to maturity before they sought to teach them the principles of the gospel, that they were not going to cram the gospel down them in their childhood, before they were able to comprehend it. When I hear men and women say this, I think they are lacking faith in the principles of the gospel and do not comprehend it as they should. The Lord has said it is our duty to teach our children in their youth, and I prefer to take His word for it rather than the words of those who are not obeying His commandments. It is folly to imagine that our children will grow up with a knowledge of the gospel without teaching.” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)

-“I pray that the Lord will give to the parents of the youth an understanding and appreciation of the dangers and temptations to which their children are subjected, that they may be led and guided to encourage their children, to direct them, to teach them how to live as the Lord would have them live.” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)

-“If we as parents will so order our lives that our children will know and realize in their hearts that we are in very deed Latter-day Saints, that we actually know what we are talking about, they, by seeking after the Lord, will get that same testimony.” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)

-“I would rather die in poverty knowing that my family could testify that, to the best of my ability with which God had endowed me, I had observed His laws and kept His commandments, and by my example, had proclaimed the gospel, than to have all the wealth of the world.” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)

-“The little things are the big things sewn into the family tapestry by a thousand threads of love, faith, discipline, sacrifice, patience, and work” (James E Faust in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 43; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 35; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“There are two areas I would determine to improve if that privilege were granted to me to have young children in our home once again. The first would be to spend more time as husband and wife in a family executive committee meeting learning, communicating, planning, and organizing to better fulfill our roles as parents. The second wish I would like, if I could have those years over, would be to spend more family time” (L Tom Perry, in Conference Report, Apr. 1994, 49; or Ensign, May 1994, 37; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“the invitation to repent is an expression of love. … If we do not invite others to change or if we do not demand repentance of ourselves, we fail in a fundamental duty we owe to one another and to ourselves. A permissive parent, an indulgent friend, a fearful Church leader are in reality more concerned about themselves than the welfare and happiness of those they could help.” (D. Todd Christofferson, “The Divine Gift of Repentance,” Ensign, Nov. 2011, 39.)

-“Children share with their parents the responsibilities of building a happy home. They should obey the commandments and cooperate with other family members. The Lord is not pleased when children quarrel (see Mosiah 4:14). The Lord has commanded children to honor their parents. He said, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land” (Exodus 20:12). To honor parents means to love and respect them. It also means to obey them. The scriptures tell children to “obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). President Spencer W. Kimball said that children should learn to work and to share responsibilities in the home and yard. They should be given assignments to keep the house neat and clean. (See Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 120.)” (Gospel Principles Ch 37 “Family Responsibilities”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-37-family-responsibilities?lang=eng&_r=1)

-“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chastenth him betimes.” (Proverbs 13:24)

-“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” (Proverbs 29:15)

-“Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” (Proverbs 23:13-14)

-“That President Young lived the principles he taught is evidenced by his daughter Susa’s description of him as “an ideal father. Kind to a fault, tender, thoughtful, just and firm. … None of us feared him; all of us adored him” (LSBY, 356)” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 “Parental Responsibility”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“Nurture your children with love and the admonitions of the Lord. Rearing happy, peaceful children is no easy challenge in today’s world, but it can be done, and it is being done. Responsible parenthood is the key” (Ezra Taft Benson, Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

-“Children must be taught right from wrong. They can and must learn the commandments of God. They must be taught that it is wrong to steal, lie, cheat, or covet what others have. Children must be taught to work at home. They should learn there that honest labor develops dignity and self-respect. They should learn the pleasure of work, of doing a job well. The leisure time of children must be constructively directed to wholesome, positive pursuits. Too much time viewing television can be destructive, and pornography in this medium should not be tolerated. It is estimated that growing children today watch television over twenty-five hours per week. Communities have a responsibility to assist the family in promoting wholesome entertainment. What a community tolerates will become tomorrow’s standard for today’s youth. Families must spend more time together in work and recreation. Family home evenings should be scheduled once a week as a time for recreation, work projects, skits, songs around the piano, games, special refreshments, and family prayers. Like iron links in a chain, this practice will bind a family together, in love, pride, tradition, strength, and loyalty. Family study of the scriptures should be the practice in our homes each Sabbath day. Daily devotionals are also a commendable practice, where scripture reading, singing of hymns, and family prayer are a part of our daily routine.… Parents must prepare their children for the ordinances of the gospel. …” (Ezra Taft Benson, Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

-“The home is what needs reforming. Try today, and tomorrow, to make a change in your home by praying twice a day with your family. … Ask a blessing upon every meal you eat. Spend ten minutes … reading a chapter from the words of the Lord in the [scriptures]. … Let love, peace, and the Spirit of the Lord, kindness, charity, sacrifice for others, abound in your families. Banish harsh words, … and let the Spirit of God take possession of your hearts. Teach to your children these things, in spirit and power. … Not one child in a hundred would go astray, if the home environment, example and training, were in harmony with … the gospel of Christ.’ (Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine,5th ed., Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1939, p. 302.)” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 86–87; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 60–61; see also “Salvation—A Family Affair,” Ensign, July 1992, 4–5).

-“Obviously, family values mirror our personal priorities. Given the gravity of current conditions, would parents be willing to give up just one outside thing, giving that time and talent instead to the family? Parents and grandparents, please scrutinize your schedules and priorities in order to ensure that life’s prime relationships get more prime time! Even consecrated and devoted Brigham Young was once told by the Lord, ‘Take especial care of your family’ (D&C 126:3). Sometimes it is the most conscientious who need this message the most!” (Neil Maxwell, in Conference Report, Apr. 1994, 121; or Ensign, May 1994, 90). (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

-“As parents, we are sometimes too intimidated to teach or testify to our children. I have been guilty of that in my own life. Our children need to have us share spiritual feelings with them and to teach and bear testimony to them.” (Robert D Hales in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 41–44; or Ensign, May 1999, 33–34; Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

-“Even that beloved and wonderfully successful parent President Joseph F. Smith pled, ‘Oh! God, let me not lose my own.’ That is every parent’s cry, and in it is something of every parent’s fear. But no one has failed who keeps trying and keeps praying. You have every right to receive encouragement and to know in the end your children will call your name blessed” (Jeffrey R Holland, in Conference Report, Apr. 1997, 48; or Ensign, May 1997, 36). (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

– “To this end we advise and urge the inauguration of a ‘Home Evening’ throughout the Church, at which time fathers and mothers may gather their boys and girls about them in the home and teach them the word of the Lord. … If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influences and temptations which beset them” (First Presidency (Joseph F. Smith, Anthon H. Lund, Charles W. Penrose), “Home Evening,” Improvement Era, June 1915, 733–34). (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

– “Hold family home evenings every week without fail. This is a wonderful time to share your testimony with your children. Give them an opportunity to share their feelings about the gospel. Help them learn to recognize when they feel the presence of the Spirit. Family home evenings will help create an island of refuge and security within your own home” (Elder Joe J Christensen, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 14; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 12). (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

– Surveys show that about 50% of parents today support spanking, which is down from 90% in the 1950s. (From https://education.byu.edu/youcandothis/spanking.html)

-“The world has been groomed to think of spanking is abuse. The United Nations signed a document in 1989 declaring that children all over the world have the same 45 rights. These rights include things like the right to play and the right to freedom from punishment. The document also says that every child has the right not to be abused, but abuse isn’t really spelled out which leaves the determination about abuse vague dangerous to interpret. I could go into great detail about the social dangers of a country following this CRC document, but will stick to the topic of punishment for now. Luckily the United States has not ratified this document as law, so many of the absurd rights that would destroy the role of parents and make the government the parent are not really enforceable. However, these false rights are being taught to teachers and in schools as well as to government agencies as real rights even though they are not really law. So, now days if a parent spanks a child it is likely that the child will have been taught by their school that this is abuse. This teaching encourages children to tell on their parents or to report their parents to authorities even when the spanking was going to be done with love and calmness.” (Meridian Magazine (not an official church publication), Nicholeen Peck (author of
A House United: Changing Children’s Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self Government ) 2014 “Can Spanking be ok Sometimes?”  https://ldsmag.com/can-spanking-be-okay-sometimes/) (*Some try to “spank with love” but I don’t think it’s a good idea based on what prophets have taught about child discipline.)

-“Successful parents have found that it is not easy to rear children in an environment polluted with evil. Therefore, they take deliberate steps to provide the best of wholesome influences. Moral principles are taught. Good books are made available and read. Television watching is controlled. Good and uplifting music is provided. But most importantly, the scriptures are read and discussed as a means to help develop spiritual-mindedness” (Spencer W Kimball, in Conference Report, Apr. 1984, 6–7; or Ensign, May 1984, 6; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

– “I would make the family home evening times on Monday night a family council meeting where children were taught by parents how to prepare for their roles as family members and prospective parents. Family home evening would begin with a family dinner together, followed by a council meeting, where such topics as the following would be discussed and training would be given: temple preparation, missionary preparation, home management, family finances, career development, education, community involvement, cultural improvement, acquisition and care of real and personal property, family planning calendars, use of leisure time, and work assignments. The evening could then be climaxed with a special dessert and time for parents to have individual meetings with each child” (L Tom Perry, in Conference Report, Oct. 1980, 8–9; or Ensign, Nov. 1980, 9; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

– “Each family organization should include a family council comprised of all members of the family unit. Here the basic responsibilities of the family organization can be taught to the children. They can learn how to make decisions and act upon those decisions. Too many are growing to marriageable age unprepared for this responsibility. Work ethics and self-preparedness can be taught in a most effective way in a family council. President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., has paraphrased an old statement. ‘“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,”’ he would say. ‘But all play and no work makes Jack a useless boy.’ (As quoted by Harold B. Lee, ‘Administering True Charity,’ address delivered at the welfare agricultural meeting, 5 Oct. 1968)” (L Tom Perry, in Conference Report, Apr. 1981, 119; or Ensign, May 1981, 88; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“While few human challenges are greater than that of being good parents, few opportunities offer greater potential for joy. Surely no more important work is to be done in this world than preparing our children to be God-fearing, happy, honorable, and productive. Parents will find no more fulfilling happiness than to have their children honor them and their teachings. It is the glory of parenthood. John testified, ‘I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth’ (3 John 1:4)” (James E Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 40; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 32–33; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“We are to teach and train our children in the ways of the Lord. Children should not be left to their own devices in learning character and family values, or in listening to and watching unsupervised music or television or movies as a means of gaining knowledge and understanding as to how to live their lives!” (Elder David B Haight, in Conference Report, Oct. 1992, 105; or Ensign, Nov. 1992, 75–76; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

-“Although the Lord chastised the leading brethren, and indeed all parents in Zion, for parental delinquency, he indicated that repentance is possible. But he also said that if we did not repent, we would be removed out of our place. (see D&C 93:41–50.) Not only do the scriptures instruct us on when teaching is best done (see D&C 68:25–32Deuteronomy 8:5–9) but also on what should and should not be taught (see Moroni 7:14–192 Nephi 9:28–29) and who should and should not do the teaching (see 2 Nephi 28:14, 31Mosiah 23:14)” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1991, 112; or Ensign, Nov. 1991, 81). (Elder H Verlan Andersen in Conference Report, Oct. 1991, 112; or Ensign, Nov. 1991, 81; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

– “Now, I, the Lord, am not well pleased with the inhabitants of Zion, for there are idlers among them; and their children are also growing up in wickedness; they also seek not earnestly the riches of eternity, but their eyes are full of greediness. These things ought not to be, and must be done away from among them; wherefore, let my servant Oliver Cowdery carry these sayings unto the land of Zion.” (D&C 68:31-32)

– “Work together. I do not know how many generations or centuries ago someone first said, ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ Children need to work with their parents, to wash dishes with them, to mop floors with them, to mow lawns, to prune trees” (Gordon B Hinckley, “Four Simple Things to Help Our Families and Our Nations,” Ensign, Sept. 1996, 7; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

– “‘In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread’ is not outdated counsel. It is basic to personal welfare. One of the greatest favors parents can do for their children is to teach them to work. Much has been said over the years about children and monthly allowances, and opinions and recommendations vary greatly. I’m from the ‘old school.’ I believe children should earn their money needs through service and appropriate chores. Some financial rewards to children may also be tied to educational effort and the accomplishment of other worthwhile goals. I think it is unfortunate for a child to grow up in a home where the seed is planted in the child’s mind that there is a family money tree that automatically drops ‘green stuff’ once a week or once a month” (Elder Marvin J Ashton, One for the Money, 8; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“ the best teachers of the principle of work are the parents themselves… Children need to learn responsibility and independence. Are the parents personally taking the time to show and demonstrate and explain so that children can, as Lehi taught, ‘act for themselves and not … be acted upon’? (2 Nephi 2:26)” (James E Faust in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 42; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 34).” ; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)

– “The remarks of President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., given fifty-six years ago, are instructive today. He said: ‘It is the eternal, inescapable law that growth comes only from work and preparation, whether the growth be material, mental, or spiritual. Work has no substitute’ (in Conference Report, Apr. 1933, p. 103). More recently, Elder Howard W. Hunter counseled: ‘The first recorded instruction given to Adam after the Fall dealt with the eternal principle of work. The Lord said: “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread.” (Gen. 3:19.) Our Heavenly Father loves us so completely that he has given us a commandment to work. This is one of the keys to eternal life. He knows that we will learn more, grow more, achieve more, serve more, and benefit more from a life of industry than from a life of ease’ (Ensign, Nov. 1975, p. 122)” (Joseph B Worthlin in Conference Report, Apr. 1989, 9; or Ensign, May 1989, 8; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

– “Teach your children to work and to take responsibility. Especially in urban settings, too many children are growing up in an environment where they do not have enough to do. They are like the young thirteen-year-old boy who was asked what he did all day in the summer. He said, ‘Well, I get up in the morning about ten or eleven. Then my mom gets me something to eat. Then maybe I’ll go with some of the guys and play a little basketball, maybe watch TV, and then go down to the mall and “hang out” for a while—sorta watch the girls and stuff.’ …I like what President Spencer W. Kimball has said on this topic: ‘We want you parents to create work for your children’” (Elder Joe J Christensen, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 13; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 12; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“‘All children have claim upon their parents for their maintenance until they are of age’ (D&C 83:4). In addition, their spiritual welfare should be ‘brought to pass by the faith and covenant of their fathers’ (D&C 84:99). As regards little children, the Lord has promised that ‘great things may be required at the hands of their fathers’ (D&C 29:48).” (James E Faust, in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 44–45, 47; or Ensign, May 1993, 35, 37; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“Mothers seem to take a dominant role in preparing children to live within their families, present and future. Fathers seem best equipped to prepare children to function in the environment outside the family.” (James E Faust, in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 44–45, 47; or Ensign, May 1993, 35, 37; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“One authority states: ‘Studies show that fathers have a special role to play in building a child’s self-respect. They are important, too, in ways we really don’t understand, in developing internal limits and controls in children.’ He continues: ‘Research also shows that fathers are critical in establishment of gender in children. Interestingly, fatherly involvement produces stronger sexual identity and character in both boys and girls. It is well established that the masculinity of sons and the femininity of daughters are each greater when fathers are active in family life’ (Karl Zinsmeister, “Do Children Need Fathers?” Crisis, Oct. 1992). (James E Faust, in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 44–45, 47; or Ensign, May 1993, 35, 37; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“Parents in any marital situation have a duty to set aside personal differences and encourage each other’s righteous influence in the lives of their children. …Perhaps we regard the power bestowed by Elijah as something associated only with formal ordinances performed in sacred places. But these ordinances become dynamic and productive of good only as they reveal themselves in our daily lives. Malachi said that the power of Elijah would turn the hearts of the fathers and the children to each other. The heart is the seat of the emotions and a conduit for revelation (see Malachi 4:5–6). This sealing power thus reveals itself in family relationships, in attributes and virtues developed in a nurturing environment, and in loving service. These are the cords that bind families together, and the priesthood advances their development. In imperceptible but real ways, the ‘doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul [and thy home] as the dews from heaven’ (D&C 121:45). (James E Faust, in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 44–45, 47; or Ensign, May 1993, 35, 37; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“In ancient times a fortress required regular inspections to ensure that no weak spots developed that an enemy could take advantage of, and guards in the watchtowers ensured that no enemy could approach undetected. In other words, once a city was fortified, a constant effort was made to maintain the fortress so that it could serve its purpose. By establishing a security system of our own, we can prevent the enemy from finding and exploiting weaknesses in our family fortress through which he could gain access to, and harm, our most precious treasure, our family.” (Horacia A Toronio, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 29–30; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 23–24; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-”One of the watchtowers on our fortress can be the regular habit of a father’s interview with each member of his family” (Horacia A Toronio, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 29–30; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 23–24; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“Our Heavenly Father has given us as parents the stewardship of caring for and protecting our families. It is a responsibility that we cannot and must not delegate.” (Horacia A Toronio, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 29–30; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 23–24; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).

