Administering Justice as a Parent in Zion
While Avoiding Abuse
For my companion document showing another side about Parenting with Gentleness While Avoiding Overly Enabling:
(*Note, spanking or other physical harm is likely never ok, and prophets have taught it likely does more harm than good, and that there are more appropriate and effective ways for child discipline.)
-1 Sam. 3 the Lord punishes Eli for not restraining his children from doing evil. It seems Eli lost his priesthood for this offence.
-we lose our children by sending them to public school where outrageous peer pressures consume them, and attitudes are learned which are never unlearned.
-should we allow our kids to swear like sailors? I worked at a youth rehab where this was allowed and entirely disapprove. A basic level of respect is required. I stopped working there because my presence suggested that I agreed with that pitiful policy. I’ve seen other rehabs with a strict language policy which are much safer and successful environments for rehabilitation into adulthood and working lifestyles.
-showing great displeasure at repeated disobedience expresses to the child that you are serious
-kids don’t need a lot of free time
-kids don’t need tons of friends
-public schools move too slowly or for some subjects move on without comprehension and are not catered to each child’s needs
-essential core fundamental curriculum exams must be passed at 100% before the student can move on
-President Boyd K Packer says no one owes a child entertainment
-President Spencer W Kimball taught in his book “Faith Proceeds the Miracle” that large amounts of free time for children is not natural and not healthy.
-referring to “spare the rod spoil the child”: The rod can be strict rules of respect in the home and enforced in usually non-physical ways, but must be enforced. Don’t physically harm them. “You will be far more successful with love as your watchword than you will be with a whip or lash or anything of the kind.” (Gordon B Hinckley, cited in https://education.byu.edu/youcandothis/spanking.html)
-“have never accepted the principle of ‘spare the rod and spoil the child.’ I am persuaded that violent fathers produce violent sons. Children don’t need beating. They need love and encouragement” (Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, Conference Report, Nov. 1994).
-‘stand in holy places till the Lord come’ we have to not wait around for the popular ideas of the masses, but to be bold, not subjecting our children to more evil than is needed. Like the young tree who needs a rope in the wind to not fall over, we want to put ropes on it, not to add wind.
-a key to giving your children clean environments and media etc. is that there is so much good, you don’t need to mess with the bad. Why go to a place where there is known immodesty where there are others with the beauty of nature? Or why a song of evil, when so many songs of both holiness and fun which are wholesome? Or why waste time with entertainment when there is so much wholesome and enjoyable things to learn?
-Isaiah says to turn the foot and ear away from violence
-for media decisions: is the violence glorified or to show the consequences of someone’s poor choices?
-one of the prophets, Hinckley? Encouraged the men to control their anger, and the women to control their voice levels. But that doesn’t mean a parent can’t take some sort of controlled actions lead to a child learning self-control, which leads to good behavior, and less temptation to resort to anger or yelling.
-“ Our children are responsible for their own behavior. Give them the opportunity to sit in council with you, however informal and spontaneous. Give them clear counsel to guide them, and let them practice following that counsel. They must feel the weight of decision making and, at times, the pain of error.” (Parent Guide Manual LDS)
– “Fathers and mothers counsel (advise, teach) their children as they sit in council (ponder, listen, discuss) together. It is inconceivable that their counsel is given rudely or harshly, although they must sometimes be solemn and stern as they deal with children who may be rebellious.” (Parent Guide Manual LDS)
-your “role as a parent requires that you pass judgments on your children and correct them as necessary” (Parent Guide Manual LDS)
– “you can react with concern, candor, and practical steps to correct the error” (Parent Guide Manual LDS). Here it is undefined by what is meant by “practical steps”, leaving that open to our interpretation.
-“At times you must express love in a firm and stern way. But even after you have rebuked your children, if you then make sure they know that you love them, they usually accept the guidance and teaching they receive.” (Parent Guide Manual LDS)
–“The home is the best place in the world to teach the child self-restraint, to give him happiness in self-control, and respect for the rights of others. I feel that the first contribution of the home to the happiness of the child is to impress him with the fact that there are bounds beyond which he cannot go with safety; second, to teach him to be considerate of the rights of others;” (David O McKay, “Home … and the Strength of Youth,” Improvement Era, Aug. 1959, p. 583).
