DISCLAIMER: These are my notes & commentary and do not represent a balanced summary of the author’s work. I’ve selected portions of the text which were relevant to me and placed them here in my own words, in an abbreviated fashion, with added commentary. Though this article introduces some main ideas from the text, it is bias toward what I felt were ideas of particular importance. This should not be considered a scholarly work, but rather an informal sharing & discussion of ideas as permitted by Fair Use law. I alone am responsible for the contents of this article.

-I have been stocked by God my whole life

-God has been relentless with me

-God had a baptismal rifle, “Hold it, hold it, almost….!”

-Growing up my life got more screwed up as I grew older when I tried to come back to God I didn’t understand him.

-at 13 my mother commit suicide

-by 20 I was very rich, and most my money went up my nose spent on stuff.

-Provo Utah made step ford look sane

-people in Provo were happy; far too happy…

-when the radio manager saw me smoking he said “i assumed you were Mormon” I said “I assumed you were normal!”

-I couldn’t wait to get away from Utah, away from the happy people, I needed to be with people who were miserable, some place out in the east!

-people heard I’m from Provo, I corrected them, telling them I temporarily lived there.

-Everywhere I went there were more Mormons. They were great people but frustrated me. I saw them do family home evening and thought hey kid stop talking to your dad that’s not right! What is this playing games together as a family?!

-It was cool to bash Mormons, so to my shame I bashed this man who was Mormon who was nice to me.

-I thought we’ve got to tie the tubes of the Mormons because they’re breeding like rabbits!

-I was sure the Mormons were doing something to take over the world.

-the richer and more famous I got the more miserable I got. I drank and did drugs.

-I thought if I can get to the next job then I’ll be happy, once I can buy that next thing, etc.

-I had to work with a Mormon he was weird, had a hand made shirt on, bringing his luggage in a handcart. We became best friends, Pat and I, before we left the airport, and could finish each other’s sentences.

-I got more and more wealthy, and more and more miserable. Pat my friend didn’t but said you know you don’t have to be miserable! Oh so not drinking coffee will make me not be miserable? Ya right! But he was there at my very bottom when the Dr. gave me 6 months to live.

-I didn’t think I was an alcoholic, I didn’t smell like urine like them.

-Every morning I would look at myself in the mirror and say you’re not an alcoholic you’re not weak you’re not going to drink today, then every single day I would find a reason to drink.

-I would look at myself and say ‘my gosh 24 hours ago you said you wouldn’t’ then the next day I did it again, and I started to believe I’m the worst person on the planet, pathetic and worthless.

-I’m ashamed of much things. I fired a man for bringing me the wrong pen. I don’t even remember his name. He is one in a long line of many that I was less than good to, and all the while my best friend Pat would stand by quietly and say, ‘you know it doesn’t have to be this way Glen.’

-Pat’s family could endure anything. I couldn’t endure anything. No matter the trial, his family would overcome it. I didn’t want him to be right for I didn’t want to be a Mormon. Coo-coo! There are crazy things the Mormons believe, like we can be happy for all eternity! Crazy! Don’t swear? Serve one another? Don’t drink coffee? No!

-I wanted to go to church for 45 minutes, do the deal and go on.

-I used to tell my kids stores before they went to bed. Once they asked me in the morning to tell them the story I told them the night before. I was so drunk that my brain shut down and my body continued going. That is a black out. It’s not just passing out and forgetting what you did, a black out is when your brain shuts down, and your body keeps going. It’s the scariest thing you can ever imagine, not like you see on T.V. When you experience black outs, it will FREAK YOU OUT. For most it doesn’t stop them from drinking.

-When I didn’t remember putting my children to bed and telling them a story, I cried and realized you are so pathetic you are missing your children’s’ lives, what is wrong with you!? I lied to my children and said I remember the story, you tell me what you remember. That’s the day I decided to stop. I went to a church and said hello I’m an alcoholic, I just don’t want to drink today. They helped me. Simple steps, realizing there is a higher power, telling someone about your problems, then start serving people. That’s basically the 12 step program, but it wasn’t enough for me. I couldn’t hold being sober.

-I read everything including Plato (which I thought was dough you play with as a kid). I read how we are having the same questions we had 5000 years ago, and no knowledge of how to live and be happy, and get along one with another.

-I went to the extremes, John Paul and Nostradamus, the library of a serial killer, and that of a Saint, reading both sides of the story to be well informed. I would find what someone thought, then find a book in direct opposition of that.

-I spend more time in the parking lot than I did in class at school.

-I studied Christology. The making of Christ.

-anything that the masses disagreed with, THEY SHUT YOU DOWN. That’s why they hid things in the Dead Sea Scrolls, it was to hide the truth.