-“And that wicked one cometh and taketh away light and truth, through disobedience, from the children of men, and because of the tradition of their fathers. But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.” (D&C 93:39-40)

-“We are the guardians of our children; their training and education are committed to our care, and if we do not ourselves pursue a course which will save them from the influence of evil, when we are weighed in the balance we shall be found wanting” (LBY, xxiv) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“The mothers are the moving instruments in the hands of Providence to guide the destinies of nations. Let the mothers of any nation teach their children not to make war, the children would grow up and never enter into it. Let the mothers teach their children, “War, war upon your enemies, yes, war to the hilt!” and they will be filled with this spirit. Consequently, you see at once what I wish to impress upon your minds is, that the mothers are the machinery that gives zest to the whole man, and guide the destinies and lives of men upon the earth.” (DBY, 199–200) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of passion; teach them to love you rather than to fear you.” (DBY, 207) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“We cannot chastise a child for doing that which is contrary to our wills, if he knows no better; but when our children are taught better and know what is required of them, if they then rebel, of course, they expect to be chastised, and it is perfectly right that they should be (DNSW, 8 July 1873, 1) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“You ought always to take the lead of your children in their minds and affections. Instead of being behind with the whip, always be in advance, then you can say, “Come along,” and you will have no use for the rod. They will delight to follow you, and will like your words and ways, because you are always comforting them and giving them pleasure and enjoyment. If they get a little naughty, stop them when they have gone far enough. … When they transgress, and transcend certain bounds we want them to stop. If you are in the lead they will stop, they cannot run over you; but if you are behind they will run away from you.” (DNSW, 8 Dec. 1868, 2–3) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“I tell the mothers not to allow the children to indulge in evils, but at the same time to treat them with mildness. If a child is required to step in a certain direction, and it does not seem willing to do so, gently put it in the desired way, and say, There, my little dear, you must step when I speak to you. Children need directing and teaching what is right in a kind, affectionate manner.” (DBY, 209) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

-“How often we see parents demand obedience, good behavior, kind words, pleasant looks, a sweet voice and a bright eye from a child or children when they themselves are full of bitterness and scolding! How inconsistent and unreasonable this is!” (DBY, 208) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)

 

 

Cease to be Angry: Words of the Prophets

 

 

Any parent knows that becoming a parent is a new heaven and a new earth, so to speak. Everything changes. Who you thought you were is put to the test. Turning away from the temptation to be angry is perhaps the great trial of parenting.

– “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city” (Proverbs 16:32)

-“Understanding the connection between agency and anger is the first step in eliminating it from our lives. We can choose not to become angry. And we can make that choice today, right now: “I will never become angry again.” Ponder this resolution.” (“Agency and Anger” by Lynn G Robins of the Seventy, General Conference April 1998, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/agency-and-anger?lang=eng)

-“Anger is an uncivil attempt to make another feel guilty or a cruel way of trying to correct them. It is often mislabeled as discipline but is almost always counterproductive. Therefore the scriptural warning: “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them,” and “fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Col. 3:19, 21). ” (“Agency and Anger” by Lynn G Robins of the Seventy, General Conference April 1998, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/agency-and-anger?lang=eng)

-“Physical abuse is anger gone berserk and is never justified and always unrighteous. ” (“Agency and Anger” by Lynn G Robins of the Seventy, General Conference April 1998, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/agency-and-anger?lang=eng)

-“Nor can becoming angry be justified. In Matthew 5, verse 22, the Lord says: “But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment” (emphasis added). How interesting that the phrase “without a cause” is not found in the inspired Joseph Smith Translation (see Matt. 5:24), nor in the 3 Nephi 12:22 [3 Ne. 12:22] version. When the Lord eliminates the phrase “without a cause,” He leaves us without an excuse. “But this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (3 Ne. 11:30). We can “do away” with anger, for He has so taught and commanded us. ” (“Agency and Anger” by Lynn G Robins of the Seventy, General Conference April 1998, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/agency-and-anger?lang=eng)

-“When he missed an easy shot, he became angry and stomped and whined. The coach walked over to him and said, “You pull a stunt like that again and you’ll never play for my team” (23). ” (“Agency and Anger” by Lynn G Robins of the Seventy, General Conference April 1998, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/agency-and-anger?lang=eng)

-“In the Joseph Smith Translation of Ephesians 4:26 [Eph. 4:26], Paul asks the question, “Can ye be angry, and not sin?” The Lord is very clear on this issue: “He that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another. “Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (3 Ne. 11:29–30). This doctrine or command from the Lord presupposes agency and is an appeal to the conscious mind to make a decision. The Lord expects us to make the choice not to become angry. ” (“Agency and Anger” by Lynn G Robins of the Seventy, General Conference April 1998, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/agency-and-anger?lang=eng)

-“May we make a conscious decision, each time such a decision must be made, to refrain from anger and to leave unsaid the harsh and hurtful things we may be tempted to say.” (“School Thy Feelings, O My Brother” by Thomas S Monson, General Conference Oct. 2009, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/school-thy-feelings-o-my-brother?lang=eng)

-“Apropos are the words of the poet John Greenleaf Whittier: “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been!’ (“Maud Muller,” The Complete Poetical Works of John Greenleaf Whittier(1876), 206.)”” (“School Thy Feelings, O My Brother” by Thomas S Monson, General Conference Oct. 2009, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/school-thy-feelings-o-my-brother?lang=eng)

-““Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.” (Lawrence Douglas Wilder, quoted in “Early Hardships Shaped Candidates,” Deseret News, Dec. 7, 1991, A2.)” (“School Thy Feelings, O My Brother” by Thomas S Monson, General Conference Oct. 2009, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/school-thy-feelings-o-my-brother?lang=eng)

-“School thy feelings, O my brother;

Train thy warm, impulsive soul.

Do not its emotions smother,

But let wisdom’s voice control.

School thy feelings; there is power

In the cool, collected mind.

Passion shatters reason’s tower,

Makes the clearest vision blind.” “School Thy Feelings,” Hymns, no. 336

 

-“The story is told that reporters were interviewing a man on his birthday. He had reached an advanced age. They asked him how he had done it. He replied, “When my wife and I were married we determined that if we ever got in a quarrel one of us would leave the house. I attribute my longevity to the fact that I have breathed good fresh air throughout my married life.”” (“Slow To Anger” by Gordon B Hinckley, General Conference October 2007, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/slow-to-anger?lang=eng)

-“Anger may be justified in some circumstances. The scriptures tell us that Jesus drove the moneychangers from the temple, saying, “My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves” (Matthew 21:13). But even this was spoken more as a rebuke than as an outburst of uncontrolled anger.” (“Slow To Anger” by Gordon B Hinckley, General Conference October 2007, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/slow-to-anger?lang=eng)

“To be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry. I testify that such is possible.” (“School Thy Feelings, O My Brother” by Thomas S Monson, General Conference Oct. 2009, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/school-thy-feelings-o-my-brother?lang=eng)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guidelines for Children’s (and Teens) Playdates at Home or Away

 

 

Friends Coming Over? They Keep the Rules.

 

When friends come over, they keep the same rules as the other children.

 

They don’t hang out, they have a plan. It is a constructive plan.

 

Friends must adhere to standards of the home to be at the home, such as dress, language, cell phone turning in, on demand work projects, etc.

 

If your child wishes to go to the home of another child, speak to those parents. Go to their home first. Ideally, have your entire family go there to visit, they you all leave. Talk to the parents about their child’s cell phone and internet and social media and TV and movie access. Speak to the parent about what their plans are for that day specifically. Ensure a return time is set in stone.

 

And don’t think that your child needs an endless number of friends. They have their siblings, and only a few others are needed. It is a false idea to think that you must know and closely associate with everyone in the modern large community.

 

Above all, be willing to say no, just because you feel to say no. Be very cautious in who your children are allowed to closely associate with. Yes we should be kind and welcoming to all, but activities of more regular occurrence must be guided toward more healthy friend relationships which will help the child build Zion, not Babylon. Really, the only truly regular friends should be the siblings, which is one reason why seeking a large posterity is so critical. With proper standards in place for play dates at home or away, your child will naturally not want to spend time with those who do not fit the family standards.

 

 

 

 

 

Parenting to Build Intrinsic Motivation

 

Children should learn to work hard, and not just for a “carrot”. They should learn that work is key to life, and in and of itself a source of happiness. They should be willing to help their family and others even when formal chores are completed. They should learn to use their leisure time in doing constructive (not just entertaining) things. They should learn to follow the conscience which prompts them to be helpful, obedient, and anxiously engaged in a good cause. Parents should be highly involved in training their children.

Along these lines I will mention that entertainment should be uplifting. What does not edify is not of God the D&C says. We should avoid trivial brainless repetitive games and films which are void of mortal training. We should teach children to use wholesome things for their recreation, and even to read difficult texts in their free time, to become enmeshed in the study of greatness, and develop a love for it. Newton learned to love math, he wrote out long logarithms for the joy and discovery of it (and invented calculus…).

Children should also learn that work is something that goes on from waking to sleeping. Even in evenings, the family should do work projects, and the children participate. They’ll need breaks, but intermittent work should be a reality for everyone. We should not deceive children into thinking that life is for hanging out.

 

Here are some supporting comments:

One says, “Children have to learn to be self-motivated. Internal motivation is a mature trait that children have to learn to develop. Before they are internally motivated, parents can use external motivation (rewards) to help children make good decisions. The reward can be naturally woven into family life, like an extra story at bedtime, choose a game to play, have a dance party, etc. Also ask children what rewards they want, as they may have ideas you haven’t thought of. When the child feels good (gets the reward) they start to associate doing that behavior with positive feelings, which will help them develop internal motivation.”

Another says, “Another way to motivate children to do chores is to use a work-for-pay system. This is modeled after the real world – do the work, get the money. The older the child, the more money they can earn. When choosing which chores the child can get paid for, choose chores that won’t halt the family routine if not done. That way the child gets complete choice over whether or not to do the chore and will naturally learn the consequences, because they won’t get the money. Then allow the child to freely spend their money, but of course teach them about tithing and saving. Then this frees the parent from buying the extra treats and toys – instead when the child asks for candy at the grocery store, you say, “Did you bring your money?” As children get older you can require them to pay for certain necessities or at least a percentage of such. So a 16-year old could be asked to buy all their clothes.  A younger child could be asked to pay for 50% of clothes. That way they are learning that money is needed to pay for real-life stuff. And they will quickly learn to be frugal as buying a $100 pair of shoes may leave them no money to buy shirts and pants…The things they buy must still meet the family standards. My kids are too young to buy clothes, but they like to buy candy. In our family we don’t eat certain kinds of candy because of past history with cavities, so they know they can’t buy that type of candy. Also the candy they buy goes into our treat basket and they only get to eat it when everyone is having a treat.”

Yet another says, “I never offer incentives.  We teach our children to listen to the promptings of conscience and we acknowledge when they do, properly, and correct when they don’t.  [Conscience based training is] the key to teaching children to do the right thing because its the right thing to do, not because of incentives.  That said, they must be taught tough self-control, otherwise they’ll easily disregard the tiny voice of conscience, and so I always give out strong punishment for willful disobedience.  That is an incentive to start listening” He continues, “EVERYONE to be successful has to learn to listen and abide by the personal guiding promptings and warnings of conscience.  The problem is that because of bad innate habits, many people don’t hear as more enlightened people do, and even if they hear faintly, they rarely have developed the self-control skills to abide by them—because conscience always works against innate attitudes and habits that are problematic.  And, you can’t develop self control in children without pushing them hard physically and with the use of spanking.”

Perhaps there are other ways to develop self-control in children than corporal punishment, but the theme that working toward intrinsic motivation does seem to be key.

 

 

 

Assorted Study Notes on Parenting

 

 

 

Authoritative parenting style with consistent, natural consequences. Use positive reinforcement and reward behavior you are trying to encourage.
To the extent  reasonable, get at the why of the behavior you are trying to discourage and let the child help determine a consequence for their actions. Avoid “because I said so” – you have already lost a “battle” if those words are spoken because it’s a matter of whose will is strongest at that point.
Model the behavior you want to encourage. For example don’t spank a child for hitting someone or yell at a child to stop screaming.

find the reason behind the problem, play with your Child one on one each day (sometimes a time challenge!) Focus on positive, and a few other good gems

https://www.premierhealth.com/your-health/articles/women-wisdom-wellness-/11-ways-to-discipline-with-love-not-fear

Spend time with them.  Have a project they enjoy,  if they love being with and having your accolades, your loving guidance (discipline) will make a difference.

Discipline according to a violation of conscience if they throw a ball through a window ask them you throw a ball through a window ask them did you feel a quiet feeling that you shouldn’t throw that ball through that you shouldn’t throw that ball through the window before you did it they will say yes and you say there you are yes and you say there you see you violated your conscience I’m disciplining you because you violated your I’m disciplining you because you violated your conscienc . This is an important way to parents because you can never make enough rules.

When your child is bored ask them isn’t there something you could you could or should be doing right right now and they will say well there are a few things and talk to there are a few things I’m talking about doing those the child has to listen to its conscience to stay motivated that’s to listen to its conscience to stay motivated. It is similar with home schooling children you can home school large numbers of children as you teach them in school large numbers of children as you teach them self discipline and motivation and their independent based stuff and their independent based studies When home schooling the children have to be disciplined disciplined they will otherwise just sit around playing games and doing nothing is set around playing games and doing nothing all day.

Teach your children that when they meet an adult to look them in the but when they meet an adult to look them in the eye and shake their hand something bad happens in the public school something bad happens in the public schools when the child is compartmentalized in the different grades hes analyzed in the different grades they feel like they’re not allowed to look at or talk to people who are a year talk to people who are a year older than themselves this is one reason why this is 1 reason why home schooling is superior because they are dealing because they’re dealing with and operating on the level of adults all day.

Gods commands are just the beginning. Listening to conscience in the many temporal affairs you’re prompted on throughout the day is what really counts.
Teach them that peace is how we know what comes from conscience. Perfection of the heart, willingness to obey is what we covenant at baptism.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/collection/youth-activities-images?lang=eng
Those are suggested activities for youth.

What are wholesome forms of entertainment? The family proclamation calls for it, but what is it? Is fun good in and of itself, or should our fun be inherently useful? Are video games out or do they build spacial and technical and problem solving skills while they entertain? Is pop music out, even the calmer and meaningful versions? Are kids meant to work most of the day? Is it the duty of parents to severely limit entertainment options or to leave it to the digression of the children with basic parameters in place? What ought children do when they’ve finished their chore list? Should there be a chore list or just an understanding that they should be helpful from waking to sleeping, with modest breaks built in as available? Do older children in large families have inherently harder/busier lives, helping take care of the little ones? Should a child takeover a duty (like cooking 3 meals a day) once they know how to?
Also it seems much of modern psychology on parenting is “if they do what you want let the do what they want”. But then we get into trivial bargaining, incentives, etc. rather than doing good for goods sake. Shouldn’t kids also be actively engaged on a good cause?
Also there’s an obsession with reading for its own sake, and the kids read nonsense and only fairy tales.

they should be ‘occupied’ but not too burdened.  Try to incorporate these 4 things, they’re from one of the youth activities pamphlets:
Social
Spiritual
Intelligence
Physical

Work together on chores till they are done then we can all rest. Parents shouldn’t be cleaning while kids play. If kids refuse to help during chore time put them in timeout.  This teamwork is surely the unity spoken of in Zion

Kids bks and toys in their own rooms and their responsibility to keep it clean. If keeping toys and books clean, box them up and try a few at a time.

Remember that our Father in Heaven is our “master father”, He is perfection… A lot of people, I see, teaching a form of parenting that Heavenly Father doesn’t ever do, and being upset at other forms of parenting that our Father in Heaven basically only ever does…
A good study would be “how does Father in heaven teach His children? How does He raise His children? How does He punish/correct His children? etc. etc. etc.” and then making 1 to 1 comparisons to parenting…
The BoM teaches us that Heavenly Father usually sends in the Lamanites, so how can parents use other people/children to humble their own? That’s what God does… Many would say “that’s mean” or possibly even “bullying”… But God does it when we need a good humbling and He’s perfect!
Sometimes we do need a good humbling.  Jonah got swallowed by a whale to humble him.  (Take notes parents)
In a more practical approach.  Sometimes they gotta learn that the stove is hot.  They gotta learn that not all people are nice to appreciate the good ones and treat them with respect…
We can’t protect our little ones from everything.  They will learn good from evil from watching and participating in good/bad behaviors.  We teach them correct principles to limit their suffering, but ultimately they will have to learn.  Mistakes help us learn and grow!

Not sure how to relate this to the scriptures, and not sure exactly what age ranges this applies to, but it has been proven that children learn best during PLAY. It takes a child many more repetitions to learn something new than if the learning was taking place during play… Giving children the chance to have extended periods of time where they are playing (using imagination, building, creating, interacting with other children) is definitely valuable.