(LDS Parent Guide Manual)
-“This phase is the time to make sure your children establish habits of good nutrition, hygiene, grooming, and exercise. Help them develop appetites for healthy rather than junk foods. If you encourage them in frequent, vigorous physical exercise and play, they can develop enjoyable habits with lifelong benefits… Whatever your child’s situation, encourage him during this period to acquire habits of self-respect, hygiene, and attention to his body’s condition.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual, in the chapter about 4-11 year olds)
-“ this is a special period of development in which parents should teach courtesy, honesty, fidelity, mercy, good humor, and spiritual integrity. Interpersonal relationships may be divided into three basic categories: courteous, affectionate, and intimate. Children must learn the differences between these categories and what is proper within each” (LDS Parent Guide Manual, in the chapter about 4-11 year olds)
-“only occasionally will a child see on television healthy male-to-male or female-to-female affection. Frequently the language, voice tones, and body mannerisms shown by televised entertainment do not portray the gentle affection for which the Savior’s followers ought to strive.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)
-“Teach your daughters and your sons to seek opportunities to learn and to exploit every such opportunity fully. Girls and boys should learn all they can about every subject within their capabilities. They should nurture and develop their gifts (see D&C 46:11–26), striving always to achieve their full potential and to fill the measure of their creation (see D&C 88:19).
Girls ought to be taught the arts and sciences of housekeeping, domestic finances, sewing, and cooking. Boys need to learn home repair, career preparation, and the protection of women.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)
-“We understood well before we came to this vale of tears that there would be sorrows, disappointments, hard work, blood, sweat, and tears; but in spite of all, we looked down and saw this earth being made ready for us, and we said in effect, Yes, Father, in spite of all those things I can see great blessings that could come to me as one of thy sons or daughters… You will need to develop yourself and grow in ability and power and worthiness, to govern such a world with all of its people. You are sent to this earth not merely to have a good time or to satisfy urges or passions or desires. You are sent to this earth, not to ride merry-go-rounds, airplanes, automobiles, and have what the world calls ‘fun.’ You are sent to this world with a very serious purpose. You are sent to school, for that matter, to begin as a human infant and grow to unbelievable proportions in wisdom, judgment, knowledge, and power” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982], p. 31). (LDS Parent Guide Manual)
– The following account is about a father who explained the why behind a rule forbidding cussing (particularly the specific word used was explained as to its vulgarity), and also gave a punishment. ““Am I grounded for cussing?” The father then realized that, for this boy, the biggest issue was bad language. Oh well, he thought, parenthood is a lifetime program. Hoping that in mercy he had enlightened his son, he dispensed justice. “Yes, you’re grounded until 8:00 P.M. tonight for using improper language.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)
-“ Love unfeigned is the most powerful force in the world because it brings the ability to direct one’s efforts toward God’s purposes rather than toward our purposes.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)
-“ Love unfeigned is the most powerful force in the world because it brings the ability to direct one’s efforts toward God’s purposes rather than toward our purposes.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual) I’ve included this quote here to suggest that when we fail to discipline it is a lack of love, and that when we do need discipline, we must control ourselves and only give the appropriate amount the child needs.