-I got rid of the TV, and had a book in every room of the house, and when I was in that room I would read the book there.

-Mormons said I could come to their church, I told them no thank you freak.

-I met a girl who said I made her laugh with my show. I thought ‘chicks dig me!’ She came to a contest I held with a reverse lottery, I pull your number and you lose (we live in the north east, we’re all miserable). She lost and thanked me for losing. She was kind. I pointed her out to the people, her name is Tanya, I made fun of her.

-I believe I am one of God’s most impertinent children, for often I get in the mood of ‘oh yeah?!’ with him.

-I prayed to God on my knees saying I can’t go on sober, and live with the mistakes I’ve make. I felt as though God had abandoned me in the middle of my mid-life crisis.

-I told God if he did not show me a sign my Thursday I would be back to drinking. ‘Thursday make sure you’re on eastern time!’ I reminded God, ‘2 more days!’ I was angry with him on Thursday ‘I told you I’m not messing around big man!’ as I drove to the bar. I picked up the alcohol to drink, then before I did I turned and say Tanya. That was my sign. She was looking right at me. I don’t believe in coincidence. I knew that was my road block, and that she was sent for such. I asked her to go for coffee with me, and we have been together ever since.

-The time I knew I had to marry Tanya was when I, a black hole taking goodness from others, saw Tanya, she was a crutch to me. I told her I am stealing light from you. She said, ‘you cannot steal that which is being given.’ Wow! Didn’t take me long before I said, ‘hypothetically if someone like me were going to ask someone like you to marry them what would you say?’ she said ‘no’.

-Tanya said ‘we don’t have a faith. We will never survive without a faith’. She was Catholic and would go, I would stay at home. She would say ‘I went to Church today’ I said, ‘did they honk at you or did you honk at them as you left?’ she said yes that happened. I said, ‘well I was at home watching TV and didn’t get honked at it was great.’

-Tanya said my children have no faith. I tried to prove her wrong by asking my children what our family was about. They list they gave was 1.we are fun. (I was looking for something along the lines of Jesus!) 2. we are happy. 3. colorful (I’m pretty sure that one is a slam) 4. artsy 5. loving and kind 6. readers learners story tellers. 7. artful. 8. giving 9. honest. 10. funny . I tried hinting to them God and prayer. 11. Non-violent. Then I gave in and I told Tanya we will look for a church.

-We went to all in the phone book. Synagogues, some in a language I didn’t understand (which kind of took the edge off), one where the pastor was an atheist. Bazar! He said, ‘now you know I’m an atheist but friends if there is a God, we should serve him.’ BUT YOU DON’T THINK THERE IS A GOD! I need my pastor to actually believe in God. We called it our Church tour. Our kids hated it.

-Pat asked me about the Church tour and said I have to go to his church, I said no. He said, ‘but aren’t you honestly questioning?’ I tell my friend Pat too much.

-Thomas Jefferson changed my course, he said to his nephew he was in charge of, and told him to ask questions with boldness. He said in science know this, politics do this, literature read this, when it comes to religion, QUESTION WITH BOLDNESS. Fix reason firmly in her seat, for if there be a God, he must surely rather honest questioning rather than pretending.

-If God really exists, he would make sure all leads to him, and leave bread crumbs to find him EVERYWHERE. He would want me to turn over every stone!

-I started with Atheism: I reject you for I know you not. BUT if you exist, you want me to find you.

-My honest investigation did not include no coffee.

-Pat said, ‘how long have we been friends?’ I thought Jesus would not play a trick on me like this. I said I would go once.

-Pat said it was 9-12 for Church. I said what the heck is wrong with you! If your god can’t get it done in an hour or less like everyone else’s, then he is just not powerful enough. I said I would go for one hour to be fair.

-Pat got on the Mormon telegraph thing I haven’t found yet but I know exists ‘attn: investigator coming: will try to leave after first hour: hold at all costs!

-On the way to the Mormon church I saw many coffee shops and planned to go to them all on the way home.

-I went into the Mormon church and they did the typical think of being nice, and had a plastic smile, he said ‘we love you!’ I said give it 5 min. you’ll hate me.

-We went in for the first hour, same stuff, but here they sang more than one verse to the song, I thought now I know why it takes more than 3 hours!

-After the first hour I got my kids and hurried them to the door. There was the plastic man by the door, ‘we love you so much!’ then they surround us. And asked us to go to the next class. I said I didn’t want to go. When we got there, one asked a question, I said we will be in the car within 4 min. Tanya said don’t embarrass me!