Don’t tell them to do their chores right now set a deadline like the end of the day set a deadline like the end of the day this is this is how you’d want your boss to talk to you give you some leniency Jim Faye of love and logic suggests if they’re not doing it don’t remind them if they’re not doing it don’t remind them just wait till they’re dead asleep and then go wake them up and tell I’m gonna go wake them up and tell them they have to do it

When an expectation isn’t met don’t be mad at your kids be sad for them says Jim Faye of love and logic

A child’s grades in school affect the child not the parent so the parent shouldn’t be too hard on the child

If the children are amongst themselves and you’re not around it really affects them not you thanks them not you so cancel them but cancel them but don’t harp on them

Consult the child and then tell them good luck and walk away

When something bad happens say uh oh and enforce the consequence don’t give them multiple prompts

When very small children are crying and acting out it’s because they have a need that as we met meet that need

Your kids can understand that they will always get what they need but they won’t always get what they want

If a child is screaming or acting out and they have their needs met now and they have their needs met they’re just doing that over something they want thing they want gently remove them to their room And let them know they can come out of the room when they are acting sweet

Have fun with your children when they are behaving. This way they will miss you when they have to go to their room.
You can get your kids to do things without bribing them if you model it in front of them if you model it in front of them with excitement

If you want your kid to be a hard worker when you come home from work talk about how work matters Eric talk about how work made you happy and all the things you learned and all the things you learned you can even couch negative experiences in a positive way

If your child tries to argue with you I’m afraid as you just were have a phrase you just repeat over and over such as I love you too much to argue I love you too much to argue and smile while you say it smile while you say it this idea is from love and logic

When the kid does something that drains your energy let them know drain your energy and that they need to do something to fill it your energy and that they need to do something to fill it backup such as cleaning something et cetera something et cetera and if they don’t figure out some way to fill your energy back in some way to fill your energy back within a certain time you’ll have to take a toy or something

If a child can get you to argue with them they will never respect you you’ve come down to their level rather than authority status
Parents should be powerful and caring

After you’ve given your kids some suggestions of how to solve their problem just say good luck just say good luck when you say that it sends a message that they message that they are competent and that they need to go do something none is that they need to go do something not just tell .

Charles fey of love and logic says the triad of hope is for them to feel love, limits, and for them to see evidence that they are good.
When you control your own emotions and behavior you appear powerful

Kids need evidence that they are good give them opportunities to be good give them assignments that they can handle

There is a foster and SpEd module on the love and logic website

 

Attention is the currency of children -Jordan Peterson

Teach kids to play fairly when the game stops being fair the kids stop playing

All you have to do to get a kid to like you is to pay attention to them for like 2 seconds. -Jordan Peterson

Give kids attention for positive things and they’ll do more of that.

Jordan Peterson says we should expose our children as much as we can not protect them and this pushing them helps them be stronger despite their vulnerability

Jordan Peterson says the world is terrible and people are cruel but you teach your children of their stronger than that terror
Life is harder than you think but you are stronger than you think

Russauo sent his 4 children to live in an orphanage and they died there russo had a view on parenting that the child is the God it’s the one who calls all the shots it’s the perfect thing it doesn’t need to be trained it just needs to be allowed to do at once

With our children we should make them to where people like them we should teach them to be likable to be fair to take turns to not be too egotistic that way when people see them they’ll smile and be glad and this will really help them in life so it’s the parents job to discipline the child to teach the child these self control thing

In new situations that aren’t your house the children test the limits they test what the hierarchical structure is they see if there is any rules they act totally bazaar

If you let your children do things you don’t like you’re going to resent them and you’re gonna try to get revenge
irreversible damage the transgender craze book

Rough and tumble play for children helps develop their pre frontal cortex

Baby rats taken away from their parents even if you feed them they still die but if you massage them they don’t

Instead of giving kids ridalin and other medications for 80 hd should let them run around until they are exhausted

The height of creation of creativity in men is remained 16 to 25 this is also the time of the highest criminal activity

If you don’t teach your kid to play nice to be likable to not be annoying then they’re going to be increasingly excluded from social groups and becoming outcast and it’s gonna be very bad for their development

Before you take on how to be a parent you must determine what the goal of a parent even is what is their job. The what is to civilized them, to discipline them into good just respectable God fearing likeable people.

When your kid upsets you say wow this really makes me mad give me some time to think about what to do. Wait till you’re calm, then discipline. Child abuse often happens in the heat of the moment when the parent isn’t operating in the correct brain level.

You have an account with each kid, put stuff in or you won’t be able to take stuff out.

When we worry about kids’ homework and other duties, they feel they don’t have to, so they are lazy about it. Make them accountable for it.

Don’t always tell your kids how to think, ask them many questions so it becomes personal and real for them. Teach them how to think more so than teaching them what to think.

Relationships thrive when you only tell them what to do when they ask for it.

Kids were more responsible to think for themselves in the 20s 30s 40s before helicopter parenting. Kids brains don’t develop until a late age these days, they likely developed earlier back then when they had to think.

Don’t let the child return when in rage, or it teaches rage gets them what they want.

Sing a song when something goes wrong, be happy when you put them in their room. This removes the negative connotation with the room.
Ask if they want their door closed or open. If they come out say you have chosen closed, ask if they want closed or locked. If they come out say you have chosen locked. You can lock via a rag jammed high in the door frame so its not a hazard in case of fire it can be quickly opened.
Once the child is calm, have the child wait 5 minutes so they can think about what happened, then they can return.

Parents be curious not furious.
Parents don’t be rigid and mean, dictatorial.

When kids beg and argue, tell your limit / expectation once, then ignore.

Its not regular for teens to be consistently problematic. Its a cop out to think that’s normal. These behaviors are signs change needs to happen.

Families should be like a gang, a clan that sticks together.
Call chores contributions to the family.
If you pay kids tondo chores they’re not part of the gang. Dad doesn’t charge for his services to the family.

Could have toughest chores up for bid, whoever does it cheapest gets it. Some even let neighbor kids bid. Lowest bid gets it. Free market economy.

Kids can have technology unless it becomes a problem, such as getting in the way of family time.

Don’t say “don’t do this because this will happen” they will say “no it wont”. Say “I wouldn’t do that because this might happen, what do you think?”

If questionable party, say, “i wonder if you’re ready, what would you do if this came up?” If its a good plan they are ready. Just saying no to their best friend isn’t a strong plan.

Sending those who struggled as teens across the country to school isn’t a good idea.

Some pay their kids’ tuition if they get As.

Guide kids to own and solve their own problems. Say “would you like to hear what some other kids do?”

When your child says something Bazar instead of becoming angry you can say “thats very interesting”

Teen’s can use the family car as long as we aren’t worried about their wisdom of not using alcohol if that ever becomes a suspicion no car

If a child forgets their homework don’t take it to them at school that’s their responsibility their problem

When you’re adult child calls asking for money you tell them I know you’re smart you can figure this out what are you gonna do you don’t give them money.
On the very rare occasion that you do want to give them some money don’t do it on the spot where the emotions are in play tell them you need a couple days to think about it.  Does it help their goals and your goals to offer assistance?

When you set a limit you have to keep it it’s my way or the highway but in a nice way if they try to push that you say what did I say and then walk away

Set a time each week where the kids can bring up what they don’t think is fair about how the family runs

Make sure you deal with problems in a calm loving manner take a break don’t respond in the moment if you’re at all agitated

If a child breaks something respond with empathy that’s too bad Don’t worry you’ll be able toThat activity again I eat drive a car when you’ve got it paid for how do you wanna go about that?

Tell the kids that we’re happy to accommodate them so long as they’re treating you with respect and their chores are done

“I am entirely of a lively disposition; I know not how to be low-spirited; I never knew what it was to be lonesome in my life. Some talk about being lonesome when they are alone; I know nothing about it. I never misuse a beast, and I am not inclined to misuse people; but when they are right mean, I like to work them up with my tongue once in a while. But the idea of people going to work to beat, and kick, and pound their cattle, horses, children, and everything around them, is nonsense. Good-natured feelings and good-natured conduct are worth a thousand of the opposite character. Do right, be kind and gentle. You have come in the midst of the people of God; you have come to unite with us in serving the mighty God of Jacob, and endeavor to do right.”
The Immigration—The Perpetual Emigrating Fund—Scoffers.
An Address by President Jedediah M. Grant, Delivered at the General Conference, in the Tabernacle, Great Salt Lake City, October 7, 1854.
Reported By: G. D. Watt.

 

Theory of Laissez-Faire Parenting: Where its Ok

 

Bedtime:

 

-You can go to bed when you want so long as you’re not hurting people, wining, or not fulfilling your duties.

-Teach the general principle of early bed early rise as stated in the D&C and let them govern themselves.

-There doesn’t need to be a strict time of bed or waking every day, just a general principle.

-If people are consistently sleeping in until noon, that’s a serious problem.

-If people are wasting their brains in trivial things late into the night and not being productive during the day, that’s a problem.

-Limit access to recreational materials at night so those arern’t overly used.

-The sun may be a good guide: earlier bed in winter than summer.

-If a kid is acting very tired, lay them down, sit with them a few minutes, if this doesn’t do it and they’re able to calm down, maybe let them up a while longer.

-The activities done in late evenings can be helpful to child development, we don’t want to stifle that time of life too much. Same for mornings. Sleep is important, but it doesn’t have to be rigid.

-Some kids may need more rigidity than others, and may thrive on that.

-Needs of parents also play a role, so long as the parent isn’t domineering too much, not putting their wishes far ahead of those of the children.

 

Food:

 

-You can snack on healthy foods when its not meal time.

-You only have to formally attend 1 meal a day, typically when the whole family can be together, typically dinner.

-You don’t have to eat what we make, but you have to try a tiny bit of it, and eat whatever you put on your plate.

 

Family Outings:

 

-Responsible children can stay home sometimes from minor family outings. (Other times they must come, its ok for them to do some things they don’t like)

 

The 4 Parenting Methods (& Which One is Right)

 

 

      Expectations/Control/Limit Setting/Discipline

 

    Low High
Warmth/

Nurturing/

Encouragement

                                     High Indulgent/

Enabling/TO

Authoritative/

Involved/WITH

                                  Low Permissive/

Neglectful/

NOT

Authoritarian/

Tyrannical/Punitive/To

 

Granted the names “authoritative” and “authoritarian” are quite similar, but those are the terms used in the academic literature at present, so we will stick with them.

You guessed it, authoritative/involved is the preferred type. This shows in all the scientific literature.

Type 1: Indulgent: Low expectations, high warmth. Here the parent is more of a friend than a parent. The relationship is there, but it isn’t going anywhere. The child is not being well cared for, and it will severely struggle as an adult. The lack of tutoring and training by this parent is a form of neglect and abuse.

Type 2: Permissive/Neglectful: Low expectations, low warmth. This parent doesn’t really care about the child at all. So long as the child stays out of the parents way, the parent is happy. This of course is completely irresponsible and emotionally abusive. This parent will be snappy when things don’t go their way, and will abuse their children emotionally and physically.

Type 3: Authoritarian/Tyrannical: High expectations, low warmth. This parent has high hopes for the child, but is cold. They may too quickly and frequently resort to punitive measures of discipline. The child will feel they never measure up to expectations of the parent, and will live in fear of the parent. This child will have severe psychological issues as a result of the lack of warmth.

Type 4: Authoritative/Involved: High expectations, high warmth. This is the ideal parenting method. This is actually a parent, not just a friend. Children need parents. Good parents tell their children what to do and why. Good parents are highly involved in their childrens’ lives, and show genuine care for their children.

Some have suggested that the type of parenting used depends on how the child is acting. This is not supported by the research. Even a misbehaving child deserves love, and has the right to proper care. Misbehaving children need both love, and limits.

 

 

Do’s & Don’ts: Baseline Parenting Rules

 

 

I feel these guidelines are some minimum standards for righteous parenting. Personalities of parents and children, as well as other factors unique to each family, will be taken into account for each couple to determine their parameters.

 

DON’T:

 

-don’t inflict physical harm

-don’t yell

-don’t instill fear

-don’t expect immediate obedience

-don’t withhold meals & snacks

-don’t isolate

-don’t humiliate/ridicule/belittle/mock

-don’t selectively enforce rules

-don’t make threats & rules you aren’t willing to follow through on

 

DO:

 

-out of control children should be kept near a parent until they regain control (as evidenced by a willingness to talk about the incident calmly)

-give logical consequences based on the infraction (instead of 1 size fits all ‘timeout’)

-explain natural consequences

-bond frequently

-reward those who obey

-if you feel out of control, put distance between yourself & the child

-counsel together to ensure all feel fairly treated

-ensure all understand expectations & consequences

 

 

Spanking: Weighing the Debate, Probably/Typically a Bad Idea

 

 

First a look at points in favor of spanking, then against, then some basics for whatever type of discipline is chosen.

In Favor of Spanking:

 

-It’s quick done and over
-We don’t only influence by rewards but punishments as well are important in real life
-The older generation says the main problem with the rising generation is no respect the authority is gone
-spanking doesn’t always have to be in the heat of the moment. I may get a had report and feel a need to administer such a punishment hours later, and calmly explain to the child why it’s being given both before and after.
Not saying that’s the best way, just pointing out that spanking in general doesn’t mean the administrator is a wandering angry tyrant.
-To say there is never a circumstance where spanking would be appropriate may be extreme.
-Some say just call the cops rather than spank, but that may communicate that you’ve given up on him and are calling in the big hammer. It may cause him to self identify as the bad guy.
-its training, not punitive
-tell them what will happen: 3 swats they’ll feel
-theres a right way and a wrong way to spank
-spankojg quickly teachers where the limits are and there are consequences
-spanking shouldn’t be the only tool in the discipline toolbox
-look into Chip Angram on spanking

Some suggest that a ban on all things bodily punishment is absurd, and that it must be a case by case basis.

Some suggest that when children make serious infractions of basic rules, some form of minor bodily punishment can help them to learn their lesson.

I know someone who I look up to very much who spanks his children. I’ve never seen a man who loves his children more than this man. He absolutely adores them. He plays with them frequently, and his countinence glows as he spends time with them. He uses spanking when the children show flagrant disobedience to the family rules. He works hard with them when its time to work, and plays hard with them when its time to play. He gives quick and sharp discipline when it is needed, but his children always know that he loves them as he relentlessly demonstrates forgiveness and finds ways daily to enjoy time with them. His children do not fear him, they run to him. They adore him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Against Spanking:

-Academic journals and organizations say don’t do it and they say it leads to violent adults and they say it doesn’t fix the problem
-Often spanking happens late in the evening when the parent is tired so it has more to do with the parent than the child are we teaching them solve problems with hands or words
-The rod scriptures can be referring to the word of God not a stick
-The rod scriptures can be referring to wisdom in general not a stick
-Shebet is the Hebrew word for rod it can mean what the shepherd holds to fight off prey
-The New testament suggests a more loving approach
-Often people resort to spanking and don’t get down to the why behind the behavior and figure out the problems with the child which takes a lot of work
-You have two goals: stop the behavior in the moment (protect parents and property), and stop it long term (behavior change). They aren’t separate, but it helps to think of them that way sometimes.  Don’t let the solution to one damage the other. Helps to separate because in the immediate moment is the wrong time to fix the long term; tension is too high.  Come up with a minimum effective de-escalator for the moment, and then LATER when calm try stuff for the harder long term.

Hinckley quote against it

“Spare the rod spoil the child.” (ref) This verse has been used to justify physical punishment of children. It may be justified, but consider that “the rod” may also mean “the word of God” (ref). It may mean giving correction in general.

The sons of Eli (along with Eli) were damned from not being disciplined (ref).

The culture of today looks very harshly on spanking. For this reason, it may be wise to not spank. Parents are even reported to government agencies for disciplining their children in this way. Of course this is absurd, but since this is the status quo, it may be wise to avoid this type of discipline in general.

For those who are foster parents, it is a strict rule that no spanking is allowed. If a parent spanks their children but not their foster children, this can lead to a double standard and resentment, or temptation to spank the foster children. These things said, it is likely good to not spank when a foster parent at all.

Some suggest that bodily punishment creates fear in children, and gets only surface deep temporary results.

Some suggest that bodily punishment teaches children to solve problems through violence.

Some other methods of discipline include time-out, time-in, talking with the child, removing privileges, adding chores, etc.

 

 

 

 

Some Basics for Either Method:

“Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another” (President James E. Faust, 1990, November, “The greatest challenge in the world—Good parenting,” Ensign, 20(11), 34).

Speak with the child about what they’ve done. Talk about why it was bad, and what they could do instead.

Teach them that obedience to parents is expected by God, and is a critical standard to maintaining order in the house.

Look for underlying issues of the child’s behavior, and address those issues.

Give consequences which are related to the infractions.

 

 

Note:
Research Helen Keller to see how she was trained

 

 

What Should be the Legal Limits of Parental Discipline? Response to a Friend

 

 

Eh… I don’t do much with legal stuff but I will say in the foster parent world no spanking is allowed. You could look into what constitutes a removal of custody to put a child into foster care. You could look at what a parent has to do to get their child back from foster care (not much just attend a few classes and show up to court). I think spanking and any other punitive punishments aren’t good, but that a parent might be justified in using spanking in extreme cases so far as the law is concerned.