-“In spiritual matters some suppose that men and women need not strive for personal righteousness—because God loves and saves us “just as we are.” But God intends that His children should act according to the moral agency He has given them, “that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment.”2 It is His plan and His will that we have the principal decision-making role in our own life’s drama. God will not live our lives for us nor control us as if we were His puppets, as Lucifer once proposed to do. Nor will His prophets accept the role of “puppet master” in God’s place. Brigham Young stated: “I do not wish any Latter Day Saint in this world, nor in heaven, to be satisfied with anything I do, unless the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ,—the spirit of revelation, makes them satisfied. I wish them to know for themselves and understand for themselves.” So God does not save us “just as we are,” first, because “just as we are” we are unclean, and “no unclean thing can dwell … in his presence; for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man [of Holiness].”4 And second, God will not act to make us something we do not choose by our actions to become. Truly He loves us, and because He loves us, He neither compels nor abandons us. Rather He helps and guides us. Indeed, the real manifestation of God’s love is His commandments. We should (and we do) rejoice in the God-ordained plan that permits us to make choices to act for ourselves and experience the consequences, or as the scriptures express it, to “taste the bitter, that [we] may know to prize the good.”” (Elder Christofferson “Free Forever to Act for Themselves”, Oct. 2014 Conf. Report)
-“It is relatively easy for you to sit in council and to counsel, urge, or even require children between four and eleven to behave virtuously. There is nothing wrong with expecting your children to be good long before they enjoy it. But there is much for parents to repent of if they shirk their duty and avoid the stress of such discipline.” (LDS Parent Guide Manual)
-“I call upon parents throughout Zion to do what you can to induce your sons and daughters to walk in the paths of righteousness and truth and to improve the opportunities before them.” (Teachings of the Presidents of The Church: Wilford Woodruff, Ch. 16)
-“In our zeal to preach the Gospel to the people of all nations, we should not forget the duties devolving upon us in regard to the proper bringing up of our own children, instilling in them, when young, a love for truth and virtue, and reverence for sacred things, and affording them a knowledge of the principles of the Gospel.” (Teachings of the Presidents of The Church: Wilford Woodruff, Ch. 16; https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-wilford-woodruff/chapter-16?lang=eng&_r=1)
-“By bringing these choice spirits to earth, each father and each mother assume towards the tabernacled spirit and towards the Lord Himself by having taken advantage of the opportunity He offered, an obligation of the most sacred kind, because the fate of that spirit in the eternities to come, the blessings or punishments which shall await it in the hereafter, depend, in great part, upon the care, the teachings, the training which the parents shall give to that spirit. No parent can escape that obligation and that responsibility, and for the proper meeting thereof, the Lord will hold us to a strict accountability. No loftier duty than this can be assumed by mortals.” (Teachings of the Presidents of The Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)
– “To have successful homes, values must be taught, and there must be rules, there must be standards, and there must be absolutes. Many societies give parents very little support in teaching and honoring moral values. A number of cultures are becoming essentially valueless, and many of the younger people in those societies are becoming moral cynics. … Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another. I do not know who is wise enough to say what discipline is too harsh or what is too lenient except the parents of the children themselves, who love them most. It is a matter of prayerful discernment for the parents. Certainly the overarching and undergirding principle is that the discipline of children must be motivated more by love than by punishment. …Direction and discipline are, however, certainly an indispensable part of child rearing. If parents do not discipline their children, then the public will discipline them in a way the parents do not like. Without discipline, children will not respect either the rules of the home or of society” (Elder James E Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 40–41; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 32–34; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“No man can ever become a ruler in the Kingdom of God, until he can perfectly rule himself; then is he capable of raising a family of children who will rise up and call him blessed” (Discourses of Brigham Young, 265; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
