This may or may not be a welcome note, but I saw your post the other day suggesting some sincere struggles and despair. I don’t have a fix all suggestion, but I would suggest the primary answers – pray, read your scriptures, and go to church. Obviously your trials are difficult and not understood by most including probably myself. I do believe however that God is real and he cares about you, so doing whatever you can to be close to him will be a positive thing for you. Perhaps you will soon find a comfortable life, perhaps your discomfort will be prolonged more than either of us would like to consider. In either case, I believe God can help alleviate your day to day pains. I don’t have good advice for you but he does, and that comes from prayer, scriptures, and where possible church attendance. I would also suggest you study your patriarchal blessing. I know the church etc. isn’t your number one belief, but I suggest doing a little more in that area would be a positive thing for you. I can imagine you’ve had negative experiences with the church and church members which could make it increasingly difficult to consider approximating yourself to God/church. I think it’s fair to say many church members are rude, lacking doctrinal understanding, and hard to get along with. And yes I would say I’m guilty of all 3 of those ‘sins’, and I appreciate you putting up with me all these years :). You are of a kind disposition and kind people often get pushed around unnecessarily, a sad fact of life. I have been pleased to see you gaining more confidence as the years go by. At any rate [friend], know that I think highly of you and look forward to continued friendship and that I wish you happiness.