 

Parents aren’t perfect and it takes a lot of abuse to get a child removed. My hope is that spanking and other punitive punishments will be less tolerated in the future as a society. All this being said I still have a few reservations on the subject.  I suggest Glen Leatham, Karyn Purvis as a few who teach positive parenting methods without any punitive, even when working with difficult kids i.e. foster . One guideline a friend of mine Joel Skousen uses, is that if a parent leaves a mark on a child, that is abuse . Is bruise, bleeding, fractured bones, etc. In a court of law right now it’s still considered ok to spank. There’s also emotional abuse. Brainwashing. Shaming. I’ve  never heard of a case where the kid is removed for that though. But there are certainly cases where a child is neglected rather than being beaten. You can also look at nutrition to detect abuse. A parent should never threaten a child by saying no dinner until you finish your chores, etc. There are lots of evil things a parent can do and still not have a child removed, such as exposing them to R rates films, etc. Naturally it should be illegal to involve minors in drug use, sex, stealing etc.

 

I think there is some flexibility in parenting, if we removed kids for every spank or parental temper outburst, no one would have kids. Parents need a bit of wiggle room to figure out how to be a parent, and every member in a family needs to learn how to forgive each other. Kids should not be taught that parents are flawless. Parents need to be comfortable saying sorry to their kids. They should teach kids to not only say I’m sorry, but how to say I forgive you. I hope you’ll share your completed essay with me.

 

A study of positive parenting will give you a context to base a framework claim that it is both possible and plausible to raise a child effectively, and indeed the optimal way to raise a child, by using techniques to connect emotionally with a child and give instructive corrections rather than using punitive punishments. I just finished reading what’s a parent to do by Glen Latham. Also I’m reading the connected child by Karyn Purvis. I also like the book titled 25 mistakes LDS parents make and how to avoid it.

 

At the end of the day there are different standards in a telestial world like the one we now live in, and the celestial one we work towards. Here are some prophets who show that those who aren’t worthy of their children will be revoked of those children, and the opportunity to ever have more children, in the life to come. The standards we have for laws now are far lower than the Lord’s standards. Many children who aren’t removed from their parents in this life will be in the world to come (actually even sooner, the separation will happen at the return of the Lord). As foster parents we are shocked by how low the bar is set for parents to get their kids back when the parents have long criminal records and a long history of abuse, yet they manage to show up to visits, court hearings, and parenting classes. Obviously people can change for the better but I don’t think our current system does a good job of perceiving that. We have taken care of kids who we know for a fact are, when put back in bio parents home, are being exposed to more debauched behaviors.

 

The key issue is that as a society we think it’s ok for adults to be scandalous, and that rubs off on the children. The movies we watch. The language we use. The way we dress. The disrespect we show for one another. The lack of religion in today’s generation of parents. The government subsidizing idleness. The list goes on.  We live in a wicked society that tolerates wickedness. I also think it should be child abuse to teach children that sex before marriage is ok (I also believe it would be just to have a law making adultery illegal). But we are rather moving in the opposite direction, where parents who teach children conservative values are the ones being accused of child abuse. Nowadays we have, as seen in the novel 1984, children policing their parents.

 

 

 

 

The Stay-at-Home Mom: An Alien Lifestyle

 

 

It’s amazing what people say when they hear of a stay at home mom (especially one with more than one of those little boppers waddling around)…

 

‘how does she do that by herself?!’ (well she’s not always by herself, and the community is there to support, and God helps, and even the kids themselves help)

 

‘so do you just send her a check?!’ (well we share a bank account and we work together to allocate where any family income goes based on needs and modest wants; just because she isn’t getting paid doesn’t mean i don’t ‘pay her’; what’s mine is hers, and vice versa)

 

‘well i know i couldn’t do that!’ (ok then don’t! lol but if you give it a try you might be surprised what you can accomplish when you chose to do tasks endorsed by the scriptures; further a tip from my mother: whenever you have a child, it’s hard, chaotic, and pushes you to the limit)

 

‘oh i just couldn’t stand being home all the time!’ and ‘you homeschool?! gasp!’ So who says she is home all the time? she takes the kids on field trips, she goes to see her friends, her friends come to see her, she can take kids with her to run errands (being embarrassed by them acting out now and then isn’t the end of the world fyi), we get babysitters to go on dates together on a regular basis, the older kids start being able to watch the younger kids while the mom runs errands or has some spa time etc; and if there are seasons with less frolicking about town while the family scrimps and saves to get through college and start a career, a little home life never killed anyone; we make home an adventure, and travel by great books and stories, and remember that little thing called imagination? And who’s to say she doesn’t enjoy being home? I love being home and wish I could be there more often; if she wishes, we can make arrangements for me to cut back at work and her to work a part time job somewhere, but this frequently isn’t even desired).

 

‘if i ever do that it won’t be for a long long time, i’m not ready for that!’ (no one is ready for that, you just do it (and btw, are you aware that your physiological ability to have kids doesn’t last forever in this life? you best take that into account); jump in now, you’ll work out your flaws, rather than jumping in much later, flaws still in tact; how does postponing parenting make you a better parent? riddle me that batman)

 

lastly, if it’s hard sometimes, you’re in good company, Jesus had a pretty rough go at it too. An easy life I suppose has value if one doesn’t know about the world to come, but we do know about the world to come, and the investments we are making are therefore most logical and rational.

 

These little boppers are like plants who haven’t fully bloomed; they are wonderful now, but when you see them in their completed format, they’ll be so majestic that you will likely lament that you didn’t take a similar course yourself, and you’ll wonder why you thought it was such a hard thing to walk that path…

 

We (humans great and small) are genetically wired to do hard things.

 

 

Here is someone’s take on mothering being a “real” job, a foreign idea to many:

(author unknown)

Setting: Career Days at school; daughter wants her mother to present her “job” at career days but principal says no because homemaking is not a “real job.” This is that mother’s actual reply:

“Dear Ms. Brown, of course, homemaking or domestic labor is not an official job as specified by the Department of Labor’s handbook of occupations. But there are many services that are provided without compensation that qualify for the label of work. And indeed, economists universally acknowledge the crucial economic contribution that domestic labor provides to our society, even when it is done outside the for-pay labor market. In fact, a number of economists have studied the economic value of domestic labor. Regardless of the approach they take to calculating its value, economists easily place the value of a full-time homemaker at well over $100,000 a year. Moreover, social scientists have studied the impact of domestic labor on families and society now for decades. My academic discipline of family sciences is dedicated to understanding such things as domestic labor and helping individuals gain the knowledge and skills to be effective in their (unpaid) work.

 

“It is not only silly but almost offensive to claim that domestic labor or homemaking — housework and childcare — are not real jobs. The absurdity of such a position is revealed when you consider that those who do some of the work of domestic labor — childcare providers, nannies, for-pay domestic cleaning workers, laundry workers, cooks, etc. — usually do this work part time and for very short periods of time at low pay while those who take on the full range of domestic labor as full-time homemakers do it for more than full time and do it as a career for more than two decades. That they are not compensated for their work in the marketplace seems to me be a poor justification for saying it’s not real work. Oh, and by the way, there are by far more domestic laborers than any other job that is listed in the Department of Labor’s handbook of occupations. Does your school system really want to send the message that domestic labor is not real work? They would be offending a crucial constituency by so doing. Maybe all those non-workers would organize a protest and stop driving their children to school and stop helping their children finish their homework unless the school system started paying them for their labors!”

 

 

 

 

Ogletree’s 7 Mistakes LDS Parents Make

 

 

Ideas from Mark Ogletree PhD for Latter-day Saint parents. Compare them and think of your own list to sure up your parenting methods.

 

  1. Not teaching your children how to work effectively.
  2. Teaching children that obedience is optional. (allowing disobedience contributes to disobedience)
  3. Protecting children from anything they don’t want to do, or anything that is hard, uncomfortable, or inconvenient. (Homework, participation, etc.)
  4. Teaching your children that agency means freedom.
  5. Teaching your children that you will be there to solve every problem.
  6. Sheltering children from rejection and disappointment. (“Trophies all around”)
  7. Teaching your children that they don’t need a testimony right now—it can wait until they are older.

Ogletree’s full article at http://www.ldsliving.com/7-Mistakes-LDS-Parents-Make-and-How-to-Avoid-Them/s/78481/?utm_source=ldsliving&utm_medium=sidebar&utm_campaign=related

 

Randal’s 25 Mistakes LDS Parents Make

 

 

From book “The 24 Mistakes LDS Parents Make and How to Avoid Them book by Randal A. Wright, PhD

 

Randal is a long-time social scientist and church member who has worked teaching in the CES program.

 

Compare them and think of your own list to sure up your parenting methods.

 

 

  1. Home environment (that reflects the gospel)
  2. Quality time (and quantity)
  3. The crossroads (be there at critical times)
  4. Family traditions (have them to teach, indoctrinate, & unify)
  5. Children’s friends (don’t allow them to associate too closely with those who don’t share their values)
  6. Peer pressure (teach how to deal with it)
  7. Television (limit exposure, none in bedrooms)
  8. Music (limit access to inappropriate)
  9. Movies (prevent exposure to inappropriate)
  10. Parental example
  11. Expressing love verbally (daily to family members)
  12. Physical affection (give it)
  13. Support (each other’s events, games, & activities)
  14. Marriage (build it strong to show how it works)
  15. Family fun (& laughter)
  16. Discipline (be consistent, non-harsh, non-lax)
  17. Worldly heroes (discourage over-involvement)
  18. Teaching correct principles (don’t assume church & society will)
  19. Human intimacy (teach the importance and proper role)
  20. Steady dating (prohibit during teen years)
  21. Underage dating (before 16)
  22. Communication (keep the lines open with your children)
  23. Self-worth (build a positive self-image in your children)
  24. Spiritual experiences (take advantage of inspired church-sponsored programs)
  25. Warning signs (recognize)

 

 

Swinton’s 13 Discipline Principles

 

 

A preview of an article by Jonathan Swinton, a Latter-day Saint Therapist

  1. Hierarchy exists in the classroom (& home). Exercise your authority.
  2. Co-teachers be on the same page & consistent
  3. Age appropriate rules. Ensure they know them.
  4. Punishments related to infractions, not random or “go to” punishments.
  5. Age 1-10 timeouts can be effective. When kids are in timeout, don’t respond to their tantrums.
  6. No physical punishment (including spanking), it instils obedience by fear, there are better ways.
  7. Don’t yell. We want them to learn from our example.
  8. Criticize behavior not character “Use a quiet voice.” not “You are a loud-mouthed brat.”
  9. Positive reinforcement works better than Negative reinforcement by 5x. Praise them for following rules. Establish a reward system to motivate obedience.
  10. Parent Timeout – if you lose it, so will they.
  11. Chose your battles. But once chosen, win. Maintain the hierarchy or the child rules the class.
  12.  Be consistent. Don’t say “I will let it slide this time,” or “It’s easier to not deal with it.” Kids keep a tally of every time you give in and plan future rebellion.
  13. Show love. Nothing motivates kids more than knowing you will be proud of them.

Full article at http://www.ldsliving.com/14-Tips-for-Disciplining-Children/s/64602

See also www.swintoncounseling.com

 

My “50 Mistakes Most Parents Make” (categorize into sep essays)

 

“Second only to your love, your children need your limits.”

 

 

  1. Public school
  2. Unprogrammed time with friends
  3. Culture of pop/rock/sport star worship
  4. Culture of avarice
  5. Sabbath casualness
  6. Cell phones
  7. Small family size planning
  8. Urban living
  9. Failure to discipline
  10. Divorce
  11. Junk food & nutritional ignorance
  12. Infrequent temple worship
  13. Casual modesty standards
  14. Entertainment which doesn’t edify, doest teach, doesn’t convert
  15. Teaching that faith is just one of many acceptable paths
  16. Neglecting to teach proper government
  17. Sedintary lifestyle
  18. Education limited to “school & homework”
  19. No limits on who to spend time with
  20. Avoiding talk about sensitive controversial and moral subjects
  21. Insufficient preaching to the children from the prophets, & ignorance of church doctrines & church history
  22. Teaching entitlement rather than work
  23. Arguing in front of the children
  24. Cold emotional climate between parents
  25. No manors taught
  26. Giving up when a lesson isn’t learned rather than repeating the lesson
  27. Waiting to require tithing fasting and other commandments until an older age
  28. Boring parents, no laughing, dancing,  together as a family. Not showing how to appropriately have fun.

 

35? Failure to conduct regular family planning meetings to express grievances, plan chores, coordinate schedules, establish goals and rewards, etc.

  1. Post poning patriarchal blessings
  2. Lack of classical music, wholesome art, and other noble culture appreciation

 

  1. Lack of reading culture in the home, together and seperate, wholesome and instructional
  2. Giving free allowance money
  3. Moving
  4. Becoming house poor, unsatisfied with modest living space, spending to much time and energy on finance, living beyond the means

 

Late night one verse scripture study shallow family devotional without discussion

 

Mother working out of the home

 

Neglecting food storage, consumer debt, temporal carelessness

 

Putting babies to bed crying

 

Neglect weekly couples date

 

Neglect one on one time with each child

 

Avoiding talk of drugs alcohol porn theft lying etc

 

Idleness. Late nights playing card games. Sleeping in.

TV subscriptions

 

Not teaching truths which replace false theories of evolution, socialism, communism, liberalism, welfareism, atheism, and other pernicious teachings of our time.

 

Enrolment in worldly dance teams

Failure to teach importance of temple marriage, waiting till 16 to date,dating members only, not paired dating in teen years

 

 

 

Family Council Meetings

 

 

I’ve often heard and given the council that families should hold regular (as in weekly) council meetings, which makes sense, as we want the business of our families to run smoothly. I’ve never really seen an outline of how to do this. PMG planning meetings are the closest thing I’ve seen. Here is what we do, I would love to hear your ideas.

Ours usually consist of:

-starting and ending with prayer,

-weekly going to a large public whiteboard in the home (or projecting a document electronically where all can see) and laying out the weeks business. Some ideas as follow:

Schedule/to-do list,

Goals of each family member

Goals of the family as a whole

Ministering efforts of each family member and of the family as a whole

How the children are doing in their friendships

How the children are doing in their school

Family scripture study topics,

Family Home Evening Plans (lesson, activity, concerns, etc.)

Couples date plans

Family Finance, Budgeting

Projects to work on,

Family vacation & activity plans

Any other complaints/comments of family members.

Forgiving each other & asking forgiveness of each other

 

A form of sacred family time, perhaps you could even call it a prayer, we learn from the Jews is to go around the family saying, “please forgive me of any wrongs I’ve done to you, and I forgive you of any wrongs you’ve done to me”. This brings great family unity, and restores the spirit of God in a home.

 

Rules of Civility in the Honorable Home

 

 

Sections:

Conversation with the child after a poor choice has been made

Conflict Resolution

Etiquette

Work

Schedule

Weekly Planning Meeting

Hygiene

 

Introduction:

Ultimately the guide of conscience will be a better governor than setting up tons of rules. But here are some guidelines which may be helpful.

 

These rules are desired outcomes. Bringing children to these is a matter of patience, persuasion, and non-physical punishments.

 

Conversation with the child after a poor choice has been made:

-I don’t think that was the correct answer / you look like you need a minute to cool down. I would love to talk to you. Please stand here until you are ready to talk.

“Mom, I’m ready to talk”

-What did you do wrong? Why was that a bad choice? What should your consequence be for that choice?

 

Conflict Resolution:

-a child must learn to say to another child “That wasn’t very respectful, but I forgive you.” Life isn’t fair, and they must learn to respond in a Christlike way without parental intervention each time.

-no touching another person in anger

-the parent will seek to notice and reward incidences of positive behavior

 

Etiquette:

-host (usually mother) takes the first bite at a meal

-ask to pass foods at meals

-no touching food which isn’t meant to be; sit close to table flat

-no interrupting someone else who is speaking, especially an adult

-only one person speaks at a time

-no running in the home

-when a child is spoken to, they look the adult in the eye then respond, indicating that they understand and will obey, or that they do not understand, or that they would like to discuss the requirement and potentially obtain a compromise

 

Work:

-you have assigned chores for each day of the week.

-your bed is to be made each morning

-your room is not to have clothing on the floor

-a clean room is a general expectation, and the parent can halt a child’s play at any time if the room is not clean

-occasionally extra jobs are given per consequence, eventually extra jobs are given from necessity. The parent will attempt to find rewards for the extra chores.

-there are general day chores, and chores which apply after each meal.

-children must clean up toys before being invited to any other activity

-“doing your best” on a chore is not sufficient. If your work is not satisfactory, the parent or an older sibling will teach you how to bring up your best to an acceptable level.

 

Schedule:

-there is a bed time. Those who get up after the bed time receive a consequence, usually a house cleaning job.

-daily chores must be completed before free time.

 

Weekly Planning Meeting:

-appointments arranged

-a goal is set for each person in the 4 quadrants of 1. Spirit 2. Mind 3. Body 4. Society

-a reward is set for each person, usually a measurable monetary reward such as a favorite candy

 

Hygiene:

 

-hand washing after using the bathroom, taking out a diaper, or playing outside and prior to eating are required.

-Quiet time is to be observed every afternoon. If you are home you will participate. That means in your room doing a quiet activity such as reading or coloring that does not wake others who may be sleeping. If your actions wake anyone else you will receive a consequence.

-Lying and stealing will not be tolerated and consequences will be given for such behavior in accordance with the item or activity the perpetrator was dishonest regarding.