– “Parents, can we first consider the most painful part of your problem? If you want to reclaim your son or daughter, why don’t you leave off trying to alter your child just for a little while and concentrate on yourself. The changes must begin with you, not with your children. You can’t continue to do what you have been doing (even though you thought it was right) and expect to unproduce some behavior in your child, when your conduct was one of the things that produced it. There! It’s been said! After all the evading, all the concern for wayward children. After all the blaming of others, the care to be gentle with parents. It’s out! It’s you, not the child, that needs immediate attention. Now parents, there is substantial help for you if you will accept it. I add with emphasis that the help we propose is not easy, for the measures are equal to the seriousness of your problem. There is no patent medicine to effect an immediate cure. And parents, if you seek for a cure that ignores faith and religious doctrine, you look for a cure where it never will be found. When we talk of religious principles and doctrines and quote scripture, interesting, isn’t it, how many don’t feel comfortable with talk like that. But when we talk about your problems with your family and offer a solution, then your interest is intense. Know that you can’t talk about one without talking about the other, and expect to solve your problems. Once parents know that there is a God and that we are his children, they can face problems like this and win. If you are helpless, he is not. If you are lost, he is not. If you don’t know what to do next, he knows. It would take a miracle, you say? Well, if it takes a miracle, why not” (Boyd K. Packer, in Conference Report, Oct. 1970, 119–20; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“It is simply absurd to imagine that if a child has the seed of falsehood and evil sown in its mind through life, you will all at once be able to sow in that mind one crop of truth and have it bring forth a harvest of truth. … We would look upon a farmer as a natural born idiot who would call upon everybody who passed his farm to throw in a few seeds of weeds, to do this for a period of twenty-one years, and then expect he could sow a crop of grain and expect to get a good harvest. I may know the multiplication table, and my wife may also, but I cannot on that account expect my children to be born with a knowledge of the multiplication table in their heads. I may know that the Gospel is true, and my wife may know it; but I do not imagine for one moment that my children will be born with this knowledge. We receive a testimony of the Gospel by obeying the laws and ordinances thereof; and our children will receive that knowledge exactly the same way; and if we do not teach them, and they do not walk in the straight and narrow path that leads to eternal life, they will never receive this knowledge. I have heard people say that their children were born heirs to all the promises of the new and everlasting covenant, and that they would grow up in spite of themselves, with a knowledge of the Gospel. I want to say to you that this is not a true doctrine, and it is in direct opposition to the commandment of our Heavenly Father. We find that it is laid down to the Latter-day Saints, not as an entreaty, but as a law, that they should teach their children” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)
-“I have heard men and women say that they were going to let their sons and daughters grow to maturity before they sought to teach them the principles of the gospel, that they were not going to cram the gospel down them in their childhood, before they were able to comprehend it. When I hear men and women say this, I think they are lacking faith in the principles of the gospel and do not comprehend it as they should. The Lord has said it is our duty to teach our children in their youth, and I prefer to take His word for it rather than the words of those who are not obeying His commandments. It is folly to imagine that our children will grow up with a knowledge of the gospel without teaching.” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)
-“I pray that the Lord will give to the parents of the youth an understanding and appreciation of the dangers and temptations to which their children are subjected, that they may be led and guided to encourage their children, to direct them, to teach them how to live as the Lord would have them live.” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)
-“If we as parents will so order our lives that our children will know and realize in their hearts that we are in very deed Latter-day Saints, that we actually know what we are talking about, they, by seeking after the Lord, will get that same testimony.” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)
-“I would rather die in poverty knowing that my family could testify that, to the best of my ability with which God had endowed me, I had observed His laws and kept His commandments, and by my example, had proclaimed the gospel, than to have all the wealth of the world.” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Heber J Grant, Ch. 22; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-heber-j-grant/chapter-22?lang=eng&_r=1)
-“The little things are the big things sewn into the family tapestry by a thousand threads of love, faith, discipline, sacrifice, patience, and work” (James E Faust in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 43; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 35; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“There are two areas I would determine to improve if that privilege were granted to me to have young children in our home once again. The first would be to spend more time as husband and wife in a family executive committee meeting learning, communicating, planning, and organizing to better fulfill our roles as parents. The second wish I would like, if I could have those years over, would be to spend more family time” (L Tom Perry, in Conference Report, Apr. 1994, 49; or Ensign, May 1994, 37; cited in Eternal Marriage manual, see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“the invitation to repent is an expression of love. … If we do not invite others to change or if we do not demand repentance of ourselves, we fail in a fundamental duty we owe to one another and to ourselves. A permissive parent, an indulgent friend, a fearful Church leader are in reality more concerned about themselves than the welfare and happiness of those they could help.” (D. Todd Christofferson, “The Divine Gift of Repentance,” Ensign, Nov. 2011, 39.)
