We de-incentivize the marriage covenant when we allow physical affection outside the bonds of marriage. Our generation is not the norm, but the bazar who has forgotten this.
Medieval times anyone caught kissing they were forced to marry.
In certain cultures such as the Puritan, married couples were not to kiss in public.
Some cultures to this day don’t have their first kiss until their wedding day. This seems like a terrific standard – if couples aren’t kissing before marriage, they won’t be sliding down a slippery slope toward other intimate behaviors. If a couple really likes each other that much, let them marry and enjoy each other’s association throughout life. This also helps the couple know that their interest is mutual affection, not the sneaky villain of lust. How easy it becomes to know where your boundaries are if you make this one simple rule: that your first kiss will be on your wedding day. If you’ve not followed this pattern thus far do not despair: make the commitment today to adopt this practice heretofore and your chances for success increase all the more.
It is said in today’s culture that a kiss must be given to show someone that you are interested in courting them. This is a destructive path. You can use your words (like a big boy!) and tell her of your interest. You MUST speak to her of your intentions and interests and get on the same page. Enthusiastically enjoy time with her, holding her hand, and speaking of the wonders of life. But when it comes to such intimacy as kissing brings, let it wait as a sign of commitment.
Once the kiss is given, the message automatically comes with it, that you’re interested in a serious relationship with them, one which will hopefully not come to an end. Are you ready to make that statement? Have you spoken to them of the quality of their faith? Of their value of the family and freely bearing children? Do you have any clue how committed they are to Christ and actually living the high standards of the gospel? Beware, oh beware premature commitment!
The uneasy feeling related to public affection is the voice of conscience. We can demonstrate happiness and unity without kissing etc. When youth see lots of kissing etc., they will prematurely seek these things in their courting. The role of a parent is to show their youths how to properly court. Married couples should always be courting. Can you show them how to court and be affectionate without kissing? If not, do you expect them to?
A kiss has certainly lost its meaning in our time. This does not mean however that we are excused in the excessive use of it, particularly in unmarried scenarios. The kiss is the prequal to contact affections, which gradually leads to immorality, unchastity, fornication, and adultery.
A person ought only to kiss someone as a sign of a marriage pledge, and preferably as a token of the marriage vow given at the very ceremony. “You may now kiss the bride” has lost its meaning to us. What is the significance of that if you’ve already kissed her? That statement was meant to unlock a previously locked door. Here is wisdom: let it stay locked until the vow is complete! Before the day of the vow, is she yours? No, she is not. Would you take from her when she is not yours? You should not.
Flat out let them know, “I’m waiting to kiss until my wedding day.” If they further question you, explain, “It’s a decision I’ve made to help me ensure I’m committing to the right person.” Then they’ll know that your refusal to kiss in the dating phase isn’t due to lack of interest in them. In today’s permissive culture, it’ll likely be rare that you’ll find others with your same standards, unless you’ve found some communities which share similar standards.
It is taught today that a young person should give a kiss if they are serious about a relationship, but what does that mean today? Serious now to youth has nothing to do with desire for long term commitment via marriage, but is rather a triviality of lust used to indicate the selfish desire to have the pleasures of the flesh without the responsibilities associated with those blessings.
Note: A friend said suggested a book which illustrates this principle of reserving the kiss for marriage, “The Princess and the Kiss” by Jennie Bishop, on the power of purity.
One thought on “Kissing for Marriage, Not Dating”
Thank you so much for this advice, as a father of 7 daughters, I hope every one of them take this to heart.
I ran across a child’s book that illustrates exactly what your are saying. It’s call The Princess and the Kiss by Jennie Bishop.