-You must respect another’s right not to be touched and other personal physical boundaries. If a person tells you to stop you must listen.

-You must respect the property of others. You ask permission to use things that don’t belong to you and you put them away nicely when finished with them. 

 

A Developmental Outline by Age for Raising Children

 

 

 

Themes herein are early autonomy via accountability, home education, empowerment with adult roles / responsibility, attention to family creation, vocation, independence, & respect.

Use revelation from God to you to fine tune your personal developmental family outline. The following ideas may be helpful as you consider goals to set for your own family.

Introduction

-The children need to know what blessings and expectations we have in store for them.

-This will result in: Patience -> obedience.

-Hope -> obedience

-psychological peace/adjustment/satisfaction -> obedience -> altruism ->exaltation

-joy -> obedience

 

Herein are duties for both the children and parents.

-The children owe it to the parents to strive for these goals

-The parents owe it to the children to help them strive for these goals

 

Age 6-8

Academic: Reading, Writing, Basic math

Vocational: Proficiency in house chores, Clean room maintained without reminders

 

Age 8-12

-Dishwashing independence

-Learn language of the spirit

-Academic Introductions to: dance, instruments, science, literature, writing, language, algebra, PE

 

PE: sport, health/fitness. Enables kinesthetic learning and social preparation.

-Distance and Sprint Running required

-Fitness Standards to be determined: pushups situs pullups mile time

 

Age 12-16

Theme: Self Discovery & Maturing Altruism

Laptop use: Learn keyboarding, Organize school work, Diary, Collect special items, Write, Internet as parents dictate, Restrictions if abused / zombie

Temple baptisms: Monthly temple baptisms minimal, Weekly temple baptisms where possible. Recall BYU Hebrew professor Dr. Donald Parry spoke of a young woman who weekly went to temple, she shined.

Academic: School focused on topics of interest, Prep for SAT/ACT, 4 years until High School Diploma, translates to beginning 9th grade related studies

School Subjects:

Music (vocal, theory, piano + 1 other instrument if interested).

Dance: Ballet, Irish, folk, tap, square, country swing, ballroom.

Language: 1 or more foreign

Math: Advanced algebra, geometry, pre-calc.

Physical Education: goals & tracking progress in pushups pullups situps mile 500-meter 100-meter. BMI goals.

Drama, Theatre, Literature

Chemistry: Elements, Balancing equations

Physics: Astronomy, Basics

Biology: Photosynthesis, Human anatomy, Ecosystems, microbiology

English: Poetry readings and composition, Grammar, elimination of slang, penmanship, spelling, vocabulary

Government, History, Geography: US Presidents politics founding documents founding fathers, memorize preamble, federalism, checks balances, bill of rights, world history ancient & modern, learn all countries and US states, Participation in government, Current events

Finance: budget

Art: creation, history, eras

Subjects of choice: I.e.. Aviation, mechanics, cars, zoology, veterinarian, medical, scouting, psychology/therapy, parenting, nutrition, culinary, military, EMT, business,  …

Vocational Preparation: gardening, career planning, housekeeping proficiency, studies in chosen fields

Gospel Scholarship: personal scripture study skills & habits, mastery of Preach My Gospel, Proficiency in all gospel principles

Social: team sport or community theatre enrollment

 

Age 16-18

Theme: Preparation for adulthood / quisi-adulthood. Societies used to consider puberty the onset of adulthood, mature “children” are capable of much.

Major increase in trust and responsibility.

Cell phone: Turn in at 10pm. Restrictions if abused / zombie

Academic: High School Diploma Acquired. Begin College Associates studies

Dating: 1 or more / week. Temple recommend required of suiters. Usually in groups, different candidates. Learn strengths and weaknesses of various personalities. Learn to value marriage, to not postpone it. Joy. Time to start leaving home regularly.

Post-date debriefing interviews: complete transparency with parents. Analyze spiritual character of candidates, personal feelings, events of date.

Car: Enables dates & job where applicable. Increases trust & choice making. Supports the family in running errands. Every child may have their own separate car to increase independence & preparation for adulthood, adult roles, & joy. Children pay all expenses. Car ownership is a duty, not optional. Mandatory for development. Living in [a rural area, as is healthy for families] particularly necessitates vehicle to travel for work, courting, education, & exploration.

Job: Job is a duty, not optional. Mandatory for development. Enables the car which enables the date. Also enables making payments on a loan from a bank (not from parents, it’s time for reality). Teaches tithing. Teaches budgeting. Teaches savings: separate accounts for mission, expenses, dates, education, emergencies, & fun. Job can’t be before 16 if away from the local community because I’m not going to drive them to work.

Gospel Scholarship: Studies based in mission preparation. PMG Memorization, role play teaching, community outreach, social media proselyting.

 

Age 18-20

Obtain College Associates Degree at 18.

Missions: Boys mission at 18. Girls optional but encouraged mission at 19. Missions are a unique maturing & serving experience to work out their personal salvation.

Dating: After missions and as adults in general, the time is now for marriage.

During dating era, seek formal higher education primarily for the purpose of maturing your mind, secondarily for the purpose of getting a good job.

Move out. Live at home option is highly discouraged, a written plan must be in place if they select this option. Only for online bachelor’s degree pursuit. Pay average (not advantaged) rent: $300/mo. Buy own food (separate fridge). Mirror apartment living in every way possible. No curfews, etc. Any and all babysitting etc. is paid. If the young adult is in any way delaying progress by living at home, evict them. Never give them free money under any circumstance. Do not rob them of real life’s natural consequences. Loans come from a bank, not parents.

Age 20-22

Obtain a bachelor degree ASAP.

You’ll have married and preparing for childbearing, or will be seriously dating toward marriage at this stage. Have serious conversations not just fun on dates.

Have a full time job. If in a highly demanding school program, that can take precedence.

Family is NOT to be postponed due to any school or work related reason whatsoever.

Still living at home by this age is extremely discouraged and rare.

 

Age 22-24

Live at hope option expires. Exception: Show satisfactory progress in university studies with set graduation date & post-graduate plans. Show satisfactory in all other developmental areas.

Age 24 +

Live at home option expires, no exceptions. Come see parents at least once a month. Call mom once a week.

 

Grow Where You Are Planted: Why to Stop Moving Everywhere

 

 

 

 

For spiritual and temporal reasons, it is often better to live close to family, and not to constantly seek a bigger better home that what you have, even if you can afford it.

 

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland recently taught that young people should stay close to home where it is safe rather than moving around the country to go to far off colleges. If (when) things go south, young people should be close enough to home to return there fore safety. (ref)

President Nelson taught in the 2021 April conference priesthood session that we should stand in holy places and be not moved, that our homes should be sanctuaries of faith.

 

Elder Stanley G Ellis spoke of this in a conference report not long ago, suggesting that wherever we are, we should grow, rather than be always looking to leave and live somewhere else, living reserving ourselves to give more fully in some more comfortable location or something.

 

I will suggest why it is good to not be moving from home to home as is so common in our time.

 

Optimal child development.

Children thrive with consistency.

They can make friends from childhood, and not be so strongly tempted to put on strange masks to find quick friends in new areas.

Moving is one of the great disturbances to child development, and greatly affects adults as well.

 

Neighbors learn to get along. Squabbles happen between neighbors, and learning to forgive and get along is a

divine thing, instead of resenting and moving away.

You can keep needed boundaries from unsafe behaviors of others, and only in extreme cases would a person need to shut out someone from their life.

 

Pay off the home and save for missionary service rather than constantly upgrading your home. The song says ‘wake up and do something more than dream of your mansion above.’ Some of us can afford to finance or even cash flow quite a mansion; this isn’t inherently sinful (though excessive debt may be), but it can, and often does, keep us from doing betting things with our resources.

What if instead of buying a mansion at first chance and living house poor, you paid off your house, and saved money toward furthering your education and serving missions? Not to mention helping your children do the same, but you must always take care of yourself too, or your power to fully take care of your children will be diminished, and the children do need to learn to work for things on their own. Of course you will endeavor to teach your children, and cultivate an atmosphere of a love for legitimate education in your home.

 

85% of cars today are financed rather than owned outright. And I would guess that even less homes are owned outright. Why do we insist on carrying on with the plagues of debt? Like Dave Ramsey, the Christian financial genius suggests, pay cash for a home. Pay cash for everything. Cut credit cards in half, no one gets rich with those things. And sky miles are a

joke.

 

Get to know the people in your neighborhood. How long will we persist in not even knowing the names of our neighbors? How can we build the friendships needed to do missionary work if we are moving from place to place so often?

 

If your family grows, have a fuller house, or build on a room above the attic or on the side if you have space. In old times it was common to raise a dozen children in what we would call a 2-bedroom apartment. Naturally the kids will need to learn to enjoy spending time outside, and how to get along peaceably.

 

How will you have influence in local politics if you haven’t lived there very long, or if you don’t plan on staying? Instead, get to know the neighbors, and one by one, persuade them the justice of your political views, and lead the community to thrive thereby.

 

Jesus was of Galilee, a small place comparatively. Twas there that he grew and worked. He saw no need to

be building himself increasingly large homes every chance he got. He spent his spare time rather in learning the law and the prophets, serving others, and teaching the gospel. What a genius investor, investing in things which bring highest dividends!

 

What of where I am being desolated in the day of the wrath of the Lord? Pray that your house is passed over like those in Israel of old with the blood of the lamb on their door. Then stand with those good remaining in the community and build whatever you can from the ruins. If it is not passed over, like the temples which were burned by evil men, then say like Brigham Young, “good, the Lord wants it, let him have it.” Then, also like Brigham, go build another one.

 

Yes, the book of revelation speaks of us (church members / the woman in the analogy) hiding out while the dragon plays around… we would do well to tend to financial preparation; listen to Dave Ramsey to learn how to do that; he shares the opinion of our prophets that we should get and stay out of debt asap. But yes, what a happy thing it will be to go somewhere safe if we are called to do so, or what a happy thing to have the storm pass by our homes and get to stay there. I think Brigham said at some point that just because New Jerusalem will be here on doesn’t mean we need to all leave our houses we’ve worked to establish.

 

Find a very affordable home and pay it off. If your family grows a lot just build more rooms onto the house. There is likely a little village of saints where you live who could help each other and would likely need to go on horse into town now and then for supplies. I’m hoping when the New Jerusalem is here, we can just teleport there. The Book of Mormon says the 3 Nephites teleport so why not us? That way we can do work in the various areas, including preaching in India Arabia etc., and teleport home, and not have to up our roots.

 

Metropolitan areas? Might not be able to stake down there too well. However, I think the John Taylor vision, maybe Isaiah too, speaks of empty cities after destructions which the saints have the pleasure of taking over since they’re sort of the last ones standing, however sad that is. The Old Testament promises that the people of the Lord will get to “reap where they have not sown”; the Lord owns everything, and if he wants to give a good bit of it to his saints who serve him day and night, it is his prerogative to do so. Of course, those surviving the plagues will be the saints and whatever other good people are around. But the idea that there’ll likely be plenty of houses you can just stake your claim for remains.

 

But at present it’s still a good idea to seek a house. Ramsey says pay cash for a house but remember it’s optimal for child development to limit the number of times you move to a reasonable amount.

 

 

 

Children Should be a Family Asset & Learn their Stewardships

 

Older children responsible for family wellbeing:

Like the bishop not having the full burden of a ward and the elders quorum and relief society having much of it on their shoulders, so does an older child have responsibility for the family and well-being of the younger siblings.

We should not go to the bishop for all needed ecclesiastical help, but rather to the EQ pres and RS. Similarly,
Instead of going to the parent to resolve everything, older children should mitigate and make decisions when issues arise.

At judgement, these minor stewards will need to report to God on the well-being on their areas just like the head leaders ( bishop, parents).

These minor leaders should take ownership of their stewardships.

 

 

Parenting: Family Outings: Required Attendance, and Adopted Child Related Issues

They can have personal time after the event, but attending the event is not optional. Often the child isn’t safe at home alone and parents should not have to split up to stay home with the child . Often an adopted child resists family outings due to resistance to bond with the adopted family, as they maintain a fantasy of reuniting with their biological family. Battles must be picked carefully and control must be given in some areas to children, but it isn’t fair to the parents to have to split up. Even small outings such as family walks in town should be required . The child may resist these positive relationship building activities but must come along, and eventually, perhaos only as adults, will recognize their importance and your love for them.

 

Food Hoarding of the Adopted (or any) Child: Possible Solutions

Have fruits available outside of mealtime.

As a general rule, don’t allow food outside of the kitchen.

Give frequent snacks (as in around every 2 hours).

For severe cases, consider having a lunch box they can keep in their room, so they have some control and don’t feel a need to hide it. It can have mostly healthy snacks and a few others they enjoy, perhaps a bit more fun. They can refill it even daily. They seek to control what goes in their body (and out) as they feel lack of control with so much else.

 

 

 

 

 

Bible Standard: No Work, No Eat (Modified Version for Parenting)

Kent Hovind says God’s welfare program of “you don’t work you don’t eat” can be applied to parenting; for example, the kid doesn’t do their chores, they don’t do their homework, then they’re excused from the meal table and asked to come back when their works are done. Hovind says that if God uses the program of “you don’t work you don’t eat,” then we surely can as parents.

This may be a bit much (and perhaps illegal these days), but the idea isn’t far off. For example, less rewards can be given when the child is not complying in various areas.

It is the duty of parents to feed their children, but not necessarily the delicious foods.

Caution: Some say using food as a reward leads to mental health issues related to food addictions, bulimia, anorexia, etc.

The idea can obviously be applied elsewhere. There are plenty of areas you can restrict if they are not doing what the parent expects of them.

 

Caring for Newborn Infants: Increasingly Uncommon (Traditional) Methods

Nature calls on parents to take on the burden of caring for infants. Not nurses, not Binky’s, not doctors, but mother. Binky’s are only for snap moments when mom isn’t available, mom ought to typically be available. Infrequently, the baby can be calmed by binky when it is full, but it remains an artificial con to be avoided where reasonably possible.

Feeding schedules should be based on the cueing of the baby, not a schedule.

When no breast milk from mom is available, a neighbor should be saught to donate rather than using formula.
Also use herbs and frequent pumping to trigger milk production. And cow milk is not for humans.

they don’t breast feed like they used to,  the fools betray 6000 years of experiance for a theory.   Let the child eat and snack, don’t give plastic nipples, but mother,  be present,  you be the comfort

Carry baby around in a wrap or backpack so it is safe, stimulated, and learns.

Don’t make it cry itself to sleep based on your schedule and outdated doctor recommendations. Such traumatizes the child and decreases the sense of safety.

Remember the monkey experiments. They prefer a bottleless soft mother to a rigid bottled mother. They need love, not just to be fed.

For sick infants, don’t limit the amount they feed in “clustered cares”, but feed them when they are hungry based on their cueing, then just keep a record of how much they have eaten in any given per se 3 hour period.

Avoid inducing, baby knows when the time is right.

Be active during pregnancy, walking lots, don’t just lay around. This helps the birth be lively. The Hebrew women were known to quickly birth their children compared to the Egyptians, likely because the Hebrews worked harder.

 

 

Resources on Parenting

 

 

Glen L Latham – parenting & teaching

TeachingSelfGovernment.com on Parenting
Education.byu.edu/YouCanDoThis on Parenting

FeministsForLife.org – An Anti-Abortion Group

Karyn Purvis – EmpoweredToConnect.org – Texas Christian Institute, helping traumatized children in positive ways

Foster Cline, M.D., and Jim Fay – Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

Gary Chapman, Ph.D. and Ross Campbell, M.D – The Five Love Languages of Children

Randal A. Wright – 25 LDS parenting mistakes book, etc. Former BYU professor

Leonard Oestreicher – screens lead to autism

-Mark D Ogletree, see book on raising missionary kids

-Neil Flinders: Teach the children: an agency approach to education; Joseph Smith: America’s Greatest Educator

-Kevin Hinckley: Parenting the Strong Willed Child

-Cynthia Tobias: You can’t make me but I can be persuaded

-David Sorenson: a biblical guide for Christian parents

Craig H. Hart – parenting, family proclamation

Rebecca Eanes – parenting

Nicholeen Peck – parenting

Susan Stiffelman – parenting

-David Williamson Shaffer: how computer games help children learn

 

 

 

 

 

 

PART 4: MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS

 

“Look unto me in every thought. Doubt not, fear not.”

Drugs, Addiction, Therapy, Depression, Anti-Depressants, Treatment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Praying for Grace Against the Odds: Episode of a Man’s Deliverance from a Mental Hospital

 

 

I saw a man at the state mental hospital who was a praying man. To see such a man there was very rare. Almost no one seemed to pray there. Doing room checks I would catch him on his knees at his bedside. I also observed that he went to worship services when they were offered. He read scripture and was kind to those around him. He was trying to be his best self. One day out of the blue, the judge decided to release him again into the community. This was a shock to him and everyone else. I attribute his release to his great faith. He is not the first person I’ve seen released on account of turning one’s will to God. They elected God as their primary therapist, and he lifted them higher and more quickly than they expected, and he is with them so long as they remember him.