-“Children share with their parents the responsibilities of building a happy home. They should obey the commandments and cooperate with other family members. The Lord is not pleased when children quarrel (see Mosiah 4:14). The Lord has commanded children to honor their parents. He said, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land” (Exodus 20:12). To honor parents means to love and respect them. It also means to obey them. The scriptures tell children to “obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). President Spencer W. Kimball said that children should learn to work and to share responsibilities in the home and yard. They should be given assignments to keep the house neat and clean. (See Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 120.)” (Gospel Principles Ch 37 “Family Responsibilities”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-37-family-responsibilities?lang=eng&_r=1)
-“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chastenth him betimes.” (Proverbs 13:24)
-“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” (Proverbs 29:15)
-“Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” (Proverbs 23:13-14)
-“That President Young lived the principles he taught is evidenced by his daughter Susa’s description of him as “an ideal father. Kind to a fault, tender, thoughtful, just and firm. … None of us feared him; all of us adored him” (LSBY, 356)” (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 “Parental Responsibility”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)
-“Nurture your children with love and the admonitions of the Lord. Rearing happy, peaceful children is no easy challenge in today’s world, but it can be done, and it is being done. Responsible parenthood is the key” (Ezra Taft Benson, Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)
-“Children must be taught right from wrong. They can and must learn the commandments of God. They must be taught that it is wrong to steal, lie, cheat, or covet what others have. Children must be taught to work at home. They should learn there that honest labor develops dignity and self-respect. They should learn the pleasure of work, of doing a job well. The leisure time of children must be constructively directed to wholesome, positive pursuits. Too much time viewing television can be destructive, and pornography in this medium should not be tolerated. It is estimated that growing children today watch television over twenty-five hours per week. Communities have a responsibility to assist the family in promoting wholesome entertainment. What a community tolerates will become tomorrow’s standard for today’s youth. Families must spend more time together in work and recreation. Family home evenings should be scheduled once a week as a time for recreation, work projects, skits, songs around the piano, games, special refreshments, and family prayers. Like iron links in a chain, this practice will bind a family together, in love, pride, tradition, strength, and loyalty. Family study of the scriptures should be the practice in our homes each Sabbath day. Daily devotionals are also a commendable practice, where scripture reading, singing of hymns, and family prayer are a part of our daily routine.… Parents must prepare their children for the ordinances of the gospel. …” (Ezra Taft Benson, Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)
-“The home is what needs reforming. Try today, and tomorrow, to make a change in your home by praying twice a day with your family. … Ask a blessing upon every meal you eat. Spend ten minutes … reading a chapter from the words of the Lord in the [scriptures]. … Let love, peace, and the Spirit of the Lord, kindness, charity, sacrifice for others, abound in your families. Banish harsh words, … and let the Spirit of God take possession of your hearts. Teach to your children these things, in spirit and power. … Not one child in a hundred would go astray, if the home environment, example and training, were in harmony with … the gospel of Christ.’ (Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine,5th ed., Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1939, p. 302.)” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 86–87; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 60–61; see also “Salvation—A Family Affair,” Ensign, July 1992, 4–5).
-“Obviously, family values mirror our personal priorities. Given the gravity of current conditions, would parents be willing to give up just one outside thing, giving that time and talent instead to the family? Parents and grandparents, please scrutinize your schedules and priorities in order to ensure that life’s prime relationships get more prime time! Even consecrated and devoted Brigham Young was once told by the Lord, ‘Take especial care of your family’ (D&C 126:3). Sometimes it is the most conscientious who need this message the most!” (Neil Maxwell, in Conference Report, Apr. 1994, 121; or Ensign, May 1994, 90). (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)
-“As parents, we are sometimes too intimidated to teach or testify to our children. I have been guilty of that in my own life. Our children need to have us share spiritual feelings with them and to teach and bear testimony to them.” (Robert D Hales in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 41–44; or Ensign, May 1999, 33–34; Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)
-“Even that beloved and wonderfully successful parent President Joseph F. Smith pled, ‘Oh! God, let me not lose my own.’ That is every parent’s cry, and in it is something of every parent’s fear. But no one has failed who keeps trying and keeps praying. You have every right to receive encouragement and to know in the end your children will call your name blessed” (Jeffrey R Holland, in Conference Report, Apr. 1997, 48; or Ensign, May 1997, 36). (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)
– “To this end we advise and urge the inauguration of a ‘Home Evening’ throughout the Church, at which time fathers and mothers may gather their boys and girls about them in the home and teach them the word of the Lord. … If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influences and temptations which beset them” (First Presidency (Joseph F. Smith, Anthon H. Lund, Charles W. Penrose), “Home Evening,” Improvement Era, June 1915, 733–34). (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)
– “Hold family home evenings every week without fail. This is a wonderful time to share your testimony with your children. Give them an opportunity to share their feelings about the gospel. Help them learn to recognize when they feel the presence of the Spirit. Family home evenings will help create an island of refuge and security within your own home” (Elder Joe J Christensen, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 14; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 12). (Cited in Eternal Marriage manual, “Parenthood: Creating a Gospel Centered Home”; see https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)
– Surveys show that about 50% of parents today support spanking, which is down from 90% in the 1950s. (From https://education.byu.edu/youcandothis/spanking.html)
-“The world has been groomed to think of spanking is abuse. The United Nations signed a document in 1989 declaring that children all over the world have the same 45 rights. These rights include things like the right to play and the right to freedom from punishment. The document also says that every child has the right not to be abused, but abuse isn’t really spelled out which leaves the determination about abuse vague dangerous to interpret. I could go into great detail about the social dangers of a country following this CRC document, but will stick to the topic of punishment for now. Luckily the United States has not ratified this document as law, so many of the absurd rights that would destroy the role of parents and make the government the parent are not really enforceable. However, these false rights are being taught to teachers and in schools as well as to government agencies as real rights even though they are not really law. So, now days if a parent spanks a child it is likely that the child will have been taught by their school that this is abuse. This teaching encourages children to tell on their parents or to report their parents to authorities even when the spanking was going to be done with love and calmness.” (Meridian Magazine (not an official church publication), Nicholeen Peck (author of
A House United: Changing Children’s Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self Government ) 2014 “Can Spanking be ok Sometimes?” https://ldsmag.com/can-spanking-be-okay-sometimes/) (*Some try to “spank with love” but I don’t think it’s a good idea based on what prophets have taught about child discipline.)
