Ultimately the guide of conscience will be a better governor than setting up tons of rules. But here are some guidelines which may be helpful.
These rules are desired outcomes. Bringing children to these is a matter of patience, persuasion, and non-physical punishments.
Conversation with the child after a poor choice has been made:
-I don’t think that was the correct answer / you look like you need a minute to cool down. I would love to talk to you. Please stand here until you are ready to talk.
“Mom, I’m ready to talk”
-What did you do wrong? Why was that a bad choice? What should your consequence be for that choice?
Conflict Resolution:
-a child must learn to say to another child “That wasn’t very respectful, but I forgive you.” Life isn’t fair, and they must learn to respond in a Christlike way without parental intervention each time.
-no touching another person in anger
-the parent will seek to notice and reward incidences of positive behavior
Etiquette:
-host (usually mother) takes the first bite at a meal
-ask to pass foods at meals
-no touching food which isn’t meant to be; sit close to table flat
-no interrupting someone else who is speaking, especially an adult
-only one person speaks at a time
-no running in the home
-when a child is spoken to, they look the adult in the eye then respond, indicating that they understand and will obey, or that they do not understand, or that they would like to discuss the requirement and potentially obtain a compromise
Work:
-you have assigned chores for each day of the week.
-your bed is to be made each morning
-your room is not to have clothing on the floor
-a clean room is a general expectation, and the parent can halt a child’s play at any time if the room is not clean
-occasionally extra jobs are given per consequence, eventually extra jobs are given from necessity. The parent will attempt to find rewards for the extra chores.
-there are general day chores, and chores which apply after each meal.
-children must clean up toys before being invited to any other activity
-“doing your best” on a chore is not sufficient. If your work is not satisfactory, the parent or an older sibling will teach you how to bring up your best to an acceptable level.
Schedule:
-there is a bed time. Those who get up after the bed time receive a consequence, usually a house cleaning job.
-daily chores must be completed before free time.
Weekly Planning Meeting:
-appointments arranged
-a goal is set for each person
-a reward is set for each person, usually a measurable monetary reward such as a favorite candy
Various:
-hand washing after using the bathroom, taking out a diaper, or playing outside and prior to eating are required.
-Quiet time is to be observed every afternoon. If you are home you will participate. That means in your room doing a quiet activity such as reading or coloring that does not wake others who may be sleeping. If your actions wake anyone else you will receive a consequence.
-Lying and stealing will not be tolerated and consequences will be given for such behavior in accordance with the item or activity the perpetrator was dishonest regarding.
-You must respect another’s right not to be touched and other personal physical boundaries. If a person tells you to stop you must listen.
-You must respect the property of others. You ask permission to use things that don’t belong to you and you put them away nicely when finished with them.