 

Therapy for Families: Nature of Addiction as an Illness

 

Goal: Help a couple understand that the nature of addiction is more of an illness than a chosen habit.

Purpose: Teach that addiction is an advanced stage of illness which no one willingly chooses, and which no one can easily leave.

Discussion: Ask Jon and Mary if they have spoken with each other about the nature of addiction. Ask them if they see addiction differently than each other. Help them see that they can come to an understanding of what addiction is, which will help them to have less contention in their lives, and help them become a team rather than oppose each other in the journey toward recovery. Jon is the addicted candidate, and Mary is learning how to best support him.

Jon, 1. How does it feel when Mary tells you to “just stop already”? 2. Mary, how does it feel when you continue to tell Jon he needs to “just stop already or we will divorce”? You have not seen much improvement from this, and resentment is building in your marriage to the point that a divorce does seem eminent. Jon and Mary, do you want your marriage to last? Perhaps at this point you don’t know. Let’s talk about the nature of addiction. Addiction involves powerlessness, meaning Jon can resolve to quit, and know that his biology will kick in hours later compelling him to abuse substance in conditions other than confinement or straight jacket. Powerlessness comes on gradually, but you have now reached the stage of true shackled addiction, where your will alone becomes unable to break the chains of addiction. Mary, do you think Jon has been sincere? How does it make you feel when he relapses after sincere commitment to be sober? How has it taxed your financial life, and your friendship? What do you think we could do to help Jon other than petitioning him to be sober? Jon, what ideas do you have about how to end the powerlessness cycle of your addiction, seeing as you’ve tried to quit many times without success? Are the both of you willing to look outward to find more support in treating this addiction? Have you heard of

Exploration: Invite Jon and Mary to analyze their lives to look for the missing pieces: What could Jon be using his addiction to cope with? Ask yourselves why he is seeking fantasy and alter-ego and euphoria when those things should be available in a regular life. What is Jon feeling that is leading him to substance abuse? Is there loss in his life which he has not grieved over? Has he developed coping strategies for his day to day problems which have grown to consume his life? Will you make a list of how Jon reacts to various stressful parts of day to day living, and alternate coping skills he could be using? Jon, will you list your 100 favorite lies involved in why you justify using substance in your day to day life?

Therapy for Families: Creating Desire for Recovery by Looking to the Beginning

 

Goal: Help a couple understand that though biology has a large part to do with addiction, desire for recovery will be inherent in his recovery.

Purpose: Teach Jon and Mary that by looking to the roots of their marriage they can find the hope for exercising the willpower to overcome bad addictive habits.

Discussion: Ask Jon what his goals in life are. Ask Mary what her goals in life are. Ask them how they felt on their wedding day and when their first child was born. Ask them what they wanted to be when they grew up as they were children. Ask Jon and Mary what things are not as they foresaw they would be. Ask Jon what sacrifices he can reasonably make to bring him closer to his desired life. Ask Mary how she can positively support Jon in the changes which he has committed to make. Ask Jon and Mary how they will respond if relapse occurs. Teach them that relapse should not be taken lightly, that anger and frustration and withholding of privileges are part of what comes from this, but show them at the same time that they don’t have to express hopelessness and faithlessness in Jon if he stumbles. Teach them that relapse does not mean starting over at ground zero, but that it means taking a step back in aspects of trust. The skills Jon has learned will help him to recover more quickly from relapse than he was able to do in the past. Teach them that Jon will have more power to exercise willpower even when he falls as he continues to learn positive coping strategies for the stresses and grief of his life.

Exploration: Invite Jon to make actual lists of how he will cope with the stresses of day to day life, and invite Mary to make actual lists of how she will react when Jon does a positive or negative thing, these lists will help them to not act on the emotion of the moment. Invite Jon to keep by him talismans of motivation which remind him of his life goals. Invite them to post their life goals and their family goals in a prominent location in their home, vehicles, and personal planners. Invite Jon to isolate one behavior that he wants to change, and practice responding correctly to the environment of that problem over and over. This will increase his faith that he has the power to change.

Therapy for Families: Will and Work for Recovery

 

Goal: Help a couple understand that recovery will not be easy, but that so long as they apply correct principles, it will be not only possible but a certain outcome.

Purpose: Teach Jon that he will need to cancel many of the extracurricular events in his life to focus on recovery. Like the obese person that gives up crocheting to spend an extra few hours at the gym each day, so will Jon need to find areas in his life which are not supporting his goals, eliminate them, and identify areas which need more strengthening.

Discussion: Ask Jon to make a list of all the useless things he does. Ask Jon to make a list of his weaknesses, and then to make another list about ways he could improve on those weaknesses. Jon, these weaknesses could be social, mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, recreational, vocational, sexual, etc. You see, to have a healthy life we want you to find balance in all areas of your life. If you never have energy, what are some things you could do other than cocaine? If you’re never happy, what are some things, perhaps social and relationally, which you could do to give yourself more opportunities for happiness other than alcohol? If you’re not feeling sexually satisfied in your marriage, what are some things other than pornography affairs and masturbation which you could do in your marriage which could help you both to find more satisfaction in this regard? Beware however Jon that many who use pornography and masturbation and other wise unhealthy objectification and overly emphasize sexuality in life are doing this out of a desire for health in some other aspect than sexuality. Sexual deviance could be a way of seeking happiness to deal with grief, or a myriad of other things.

Exploration: Invite Jon to spend 3 hours a day at the gym getting in good shape (this can help regulate his emotions and increase his willpower to make good choices). Invite Jon to spend time talking to his wife each evening rather than going for sex off the bat (this can increase the likelihood of them having sex at all, and increase the pleasure therein, and increase the connectedness in their relationship, which will heal their sexual life as well, because connection is a proven higher motivation in life than sex or power.). Invite Mary to take care of her health by regular exercise, reading wholesome books, worshiping at a church, and other activities which will sustain her during the crucible of Jon’s addiction recovery.

 

 

Therapy for Families: Relationships for Recovery

 

Goal: Help a couple understand that connection is the highest motivator in life, and that their relationship as a married couple is the primary relationship for supporting recovery. Also show them that healthy environments and friends are needed for recovery.

Purpose: Teach Jon that his friends influence his choices. Teach Mary that she also needs a support group to help her through the addiction of her husband. Teach Jon and Mary that this is a critical time to build their marital relationship by going on frequent and regular outings/dates together involving work and recreation.

Discussion: Ask Jon and Mary how they feel their relationship is overall, and to write down memories of their relationship at its highest point. Jon, what are the places you go where you are most likely to relapse? What are the places where you are most likely to be sober? Ask Jon what people make him want to be sober, and which people make him want to relapse. Ask Jon what he can do to cultivate the healthy relationships, and polity put on the shelf and otherwise eradicate the non-working relationships? Ask Mary how she can make life pleasant for Jon, and ask Jon what he can do to make life pleasant for Mary. Ask Jon how his children are being affected by his addiction, and what he wants his children to be when they grow up, and weather his choices are supporting or working against that desire.

Exploration: Invite Jon to enroll in AA/NA and Mary to enroll in Al-Anon so they can be surrounded by others who have similar struggles whom can offer advice, and so that Jon and Mary can have the redemptive experience of teaching others who are not as far along as they are in the process of recovery. Invite Jon to get a sponsor whom he can call when he is tempted to abuse substance. Invite Mary to get a sponsor whom she can call when she feels tired and depressed in the recovery of her husband. Invite Jon to keep pictures of his family and other role models nearby when he is traveling on business, as well as making friends when he is out on business rather than being reclusive.

Therapy for Families: Grace for Recovery

 

Goal: Help a couple understand that they cannot recover by mere willpower and skill, but that the aid of a higher power is needed for recovery.

Purpose: If you don’t want to get specific and its often helpful to not be too specific when working as a therapist rather than a pastor, show them that there remains a need for spirituality in their recovery, that recovery consists in 1. Spiritual involvement with their higher power and 2. The undivided resolve of themselves to use their willpower for recovery, including seeking all skills possible to work out their recovery. Teach them that their higher power can help them in their journey for recovery, and show them case examples of others like Bill W. whom have turned to a higher power for help in recovery. Teach them the doctrine of powerlessness and dependency, and the need for supernatural help to recovery from such strong enemies. Show that the field of addiction is perhaps the only scientific behavioral science field where it is long time recognized that the involvement of deity and or a higher power is needed in the recovery process.  (If you do for some reason find it okay to get into specifics of Christianity as this being their professed faith, consider teaching the following: Teach Jon that he is loved by God, and teach Mary that she is respected by God for standing by Jon the best way she can. Teach them of the universal need for repentance and a change of heart. Teach them that a change of heart comes as a gift from God to persons whom sincerely repent of their sins. Teach them that Jesus Christ will help them satisfy the justice required in life, and that God their Father will accept the combined efforts of themselves and Jesus Christ as Jon and Mary turn their lives over to Jesus Christ.)

Discussion: Ask Jon who is higher power is, and what he feels his higher power expects of him. Ask him if he has prayed for help to his higher power in the journey of his recovery. Ask him what might be the consequence of praying for help vs the consequence of not praying for help. Ask Mary how she has been involved with her higher power in her journey of supporting and helping Jon.

Exploration: Invite Jon to pray to his higher power for help, and to read his religious text on a dramatically increased regular basis. Invite Mary to make time to worship her higher power during this consuming trial of Jon’s addiction. Invite Jon and Mary to forgive each other for any nagging or neglect or other damages, and invite them to join in their worship together, and to create family traditions of worshipping the higher power, including regular religious meetings with others who feel similarly to them in these regards, and a regular dedication to searching sacred texts of their faith.

 

Components of a Successful Residential Treatment Center for Youth: Warning, Leveling Systems, Safety Advantage, Dress Code, etc.

 

 

Sending one’s child to a treatment center is the last thing anyone wants to do. It can however be a last ditch effort to help with some big issues, and can be more effective than jail if the program actually holds high standards.

Warning:

Beware these programs will market themselves as grand saviors, you’ll need insider information about specific treatment centers (not offered here) before you’ll be able to confidently place a child at a treatment center. I’ll be blunt and say MOST of these places are not good, and are steeped in corruption from the low standards of their staff. It is almost impossible (if not illegal) to be sufficiently selective in the hiring process to find high quality people who will staff these programs.

 

These are common standards which are observed to one extent or another in various RTC’s. They are not the format of any one facility, but are ideas and best practices in my opinion.

Sections:

Leveling Systems

Dress Codes

Safety Advantages


Introduction

The family home is and always will be the ideal place for living and learning. However, there are rare cases which may necessitate a child leaving the home due to flagrant and continuous disregard of all basic home structure expectations, particularly those involving illegal behavior. Here we will consider some arrangements for those scenarios.

Treatment Center Leveling System

Students typically advance through a series of Levels as a reflection of their commitment toward and progression in their recovery. Here are some ideas for each of these levels, which are typical.

Level 0

Entering the facility, a student is at level 0. Once they’ve established that they won’t try to kill people and run away every 5 minutes, they advance to a level 1. Level 0 is a good time for detoxification from any drugs (including pornography) which the student was formerly addicted to compulsively.

A strict dress code forces the students to be modest in their appearance, and many rules further enforce respect toward peer and staff (such as no swearing). Students in the level 0 are dressing in orange shirts.

New students are also not allowed to have communications with the outside world, or other lower level students. New students are level 0, and only when a level 3 can a student speak to other lower level students. This helps students in bad places mentally not conspire with one another in non-working theories and illegal plans.

Breaking the program into phases helps the adolescent one-track brain understand that breaking the chains of addiction to substance and learned non-working behaviors doesn’t happen overnight, and that it is not black-and-white simple.

Many of them enter treatment, as evidenced by the letter home in week 1 begging to be taken home with promises of full repentance, believing that their addiction is surface deep and easily remediated. Repentance can be immediate, but such a letter home when brought to treatment only indicates theya re sorry they got a consequence, not that they are sorry for their actions. By prior disobedience they’ve already indicated they don’t respect your authority as their parent. If their sudden supposed repentance is in fact sincere, they will be willing to submit to whatever the parent wishes, including voluntarily submitting to the treatment program rather than immediately returning home.

The level program shows them that it takes work to recover, and most importantly, it gives them examples of people who have recovered.

 

 

Level 1

Level 1 is a place where the students come to terms with the fact that they are in treatment, and that they will remain there until they have made appropriate changes in their lives, however long that could take.

Treatment duration is usually 3-5 months, or in extreme bases, 6-8 months. Some places keep students even longer, though I see no need for that. If the student is not responding by half a year, a different facility or jail may be in order. Again, there may be some extreme cases where doing otherwise would be good.

Driven by a desire to go home, often students begin to make outward changes in this stage. Students in level 1 are dressed in tan dress pants and a blue button up dress shirt. The therapist of the student will have a weekly assignment for the student, such as writing essays on topics like “My 100 Favorite Lies” and “My 100 Favorite Things” and “100 Reasons Why I’m Not Helping My Family” and “100 Reasons I’m Likely Going to Spend My Life In Prison” or “100 Reasons Why I Use Substances”.

 

 

Level 2

In Level 2, a student learns that it doesn’t pay to lie your way up the levels in the program. They learn that only in transparent communication with their peers in group therapy as well as with their therapist in individual therapy (these both occurring once per week) Optional groups including bible study, AA & NA (Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous), and a loss group for persons dealing with significant loss of a parent, etc.) are also available, and participation in these allows the student to show he/she is putting forth individual efforts on their own behalf to make progress. If a student is caught in a lie, he is liable to drop a level. If a student confesses that he has lied while at treatment and broken rules to which he did not confess, he drops a level, and goes to detention. In detention, students are seated in desks, and subject to transcribing audio lectures to earn their way back into the regular treatment. Regular treatment has privileges such as longer than 5-minute showers, and the rare educational film, and the athletic teams. All students are monitored day and night, and more so in detention. It is standard for a student to make a confession before ever progressing to Level 3, however disheartening this confession is to the student who formerly used lying to get ahead. Honesty is a key focus of this stage of student, and honesty is expected from the student here on out.

It is in this stage where students also can, when deemed worthy, attend seminars to learn more about themselves and their path to recovery in an intensive highly interactive setting with others who are likewise likely prepared for it. New students do not go to these seminars as they are not ready for the transparent honesty that would make the seminar meaningful.

These seminars are private meetings of which the students are not allowed to speak outside of the meeting. These seminars are time when students meet with other students who have shown the same level of honest effort and commitment to recovery, and they meet with an advanced specialist who takes the entire group (sometimes 30 or more students of both boys and girls (the only co-ed activity on campus for lower level students)) though a series of soul-searching activities which help the students in their path toward recovery. Students often leave these seminars highly motivated, and with increased faith and hope in their recovery, and a renewed (if not new) sense of self-worth. Students pass or fail the seminar based on their transparency and sincerity.

As a student advances toward becoming an upper level, he is taught that confession is critical to recovery, and encouraged to write a “confession letter” home. This letter is often quite long, relating to the person most effected (usually parents) all of the deception and misdeeds they have committed against them, themselves, and others. This is part of the 12 Step Program of the Anonymous programs, but all students are encouraged to write a confession letter regardless of whether they choose to participate in the Anonymous programs. This letter is the antithesis to the earlier begging to come home letter. It is to say, “this is what I did wrong, I am now willing to face the full consequences of my actions.”

 

 

Level 3

Level 3 is often a deeply consequential phase of transitioning from lower level to higher level. New students are not allowed to speak to each other, as these relationships are usually destructive and divisive. The only students who can speak to new students of a level 0-2 are students who have attained the Level 3, and whom have passed the various seminars. A student fails the seminars if they show no effort or transparency therein, expressing some sort of a rebellious spirit. Mature judges must determine the advancement of each student. Fellow students, the orchestrator, and perhaps the therapist determine whether a student passes a seminar. “3 through Focus” are the students whom are permitted to speak to lower level students. Other companies who don’t have this policy are likely to witness more group escape attempts, secret societies, gangs, planned violence, cliques, etc. A level 3 student is one who is committed to recover, even if they are struggling in progress, their commitment is there, and signs are beginning to show of their commitment. The Level 3 student recognizes that many of their behaviors were destructive, but has a difficult time realizing that even small acts of rebellion are contributing toward their unstable lives.

 

 

Levels 4

Level 4 is more particularly where the student has experience in leadership roles, and is thoroughly put through the refiner’s fire when it comes to facing their fears, facing their families, facing their home lives which they are soon to return to. Though these are high levels, students still have much work to do before being prepared to return home.

In some cases where the change of heart is evident, and support systems are in place at their homes, students are now prepared to return home, particularly if they have made religious commitments connections and plans.

If a student confesses that he has been lying in his treatment up to that point and has been breaking rules, he may likely drop back down to a level 1. This drop is devastating, meaning more time in the program as a minimal time allotment is required for each stage, but the student realizes that total honesty is the only way to full recovery. It is not uncommon for a student to get stuck at these levels, showing great progress, but lacking in a grasp of the reality of their situation as determined by a council of the student’s therapist, and other employees of the facility. This council of level advancement may include fellow students at the 5th level whom often have important insights into the day-to-day attitudes of the student.