-“Successful parents have found that it is not easy to rear children in an environment polluted with evil. Therefore, they take deliberate steps to provide the best of wholesome influences. Moral principles are taught. Good books are made available and read. Television watching is controlled. Good and uplifting music is provided. But most importantly, the scriptures are read and discussed as a means to help develop spiritual-mindedness” (Spencer W Kimball, in Conference Report, Apr. 1984, 6–7; or Ensign, May 1984, 6; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
– “I would make the family home evening times on Monday night a family council meeting where children were taught by parents how to prepare for their roles as family members and prospective parents. Family home evening would begin with a family dinner together, followed by a council meeting, where such topics as the following would be discussed and training would be given: temple preparation, missionary preparation, home management, family finances, career development, education, community involvement, cultural improvement, acquisition and care of real and personal property, family planning calendars, use of leisure time, and work assignments. The evening could then be climaxed with a special dessert and time for parents to have individual meetings with each child” (L Tom Perry, in Conference Report, Oct. 1980, 8–9; or Ensign, Nov. 1980, 9; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
– “Each family organization should include a family council comprised of all members of the family unit. Here the basic responsibilities of the family organization can be taught to the children. They can learn how to make decisions and act upon those decisions. Too many are growing to marriageable age unprepared for this responsibility. Work ethics and self-preparedness can be taught in a most effective way in a family council. President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., has paraphrased an old statement. ‘“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,”’ he would say. ‘But all play and no work makes Jack a useless boy.’ (As quoted by Harold B. Lee, ‘Administering True Charity,’ address delivered at the welfare agricultural meeting, 5 Oct. 1968)” (L Tom Perry, in Conference Report, Apr. 1981, 119; or Ensign, May 1981, 88; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“While few human challenges are greater than that of being good parents, few opportunities offer greater potential for joy. Surely no more important work is to be done in this world than preparing our children to be God-fearing, happy, honorable, and productive. Parents will find no more fulfilling happiness than to have their children honor them and their teachings. It is the glory of parenthood. John testified, ‘I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth’ (3 John 1:4)” (James E Faust, in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 40; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 32–33; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“We are to teach and train our children in the ways of the Lord. Children should not be left to their own devices in learning character and family values, or in listening to and watching unsupervised music or television or movies as a means of gaining knowledge and understanding as to how to live their lives!” (Elder David B Haight, in Conference Report, Oct. 1992, 105; or Ensign, Nov. 1992, 75–76; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)
-“Although the Lord chastised the leading brethren, and indeed all parents in Zion, for parental delinquency, he indicated that repentance is possible. But he also said that if we did not repent, we would be removed out of our place. (see D&C 93:41–50.) Not only do the scriptures instruct us on when teaching is best done (see D&C 68:25–32; Deuteronomy 8:5–9) but also on what should and should not be taught (see Moroni 7:14–19; 2 Nephi 9:28–29) and who should and should not do the teaching (see 2 Nephi 28:14, 31; Mosiah 23:14)” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1991, 112; or Ensign, Nov. 1991, 81). (Elder H Verlan Andersen in Conference Report, Oct. 1991, 112; or Ensign, Nov. 1991, 81; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)
– “Now, I, the Lord, am not well pleased with the inhabitants of Zion, for there are idlers among them; and their children are also growing up in wickedness; they also seek not earnestly the riches of eternity, but their eyes are full of greediness. These things ought not to be, and must be done away from among them; wherefore, let my servant Oliver Cowdery carry these sayings unto the land of Zion.” (D&C 68:31-32)
– “Work together. I do not know how many generations or centuries ago someone first said, ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ Children need to work with their parents, to wash dishes with them, to mop floors with them, to mow lawns, to prune trees” (Gordon B Hinckley, “Four Simple Things to Help Our Families and Our Nations,” Ensign, Sept. 1996, 7; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