-I raised my hand and said “where is Gandhi? he seemed like a good guy. He would probably hang out with Jesus. Peaceful. Neither wore pants. Much in common! where is he assuming he was burning in the fires of hell. he was a good guy! He was living the principals how did that happen! The teacher asked if someone would like to explain it. I was surprised a random member was allowed to explain it. They did, and it made sense. I said, ‘alright then’. And I sat back down. We told my daughters, ‘if they try to get you to drink anything, don’t do it! I know these people… ‘ My daughters asked if they could come back next week. They both said, ‘I feel so warm inside.’ I said yes we can go back there until they say something that just pisses your dad off.

-I went back home and did all kinds of investigation, because I don’t want to be a Mormon! But if you’re going to go buy a car, you go to each dealer, and ask them of their own cars, and of cars of others, then go back to the original dealer explain. You don’t go to some forth source and let them sell you down the river. Ask honest questions. Your only agenda for any question should be ‘I don’t care what the truth is, I just want the truth.’

-Within a few weeks I was reading McConkie’s ‘Mormon Doctrine’ like a novel. I asked the missionaries to explain things. I reasoned that they would have to believe certain things if they said certain things, and indeed they did.

-I had a pile of missionaries outside my door crying for mercy.

-Missionaries would ask to come in and I would cynically welcome them. The bishop started to come with them.

-The bishop would get frustrated but said I will help you find the answer. I would say ‘no one has ever asked that question?’ he would say ‘Glen, I don’t think the prophet has asked that question’ Well he should! I would say.

-As a couple and as individuals, I was not going to live I lie. I had spent my whole life living a lie. It had to be true. I had to believe it.

-We started doing callings before we were members. It was my way of proving God, for in God’s scripture it said PROVE ME. YOU DO THIS, I’LL DO THAT. I would say ‘oh really? you cease to exist if I do this and you don’t do that! You’re handcuffed to the truth! Me not so much, but you yes.’

-I started paying tithing. Eh! You want my money and you’ll do something for the Lord? Sounds like a scam to me. God said PROOVE ME. So we did. When we first started the search, I couldn’t afford a 600$ monthly payment on an apartment. I just signed a 50 million $ contract. The Lord doesn’t care about how much money I make, but how much money I give. He is looking for stewards.

-It goes both ways. You think you can handle money and success? I’ll prove YOU now Glen, what will you do with money and success when I give it to you?

-I was so tired, I just wanted peace and to be able to survive. I didn’t want to be a Mormon. But one Sunday the amazing Mr. Plastic man whose family could smile and play the piano, was teaching at Church. it was the guy who I mocked for saying he loved me. I questioned his sincerity. He stood and told the concept of Zion. That once we all connect, when all our hearts are pure and say I don’t need this money, I need this much, and I willingly help everyone else, and I willingly help the Lord in all I do. When we all do it, everything changes. We are transformed! What a glorious concept. I believed it could be true. He asked for how to do it, I had no clue. He said there is only one way, we may not like each other and the choices of each other, but we must love each other no matter what. If we love each other, the world will change. He had tears running down his cheeks. I knew he was not plastic, but the most genuine person I had ever met. He had something I had never seen before, true love for his fellow man, and he was able to pass it on to his family. At that point I said I don’t care if there is kool-aid I have to drink every day of my life, I don’t care anymore I just want to be happy.

-I called my friend Pat and asked him to baptize me. He was at my side immediately.

-We stood in the baptism water must have been about 20 min. He couldn’t get the words out because he knew how much my life was going to change. He was a steadfast friend for so long, and had worked for so long, and prayed so hard for the Lord to soften my heart.

-I had been beaten down so I had nothing left. I was crying in the baptism water, Lord I can’t do it anymore! I don’t want to be a Mormon! But I just want peace! I can’t carry my burden! Please! I’ll do anything! I will serve you, I will do what you ask me to do!

-I want to testify to you that my life changed overnight. I am not the same man. I may look and sound the same, but I am not the same man. And it happened in the blink of an eye!

-I don’t want to be a Mormon! Who chooses to have people say, ‘look at those people over there what are they stupid? In league with the devil? Not Christian?’ It happened to me this week on national TV, their mocking like this.

-The healing power of Jesus Christ transformed me! Nothing else could have changed me!

-I am an imperfect man who still struggles to go to church, to do my home teaching, to not swear, to not do the things that are so easy to do, but don’t do them because I am so grateful for the gift that I have been given. Grateful to a loving Father in Heaven who would never give up on me. Grateful for a good family and a loving friend that never preached to me, just lifted, let me see it, showed me the path when I was ready.

-I testify to you the secret I have found is no secret at all. It is tough, but worth every moment. It’s the greatest miracle of all of mankind. The windows of the universe will be opened up, and blessings will rain down on you beyond your wildest imagination if you just want it, seek it, and do it. In the name of Jesus Christ amen.