These upper level students are exposed to more than the lower level students, including occasional interaction with students of the opposite sex in dances and trainings on adult roles. Since so many of the students got themselves into the program from deviant behaviors linked to behavior toward persons of the opposite sex, this can be a very trying time to confront real issues in the student’s lives (though issues of pornography, sexuality, STD’s, pregnancy, dating standards, and trust issues related to the student’s orientation regarding the opposite sex are not reserved for upper level treatment).

The upper level student will surrender all of their rebellion of non-working principles to adapting correct principles. They are taught that guessing at what is right and responding to punishment will only take them so far, whereas adopting working/healthy principles will lead them to make good choices in all situations.

 

 

Level 5

Level 5 is the stage of triumph which every other student (the serious ones at least) hopes to attain. It is seen as putting on the full armor of God, though secular programs are quite limited in religious aspects, aside from AA meetings encouraging students to find a higher power. In some situations, therapists have permission to encourage students to find their religious roots.

These students are role models to the other students, because the other students often believe their situation is unique and cannot be overcome. The upper level students prove them wrong, showing that persons from similar situations as themselves can throw out the non-working behaviors without throwing out their fun personalities and healthy (even cool) hobbies. These are the role models who help other students on a day to day basis, and whom are making plans to either find an apartment, or whom are taking the final steps in completing their high school diplomas via the program’s packet or accelerated classroom system with summer school. The school is attended by students of all levels. In some cases, a program could break students into middle and high school, though admitting students at young ages is highly frowned upon.

Level 5 students may be 18 years old and chose to remain in the program to take advantage of the high school diploma program. Once a student is 18 years old, they are free to leave the program at any time unless court ordered, meaning they will likely need to be relocated to another center for incarcerated adults who are deemed incompetent to be on their own. These will go to a half way home, a step down home, or some mental facility according to their court orders.

18-year-old students who feel unprepared to leave the program for other than academic reasons are given extensive training to help them into their adult life, as being an adult in a program is frowned upon for the development of the student.

17-year-old students whom have shown some degree of progress toward their recovery may attend a regular class which teaches skills specifically for independent adults, whereas the younger students will likely return home to live with their parents or foster parents / adoption after the program has reached completion. Younger students often have a more difficult time in the program, having a more distant understanding of reality and real consequences of their actions, though young students often show great maturity and progress in the program, and great post-treatment success. The odds of young students returning to a facility are sadly quite high. Level 5 students often leave the facility to get used to being in the outside world again. Most of these students have been in the program for over half a year and need positive experiences with society to show them hands on how to interact in positive ways in the community. It is not uncommon for the graduated student to write letters to the students at treatment centers, explaining to them what life is like “on the out’s”, and the trials they face. Lamentably, some students whom have graduated the program will return to the program from a series of serious relapses whom have shown they were unprepared for a healthy life. If a student lies to reach a level 6 (almost impossible), they now return to the program with a very real understanding that lying will not get them far. They must work very hard to reestablish trust, and level advancement will be a long and painful process for them. Sometimes deception is so ingrained in the life of the student that only a severe consequence such as this will pull them out of it. These students have often returned to religious roots, or found some form of religion to support the spiritual aspects of their recovery. They often commit to continued treatment in the Anonymous programs, or with outpatient therapists as they are taught that sustained sobriety and recovery will be difficult, though less difficult with a positive support group. Some students at this level are puzzled about where they will find positive peers in their outpatient life, and therapists help them consider environments which could be conducive to building committed relationships for lasting recovery.

 

Treatment Center Advantage: Safety

Many students feel that if they were to reveal their crimes at home, that their families would call the police on them, or at least forbid them from a social life. These students have come from scenarios where telling the truth or being caught has resulted in those consequences before, and many of them have become thoroughly afraid of being honest in the context of their family and community. Their name has gone from bad to worse as issues become public at home and in circles of immediate and extended family. They’ve learned to live a double life, and healing that divide is most painful & embarrassing.

A treatment center gives the student a place where they can confess to a third-party therapist and group of peers. The student is “locked away safely” where (perhaps rightfully) vindictive parents, local law enforcement, or ecclesiastical leaders cannot directly administer consequences to them for their actions. In this inpatient and secluded environment far removed from their homes, students with serious issues may be more likely to confess things which they thought they would take to their grave (and hell). Students chained down to addiction also are compelled to not use the substance, which gives them a chance to lessen their dependency on the substance they had been abusing. Though the student is under constant surveillance, they can feel safe from themselves and others. There must be high standards of boundaries at the program.

Boundaries imposed by the no-talking-lower-level-to-lower-level rule will greatly help the students to be safe and have a positive environment.  Ideally, there are higher level students and all staff who discourage vulgarity and apply consequences when such is used. One of the key pitfalls of modern programs like this is the lax enforcement of these type of high standards.

Therapy is centered on several key aspects of the 12 Step Program including confession to a trusted and effected person, commitment to sobriety. The therapist and student have a very close relationship, and the therapist can often get places with the student which the parents could not. As close as parents may be, a third party can be helpful to breakthrough roadblocks. The student often is embarrassed and ashamed by their choices, and is therefore not willing to divulge and speak about these subjects with his parents. Many parents are not trained in substance and other behavioral issues, and though well intended, resort to non-working therapeutic tactics.

 

Treatment Center Dress Code

One key way to tell whether a program is worth it’s stock is the dress code. If a program is lax about dress, they will be lax about many other things. The philosophy of a program with “anything goes” dress code will likely have a similar “anything goes” moral standard, which will not help the student grow in the right direction.

The dress code shows the students that there is more to them than their alter-ego/fantasy. They learn the intrinsic value of themselves without trendy clothing. They learn social life doesn’t need to be created via clothing cliques. They throw away their “image”, and gain an acceptance for their body type and personality. Trendy clothing can get in the way of one’s personality shining through. A strict uniform can help the student avoid falling back into an unhealthy clique. Strangely, this contributes to mental abstinence, and makes physical abstinence easier.

The dress code allows each student to be brought to a level playing field, same as their peers. Money no longer determines their social life. Each is brought back to the age of childhood via their simple/out-of-awareness appearance, and their thoughts turn to deeper matters than outward appearances. This can also encourage honesty, as they’ve used outward appearances to deceive their families, hiding the truth. The “truth” of who they are is no longer hidden under masses of clothing and symbols. The new symbol for their personality is the words they say, and they learn to make those words honest words.

 

 

 

Prototypical Story of a Returning Prodigal Son: Breaking the Chains of Addiction at an RTC

 

 

 

In some very rare cases, an RTC (residential treatment center) can be appropriate. Now we take a journal with a modern Alma prodigal and his family through this painful journey:

Alma and his mother were able to combat drug and other behavioral/addictive issues through the all-encompassing scope of behavioral learning theory. We will journey with these characters as they use various methods of discipline and behavioral learning, and find how the puzzle pieces fit. They will not find success in the far left or far right of behavior strategies, but a middle ground solution found at a rehab will help John find himself at last as he adopts transparency, builds sober positive relationships, and is forced to be sober for a few months.

His mom was anxious all the time, “Will my son live or die today?” Alma has been involved in drugs and various types of delinquency over the past year, and mother’s attempts to rehabilitate him through groundings, taking cell phones, moving to the other side of the state, sending him to live with his sibling, sending him to live with his other sibling, none of it had worked. Alma seemed to be on the pathway to destruction. The mom appealed to father who, though never really involved in Alma life since their divorce at his birth, said “Put em’ in jail.” Mom saw the two extremes and was torn as to what she should do: Keep Alma around, or lock him up. The one seems too far left, the other too far right. She doubted either would work. She foresaw her tender though embittered son falling into the all too common “just doin’ my time then I’m gone” attitude if she were to put him in jail. Would jail rehabilitate, or harden him? After all, Alma had repeatedly expressed in this his 17th year, that when 18 comes, he would be gone. If Alma spent the remainder of his 17th year in jail, would he feel pushed away from the family forever? If he spent the time at home, would he die of drug use, it being impossible to fully surveil him? Alma was in luck, because Mom’s bishop suggested a behavioral rehab for troubled youth. It would be a middle ground between home life and prison life, and could be a last stand to take back her son before he turns 18. Mom and the bishop agreed that this was not so simple as “jail”.

Alma’s mother was very sophisticated, and very kind. She was well versed in behavioral learning theory, but unlike many people, she recognized a need not just for behavior modification, but a need for love and agency, meaning autonomy and connection needed to be present, not just regulation. She loved him more than life itself, and knew that her love alone wasn’t enough to save him. She could give him all aspects of love, daily expressions, time together, and Alma knew his welfare was a covenant she had made. She needed outside help. Trying to be both mom and dad over the years would only take Alma so far. It was time for some atonement for the lack of father in the home, and for whatever else seemed to be pulling Alma away. After all, he used to be such a good boy. Something big, something bold, was about to happen.

When Alma left, she wept. Her heart shone through across the miles separating them via almost daily letters in the mail containing words of encouragement, keeping the relationship alive as best she could when time together was not possible, she still somehow managed to make almost daily expressions of her love and reminded Alma of her commitment to his welfare.

While Alma was gone, she reflected on their recent and complex past. She knew that consequences were not something easily mastered. As a lad, Alma obeyed her out of bribes of objects and opportunities, like the chance to have time with his friends, or the chance to have a trip to Taco Bell. When Alma did his chores, and kept the house rules including doing his homework, he knew benefits would come. Alma aged, and learned to respect his mother, and obeyed her for the sake of their relationship, without strings always attached. Mom had filled his life with pleasant things, emphasizing positive reinforcement for his good choices, while almost looking the other way when it came to his bad choices. But as Alma grew older, his relationships with his friends clouded the view of his relationships with family members, and mom could no longer obtain his obedience by mere asking. She had to remind him of the judgements of God, these moral/internal influences which meant that he had autonomy, and would have to answer to more than her, he would have to answer to God. When Alma ceased to respond to these, mom was out of options. Natural consequences helped him learn to beware crossing the street, and to favor mother’s closeness, and now they would be postponed until he faced God or his own conscience. Constructed consequences helped him not slack lest he get more chores, and now God would have to construct consequences for Alma. Random consequences would not help anything, mother was too wise for superstitions.

At rehab, Alma had a wakeup call. There was no more getting away with bad behaviors (except lying, which he soon found ineffective there). To graduate the program Alma had to make progress in the program, or he would be stuck there forever. But there was a problem. Alma was not willing to do the things the program wanted him to do for advancement. They seemed to have power to see through his lies, and he was not advancing. Eventually Alma decided that if he was ever going to come clean and rebuild his life, doing so in this isolated place might be a safe time to do it. He began to feel he had a chance to turn things around, and he ran with that hope. Being away from the girls, money, drugs, fancy clothes, for a while helped him see those things are fragile, and that the only way to keep happy was to get what he wanted in the upright honest way. Other methods failed time and again.

The rehab used continuous reinforcement with their negative punishment system. With security guards always keeping an eye on him, he could not break a single rule without losing what little freedoms he had left. At times the rehab even used positive punishment, applying unpleasant things like mandatory lectures he had to take notes on about dull subjects. The rehab used positive reinforcement when they rewarded him with the ability to participate in the basketball team as he didn’t attempt to run away. They used negative reinforcement when they removed some of the negative aspects of the rehab, such as going easy on the shower time limit rule.

The rehab brought Alma a chance to have his “wake-up call” by providing things which were not available at home, and which were not available at a prison. Things like recreation therapy, equine therapy, inpatient therapists who highly survey the students’ life, interaction with other adolescents whom had made progress in their journey (communication with “low level” students was forbidden to new students and other low level students), group therapy with others in the rehab, an opportunity to plan his future, and other meaningful experiences. The prison would only offer regulation, whereas the rehab helped offer love and autonomy as well. They even offered spirit in their weekly optional bible studies which Alma opted to attend, remembering the gospel to be a key to his mother’s love and covenant to tend to his welfare.

Alma looked up to the recovering students whom were in the upper levels of the program about to graduate. Not only were they about to be free, but they seemed to have truly changed their lives for the better. Alma learned to love these people as they loved him first. They often had a similar background as himself, and if they could be strong, so, perhaps, could he. For a while, Alma saw a variable ratio reinforcement situation, seeing that he could lie about some small rule breaking and get away with it now and then, but looking up to the higher levels who said, “full honesty is needed to progress or you’ll never make it, I’ve tried the other way and it doesn’t work”, Alma realized that this would be true to his life, not just his program. He started to remember what he knew all along, and finally understood the message his mother and other loved ones had told him across the years, that he can be free and happy as he makes good choices, no short cuts. For the first time in his life, Alma made through confessions, and felt a great burden leave him as he walked toward recovery, and lasting meaningful healthy relationships.

Everything was coming together for Alma. He began to understand that extinction of bad patterns is possible as he lived sober for a time, even if it was forced sobriety. He no longer required substances to manage daily troubles and relationships.  He realized that his therapist had been shaping him toward confession, and that shaping lead him to tell of important parts of his life to his mother which he deemed he would take with him to the grave, which only hell itself would force him to reveal. Betraying the love of his mother would be too severe, she would never know about the depth of the bad choices he was making until he was safely locked in hell, and she safely locked in heaven. Somehow, with an assignment to write his “100 favorite lies”, and other assignments which brought an aspect of behavior chains to his attention, Alma learned he could avoid the bad and keep the good; at length, Alma’s therapist convinced him to write his 12-page confession letter home. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, his mother being the most angelic person he had ever known, and his childhood memories with her the only thing more precious to him than scandalous time with his “friends.” Would confessing sever him from her? Though his choices lead him away from her, he could not face that reality. His therapist helped him face that reality, and showed him how he could keep what was most dear to him.

 

 

Alternate Methods to Cast Out Demons in the Mental Health Field

 

 

 

The patients report hearing voices, and those are usually derogative voices and often tell them to hurt others or widdle self-esteem. So yes, I agree these are demons!

Some of our mental patients have less agency and many of them are innocent, but also many of them have “permanent” mental illness because of drug abuse. Granted there is a root cause of drug abuse like depression or loneliness etc., but the punishment for turning to these bad coping methods is obvious. Surely we can have pity and compassion for those who suffer with drug addiction. Again, we don’t judge because we don’t know, but it seems that either because of low faith of the patients, or low faith of the people in charge of the patients, the healings are rare.

Family members should always do all they can by way of exercising faith to heal their family members, but sometimes healings don’t come. Perhaps the “works of God” being manifest in the ill client is also manifest not only in healings, but in the increased compassion the caretakers have the choice to develop from shepherding that ill family member / friend.

Seeking spiritual healing, I think, cannot be done by the government. It would be priestcraft. Spiritual healing must be voluntarily entered into by the client, or by the family members of the client if the client is incapable of seeking them himself.

Currently we have state funded and operated mental hospitals. The one in Utah is in Provo, called the Utah State Hospital. The issue here is that we have mentally ill citizens which people aren’t willing to help, so the government picks up the slack. The only way to optimal mental health treatment is through private organizations, particularly churches when families are unable. In a Zion society, I believe the focus is much less on state welfare, and much more on volunteerism, particularly based in religious operations. Historically it was so in America and elsewhere. Sure reform has been needed, but not toward socialism. The family must rise up in strength and charity such as this generation has not known.

I am happy to report that recently I saw a person at the mental hospital who was active in the church, praying etc. often, and he was miraculously set free from the hospital; out of the blue the judge decided to let him go, and I attribute this to the boy’s faith, which perhaps he had developed during his hospital stay.

Granted other patients have faith too but aren’t let go or fully healed, despite their efforts to seek spiritual healing. Again, this could be to teach them and their care givers patience. Whatever happens, we serve God and bless His name, knowing the blessings will eventually come in this life, the millennium, or in the life to come.

Another note on this topic is that we likely agree that the SSRI’s antidepressants SNRI’s MAOI’s etc. have many toxic side effects, many of which are covered up by the powers that be. Joel Skousen says perhaps the worse side effect of these drugs is that the “diminished conscience”; that they quiet the whispers of the Holy Ghost. In extreme cases when alternatives have been exhausted and the patient has already established nutritional excellence, medication may be required.

I also find it interesting that most psychotropic meds are absolutely toxic for pregnant women, and perhaps Satan is using these sometimes “easy out” drugs as a way to get women to not have children. I also note that rates of suicide are far lower among married women and mothers than among single women, so Satan could be giving them these false fixes rather than the lasting healing which can take place in the satisfactory lifestyles of family creation which God sent us to Earth to have.

The withdrawal from psychotropics also often is connected to symptoms of illness even worse than the illness being treated in the first place. It looks like the Devils signature on the contract: if you try to leave, you’ll go through hell.

I also note that inasmuch as they are effective and safe, psychotropic meds can be useful for extreme cases. Much progress is being made in this field of research, but given the politically conspiratorial and Satanic influence in these sciences, the progress is slow. I only suggest using these as a very last resort. Big pharma etc. don’t tell people about alternative treatment, and the field of nutrition is demonized. Further, many people are unwilling to make personal life changes needed to improve their mental health, like diet, exercise, spiritual repentance, obedience to God, etc. The D&C specifically points to use of herbs, and there are other methods of healing too (not energy healing; the church handbook specifically says to avoid this).