– “‘In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread’ is not outdated counsel. It is basic to personal welfare. One of the greatest favors parents can do for their children is to teach them to work. Much has been said over the years about children and monthly allowances, and opinions and recommendations vary greatly. I’m from the ‘old school.’ I believe children should earn their money needs through service and appropriate chores. Some financial rewards to children may also be tied to educational effort and the accomplishment of other worthwhile goals. I think it is unfortunate for a child to grow up in a home where the seed is planted in the child’s mind that there is a family money tree that automatically drops ‘green stuff’ once a week or once a month” (Elder Marvin J Ashton, One for the Money, 8; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“ the best teachers of the principle of work are the parents themselves… Children need to learn responsibility and independence. Are the parents personally taking the time to show and demonstrate and explain so that children can, as Lehi taught, ‘act for themselves and not … be acted upon’? (2 Nephi 2:26)” (James E Faust in Conference Report, Oct. 1990, 42; or Ensign, Nov. 1990, 34).” ; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng)
– “The remarks of President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., given fifty-six years ago, are instructive today. He said: ‘It is the eternal, inescapable law that growth comes only from work and preparation, whether the growth be material, mental, or spiritual. Work has no substitute’ (in Conference Report, Apr. 1933, p. 103). More recently, Elder Howard W. Hunter counseled: ‘The first recorded instruction given to Adam after the Fall dealt with the eternal principle of work. The Lord said: “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread.” (Gen. 3:19.) Our Heavenly Father loves us so completely that he has given us a commandment to work. This is one of the keys to eternal life. He knows that we will learn more, grow more, achieve more, serve more, and benefit more from a life of industry than from a life of ease’ (Ensign, Nov. 1975, p. 122)” (Joseph B Worthlin in Conference Report, Apr. 1989, 9; or Ensign, May 1989, 8; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
– “Teach your children to work and to take responsibility. Especially in urban settings, too many children are growing up in an environment where they do not have enough to do. They are like the young thirteen-year-old boy who was asked what he did all day in the summer. He said, ‘Well, I get up in the morning about ten or eleven. Then my mom gets me something to eat. Then maybe I’ll go with some of the guys and play a little basketball, maybe watch TV, and then go down to the mall and “hang out” for a while—sorta watch the girls and stuff.’ …I like what President Spencer W. Kimball has said on this topic: ‘We want you parents to create work for your children’” (Elder Joe J Christensen, in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 13; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 12; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“‘All children have claim upon their parents for their maintenance until they are of age’ (D&C 83:4). In addition, their spiritual welfare should be ‘brought to pass by the faith and covenant of their fathers’ (D&C 84:99). As regards little children, the Lord has promised that ‘great things may be required at the hands of their fathers’ (D&C 29:48).” (James E Faust, in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 44–45, 47; or Ensign, May 1993, 35, 37; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“Mothers seem to take a dominant role in preparing children to live within their families, present and future. Fathers seem best equipped to prepare children to function in the environment outside the family.” (James E Faust, in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 44–45, 47; or Ensign, May 1993, 35, 37; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“One authority states: ‘Studies show that fathers have a special role to play in building a child’s self-respect. They are important, too, in ways we really don’t understand, in developing internal limits and controls in children.’ He continues: ‘Research also shows that fathers are critical in establishment of gender in children. Interestingly, fatherly involvement produces stronger sexual identity and character in both boys and girls. It is well established that the masculinity of sons and the femininity of daughters are each greater when fathers are active in family life’ (Karl Zinsmeister, “Do Children Need Fathers?” Crisis, Oct. 1992). (James E Faust, in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 44–45, 47; or Ensign, May 1993, 35, 37; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“Parents in any marital situation have a duty to set aside personal differences and encourage each other’s righteous influence in the lives of their children. …Perhaps we regard the power bestowed by Elijah as something associated only with formal ordinances performed in sacred places. But these ordinances become dynamic and productive of good only as they reveal themselves in our daily lives. Malachi said that the power of Elijah would turn the hearts of the fathers and the children to each other. The heart is the seat of the emotions and a conduit for revelation (see Malachi 4:5–6). This sealing power thus reveals itself in family