Highlights by Beth Richardson, arranged by Nate Richardson

Sections:
Strike out
Administering the time out
Manipulation
Encourage the good

 

STRIKE OUT

Give 3 strikes, then time out.

Note – another way of seeing 3 strikes is to give a reminder, then a warning, then a consequence.

On the third strike they “take 5” or one minute for each year.

Don’t count something as a strike unless you see or hear it.

Start the strikes over after about a half hour of good behavior.

Count strikes when in tricky situations, even in company. If there is a fight between siblings, give strikes to both of them. Don’t ask “ what happened” or “who started it.” Kids excessively goofing off at the meal table can get strikes.

If the child is having a tantrum don’t start their timeout time until they are done.

Major rudeness etc. constitutes an automatic strike out.

 

ADMINISTERING THE TIME OUT

Time out works best in the room where the child is not there in your face trying to argue and make you mad. Other kids who share the room will need to not be in the room. Get valuables out of the room since they may break them when upset. If they pee on the floor, timeouts are in the bathroom. You can use store restrooms if they need timeouts at the store. You can pull over in a car for a timeout.

Don’t bring up what happened unless necessary as it makes the child upset again.

Make the time out short. Most kids come out of time out forgetting why they were put there.

If the child does not go to time out when told start moving towards them and they will most likely start moving. If the child is small and they don’t go pick them up. If the child is big and they don’t go, they give them a TOA’s (Time Out Alternative) such as no TV, no friends, toy taken, no desert, early bedtime, extra chores, etc. Let the child pick the TOA. it will help them to be less mad at you.

MANIPULATION

Kids have six main kinds of testing and manipulation:
1. Badgering (saying the same thing over and over).
2. Temper/Intimidation (getting mad).
3. Threatening ( “I’m going to run away from home”).
4. Martyrdom ( “nobody likes me” or “ I never get anything”).
5. Buttering up (“Mom you have really pretty eyes or “ I think I’ll go clean my room now”). (Note- you do the crime, you do the time, even if you suddenly decide to be good afterward.)
6. Physical tactics (throwing things or hurting the adult)

If a child has a favorite tactic that’s bad, because that means it works.

Two big mistakes that parents make when they are mad are too much talking and too much emotion. Remain calm as you give strikes.

Keep it simple like “that’s one” when they attempt manipulation, and “that’s two” when they continue the manipulation, etc. Note – They already know they’re in the wrong, so your job is to show that you’ll follow through, not to keep reteaching what’s right and what’s wrong.

If a child comes up to you and asks you for something and you say no and they ask why, give them one explanation then start giving strikes.

When you are dealing with lying remember that it is not the end of the world and that there are worse things. Try not to “corner” or “test” or “impulsively” the child as the child will continue to lie and you are giving your child practices sessions.

Bigger problems like stealing, lying, property damage, bullying, fights, etc. need bigger punishments than time-outs, such as being grounded from electronics for two weeks, extra chores, community service, educational activity (research subject they are struggling with etc.).

 

ENCOURAGE THE GOOD

Give simple requests, and don’t phrase them like questions.

Small children need lots of help and praise (give our praise like candy). Middle age children like charts and timers. Older children do well with natural consequences (encourage them to make better choices next time as they experience natural consequences).

Ask teachers to help you in “independence training” by requiring your child to explain in front of the class (and experience embarrassment) when they are late or do poorly on an assignment.

When kids fail to clean, you can (without complaining) confiscate the messy things until a certain time.

Have a set time for homework (no TV, maybe calm music). Have a set time for bedtime. Announce when these times are. Have a clear bedtime routine list.

Have monthly family meetings to address problems. Also have monthly kid-parent dates.

Give corrections as PNP: Positive Negative Positive. Note – this is similar to the D&C 121 priesthood revelation, directing people to show love after needed corrections.

Listen carefully to your children and they’ll be more likely to listen to you.