My favorite outspoken person on the dangers of psych drugs is Anne Blake Tracey of drugawareness.org. She has published several books and has documented hundreds of cases of domestic violence directly related to use of psychotropic drugs. She has interesting lectures on YouTube and at latterdayconservative.com in the downloads section.

In recent news, it’s of interest that Robin Williams’ suicide occurred when they put him on dopamine related drugs for his Parkinson’s Disease. He dealt with his depression for years but when they messed with his dopamine is when he was too far off balance and took his life.

 

 

 

Family & Gospel Solutions to our Broken Mental Health System

 

 

 

First, I acknowledge that much good can come of mental health treatment, and mental issues are often real and needing serious attention like we would give to physical illness (as taught by Elder Holland in his address “Like a Broken Vessel” https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng). Any opportunity to serve others in a genuine way is of the Lord. I will discuss in this essay higher ways we can help each other as we climb out of the modern broken system of mental health treatment. I will talk about a mass exodus of sociological thought from government and professional intervention/welfare, to family centered intervention/welfare.

-If you need professional mental help, seek it from someone of your own faith (though that certainly won’t guarantee you proper treatment as the established norms of the field itself are so controversial and often downright immoral). Avoid conscience numbing psychotropics at all cost, using them in the rarest of cases after having researched and implemented alternative solutions thoroughly in addition to taking serious control of your BMI and other basic health standards.  Understand that the body can heal. Do not assume that medication must be used indefinitely. The scarry thing is that in medicine, just like government, the more you use it in crisis, the less likely it is to ever go away. Nutrition can often bring healing surpassing what physicians are allowed to confess. Read Joel Fuhrman’s plant based whole foods studies on that topic (www.drfuhrman.com). Counseling will generally take you further than dopamine and serotonin etc. modifying psychotropics. Also read Anne Blake Tracy head of the International Coalition for Drug Awareness (www.drugawareness.org), which exposes toxic effects of psychotropics.

-In the days of the great patriarchs, men and women could preside over their families and be their councilors, including being each other’s councilors. Such is not always the case today, but the coming of the Lord will prove to be a season where men and women again learn to take upon themselves the glorious mantles of righteous presiders, assuming the entire government of their clan (posterity). Well does the Doctrine and Covenants teach that Zion will be redeemed by the faith of the fathers. This is the song we are to sing when the Lord comes: “The Lord hath brought again Zion; The Lord hath redeemed his people, Israel, according to the election of grace, which was BROUGHT TO PASS BY THE FAITH AND COVENANT OF THEIR FATHERS” (D&C 84:99). Family (including extended family) (not government and professionals) are the original intent of the Lord for the operation of the redemption of Zion. Truly God Himself is the head of a family, and is positioning us to follow the eternal pattern of family-based government. President Packer has warned against the reliance upon professionals for mental health in his lecture “Self Reliance” (the lecture would have better been titled “Emotional Self Reliance” as this was the subject of the majority of the lecture).

-The aspiring person with desires to heal and unite people will have a greater impact by focusing on family rather than focusing on professional mental health treatment. President Kimball taught that the real need in the world is not for more therapists but for more and stronger families. Professional roles must always take the back seat compared to family roles when it comes to our aspirations to benefit the human race. See also my document “Therapist VS Father as Saviors of Mankind: A Particular Family Size Theory”.

The order of professional mental health is a religion, seeking to find the why of an otherwise unexplainable universe, a why which they insist cannot involve a creator. They believe not in the repentance of sin, nor that there is sin, nor that there is punishment for crimes by anything but the state. Indeed, their views of atheism are dogmatic, and rather than being fair, they are promoting a one-sided religion of faithlessness. This religion is complete with temples (schools, hospitals), priesthood offices (professors, therapists, social workers, law makers, lobbyists, psychiatrists, etc.), rites (degrees, certifications, licensures), ceremonies (graduation, etc.), faith based (not research based) doctrines (focus on the self, hedonism, free use of the body, majesty of the state, moral Darwinism, organic evolution, transgenderism, etc.), promise of salvation (government welfare, deletion of theology and assurance of the absence of moral requirements), and every other component of any other organized religion known to man. Priest craft is practiced openly and flagrantly, charging large fees for small counseling sessions which were formerly accomplished by one’s spouse, parents, trusted peers of intelligence, and ecclesiastical leaders. These secular preachers are only forbidden one thing: mentioning the name of Jesus Christ in their sermons.

-the training for practice in the field is utterly devoid of substance and intelligent information, so they spend their time training on “what is the initiatory phase vs the working phase”, the difference between empathy and sympathy, the types of communication, and other useless trap. Rather than feeding the minds of intelligent beings with intricate mechanical processes founded on the laws of physical science or even true psychology, they stuff the students with doctrines of idleness and entitlement, which greatly dulls the will of man and leaves the candidates bored and void of purpose, who then themselves become menaces to society, and the blind lead the blind perpetually.

The few things that can be useful in treatment should be taught on site, rather than in years and riches of college educations which are increasingly liberal and fluff. When they do require rigorous study, it is usually of bias studies and trivial philosophies and professionalist formatting jungles.

Most mental health professionals and facilities cannot exist without the heavy reliance on medications which hush the conscience, and promise a stress-free easy-going life, where minimal growth can occur.

They give no heed to herbal and wholistic remedies which actually work. They are rather in bed with big pharma in keeping patients chained down to expensive medications which they cannot afford or manage on their own, thus keeping them forever captives to the state and welfare therefrom. They seek to ban and discredit herbal remedies at every turn. Hippocrates was in favor of using official cures which don’t work in favor of unofficial herbal ones which do (see Baker “Science & Religion).

They diagnose many as ill who are really healthy; We have seen the diagnostics pamphlet change into a large textbook, where one can find any successful person. Further, they suggest any amount of stress is unhealthy, and thus even if subliminally, discourage work, their scale of mental health being a scale of stress from 0-100, 0 being no stress full health. Labeling everyone and their dog with a mental illness is a way to target people for confiscation of firearms and a broad spectrum of other rights. Once they have you pinned to a diagnosis, you are a tagged rat, and they watch you, making negative predictions about your behavior based on your diagnosis. They tell you limitations about what you can accomplish based on the stereotype of those who they’ve labeled similarly. If you were to swap the labels on the rats, the students and professors would suggest the opposite, and there are many self-fulfilling prophecies (or at least self-fulfilling statistical analysis) in this regard. Health professionals are tied to diagnosed labels even when evidence points to the contrary. They often teach a “once ill always ill” doctrine in the mental health world, pinning people down to decades of therapists and medications rather than trying to solve problems and teach self reliance. They are further hesitant to try things outside of the normal parameters of how to treat people with that specific diagnosis.

They make confusing models, the which are not based on fact, but opinion, and if you were to swap around the positions and titles of the subsections of those diagrams, you could make just about as much sense of them as you could in the first place. What they call science there is usually just abstract art, wherein one has to make a meaning for himself, as no real intrinsic meaning there stands. It is not like realism in art, not classical portrayal of reality, but a fictitious deranged conglobulation of semi-facts jumbled together to make some vomit of a mess which, if you do not appreciate, you are considered intolerant, bigoted, uninformed, and unable to discern things of true or higher intelligence. Truly bad art (and bad science) reflect an immoral society, who seeks something more deranged than themselves so they can feel good about the chaos that is their lives (thanks, Picasso).

The boards of committees which approve what gets published in academic journals are highly politically bias. God forbid someone show the benefits of a stay at home mother, or the dangers of homosexuality for children, or the insanity of transgenderism (and obviously, the trend to perform a sex change without parental consent is another sign of the obvious march toward alien-like lifestyles.)

They outlaw words to show that they have power over thought, muting opinions of those who do not comply to their created whimsical definitions of reality, including the titling of a male as a female, or the same sex relation as one of gaiety (“gay”), changing “committing suicide” into “dying by suicide” (being more accepting of suicide as a “lifestyle” choice rather than looking upon it as a horrid crime),  or a multitude of other nonsensical ideas. Their agendas are clearly manifest when it comes to sexualizing children and obliterating the family ties and affections in order to turn more power into the hands of the state as seen in the book “Brave New World” by Aldous Huxley, and “1984” by George Orwell.

They base their calculations in Darwinism, and otherwise organic evolution, suggesting that humans are more animals than divine, and thus seek to excuse vial behavior rather than to remediate it.

The general theories of Freud and others like him are pure fairy tale, not based in scientific evidence, and often found to be hushing facts, and loading bias research sample sizes and populations.

A license is required for about everything now. Translation? We are not free. The government has lost its role of keeper of the peace, and has assumed the role of Lord God Almighty, except this false god of government mirrors the ways of Satan more than the ways of Jesus Christ (in that it’s ways are of forcing others to do things way rather than letting people have the freedom to operate in a free market according to the dictates of their own conscience; barriers to enter the market are tall tell signs of communism). They are suspicious of conservatives, as the professors are almost entirely liberals. The schools are one sided. The anti-capitalism liberal spirit in the mental health field today promotes fairness rather than competition and greatness, equal opportunity rather than striving for personal excellence, and receiving rather than giving and creating. Though they call conservatives/capitalists selfish, they are in fact the ones selfishly taking from one and giving to another. Read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand for more on that. Charities formerly functioned to help the poor before people voted in government to do it. Now we have no feeling of natural affection to care for the needs of our neighbor and the poor among us, since we justify ourselves in saying a penny of our tax dollar will feed them. We have all seen how ineffective and wasteful government is compared to private business. For example, the Latter-day Saints are usually on scene before government relief workers. Citizens are picking up trash at national parks during shutdowns where government employees do not do it. See also Ben Shapiros video presentation on how democratic socialists aren’t what they hype up to be, but are the same run of the mill socialists, historically famous, like popular Che, for murdering millions. Socialism and communism are two ways of getting the same thing, the one (socialism) being slavery we vote for, and the other (communism) being slavery we are compelled into. Both lead to slavery.

With the great shift of state to federal government as chief in power, control of issues is moving from local to remote, and less of the policies enforced upon councilors are actually effective to the local population they are being delivered to.

-the focus of meeting social needs of people must be brought back to the family. We must return the focus to the family. We have mandatory college classes on how to be nice to people, a sign that there is no confidence in the family. If the family dies, so will everything else, no matter how elaborate the public training programs and certifications. May your focus be on your home. The impact you have on people out of your home is a fraction of a percent compared to the vast impact you have on those inside your home. Yes reach outward and beyond even to the ends of the earth, but keep your focus and your heart on your home. The home as it now stands is usually a place of spineless enabling of bratty children without siblings who never have to work and are never pushed to really learn anything beyond passing from one grade of low bar public training schools to the next. Yes, if that were the substance of the home, I too would say let’s go find something else. But the real home, the home which corrects these great flaws, this is a home of excitement and compelling growth and progress for adults and children alike. President Packer said no one owes children entertainment. As Elder Holland said, second only to your love, your children need your limits.

The state sets a low bar in the name of tolerance, attempting to not offend. They march under the banner of “everyone is different” rather than the banner of “everyone can become great if they conform to moral standards”. The larger the state gets, the smaller our morals at large become. Well have the prophets taught that a virtuous people need few rulers, and that only a virtuous people can be governed under the system of the divine US Constitution. Don’t just be yourself, be your best self – the self that Christ knows you can be.

We are lost in the endless depths of defining and confining every human behavior and hobby rather than relying on the “this is good, that is bad” which used to guide us so universally. We are ever learning but never finding the truth. A therapist listens but doesn’t teach. Suggests, but never directs. The therapist is ambiguous, and supports clients in various lifestyles, some of which are truly toxic and ultimately non-working. Why do we trust these therapists? What authority do they have to do this? Permission from the state is far too low of a bar for the saints in where they look for counsel.

Where conscience once held all things, now all falls apart, and we dissect things which need not dissecting. We ignore things which should not be ignored. Every important thing we look away from, and we fill the void of our souls by feasting upon the useless nothingness that is the endless definitions of political correctness and the preferences of the vain. We make things complex which were once understood. We write endlessly on the most simple of subjects, and say that the whole of our massive writings amount to the summum bonum of knowledge, when they are in reality a pile of chaff which looks large but easily blows away in the wind. We cover our cowardice and ignorance by vast piles, yes even mountainous piles of scholarly essays, academic articles, and trumping about minor trivialities, swallowing the camel and straining at the gnat. We leave no room for holiness. We study and are tested on things which really have no right answer, and we pride ourselves in selecting a supposed best option among many correct options, when that option really isn’t a best option, but is only a whim of a professor who had a certain flavored cereal that morning, which lead him to select that option over the other. The professors are pleased if you write something quite liberal, and if you write as a conservative, you’re called antiscientific and demonized. We pretend like we know something, when we’re really just escaping work. We create endless bureaucratic positions doing ever more trivial work. An example of this is our endlessly long tax codes, and other long bills full of garbage which we pretend to adhere to as our law. So, have textbooks become full of hype and drag nothingness filling our students with boredom and anti-American sentiments. Perhaps never before have we seen a group of people with so little to say take so long to say it. The reason common sense is no longer common is the dissolution of the family. Children must see an adult male and an adult female working together in perfect harmony as a typical symbol of what the human race in general can be, people who build things intelligently. Without the role models seen in family, including grandparents etc., children will indeed be at a loss of how to function, regardless of how much other social training they receive. How could you possibly teach morality in a classroom setting, especially a classroom which denies the existence of independent facts defined by empirical data rather than feelings? Alas, be gone professors and clinicians, scholars and bureaucratic goons! Give us Zion families in their strength, and we will heal the minds of the people.

 

 

 

 

 

A Place for Sorrow

 

 

As we deal with fragile mental health situations, we must have compassion on those who sorrow. Even the depths of depression are not entirely uncommon to the human experience. Some suffer with depression longer than others however, and we must be careful in how we deal with these delicate situations.

Jesus Christ was “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.” (Isaiah 53:3)

Joseph Smith had his head downcast on a certain occasion, and someone said to him that he ought to look up and keep his head up. Joseph responded by saying that a stalk of wheat which has much wheat inside will droop from the weight of it. He then said that his head had glorious things in it. (See Truman G Madsen lectures on Joseph Smith)

Jesus weeps for Lazarus, and isn’t smiling on that occasion. He gets angry at priests, and isn’t smiling then either. he sweats blood in Gethsemane and isn’t crying then either. Jesus is described and being meek and lowly of heart, and commands us to be that way as well, even to have a broken heart and a contrite spirit. We are to reach past the shallow level of constant optimism (Elder Hafen of the 70; BYU Devotional “Love is not blind”).

“Weep for your dead” (D&C 42:45), comfort who needs comforting (Mosiah 18). That implies that in Zion there will be weeping and the need of comfort. There will be dying, which comes from illness and depression, and those things produce sorrow (until the millennium when sorrow ceases because death ceases (Rev. 21:4).

Adam and Eve needed to leave Eden to experience sorrow.

Some sorrow is not our fault. Jesus taught offenses must come but wo to them by whom they come .

A sport team isn’t always smiling, whereas the end goal of their sport is to have joy.

Job experienced depression. “Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly…for the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.” “my days…are spent without hope.” “My soul is weary of my life.”

Prophet George Albert Smith experienced depression (see Elder Holland “Like a broken vessel” General Conference Address.)

Elder Holland experienced depression (above cited).

Everyone experiences some level of anxiety, and even serious peaks in anxiety, this is probably different than a clinical disorder which is a more frequent and different breed of anxiety. Some anxiety, even intense anxiety, is positive for our growth.

In the great Millennium, “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” (Rev. 21:4)

Insisting on constant happiness is toxic, and is not how God lives. Enoch saw God weeping over his creations: “28 And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept; and Enoch bore record of it, saying: How is it that the heavens weep, and shed forth their tears as the rain upon the mountains?

29 And Enoch said unto the Lord: How is it that thou canst weep, seeing thou art holy, and from all eternity to all eternity?

30 And were it possible that man could number the particles of the earth, yea, millions of earths like this, it would not be a beginning to the number of thy creations; and thy curtains are stretched out still; and yet thou art there, and thy bosom is there; and also thou art just; thou art merciful and kind forever;

31 And thou hast taken Zion to thine own bosom, from all thy creations, from all eternity to all eternity; and naught but peace, justice, and truth is the habitation of thy throne; and mercy shall go before thy face and have no end; how is it thou canst weep?

32 The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency;

33 And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood;

34 And the fire of mine indignation is kindled against them; and in my hot displeasure will I send in the floods upon them, for my fierce anger is kindled against them.

35 Behold, I am God; Man of Holiness is my name; Man of Counsel is my name; and Endless and Eternal is my name, also.

36 Wherefore, I can stretch forth mine hands and hold all the creations which I have made; and mine eye can pierce them also, and among all the workmanship of mine hands there has not been so great wickedness as among thy brethren.

37 But behold, their sins shall be upon the heads of their fathers; Satan shall be their father, and misery shall be their doom; and the whole heavens shall weep over them, even all the workmanship of mine hands; wherefore should not the heavens weep, seeing these shall suffer?” (Moses 7:28-37).

 

For additional study, a General Conference lecture on God wiping away all tears which is applicable to this topic, see the 2016 October conference.