relationships, in attributes and virtues developed in a nurturing environment, and in loving service. These are the cords that bind families together, and the priesthood advances their development. In imperceptible but real ways, the ‘doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul [and thy home] as the dews from heaven’ (D&C 121:45). (James E Faust, in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 44–45, 47; or Ensign, May 1993, 35, 37; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“In ancient times a fortress required regular inspections to ensure that no weak spots developed that an enemy could take advantage of, and guards in the watchtowers ensured that no enemy could approach undetected. In other words, once a city was fortified, a constant effort was made to maintain the fortress so that it could serve its purpose. By establishing a security system of our own, we can prevent the enemy from finding and exploiting weaknesses in our family fortress through which he could gain access to, and harm, our most precious treasure, our family.” (Horacia A Toronio, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 29–30; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 23–24; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-”One of the watchtowers on our fortress can be the regular habit of a father’s interview with each member of his family” (Horacia A Toronio, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 29–30; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 23–24; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“Our Heavenly Father has given us as parents the stewardship of caring for and protecting our families. It is a responsibility that we cannot and must not delegate.” (Horacia A Toronio, in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 29–30; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 23–24; also in Eternal Marriage manual https://www.lds.org/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/parenthood-creating-a-gospel-centered-home?lang=eng).
-“And that wicked one cometh and taketh away light and truth, through disobedience, from the children of men, and because of the tradition of their fathers. But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.” (D&C 93:39-40)
-“We are the guardians of our children; their training and education are committed to our care, and if we do not ourselves pursue a course which will save them from the influence of evil, when we are weighed in the balance we shall be found wanting” (LBY, xxiv) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)
-“The mothers are the moving instruments in the hands of Providence to guide the destinies of nations. Let the mothers of any nation teach their children not to make war, the children would grow up and never enter into it. Let the mothers teach their children, “War, war upon your enemies, yes, war to the hilt!” and they will be filled with this spirit. Consequently, you see at once what I wish to impress upon your minds is, that the mothers are the machinery that gives zest to the whole man, and guide the destinies and lives of men upon the earth.” (DBY, 199–200) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)
-“Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of passion; teach them to love you rather than to fear you.” (DBY, 207) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)
-“We cannot chastise a child for doing that which is contrary to our wills, if he knows no better; but when our children are taught better and know what is required of them, if they then rebel, of course, they expect to be chastised, and it is perfectly right that they should be (DNSW, 8 July 1873, 1) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)
-“You ought always to take the lead of your children in their minds and affections. Instead of being behind with the whip, always be in advance, then you can say, “Come along,” and you will have no use for the rod. They will delight to follow you, and will like your words and ways, because you are always comforting them and giving them pleasure and enjoyment. If they get a little naughty, stop them when they have gone far enough. … When they transgress, and transcend certain bounds we want them to stop. If you are in the lead they will stop, they cannot run over you; but if you are behind they will run away from you.” (DNSW, 8 Dec. 1868, 2–3) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)
-“I tell the mothers not to allow the children to indulge in evils, but at the same time to treat them with mildness. If a child is required to step in a certain direction, and it does not seem willing to do so, gently put it in the desired way, and say, There, my little dear, you must step when I speak to you. Children need directing and teaching what is right in a kind, affectionate manner.” (DBY, 209) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)
-“How often we see parents demand obedience, good behavior, kind words, pleasant looks, a sweet voice and a bright eye from a child or children when they themselves are full of bitterness and scolding! How inconsistent and unreasonable this is!” (DBY, 208) (also cited in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Ch 46 https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-brigham-young/chapter-46?lang=eng)
